This happened to me. In public. WTF?! | Source: Shutterstock

I met Derek at a friend’s party. He was pretty cute–he sorta looked like a blond Tyson Ritter. We hit it off and made each other laugh, so we exchanged numbers and I agreed to go out with him later that week.

Our first date went well, though he was a bit showy and a little loud for my taste, but I attributed that to nerves. On paper, he was rad: Cute, funny, studying to be an engineer, polite and he had a motorcycle. (I love riding). I went out with him two more times to feel everything out and decide whether or not I liked him. On the third date, I decided I really didn’t like him.

We were waiting to get seated at a restaurant, so we sat at the bar watching some of the TVs and chatting when some guy friends of mine that I hadn’t seen in forever walked in and made a beeline for us. There was nothing romantic going on between any of these dudes and me–they were pals I’d had for years.

I hugged everyone hello and introduced them to Derek, and we all talked for a bit. Realizing I was on a date, my dude friends kindly started to leave for another section. They’d just turned around and started walking when Derek decided he wasn’t getting enough attention–and slapped me in the face.

I was more stunned than anything else, because, well, there was no warning. We weren’t play fighting. We weren’t really fighting. No one forgot a safe word. It was out of nowhere.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and was just like, “Wait. You just did what?”

Derek responded by laughing–and then hitting me again on the other side of my face. By then, I’d run out of cheeks–of that kind, at least–to turn. I was still somewhat stunned, but I was coherent enough to know I needed to get the hell out of there.

I’m not sure how no one else saw what happened (he likely timed it strategically), or if no one just wanted to get involved, but that didn’t matter to me at the time. I left Derek sitting at the bar, caught up with my guy friends, and we left together. I didn’t even tell them what happened until we were far enough away that they wouldn’t turn their cars around and go to kick the crap out of him. I didn’t go to the cops or anything, though it probably would have prevented him from pulling that crap with someone else if I did. Plus, since no one did anything when it happened, I figured it’d be my word against his. At the time, I just wanted to get out.

In retrospect–hindsight’s always 20/20, right?–I can sort of see some signs. He was very “me me me,” and one of my girlfriends said he seemed a bit off. Still, a lot of the traditional dating violence signs–isolating you from your loved ones, negging you to the point that you think you’re worthless without him–weren’t there. Yet. Then again, it was only date three. Who knows what could have went down if I stuck around longer?

Have you ever been involved in dating violence? What would you do if you witnessed dating violence while you were out? Tell us in the comments!

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A little talk & some tricks can make a whole lot sex better. | ShutterStock

What can I do if my boyfriend doesn’t last long enough during sex? How can I get him to last longer in bed?

ChickRx expert Amy Levine, Sex Coach & Sexuality Educator, says:

First, know that this is a common problem among guys, especially young men and teens who are new to sex. This isn’t anything he or you should be very worried about. However, I understand that a little more endurance during sex can make the experience much more pleasurable for both of you. So, let’s get to troubleshooting.

Start off by talking about it with him. To fix a problem, especially one in bed, you need to address it. And if you’re going to be trying new techniques to change his staying power, you need to clue him into what you’re up to.

This is obviously a very touchy subject and you should approach it very delicately. I might throw it out there casually like, “Hey, I read about this thing that can make us last longer when we’re having sex. Want to try it?” This doesn’t put the blame on him or his performance and makes trying something new sound fun and easy. Of course, you know what will work best with your guy though. So, bring it up however feels right to you.

Ok, now onto solutions. You could switch out your normal condom for one with added climax control lubricant like Extended Pleasure by Trojan or Performax by Durex. These really do help guys last longer.

Many AASECT-certified sex experts–like myself–can help guys with premature ejaculation, which is what it’s called when a guy orgasms and ejaculates earlier than he’d like. Our role is to gain insight into the situation and help retrain their minds and bodies through conversation and activities that are done alone or with a partner at home.

These techniques often include understanding how to identify sensations leading up to the “point of no return” (the time when a guy realizes he’s about to orgasm and ejaculation is inevitable) and developing the ability to control his arousal.

One tactic I suggest regularly is called the stop-start method. This method requires him to stop the in-and-out motion before he has the feeling he is going to climax, and start again once it subsides.

Another approach, called the squeeze method, works by applying pressure at the base of his shaft or the corona (ridge under the head of the penis) with the thumb and index finger before climax is imminent.

