When did you lose it? | Source: Tumblr.com

It should come as no surprise to anybody that everyone loses their v-card at different times. Despite any kind of pressure you might feel to give it up, there is no correct age to have sex for the first time. But that hasn’t stopped a lot of people from deciding when they think it should be done.

We want to know what you think – in your opinion, how old should a girl be before she has sex? What do you consider too young? Check out the message boards topic about this, and read what these girls had to say. Then let us know: how young is too young to lose it?

carolinedenny13 asked:
Okay girls, how young do you think is to young to lose your v-card? How young were you when you lost yours and what was the story behind it?

thekidd99 said:
Any age before 21 is too young… what’s wrong with you young girls having sex?? Wait until the time is right. I grew up hearing from friends, ‘omg I was 15 when I lost it and I regret it’. Stop being stupid, if a guy cant wait then **bleep** him, its not all about sex. I’m 23 and I still haven’t lost it.

Kelly Osbourne lost hers at 13 | Source: IMDB.com

leylaxx said:
You’re ready to have sex when you can handle the fact you may get an STD from it, an unexpected pregnancy, potential abortion, when you can afford the birth control and condoms and STD tests, when you are responsible enough and old enough to deal with the repercussions without parental consent.I lost my virginity almost 3 years ago when I was 17. I don’t regret it on account of I am still with the dude, but I wish we’d waited to make it more special.

Well, we can’t really say it any better than leylaxx did. Sex is a big deal, and you shouldn’t do it if you aren’t aware of the possible consequences. That being said, we don’t believe there is a ‘right’ age to lose your virginity. Every girl is different, and what it really comes down to is how comfortable you feel.

If you think you’re ready and you’re being safe, then go for it. Girls shouldn’t be putting other girls down for choosing to have sex at a younger age. Although we would never encourage young girls to go out there and get naked with any random dude, we do believe that it’s your decision, and your decision only. As we said before – make sure you’re totally comfortable and being very safe (condoms, ladies!).

Who do you agree with? How young is too young? When did you lose your virginity? Tell us in the comments.

Does a dude’s penis size really matter?

we can now take Ashton really seriously.

It’s kinda hard to take Ashton Kutcher seriously. He’s a goofy guy who has made a name for himself as a comedy star and prankster after all! But today, while he was talking about his new film with Natalie Portman, No Strings Attached, we were seriously impressed by his passion for the female orgasm.

We asked Ashton what he thinks about the prevalence of sex and often-resulting pregnancy in our culture, especially after making a movie that was so…sexy.

“One of the interesting things, especially about women, in school sex education they teach about how to get pregnant or how to not to get pregnant, but they don’t really talk about sex being a point of pleasure for women.”

Uh huh, we’re listening! Go on!

“I think there’s so much that’s not said about sex in our country. And partially because of the lack of education about sex, we make films to open things up, to get people to talk about it.”

Funny, that’s our favorite subject, Ashton! Tell us more!

“You know, the male orgasm is actually right there and ready to learn about because it’s actually part of the reproductive cycle. If female orgasms were part of that spinoff, it creates a place where women are empowered by their own sexuality and their own sexual self.”

So in a movie that’s all about sex then…

“So, from a purely entertainment point of view, to create a movie with a female lead that is empowered by her own sexuality, I think it’s a really, really powerful thing. I think it can give change to something people would think about from a sexual perspective. It’s opening up conversation to women empowered with their own sexual experiences from an educational level as well as entertainment.”

Can a simple RomCom help change the way sex is taught in schools? Do you agree with Ashton and think there needs to be more emphasis on your orgasm in schools?

Seriously, we do. And we can’t believe that such a seriously brilliant idea came not only from a dude, (no offense, Henry!) but from Ashton Kutcher.

What do you think? Tell us in the comments below.

-gURL

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christinna's dealing with divorce from destiny's daddy and life as a singe teen mom.

Going through a tough time with your sweetie can reveal a lot about them. Going through a pregnancy and raising a child? Yea, it’ll reveal a LOT. Unfortunately for Christinna, the subject of this week’s 16 & Pregnant, it revealed a total dud of a dude.

