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Ugh, I know the feeling and I know how much it stinks. Getting over someone is hard enough as it is – but getting over someone you have to see and interact with all the time is even more difficult. It’s also a confusing feeling because you never really had a relationship with this person, so you don’t really know how you’re supposed to feel.

The best way to get over a crush, or anyone really, is to stop thinking about the person. This is way, wayyyy easier said than done. To do this, cut off contact as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you need to completely ignore him if he tries to talk to you (although you can do that if you want), but don’t go out of your way to talk to him. In fact, go out of your way not to talk to him. Do you sit near him in class? Try to move your seat, if possible. Are you friends with him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? I strongly suggest deleting him or, at the very least, blocking him. You’re never going to get over someone if you continue to see their regular updates via social media.

Using the buddy system to get over someone can help as well. Let your best friend know that you’re ready to get over this dude and she shouldn’t let you talk about him or try to talk to him. She can stop you whenever you bring up his name, she can say encouraging things to make you feel better and she can convince you not to approach him if you want to. Plus, you can lean on her when you’re feeling sad.

Another way to get over a crush? Start crushing on someone else! Be open to meeting new people and getting to know other guys – you probably didn’t notice them when you were busy crushing on this person, but their out there, I promise. Or, on the flip side, just focus on yourself for a while. Put all of your energy and time into doing something that will make you happy, like a hobby or a sport. Focusing on yourself not only makes you better, but it also makes you happier and before you know it, you’ll forget about that loser who doesn’t like you back.

I’ll be honest with you, though: it’s probably not going to take just a week or two to get over this crush. It can take a long time to stop liking someone and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel pathetic about that! As corny as this phrase sounds, time really does heal all wounds. If you stick with these tips and avoid your crush as much as possible, you’ll go to bed one day realizing you didn’t even think about him once during the day – and it will feel great.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Does THIS mean my crush likes me?

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When we have a crush on someone, it can be hard to see them for who they really are, especially if that person is a player. Players are sweet-talkers. They’re a little manipulative and they know how to get a girl to fall hard. They also usually know how to lie like a pro. Dating one kind of, well, sucks. So before you start to fall too hard for this dude, figure out whether or not he’s a player. Luckily, you have this handy guide to help you. Check out these 10 signs that he’s a player:

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Your Relationship Is All About Hooking Up

This is probably the biggest sign there is that a dude is a player. If he's all about hooking up, that could definitely mean that he's just using you for sex or a steamy makeout sesh. If he never asks you out on a date, test him. The next time he asks if you want to hang out, say, "how about we go see a movie/grab something to eat?" If his response is something like, "I'd rather just hang with you at my place :)" or there's no response at all, that shows that he just wants to hook up. If a dude really likes you, he'll want to get to know you and he'll want to impress you - meaning he'll want to take you out and show off.

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He's ALWAYS Busy

Sure, there are some guys out there who work a lot or have a lot of school stuff going on and they genuinely don't have much free time. But in general, if a guy really likes you, he will make time for you or at least make a serious effort to make time for you. If a dude is all like, "Oh, I'm busy all weekend, how about Tuesday night?" every single week and you know he's not that busy, get rid of him, fast.

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He Only Texts You At Night

Another telltale sign of a player? He's only interested in hanging out at night or at weird times and only for a little while. That's because he either only wants to hook up or he is trying to juggle a few different girls on a tight schedule. Also, if he ONLY hangs with you on Thursdays, that could mean that you're just his Thursday girl... which is lame.

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Girls Are All Over His Facebook

Time for a little bit of Facebook stalking! Check out who this dude is friends with. Does he have over 1500 friends who are all attractive females? Warning! Does he have 85 likes on his latest profile picture? Warning! Are girls falling all over themselves commenting about how cute he is or trying to one-up each other with inside jokes? Yup, you guessed it - warning! If a dude's Facebook is all about other chicks, there's a good chance you're not the only one doing stuff with him.

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He Never Talks About Himself Or Cares About Your Feelings

When a guy likes you, he wants to get to know you and he also wants you to get to know him. He'll tell you stuff about his life and his past and maybe even open up to you - and he'll ask you questions as well. If he's not doing that and your conversation is limited to what happened at school that day or you two just watch TV without really talking much, that probably means it's because he doesn't really care.

