Source: Shutterstock

The book description explains, “With dozens of ways to take action, Sexy Feminism explains how feminism helps women get what they want (and does not, contrary to many reports, ruin anyone’s chances at love, success, sex, beauty, or style). It guides young women toward finding their own brand of feminism and using it to improve their lives and the world.”

That all sounds fine and dandy, but Bitch Magazine seems to have a different opinion: “The concept of “sexy” remains ill-defined and questionably applied throughout the book.”

Bitch Magazine also points out, “In chapter one, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and acclaimed journalist Christiane Amanpour are featured on a list of sexy feminists. Not a regular list of feminists. Not a list of strong or powerful or admirable women. A list of sexy feminists.”

I get that this book is trying to make sexy an empowering identifier, but putting women on a list and labeling them as “Sexy _____” it just feels off. It seems that using sexy to describe a successful and admirable woman automatically takes the focus off her achievements and puts it on her looks.

The book also says things like this: “Sexy doesn’t have to be slutty….Don’t forget that fashion is a way to show the world who you feel you really are, but you don’t necessarily have to show all of you.” FACEPALM. Ugh. You can wear whatever you want, whenever you want. Showing skin does not make you slutty. Hooking up with people does not make you slutty. Let’s just stop using the word slutty, okay?

I think the big picture of this book makes sense. I also want women to stop being afraid of feminism. I don’t want women to think that being a feminist means you have to stop wearing makeup and heels because that is so not the case. The book is really asking can you be sexy AND a feminist?

Yes! Of course! You can be anything AND a feminist. You can want guys to open doors for you AND be a feminist. You can wear all pink AND be a feminist. The point of being a feminist is to support equal rights. And if you want to be sexy while doing so, then by all means, go ahead!
 
What do you think? Can you be sexy and a feminist? Are you a feminist? Tell us in the comments!
 

You can still say “bitch” if you’re a feminist

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Source: Shutterstock

Basically, Snapchatleaked allows users to upload screenshots of Snapchat photos or recovered photos. The idea behind Snapchat is that you can safely send photos to friends that are deleted after a maximum of ten seconds. When someone tries to screenshot your Snapchat, it alerts you who did it so you can avoid sending them photos in the future.

This whole situation brings into question the security factor of Snapchat. Alerting a person that someone took a screenshot of their picture doesn’t really do anything. They don’t get kicked off Snapchat or warned or anything. And your photos aren’t actually deleted after they disappear as this security firm discovered.

In just 24-hours, the Snapchatleaked Facebook page had gotten over 500,000 “likes” but was shut down because it violated Facebook’s terms and conditions. A spokesperson for Snapchatleaked told Metro that “All images are user submitted, if the person asks to take them down we do. Most see it as fun and getting ‘Facebook famous’.” However, even though the screenshots are user submitted, it doesn’t mean that the subject of the photos gave permission, which is a big deal.

This is exactly why I’ve been wary of Snapchat from the beginning. They say the pictures get deleted, but they don’t. The ability to screenshot photos shouldn’t be an option if this is supposed to be a safe way to send pictures (nude or not) to friends.

Snapchat has not responded to comment, but I certainly hope this gets them to reconsider their policies.

What do you think about this new website? Are you worried about your Snapchats getting leaked? Tell us in the comments!
 

And while we’re at it, Facebook needs to review their policies as well

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Source: Shutterstock

Some examples of these horrible pages include, “Join if you think all sluts need a good kick in the guts haha!!!!!!” and “Violently Raping Your Friend Just for Laughs,” and others that I can’t even repeat.

WAM’s official page states that “Facebook has long allowed content endorsing violence against women. They claim that these pages fall under the ‘humor’ part of their guidelines, or are expressions of ‘free speech.’ But Facebook has proven willing to crack down on other forms of hate speech, including anti-Semitic, Islamophobic and homophobic speech, without claiming such exemptions.”

WAM wrote an open letter to Facebook and is asking companies to remove their advertisements from the site until Facebook agrees to remove such content.

The movement is hoping to achieve three things:

“1. Recognize speech that trivializes or glorifies violence against girls and women as hate speech and make a commitment that you will not tolerate this content.