Freshly filed for divorce, Christinna refuses to let it get her down or stop her from achieving her dreams while still being the best mom to her daughter, Destiny. Read on for gURL’s exclusive interview with Christinna:

Isiah, your baby daddy, caused some drama for you.
Isiah goes back and forth between being supportive – it’s almost like he goes through phases. Sometimes he’s on top of things, and I couldn’t ask for more, and other times it seemed like I was doing EVERYTHING. I’ve had to fight with Isiah to get him to put our family 1st and spend time with Destiny, just like Maci [Season One of 16&  Pregnant] had to do with Ryan.

Do you feel you can relate to Maci’s issues with Ryan?
Isiah and Ryan both went through a time where they were being immature and refused to step up and be a dad and husband, or fiancé  in Maci’s case. I completely understand the struggles Maci went through with her relationship with Ryan. She inspires me, and helps me remember to stay strong and always put Destiny first. I always think “if she can do it then I can too!”

|Read more interviews with the gURLs of 16 & Pregnant here.|

So are you and Isiah going to make it work?
Shortly after my episode was finished filming, Isiah and I separated and recently decided to get a divorce. At first he came to visit Destiny every single day he had off from work and he supported her financially in any way he possibly could. Ever since we officially decided to get a divorce and stopped talking, he hasn’t come to visit Destiny or helped financially in over a month. It’s almost like Destiny and I were a package deal, and now that were not together, he doesn’t have anything to do with her. It really hurts.

Wow, we’re really sorry to hear that after all you’ve been through together.
Being a teen parent is hard but words can’t describe how much I love Destiny, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I wish Isiah could see how fun and rewarding being a parent can be.

We hope he’s reading this! Do you think a lot of guys out there are Ryan’s or Isiah’s? I don’t want to put all teenage fathers in the same category, but in Isiah’s case, he isn’t consistently supportive. Isiah is very selfish and it seems like he can never truly put Destiny 1st in his life. I think that when you have a child you have to make sacrifices, point blank period end of discussion. It hurts me when I have to literally beg Isiah to spend time with Destiny or change her diaper or help me buy her the things she needs. Destiny comes first in my life no matter what, and if I can make those sacrifices then why can’t he?

| Are you dealing with Teen Pregnancy? You’re not alone. Share your stories on gURL’s Shout Out Boards, now. |

That’s true, being a parent has its share of major sacrifices. What has been the biggest sacrifice you’ve had to deal with so far?
I think I’ve had to give up just about everything since Destiny was born! Sometimes it seems like I can’t do anything alone. Destiny is content as long as I’m paying her attention but as soon as I do something by myself whether it’s eating, sleeping, reading or studying Destiny starts fussing.

What would you tell a teenager that wants to be a teen mom?
I would tell her to wait. If you’re really ready to be a mom then you’re ready to put your child first and part of putting your child first is providing for them the best you can. Finishing school and establishing a career before having children not only benefits yourself but it benefits your child. Creating a stable home is the best thing you can do for your child and most teenagers don’t have the maturity or resources to do so.

What advice would you give Christinna? Do you think she should demand more from Isiah? Let him go? Share your thoughts below.

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technically it's a cherry...but virginity isn't so technical

Some things just aren’t that simple. For instance: Picking a nail color. Or a date outfit. Or figuring out what virginity is. And that’s not even technically speaking! So what is “technical virginity?”

Remember the early Christian church fathers who wrote that you could lose your virginity by having dirty thoughts?! Those guys didn’t even know about the concept of “technical virginity;” can you imagine how horrified they would be if they were around today?

Coined in the early 1900s, the term “technical virginity” was originally used by teenagers to describe those who engaged in heavy “petting” but not vaginal, penetrative intercourse. By World War I, middle-class courtship regularly included casual sexual practices, such as necking and petting. Sociologist Laura M. Carpenter notes, “Many unmarried youth felt that they could pet to a point just short of vaginal sex (but often to orgasm) without compromising their virginity. Indeed, doing so became so common in the 1920s that it garnered its own appellation: technical virginity.” A couple decades later, when the baby boomers came of age, young adults were enjoying unprecedented leisure time and disposable income. Just as petting had become more common among their parents, so did oral sex among ours.