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His Phone Is Always Blowing Up

This is similar to the Facebook thing, but this time, no stalking. Don't look at his phone - rude. Instead, pay attention to how often it goes off when you guys are together. If he's talking to other girls, it's not like they're going to avoid texting him when he's with you - because they don't know to do that, most likely. If he's constantly getting texts he keeps private or phone calls he ignores, it could be a sign that those are other ladies calling him.

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He's A Big Sweet-Talker

Players become players for a reason - they're smooth, they know how to flirt and they know how to get a girl to fall for him. Therefore, they're usually big sweet talkers. You know what I'm talking about: they know all the right things to say at all the right times and their compliments make your whole body blush. Don't fall for it, girl! If he's a sweet-talker but nothing else, that's a bad sign.

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Other Girls Have Warned You

Have any other girls warned you about him being a player? It's easy to brush off those warnings as mere jealousy or manipulative tactics to try to keep you away from a guy you like, but usually, you should pay attention. If a girl you generally get along with says something like, "watch out for that guy," there's probably a reason. Maybe he played her or her friend or someone she knows. She's probably trying to look out for you and you should probably listen to her. Of course, look into her claims, but don't ignore them completely.

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You've Never Met His Friends

If a dude is into you, he'll be excited to introduce you to his friends and show you off. If he's a player, he obviously doesn't need his friends getting attached to you or anything like that. And he doesn't need to risk bringing you around only to have them say something they shouldn't. If you haven't met them yet, ask if you can. If he avoids it like the plague, you'll know something is up.

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You Don't Trust Him

In the end, go with your gut. You know this guy, not me. If something inside of you is telling you not to trust him, there's probably a good reason why. Listen to yourself!

Have you ever dated a player? Do you think you’re dating one right now? What other signs did I miss? Tell me in the comments.

10 tips on how to play hard to get like a pro

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Good news: it’s totally, totally fine to masturbate while you’re on your period. If you’re comfortable with it, it’s not gross and as long as you’re clean about things, it’s not unhealthy.

In fact, masturbating during your period is probably a big benefit to you. When you have your period, all of these crazy hormonal things are happening to your body and these hormones can make you even more in the mood, if you catch my drift. So, you probably feel extra, um, cravings to masturbate during this time anyway. Masturbation can also help relieve painful cramps from your period. And if you have mood swings, pleasuring yourself has been proven to make you feel happy and to help get rid of stress (read more about what masturbation does here). I see nothing but good things here!

I mean, yes, a masturbation session during your period may end up being more messy than masturbating when you’re not on your period. There’s blood down there so that makes sense, right? I would suggest laying down a few old towels before you get busy and, of course, washing your hands when you’re done. If you don’t feel like cleaning anything up, you can also try sitting on the toilet so things are more manageable.

As for how to do it, try stimulating your clitoris rather than doing anything vaginally. If you masturbate by stimulating your clitoris, you can keep a tampon in, which will help with the mess. If you don’t want to stick your fingers in there, you can try using sex toys, but make sure you don’t already have a tampon in your vagina – in fact, if you plan on putting anything inside of your vagina, make sure there is no tampon in there at all.

So, yes, masturbating while on your period is perfectly fine and totally normal. Don’t let anyone make you feel weird about doing it (you don’t even have to tell anyone!). This is your body and there’s nothing wrong with exploring it, even if things get a little messy. After all, this is just your blood we’re talking about here. No big deal!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

My 7th grade teacher made me afraid to masturbate

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What are you, nuts? This is “GUY” code – I can’t tell you that!

But guess what? You’ve lucked out, because I’m willing to temporarily break guy code to reveal to you what guy code is. (Please don’t tell my friends?)

The term “guy code” has become so widespread, it’s even landed its own TV show (MTV’s appropriately titled Guy Code). Generally speaking, the expression refers to the set of ethical principles–or “code”–which every male must follow. The point is to bind men in a brotherhood which prioritizes male friendship and masculinity above everything else. It sounds chauvinistic (and it can be), but it’s really rooted in the one moral maxim which we are taught to abide by as early as Kindergarten: “Treat others as one would like others to treat oneself,” also known as “The Golden Rule.”

What are the actual tenets of Guy Code, you may be asking? Well, the specific rules vary across different cultures, groups and geographical locations, but many of them touch upon the same few concepts:

1) A guy shall never reveal anything about another guy’s whereabouts, actions, intentions, or marital status to a girl.

2) A guy friend’s ex-girlfriend, girlfriend, or sister (or mother, if you’re especially ballsy) are all entirely off limits, unless explicit permission is proactively granted by the guy friend.