2. Effectively train moderators to recognize and remove gender-based hate speech.

3. Effectively train moderators to understand how online harassment differently affects women and men, in part due to the real-world pandemic of violence against women.”

WAM! hopes that by getting advertisers to pull their ads, Facebook will actually make a change. Currently, several companies have pulled their ads while others claim they are working privately with Facebook to resolve the issue. WAM! is asking those in support of the movement to reach out to these companies and ask for their help, which seems to be working.

According to the Daily Mail, a spokesperson for Facebook said “Facebook’s policy is that removing all offensive content or controversial humor from its site is not the solution to combating ignorance. Having the freedom to debate serious issues like this is how we fight prejudice. Facebook looks to give people the freedom to describe, depict and comment on the world in which we live.”

Facebook is claiming freedom of speech, but freedom of speech does not protect obscenity, which these groups fall into.

WAM! posted an update today on Twitter:

A WEEK!#fbrape was launched a week ago. In that time we’ve had 15 companies pull from FB, 106 sign the open letter, & over 57,000 tweets!

— WAM! (@womenactmedia) May 28, 2013

I think this is so huge that companies are actually listening. I knew that there were some offensive pages floating around on Facebook, but I had no idea there were so many. It’s frankly quite disgusting that they exist. I’m all for freedom of speech, but I’m for freedom of protected speech. The idea that there are people out there in support of rape or domestic violence, or any violence, makes me sick.

Laura Bates from Everyday Sexism stated, “What is needed is for Facebook to change its policy on representations of rape and domestic violence not sporadically take down pages in response to media pressure while their policies mean such content could be reposted in the future.” The #FBRape movement has posted a petition on Change.org that hopefully will get enough signatures to make a more permanent solution.

What do you think about the #FBRape movement? Do you think Facebook should remove these pages? Tell us in the comments!
 

Facebook is quickly losing popularity among teens

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Source: Shutterstock

Kaitlyn and the girl started their relationship at the beginning of the school year, and they played on the school’s basketball team together. Kaitlyn’s mom says the girl’s parents knew about the relationship.

But suddenly, Kaitlyn was dropped from the basketball team. Then in February she was arrested and faced with a petition for expulsion because of her relationship.

The petition didn’t work at first, but Kaitlyn’s mother stated in a Facebook post, “After two separate judges ruled that Kaitlyn could finish her senior year with her peers, her girlfriend’s parents appealed to the Indian River County School Board, who expelled Kaitlyn sent her to the alternative school.”

Kaitlyn is currently facing 15 years in jail and would have to register as a sex offender, but she has been offered a plea deal of two years of house arrest and a year probation. Kaitlyn’s mother is working to get the charges dropped completely. She’s even set up a petition to stop the prosecution.

Kaitlyn’s mom believes that this whole ordeal is because the girlfriend’s parents don’t approve of their daughter being gay and that they’re using Kaitlyn as a scapegoat, essentially. It makes my heart so sad that Kaitlyn is being faced with such serious offenses because she had a younger girlfriend, who according to her mother, consented to everything: “Kaitlyn’s girlfriend denies that Kaitlyn ever pressured her and is adamant that their relationship is entirely consensual.”

This is a sad, sad example of homophobia in one of its worst forms. But age of consent is a serious thing. The age of consent in Florida is 18, which Kaitlyn’s younger girlfriend is not even close to. However, I honestly think that if Kaitlyn were a guy, she wouldn’t be facing these charges. I think the parents wouldn’t have even blinked that their daughter was dating an older boy.

I feel like age of consent is thought of as just something to keep teenagers from having sex, but it’s actually a really big deal and this case proves as much. I have to wonder though if the age of consent was even discussed between these girls. I know when I was a teen, I didn’t know what the age of consent was in my state. Fortunately, I fell within the age of consent when I did have sex. But what if I didn’t? My parents could have had my older boyfriend arrested!

I personally hope that Kaitlyn gets through this, but do me a favor and find out what the age of consent is in your state just to protect yourself and your partner from unwanted legal issues.
 
What do you think about this lawsuit? Do you think it’s fair? Do you think Kaitlyn did anything wrong? Tell us in the comments!
 