Also, a doctor can prescribe medications to help with premature ejaculation. This is really a last resort and, like I said above, probably isn’t needed if your guy’s issue is more inexperience and being new to sex than an actual medical problem. I suggest talking and trying one of the three methods I listed above before seeking medical help.

Got more questions? Post them in the comments below or head on over to ChickRx.com.

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Do aphrodisiacs really turn you on? | Source: Shutterstock

The thing is that there’s not any proof that aphrodisiacs work. So, it’s not like you can slip a chocolate milk into your crush’s lunch and then BADABING!, expect him to make out with you after fifth period. But I do think that the thing most aphrodisiacs have in common is that they feel like treats–they’re luxurious and special. And when people are made to feel special and pampered, they might be more likely to feel sexy, too.

So go ahead and do what you can to make your crush feel like the coolest person on the planet. If he or she wants to get a little closer later, you could chalk it up to whatever “aphrodisiacs” you used, but really? I’d just give yourself credit for being the awesome, gorgeous, super desirable girl that you are! Magical aphrodisiacs had nothing to do with it!

What do you think? Are aphrodisiacs real? Tell us in the comments!

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Philadelphia is battling a high STD rate with a free condom program. Do you think it’s a good idea? | Source: ShutterStock

Philadelphia is using common sense–the city’s fighting a growing STD epidemic among teens by installing free condom dispensers within its high schools.

The city has had huge problems with STD rates among teenagers, so the move to put in free condom dispensers at the nurse’s offices in 22 schools in Philadelphia is smart. (Obviously, abstinence is the only way to 100 percent prevent STDs, but that’s not that realistic–and it’s a lot more effective for sex education to teach not just abstinence, but also safe sex.)

Philadelphia students can also get free STD testing in their schools, which is so important when you consider that 5 percent of students who have been tested were positive for STDs including HIV. That may not sound like a lot, but think of it this way: That’s 1 in 20 people, so there’s probably one in your homeroom! That sounds like a ton more, right? So scary! In fact, the free STD testing is what led to the free condom program. The results were so dire and so dangerous that Philadelphia officials felt they needed to take action. 1 in 4 people infected with HIV in Philadelphia is between 13 and 24 years old, and the city has recently seen chlamydia and gonorrhea rates up by almost 50 percent!

“Less than 60 percent of kids who are sexually active report having used condoms the last time they had sex,” Philly’s health commissioner Dr. Donald F. Schwarz told the Daily News. “We want to get to that 40 percent who haven’t used a condom.”

The City of Brotherly Love isn’t the only one to promote safe sex with free condoms in high schools. 418 other schools nationwide, including in New York City, are encouraging sexually active students to always use a condom and are eliminating the potential embarrassment of a trip to CVS by giving them out for free. Students can even order free condoms online if they don’t want to go to the office. Springfield, Massachusetts even made headlines when they released free condoms not just in high school, but also middle school–giving contraception for free to people as young as 11 years old.

Dr. Schwarz even said that the STD rate is dropping. “For the first time in four years, we saw a decline in STIs among adolescents by 5 to 6 percent,” he said.

There is a catch to the Philadelphia free condom program, though. If a student’s parents opt out of it, nurses can’t hand over contraception to them. Still, even if parents think condom dispensers will encourage people to have sex, that’s not really the case. The Center for Disease Control reports that condom distribution programs like the ones in Philadelphia not only increase condom use and lower STD rates for young adults, but they also actually delay sexual activity–so it also in a way encourages you to be both safe and maybe wait on having sex.

Sounds like a win-win to us!

Do you think a free condom distribution program like the ones in Philadelphia and New York City are a good idea? Do you think free condom programs are a good way to promote safe sex and prevent STDs? Do you think a free condom program encourages young adults to have sex? Do you have any other ideas on how to lower the Philadelphia STD rate? Tell us in the comments!

Guess who always says to use a condom?

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These new smartphone apps promote safe sex, STD testing, and sharing your STD status–but are they the ultimate solution? | Source: ShutterStock

If you’re sexually active, chances are your phone has something to do with it–whether it’s scheduling dates or hitting “ignore” when you get a booty call–but now your smartphone can also be used to promote safe sex and STD testing. Pretty awesome, right?

A new app called MedXCom lets you “bump” phones and exchange STD status and contact info with people you meet, so you can be sure to have safe sex–and if someone else has the app, you already know they’re at least somewhat responsible. The MedXCom app has a feature called MedXSafe. You can have your doc enter in your STD status into the app after you get tested. You can then exchange that info with anyone else who has the app to determine whether or not they’re worth the risk of sleeping with–and to easily let them know that the best sex for you is safe sex.