3) A guy must act as a helpful wingman to another guy whenever requested.

4) No guy is allowed to voluntarily watch Twilight, Glee, or Sex and the City. If forced to watch one of the previously mentioned movies or television shows due to circumstances beyond his control, he may not enjoy it.

While these “rules” carry some truth, you should also take them with a grain of salt. Most guys don’t take this universal guy code as gospel. You can expect most of us to realize that the best way to be a “good” guy is to follow an individualized, personal code that requires us to treat both men and women with compassion and respect.

Just don’t make us choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob, okay?

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys care about whether or not you’re popular?

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A new study on regret just came out and some of the findings were pretty interesting. Researchers found that the majority of the women studied were more likely to regret having casual sex that never led to a relationship while the majority of men were more likely to regret not having casual sex. Basically, women are more likely to regret a hookup than men are. And, as I said before, that icky feeling of regret is kind of the worst. So how do you deal with it? For starters, read these 8 tips on how to deal with regret after a bad hookup – even if you don’t need it now, it may come in handy one day.

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Take A Shower

This but sound ridiculous, but seriously - take a shower! If you hook up with someone and immediately feel like you need to get out of your own skin, hop into the shower. You're literally cleaning yourself and it may feel like you're cleaning yourself of the hookup also. Basically, you'll feel clean and new after your shower. Also, a nice, hot shower is relaxing and can help you forget about what just happened.

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Cut Off All Ties

If you're totally freaking out about a hookup, you shouldn't feel like you need to keep talking to this person just because you guys did stuff. At the same time, I wouldn't just drop him/her without saying anything. If they're still contacting you, let this person know that you're not interested. You don't have to be like, "I regret that SO much," but you can just say that you don't think things are going to work out.

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Let Yourself Cry A Little

It's okay to cry! If you're feeling totally bummed out about what you just did, let it out. Ignoring your emotions and just trying to push it to the back of your mind so that you don't think about it isn't going to help you move on. Cry in the privacy of your own room, scream into your pillow, whatever. Just let it out, girl.

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Don't Beat Yourself Up

Okay, so you had a bad hookup. Maybe you got with someone you weren't supposed to or maybe the whole thing was just awkward and embarrassing. Don't make yourself feel horrible about it. This stuff happens and once it's over, there's nothing you can do to take it back, so you just need to learn to forgive yourself. Don't make yourself feel awful just because you had one bad experience.

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Don't Feel Like You Have To Tell Anyone

Totally embarrassed by what happened? Don't feel like you need to blab about it to your friends. It's okay to keep some things to yourself and if you're not comfortable talking about it, you don't have to. Yes, it may help you to open up to your best friend, but if you don't want to, don't force yourself. This can be your little secret to forget about.

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Learn From Your Mistakes

Mistakes happen. The good thing about them? They can teach you stuff. Take this bad hookup as a lesson for what not to do in the future. Also, don't repeat it. Some girls feel like they have to hook up with a guy a second time - maybe because they feel guilty rejecting the person or maybe because they're just hoping things will be better the second time around. But if thinking about doing it makes you squirm, then don't do it!

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Focus On The Future

Like I said before, don't beat yourself up about this. Learn from your mistakes and focus on doing things that you're more comfortable with in the future. Living in the past and feeling regret is never going to make you happen, so don't focus on what already happened. Remember, you can't change the past, but you can make the future better.

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Forget About It And Move Forward

Finally, it's time to move on. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and stop crying about it. Forget it ever happened and get on with your life. One bad hookup is not the end of the world.

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Have you ever regretted a hookup? How did you deal? Have you ever had a terrible hookup? Tell us in the comments.

10 tips on how to make your ex jealous

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Two words: run away. Seriously. This guy sounds like a jerk and you deserve to be treated waaaayyy better than this.

I’m not surprised that you’ve heard that when guys are mean to you, that means they like you. I think we were all told this when we were little kids – whenever a boy was picking on you at school and you complained about it to an adult, he/she probably said something along those lines. Here’s the thing, though: while this is sometimes true for very young, immature boys with a little crush, it’s not true for older dudes who really do have feelings for you. 

Yes, your average teen boy full of hormones who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings may tease you or bully you a little bit if he likes you. But he most likely wouldn’t take it this far, especially if he’s already hung out with you and hooked up with you. This isn’t harmless and annoying teasing to try to get your attention – this is being genuinely mean, rude and insensitive and it’s not cool.