Are these girls encouraging pregnancy?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Seriously, can we stop saying “tease” (and “slut” and “prude”). Thanks. Source: Shutterstock

I really hate the word slut. I really hate the word prude, too. But right up there with those two is another word that equally makes my blood boil: tease.

I think what I hate most about the word tease is that it is double shaming. Slut shaming and prude shaming are bad enough on their own. When someone is branded a “tease,” they are getting shamed for acting in a “suggestive way” (slut shaming) and then also for not going “all the way” (prude shaming). It’s the worst of both worlds.

When I was in college, I got called a tease by this guy I knew and it just completely threw me for a loop. I literally could not stop thinking about that term – I was so fixated on thinking about what I had done wrong to warrant being called that.

Was it for flirting in the first place? Was it that I didn’t end up doing anything with one of the guys? It was so confusing because while I tried to figure out what I could have done “right” in the situation, it seemed like there was still judgment coming from every angle.

I internalized all of this blame until I finally realized that I didn’t do anything wrong. I was living my life and being comfortable with my own choices before someone decided to add their unwarranted two cents and mess with my head. I never should have been placed in this no-win situation for something that was never anybody’s business.

I still sometimes get insecure about being called a tease that one single time. I think that should be a reminder of how lasting that can kind of terminology can be. Unfortunately, I still hear it used all time, even by my peers who really should know better. It sometimes seems to be a default word used to describe someone who is flirting.

Here’s the real deal, though: flirting and hooking up can be fun and there’s nothing wrong with doing it. At the same time, once you start flirting or hooking up, it does not need to escalate beyond your comfort zone just to make someone else happy.

At the end of the day, I know who I am and choose how I act. I am comfortable with it and that is all that matters. If other people aren’t comfortable with it, well I feel bad because that is a waste of their time.

Slut, tease and prude are all examples of derogatory terms used against a woman exercising her right to make her own choices regarding her sexuality. Those decisions should be allowed to be made without judgment from other people.

Whether you choose to have sex or you choose to not have sex, that is your personal business and it doesn’t make you any better or worse than someone who makes a different decision. It is a personal choice and not something people should be judging.

Let’s just erase “tease” from our vocabulary then, shall we? Let me fill your head space with a cooler word instead. Hey, how about sesquipedalian, which means “having many syllables.” Yeah, it is a better word than tease (and slut and prude) in absolutely every way.

How do you feel about the word “tease?” Does it bother you when people use it? What are shaming words or phrases that you wish people would stop saying? Tell us in the comments.

Can Your Parents’ Marriage Affect Your Own Relationships?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: Shutterstock

Don’t believe me? Well, Jezebel did some digging on Miss Traveler, a dating website that matches “generous travelers” with “attractive travelers.” It’s interesting to say the least. They got a press release from Miss Traveler titled “Does Her Reading Material Reflect Her Willingness to Put Out?” Seriously, that is the real title.

Anyway, Miss Traveler did a “study” which surveyed a bunch of women about travel, relationships and reading material for six weeks. They took this information to correlate a woman’s willingness to have sex and the book she’s reading while travelling. SEEMS LEGIT.

According to this very scientific study, if a woman’s reading a “Blockbuster” like The Great Gatsby or Anna Karenina, “she’s probably hooked up with a stranger before, and history often repeats itself.”

Source: thepreppyrangerfan

REALLY? Oh but it gets better, you guys! “If she’s into mysteries and reading Gone Girl or 12th of Never, she ‘is probably more interested in the outcome of her book than hooking up with you.’” Again, they are totally serious about this “study.”

I’ve got to sound off here. I actually would love to know what my book choices say about my willingness to get it on. I read a large variety of books, so what does that say? I’m inconclusive? I don’t know.

What I do know is that the only way you can if a woman wants to have sex with you is if she consents to having sex with you. The style of shoe I wear or the kind of braid in my hair or the type of mints in my bag does not reflect whether I want to have sex or not. Nor does the fact that some days I read The Great Gatsby on the train and some days I read Game Of Thrones.

You want to know what the chance of me having sex with a guy who believes this crap? Infinitely zero.