This idea of “technical virginity” has enjoyed renewed popularity as its definition has grown to accommodate an even larger range of sexual behavior today. Thanks to having more personal freedom and access to contraception, we can and hook up today a lot more easily than they could a century ago. Vaginal penetration is still the mainstream standard for virginity loss, but it’s much more common for modern teens to engage in oral sex, mutual masturbation, and other forms of sexual activity that stop short of “going all the way.”

gURLs continue to draw and redraw the line for virginity loss at different sexual acts, but there’s really no agreement on what counts as “real sex.” Can a gURL stay a virgin by sticking to anal sex? What if she’s only been orally penetrated?  I’m all for throwing out definitions of virginity and sex out the window, but we should keep in mind that there are important real-world consequences to thinking that certain behavior “doesn’t count.” Because many teens don’t consider oral or anal intercourse to be “sex” and there’s no pregnancy risk, they are less likely to use contraception. No matter what you want to call last night’s hook-up, one thing is for sure: if it involves taking your pants off, you better make sure you’re keeping yourself safe!

Intrigued by our series on virginity so far? Keep reading … next week, we debunk the hymen myth!

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rutgers students sign condolence cards APPhotos

If you’re our friend on Facebook, then you’ve heard the tragic, tragic news. According to The New York Daily News:

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eff, you rosie!

I’m a feminist and I often think “Eff Feminism”.

Feminism, like many progressive social movements (LGBT rights included), is not always concerned with the issues affecting poor women, women of color, disabled women, queer women, the list goes on. And the list includes, to some extent, women like me.

I say this as a woman of color born to working class immigrants, neither of whom know anything of the feminism I embraced during my years at an Ivy League university where I felt like the odd girl out because of the money I didn’t come from. I can call myself a feminist and accept at the same time that mainstream feminism didn’t and still doesn’t represent women like my mother. I can call myself a feminist and sometimes think myself “Eff feminism!” because I don’t agree with its elitist brand of progress. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning in privilege because of who I associate with, where I live, what I do for fun. But though I went to Harvard and fulfilled the supposedly obtainable American Dream, I’m not under any illusions that this is because of feminism. Feminism made it possible for women to go to college, but the women they were concerned with were not women like me. The second-wave sold us the idea that little girls can do anything boys can do, but the only people who can do anything they want in this country are the people with money.

“Eff feminism!” doesn’t mean that gender equality isn’t important, but it does mean that society and even progressive movements value some people more than others. It means that those with the luxury of time and the luxury of capital can set the agenda that women like my mother don’t even have time to read. This is a fact that has gone unacknowledged for far too long within the Feminist Establishment. And if it takes someone shouting “Eff feminism!” for everyone to wake up to it, then I’ll be there shouting it with them.

What do you think, gURLs? Share your thoughts below!

Interested in smart talk about gender and sexuality? Follow Lena Chen‘s blog, The Chicktionary!

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I knew my dad meant well and that he was doing what parents were supposed to by making himself available–but still, the thought of telling him something so intimate and personal just seemed utterly impossible.

I was thinking about this not too long ago as I was teaching a girls’ health class. The topic of talking to parents about sex came up, and I was curious to hear what they had to say about the subject. Maybe in the intervening years, kids and parent had somehow bridged the communication gap?

From what I heard, that didn’t seem to be the case.

Sure, some claimed that sex was a regular part of conversation at home, something they talked about over dinner, but a lot of others made gagging noises when they thought about bringing up the topic with the adults whose roof they lived under, and some hadn’t really considered that talking to mom and dad about this stuff was an option.

Keeping in mind my own teenage reaction to my father’s attempts at conversation, I asked my class if there was anything their parents could do to make them more comfortable talking about sex. Some said “no” flat out, but a few others offered these suggestions:

• Don’t just bring up the topic out of the blue. Make it seem normal to talk about sex.
• Don’t bring up sex or puberty if anyone (including dad) is around. Make sure there is privacy.
• Don’t act weird about it.