It sounds like this guy is way too immature to handle any sort of relationship right now. He’s into hooking up with you, but it doesn’t seem like he wants anything more than that. It also sounds like he has a crush on your best friend and it’s totally not okay for him to keep rubbing this in your face. If he likes your BFF, he never should have hooked up with you in the first place. Also, he shouldn’t be telling you about it and he definitely shouldn’t be comparing you two! That is NOT okay. He’s acting like a jerk and not a jerk who just doesn’t know how to tell you he likes you – he’s a jerk who thinks he can treat you however he wants.

So, here’s what I think you should do: stop talking to and hanging out with this guy ASAP. You don’t deserve to be compared to your best friend by a dude who knows you have feelings for him. When a guy likes you, he’s not going to purposely make you feel bad about yourself (unless he’s 12-years-old). He’s going to go out of his way to talk to you, hang out with you and make you feel good all the time. If a guy is into you, he’s not going to tell you he thinks your best friend is hot. Plain and simple. Let this dude go and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Scared to have sex? Read this now!

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Before you commit to this idea, keep in mind that playing hard to get is a totally different ball game than plain old flirting. Playing hard to get is all about staying mysterious and playing mind games. While I would normally tell you girls to be honest about your feelings and to go after what you want, this advice is going to be a little different. It might sound a little out-dated and kind of annoying. And to be honest, playing hard to  get can be really difficult – acting like you don’t care when you actually do is tough! But, hey, a lot of people swear by it, so you might as well give it a try, right? Read on for 10 tips on how to play hard to get:

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Don't Focus On Meeting Someone

In other words, don't be desperate to be in a relationship. First of all, that's only going to make you feel kind of miserable and second of all, people can sense desperation and... it's not the most attractive quality out there. There's no reason to focus on when you're going to meet your next boyfriend. When it's supposed to happen, it will happen. Until then, just focus on you.

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Be Confident

I feel like I write this at least one a day, but dudes dig confidence. Actually, people in general dig confidence. And being confident and strong is a huge part of playing hard to get. You want to make this person like you and one way to do that is by being confident that you're awesome enough to be chased after. You know what I mean?

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Be Vague When Talking To Him

Don't go into full detail whenever you're chatting with your crush - leaving out some stuff will make you seem a little bit more mysterious, which is another huge part of the hard to get game. When you don't give everything away, it will make him want to - and need to - try harder to get to know you better. For example, if he says, "How was your weekend?" be like, "It was fun, I hung out with some friends." Don't be like, "It was awesome, I woke up late, went to the mall, had lunch with my mom..." Get it? He'll be left wondering who exactly "some friends" were and what you guys did.

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Wait A While Before Answering

If he texts you, don't send your answer literally five seconds afterwards. Even if you really were sitting around waiting for your phone to go off, you want it to seem like you're too busy doing other stuff to answer. There's no need to wait, like, three hours before giving a response, but make him sweat it out for about 30 minutes. He'll start wondering what you're doing and why you're not answering and that's sort of intriguing.

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Say No Sometimes

I hate, hate, hate the "three day rule," but I do agree that sometimes you need to say no when a guy asks you out. If you two have hung out twice already in one week and he asks what you're doing Saturday, be like, "Oh, I can't, I already have plans." Saying no makes him realize that he's not the center of your world and it makes him wait a little, which will just up the excitement of getting together. Plus, it's a benefit for you too: it lets you have a life of your own!

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Don't Go Too Far Too Fast

There's nothing wrong with having hooking up on a first date and I'm definitely not trying to shame anyone who's done it. But if you're looking to play hard to get, then your strategy is that you want to leave him wanting more. So, instead of going all the way right away, tease him a little bit. Draw things out and take things slow. Not only will this drive him crazy (in a good way), but it will also help you guys get to know each other better before you do the deed.

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Don't Tell Him How You Feel

What I really mean here is be coy. Let this guy know you're into him subtly, but don't say it outright right away. Make him wonder how you really feel. I almost always encourage you guys to be honest and so this is kind of hard for me to write. But a lot of guys out there like a chase and this will be part of giving them one.

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Flirt With Others A Little Bit

Be careful with this one. You don't want to go overboard on the flirting - so, probably not a good idea to be cuddling on the couch with a random guy right in front of your crush. Instead, flirt more subtly when he's around or you know he's watching. Giggle at what someone else says or touch their arm when talking. Tiny gestures like these are something he may notice and it might end up making him a little jealous.