What do you think about this study? Do you believe your book choice reflects your willingness to have sex? Tell us in the comments!
 

Speaking of weird sex things, does Sexcereal really work?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Source: Shutterstock

Which brings me to: slut-shaming is okay if she’s actually a slut, right?

WRONG.

When it comes to Farrah Abraham, I think Chrissy was trying to say that Farrah shouldn’t be surprised if she were pregnant given that she put out a sex tape and had unprotected sex. However, it was totally unnecessary that she called Farrah a whore and a slut.

Like I’ve said countless times, your sex life is your business and no one else’s. While Farrah has publicly chosen to show her sex life on camera and discuss it openly, it doesn’t make her a slut. And even if you think she is one, it’s really not your place to say so.

I see where Chrissy was coming from because Farrah appears to be doing a lot of things just for publicity. But I also think Chrissy was wrong in calling Farrah a slut and a whore publicly. It’s certainly something that didn’t need to be blasted out on social media.

The thing is, your definition of a slut can be very different from someone else’s definition. Personally, I don’t think it’s wrong to sleep with someone you’re not dating. But a lot of people will (and have) disagree with me. A lot of people will call me a slut, even though I am not. Slut is a subjective word.

Chrissy did say something very wise during this whole debacle that really made a lot of sense:

why is “slut shamer” a defended term? you guys know slut is a negative term, right? work on changing that.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 15, 2013

There is such a stigma against the word slut, so much that girls in rape cases are being called sluts because they were “asking for it.” It has got to stop.

Source: dreneeb

Just stop sex-shaming in general

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

I told my friend to take down old pics of me from her Facebook.Source: ShutterStock

Pretty recently, I was going through an old friend’s photos on Facebook when I saw these pictures of me. They weren’t tagged, but I had no idea they were even online. Now, I’m not talking about racy pictures or photos taken from a hiding place way. These were like, pictures taken while I was hanging out with my friends and goofing around.

The big thing was that I just felt that they didn’t show “me” the way I worked to convey myself to people. They were old pictures and I was a very different person and I didn’t like these lingering photos making me feel kind of uncomfortable. I just didn’t want them living online.

Now, this is a friend of mine I hadn’t talked to in a couple of years. These pictures were maybe like five or six years old. And yet, I wrote this whole long message about how I would really appreciate if she took down those pictures of me, even though they were untagged. It made me uncomfortable knowing that they existed and I didn’t have final “approval” over them, mainly because they were from so long ago.

My friend was totally sweet about it and took them down. However, it’s probably worth nothing that this is not the first time that I have done this. That’s what is making me worry that I have a tendency to overreact to these pictures that probably to other people don’t seem like a big deal at all. How much control can I have over other people when it comes to their pictures… that happen to have me in them?

I don’t think there’s really a right answer because we just keep having to adapt to the new technology culture. It’s not like most pictures go get developed and you have one hard copy anymore. It’s so much easier to take pictures and now people have cameras all the time. Could I (and should I) set rules in public about if they can share pictures they take with me in them?

That said, my face and my body are mine and I do feel like that even in public or under totally everyday circumstances, it entitles me to a degree of privacy about what imprint of me is online. My new rule of thumb is to ask people before I post pictures of them. Yeah, a lot of times we’re out in public and I’m not necessarily doing anything wrong, but I wouldn’t want to make someone feel the way I did during my moment of picture discovery.

But also, won’t I kind of go crazy always thinking about what pictures of me might be on the Internet? Do I really want to make myself sick over monitoring my online life as constructed by other people? I am someone who gets stressed out pretty easily, so I don’t know if it’s just me overreacting or if being worried about how your friends post pictures of you is something other people go through.

I’ve really thought about it, and I believe if I picture online makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to ask for it to be taken down. People have different standards for what they think is cool online, so you are free to express those - and hopefully they care about how it makes you feel. While I definitely don’t think my friend did anything wrong and I kind of feel I may have overreacted and micro-managed her a little, I still feel like what I did was reasonable. But I’m curious – what do you think?

Do you think I overreacted? Have you ever asked someone to take pictures of you offline? What do you think is the best way to have that conversation? Do you ask people’s permission before you post pictures of them on your social media? Tell us in the comments!