That didn’t give me a ton to go on, but it did remind me that while those who oppose comprehensive sex ed often say this topic should be discussed at home, in a whole lot of cases it just isn’t. So unless the sex ed opposers are able to tap into something in the parent child divide that I’ve been missing, then good sex education in schools seems as important as ever.

What do you think? Do you talk to your folks about sex? If not, why? If so, what makes you comfortable doing so?

For example, one glaring omission was that the study failed to ask teens if they got any sex ed and, if so, what kind. If all the kids surveyed were getting abstinence-only education and taking virginity pledges, it would make a bit more sense that they weren’t able to balance what they saw on TV (like Ross and Rachel falling into bed without a condom, consequence free) with the reality of their own lives, where unprotected sex could have some pretty grim results. 
Still, I find it hard to believe that kids–even with the most basic knowledge of sex–would assume that they won’t get pregnant just because Donna and Eric had unprotected sex and stayed fetus-free. 
The study also failed to look at issues like access to birth control and health care. Could this explain why Canada–a country where the exact same TV shows are shown–has only half the teen pregnancy rate of the United States? I don’t know because this question wasn’t posed by the researchers! 
It sure would be nice to be able to blame TV for teen pregnancy, but even if there is a link, TV is not the real culprit. Our terrible sex education and health care systems are.

Most of the questions were earnest, but some were downright hostile.

Amidst inquiries about how to use a condom or put in a tampon, I’d get the occasional, “WHY DOES PLANNED PARENTHOOD KILL BABIES???? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!!”

Of course, Planned Parenthood does not kill babies, but one of the many things that some of its health centers do is provide abortions. Because Planned Parenthood is the most famous organization to offer such a service, it attracts a lot of hate mail from those opposed to allowing women this reproductive choice.

I was reminded how deeply anti-Planned Parenthood feelings run while reading a recent article on sex education in Alaska (a hot topic since Sarah Palin stepped onto the scene).

The article was talking about the efforts of a college student to get more funding for sex education. It mentioned that “University of Alaska Anchorage junior Amber Sawyer heads a group called Vox, Voices for Planned Parenthood. It is circulating a Planned Parenthood petition that has collected 1,100 names since late August.”

It was a pretty harmless reference that wasn’t central to the article. Still, it managed to elicit a passionate response from one reader who left this as a comment:

“It always comes back to Planned Parenthood ,the company that stands to profit greatly off of unplanned pregnancies, pushing their agenda of teaching kids its OK just use a condom. It disgusts me that this company gets involved with pushing there agenda and making a mockery of those that tell their kids abstinence is the best form of birth control. It is obvious that teaching alternative forms of sex ed benefits Planned Parenthood. The only sure method to prevent unwanted pregnancies is abstinence and that will not make them a dime.”

The claim that Planned Parenthood encourages teen pregnancy to line its pockets is nothing new, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. Planned Parenthood, a not-for-profit agency, is more likely to cover the costs for health care than it is to run laughing to the bank.

Unfortunately, it’s not only random commenters who twist the truth when attacking this organization. Recently John Weaver, a strategist for John McCain’s presidential campaign called Planned Parenthood “one of the most radical pro-abortion groups in the country.”

Wanting to keep abortion safe, legal and accessible is not the same as being “radically pro-abortion.” (What does that even mean?)

Weaver’s comment reinforced the idea that the only thing Planned Parenthood does is provide abortions. This is obviously incorrect. The president of Planned Parenthood responded to Weaver’s statement by clarifying exactly what Planned Parenthood does:

“Ninety seven percent of Planned Parenthood’s services are focused on prevention, including family planning, contraception, and testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections. Three percent of Planned Parenthood services are abortion care.”

This is important information. It is also important to realize that:

• Planned Parenthood tries to prevent unplanned pregnancies and hopes that every pregnancy is a wanted pregnancy.
• As a non-profit organization, they do not benefit financially from teen pregnancies. In fact, they tend to offer heavily subsidized health services that young women can afford.
• Not all Planned Parenthood health centers even provide abortions. Many just offer gynecological and pre- and post-natal care.