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Don't Be Too Cold

This is pretty important. There's a fine line between playing hard to get and just being really cold and stand-offish. You want this guy to chase you, but you don't want to make him think you're not interested at all. Don't ignore him completely, give him only one word answers, make out with other guys right in front of him or refuse every date. Just be wary of pushing him away too far. Ugh, this is so complicated.

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Do Your Own Thing

Remember how I said before that you shouldn't seem too desperate? This is similar - you should live your own life! Show him that you don't need him to be happy. Hang with your friends, pursue your interests even if they're not his interests and be confident about it. He'll like that you're independent and not clingy.

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Do you ever play hard to get? Do you think it works? Are you going to try any of these tips? Tell me in the comments! 

Are you good at playing hard to get? Quiz it!

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How much and what kind of makeup you wear isn’t entirely lost on guys – but just as with lingerie (as discussed in last week’s post), the type and amount of attention we give to makeup is quite different from that of you ladies.

For one thing, since we never wear it ourselves (minus rock stars, gay men, and Russell Brand), makeup isn’t something that guys spend much time thinking about. In fact, when it does pop into our consciousness, it’s likely only because a lady’s makeup is especially bad. Good or bad makeup still won’t permanently make or break your chances with any guy, but it might help you to grab or divert his attention. Generally, a successful female makeup job could be considered one which a guy won’t notice at all.

That’s not to say men find makeup inherently unattractive – we just don’t want to be preoccupied by it while looking longingly into your mascara-drenched raccoon eyes. There will always be the rare dude who’s simply into the “porn star look,” but makeup should ultimately be used – if at all – to subtly enhance your natural beauty, rather than turn you into something entirely different (e.g. a circus clown).

Of course, some women may suffer from more serious cases of acne or skin conditions that cut into self-confidence. In such scenarios, the treatment of the actual problem should always be of primary importance - try leaning on excessively heavy foundation and concealer only as temporary solutions in emergency situations. Lots of guys (including myself) would prefer to date a girl who handles such surface flaws more honestly rather than painstakingly covering them up every day. I think you’ll find that you’ll get much more attention from guys by accepting your imperfections with confidence while accentuating those of your features that you are indeed proud of!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

10 beauty blunders and how to fix them

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A new study shows eight of the top pre-first date fears – what people are most worried about before going on a first date. Since I’m sure we’ve all worried about at least one or two of these things before a date, I’ve put together ways you can get rid of these fears. Take a look at 8 of the most common first date fears and 8 tips on how to get rid of them and have a great first date:

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If You're Worried About Bad Breath...

One of the top dating worries ever? Having bad breath. No one wants their mouth to smell stinky, especially if you'd like to give your date a little goodnight kiss. Embarrassing! Plus, bad breath is also one of the top dating turnoffs. To prevent bad breath from happening to you, brush your teeth and use mouth wash before you go on your date. Make sure you bring along a packet of mints (chewing gum on a date might be sort of rude and obnoxious) and keep them close. If you guys go out to dinner or get food, subtly pop a breath mint or two when you're done eating. Worried about his bad breath? Offer him one as a friendly gesture. Everybody loves mints!

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If You're Worried About Your Outfit...

Stressing over what you're going to wear? First of all, relax - your date isn't going to judge you on your outfit as much as you'll judge yourself, you know? Second of all, take the time to plan. Don't wait until an hour before your date to hopefully find something cute - the pressure is going to make everything that much worse. If you have advance notice before your date, head to the mall and buy something you like. BUT keep in mind that your date outfit should be comfortable for you - don't wear something that's too tight or too painful (like really high heels). Part of looking good in an outfit is owning it and you can't own it if you feel like ripping your clothes off and putting on sweats. Also go with your own style - let your personality shine through what you're wearing.

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If You're Worried About Ugly Nails...

This seems really odd to me, but apparently "ungroomed nails" are a top dating turnoff. Who knew your date was paying so much attention to your nails? If you want yours to look perfect, spurge on a manicure the day of the date. Going a few days before means your nails will most likely chip. If you have a habit of biting your nails - stop! And don't stress over getting some super expensive, Pinterest-looking nail art. As long as your nails look relatively clean and trim, you should be fine. Plus, if someone is going to judge you entirely on your nails, do you really want to date them?

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If You're Worried About Body Odor...