What Does Your Facebook Profile Picture Say About You?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

If a guy is moody, it doesn’t mean he gets periods or PMS. It means he’s moody. | Source: Shutterstock

Cosmopolitan posed the question: Do guys get periods? And um, no. No, they don’t, because menstruation is physically impossible if you don’t have female equipment down there.

Apparently the only time Cosmo thinks women get moody is when we have PMS, because when they asked if guys get periods, they cited dudes getting moody and “PMS-y” as the reason. The article goes on to explain that guys can get IMS–Irritable Male Syndrome. No, really. Because if a guy is cranky, it’s not because he’s cranky.

Cosmo says guys can actually experience “sympathy PMS,” which is when they start feeling emotional and moody at the same time as their girlfriend has PMS. Guys can also get IMS, which is sort of a ridiculous name, when their testosterone levels drop. (Typically, testosterone levels are highest in the morning and can fluctuate throughout the day.)

Here’s the thing–lots of women get mood swings when we’re not PMSing (for example, as a Jets fan, I pretty much have one giant mood swing for the duration of football season), and guys can be grumpy jerks without having a stupid syndrome attached to it. Cosmo advises that if your guy is being a “beotch” and you think he’s on his period (Christ, seriously?), to “cut him some slack” because “we do it too around that time of the month.”

But that implies that neither we nor our guys are responsible for our own behavior just because our hormones can fluctuate. If you’re a monster to your guy when you’re PMSing or if he’s a douchebag to you when he’s IMSing (ugh, really?), maybe you’re just a monster and he’s just a douchebag. There aren’t always three-letter excuses for that.

Do you think guys get periods? Do you think guys can get PMS? Do you think IMS is a load of crap like I do? Tell us in the comments!

You get periods–and they can result in embarrassing moments like these!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Here’s Merida from Brave before and after her Disney princess makeover. | Source: Change.org

Merida from Brave has been regarded as one of the most badass Disney princesses in a while. She’s got no prince wearing her down or taking her attention away from archery, she’s got unruly hair and can’t be bothered by it and she’s proportioned like a normal girl who can not only stand upright but also shoot a mean arrow. But in her new Disney princess makeover, a lot of what makes Merida Merida is taken away.

Merida was regarded as one of the first feminist Disney princesses (though honestly, a lot of Disney princesses were strong in their own ways, especially Mulan, who was a warrior, Pocahontas, who was a peacemaker and Belle from Beauty and the Beast, who loved reading and the power knowledge gave her). But now people are up in arms that all of Merida’s bravery is being put on the back burner in favor of looking more like the Disney princess ideal: Her waist is tinier, her boobs are a little bigger in comparison, her hair is smoothed out and her eyes are wider and apparently coated in lots of liner. What’s more, her dress is slightly more revealing, which her character in the movie would absolutely hate.

Merida’s creator, Brave writer and director Brenda Chapman, explained that she developed Merida to be “a stronger princess that both mothers and daughters could relate to, so mothers wouldn’t be pulling their hair out when their little girls were trying to dress or act like this princess. Instead they’d be like, ‘Yeah, you go girl!’“

People got so mad about Merida’s Disney princess makeover that they actually started a petition about it, because, you know, we don’t have enough to worry about. Petitioners want Disney to revert Merida back to her old tomboy self, which is fair–Merida herself would likely rebel against this new image, or at least be bored to death by it. But it’s also a little sexist in itself to imply that girls can’t be pretty or want to be pretty and still be strong, fierce and independent. You can be a feminist and wear a sparkly dress and mascara.

Which brings me to the only thing about the new Merida that truly bugs me: Her bow and arrow are missing. You can be pretty and still whoop some butt, and that seems to be the biggest Disney princess makeover mishap here. They made her pretty, which is fine. But why couldn’t they make her remain powerful, too?

Do you think the new Disney princess makeover for Merida is a good one or a bad idea? Do you think Merida’s character in Brave would approve of her official Disney princess look? Do you think giving Merida a makeover is anti-feminist? Tell us in the comments!

Want to dress like a Disney princess at prom? Here’s how!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!