In its ninety year history, Planned Parenthood has helped countless women facing reproductive health challenges. The fact that it is constantly attacked is a sad sign that this country has a long way to go towards accepting the importance and scope of women’s health needs.

What is your impression of Planned Parenthood? Have you had any personal experiences with them?

Photo provided by clockworknate

Writing this blog has taught me a lot about the situation inside America’s “sex education” classrooms.

Some of my knowledge has come from closely following the news on this topic, but plenty has also come directly from comments that you have left after the posts.

I’ve really enjoyed reading them, so I thought I would share some highlights with you:

ArielMeog says, “I live in North Carolina … I can tell you loads of bull crap I got from the abstinence-only ed. It’s the whole “girls give sex to get love, boys give love to get sex.” They basically promoted the stereotypes that girls were weak and gullible while boys were unable to control their urges.

In my ninth grade health textbook there was a load of information on drugs such as marijuana, crack cocaine, heroin, barbiturates, meth … very comprehensive information. But when it came to sex it was ‘SEX IS BAD, YOU ARE GUARANTEED AN STD AND PREGNANCY. PLUS, IT GOES AGAINST YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS!’ And I go to a public school.”

Leah says, ”At my school in Michigan, we get the whole abstinence-only education crap. Even our STD unit sucks. They basically tell us, ‘If you have sex, you will get chlamydia and die, even if the person does not have chlamydia. If you wait until you get married, you will never ever get an STD … even if your husband has one.’

In the entire program, (STD and standard sex ed) I never heard the words “condom” or “birth control”–except the first day, when we were told that we weren’t allowed to say them. The sex ed unit was just about a bunch of pregnant girls talking about how much their life sucks.”

Elizabeth says, “When I was in ninth grade, sex ed was taught by my health teacher. He was a football coach and did the ‘sex is scary, giving birth is scary, and sex will make you diseased and gross’ thing.

Miranda says, “In eighth grade (supposedly our “big sex ed year”) it was kinda comprehensive, which was good, only our teacher was a big believer in abstinence until marriage and she kept talking about our virginity as a “gift to give to the right man” and other stuff like that.

Anna says, “We just recently had the annual ‘AIDS Presentation.’ It essentially told us this:

• We push abstinence-only, because you’re irresponsible
• All drugs will kill you the first time
• We push abstinence-only
• People get high and get raped at all raves
• The techno music at raves will make you start worshipping Satan
• We PUSH abstinence only
• If your boy/girlfriend shows any signs of jealousy, s/he’s abusing you
• WE PUSH ABSTINENCE-ONLY

I also learned that most of the, like, 200 7th graders at my school think that if a girl is the victim of domestic (dating) abuse, it’s her fault. How sad is that? Really. It makes me sick.”

Deanna says, “I’m in 9th grade, in Georgia. In 6th grade we began the ‘real’ sex-ed class and the teacher stated that abstinence was the only way to protect yourself from HIV/AIDS and she didn’t mention that condoms would serve any purpose until I raised my hand!

Now, we are taught abstinence and a little bit about contraception. This year I was lucky enough to have a teacher who was straightforward and knew how to get through to kids. His stance was, ‘Even if we don’t want them to have sex, they’re gonna do it, so they might as well learn how to be safe when doing it.’ He was great. The only bad thing was he couldn’t answer all the questions because of the laws.”

Opheliasawake says, “My sex ed class was horrible. We went into great detail about STDs and AIDS, and then my teacher propagated several myths, including (but not limited to) condoms having a 30% failure rate and that AIDS arose from homosexual sex. I brought in an article from a scientific journal that demonstrated that the HIV virus came from a hunter getting contaminated monkey blood on his hands. She responded by making us watch a video from the Reagan era where a female AIDS victim who got it from a bad transfusion told us that abstinence was the only way to avoid HIV. She also refused to publicize the location of Planned Parenthood, where I used to volunteer. Not exactly ‘You will get pregnant and die,’ but close.”

What’s sex ed like at your school?