Not surprisingly, body odor is a top dating turnoff also. Stressed over possibly being smelly? Take the proper precautions, girl! First, check out these 10 amazing products that will help keep you from being sweaty. Before your date, make sure you're wearing a strong deodorant that works for your bod. Put on perfume, but don't spray half the bottle on yourself - that may be worse than smelling like sweat.

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If You're Worried About Having A Bad Hair Day...

The thing that sucks about bad hair days is that they can happen anytime because your hair doesn't care about what you have planned. To prevent this from happening on a first date, I would say don't try any crazy new hairstyles or techniques you've never done before. Go with a style you're comfortable with and you know looks good on you, no matter how "boring" it may seem to you. Also, figure out what you're most worried about - does your hair get frizzy when it rains and there's a thunder storm happening? Use extra frizz protection. Maybe you tried to style it and it came out terribly and your date will be ready in 10 minutes. Put it in a cute braid or sock bun. Voila! Adorable.

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If You're Worried About Looking Fat...

Don't. First of all, I'm sure you don't look fat. Second of all, if your date thought you were fat and ugly, do you think they would have asked you out or agreed to go out with you in the first place? Um, probably not. Third of all, confidence is the most important thing to bring with you on a first date. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you look gorgeous. Because guess what? You probably do.

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If You're Worried About Your Makeup...

Figuring out what to do with our makeup might make you freak out a little bit. Keep in mind that one of the top dating turnoffs is too much makeup, so for your first date, focus on keeping things simple and a little more natural. You don't need to be a beauty pro to do a super pretty natural look - use a neutral eye shadow, a swipe of mascara and eyeliner and cover up with foundation, bronzer and a little blush. If you hate wearing makeup, don't feel like you have to wear it for a date. And if you want to go all out? Hey, go for it! Who says you have to follow all the rules?

Source: ShutterStock

If You're Worried About Food Getting Stuck In Your Teeth...

If you're going out to dinner with a date, you're inevitably going to wonder, at some point, if there is a piece of pesky food hanging out in your gums. Ick. To prevent it from happening, run your tongue over your teeth after you take a bite of your food to try to feel things out. Go to the bathroom after eating to make sure you're all good. If you're going to the movies, you might want to avoid popcorn - that has a tendency to get stuck in your teeth. But all in all, there's not a ton you can do to stop this from happening. If you do end up getting food stuck there, laugh it off. It happens to all of us and isn't the end of the world. And if you can make a joke about it, I guarantee your date will be seriously impressed with your ability to not take yourself so seriously.

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Do you do this in bed…nothing? Source: Shutterstock

Hey Shallon,

I’ve been with my BF for awhile and we have great sex but I never quite know what I should be doing! If I’m on top, yeah duh, I’m supposed to move, but if I’m not…?? I always wonder if I’m making too much noise or not enough or moving around enough?! Ahh I’m so confused! Am I secretly bad in bed and I just don’t know it? Help!

Carly

Confused Carly Darling,

I TOTALLY know what you mean, I felt like this for years! Part of the problem is that once you see porn or a sex scene in a movie you’re like “OMFG is that what I’m supposed to be doing?!” Um no. That’s an extreme example, not a real representation of how people actually hookup, and dudes know that (we hope). But the one thing porn girls are doing is participating.

So what does it look like if you aren’t participating? Paris Hilton’s sex tape.

Seriously. It’s widely considered to be the worst sex ever captured in human history. Why? Paris just…lays there. She makes zero noise, hardly ever looks at the dude (he was a total douche so I can’t really blame her on that one) and just generally looks bored. No guy (or girl for that matter) wants to feel like their partner would rather be somewhere else.  

So, are some things to do during sex that will  let your fella know that you’re really feelin’ it:

• When he’s on top, wrap your legs around his torso and squeeze him with your thighs the same time you squeeze with the little lady. 
• Grab his hair, look into his eyes and bite your lip–very Angelina Jolie.
• Whisper hot things in his ear–check out my post on dirty talk to find out what!
• Grab his bum and pull him into you.
• If he’s bending you over the bed, suck on your finger and make eye contact.
• Run your fingers through your own hair–there’s a reason why “bed head” is considered sexy!

Do those things and I can guarantee you’ll stop worrying that you’re bad in bed – and I think both you and your boyfriend will be happy, too!

XOXO,

Shallon

Want me to give you advice? Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

10 mistakes you might be making in bed

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