MedXCom isn’t the only safe sex app, either. Qpid.me has a similar feel to it (its slogan is cute, too: “Spread the love and nothing else”), and so does U Should Know, which allows you to check on a partner’s STD status.

Another good thing about safe sex apps? Even though they’re not immune to hackers–nothing is!–they’ll never expose someone with an STD. If you test positive for an STD, the app will encourage you to get treated, then retested. You’ll be reported as STD free only when your new test results come back negative.

Of course, even safe sex apps have risks. Docs warn that HIV results can take months to come back on a test, so you may get a false feeling of safety from the app when in actuality you’re still waiting on those STD test results. And you’re smart enough to know that safe sex apps aren’t a replacement for condoms–and even if you both test clean, you still need to use protection to actually have safe sex, because without it, you’re at risk of getting pregnant.

Still, having safe sex–and conversations about it–at your fingertips is a really good step in the right direction to eliminating the awkwardness of talking it over with a partner. We’re all for this!

Would you use a safe sex app? Do you think safe sex apps are a good idea or that they promote unprotected sex? Do you think a safe sex app would encourage more people to be sexually responsible and get tested for STDs? Would be comfortable sharing your STD status with a safe sex app? Tell us in the comments!

You won’t believe who might be encouraging unsafe sex!

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Welcome to Ask A Naked Guy: Mash-Ups Edition. We’re getting the naked truth from a bunch of naked guys about the topics you want to know about. This week, we’re talking cheating, friends with benefits, exes, hair down there and sex. Prepare to have your questions answered.

What would you ask a naked guy about love or sex? Tell us in the comments!

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A lack of sex education can lead people to seek out online porn … which might lead to sex addiction. Yikes! | Souce: ShutterStock

Sex addiction is still a relatively new concept, though it’s likely been going on for a while, usually under the terms “douchebaggery” or, for the more misogynist, slut-shaming types, “being loose” or any other vulgar variation of that. Now that it’s being recognized as a legitimate problem, the clinical definition of sex addiction is essentially spending so much time thinking about, having, or dealing with sex that it interferes with your everyday life. Now, a study was done to show causes of sex addiction later in life, and you may actually have experienced some of them.

About 40 percent of sex addicts in the study said they watched online porn before they were 12 years old, and 90 percent of those people think it’s to blame for their addiction.

Not into porn? Or at least you weren’t back when High School Musical was big? Doesn’t mean you’re not susceptible. The report also says that things like divorced or separated parents, same sex schooling (like if you went or go to an all-girls school), and a lack of sex education are driving factors of sex addiction.

As for the differences in sex addiction between the actual sexes? Guys are a lot more likely to seek help for it, with 53.7 percent of male sex addicts looking for professional treatment as opposed to 38.3 percent of women doing the same. (That doesn’t necessarily mean that more guys than girls are actually addicted to sex–just that more of them admit to and deal with it. Considering the slut shaming women deal with, it shouldn’t be surprising that more women don’t come out and admit to being sex addicts. Could you imagine?) Most guys said that excitement was the reward they got from acting on their sex addiction impulses, while gals said they engaged in sex addiction because sex makes them feel wanted and loved, at least temporarily.

We’re not sure what bums us out more: the lack of sex education or the lack of self-esteem contributing to sex addiction.

Here’s what we know: Sex education works in terms of preventing pregnancy and STDs in young adults a lot better than not sex education or abstinence-only sex education does. There’s a ton of documentation to back this up. So the fact that a lack of sex education is to blame for sex addiction doesn’t surprise us that much: When you’re ignorant about something going in and don’t understand all of the risks associated with having sex, it can be really easy to make poor decisions about it–and to get so used to doing so that you can’t really stop. We’re not saying that a lack of sex education is a direct cause of sex addiction, but knowing what you do, it’s not a shocker that they’re correlated, right?

Additionally, if you aren’t getting sex education in school, you might Google things about sex. And guess what you’ll find (if you’re not lucky enough to stumble upon Gurl)? Online porn. You see what’s happening here?

The self-esteem thing just makes us sad. Because if you’re reading this, chances are you’re pretty awesome, and lots of people love you. If you were having sex for the right reasons–because you really want to with a consenting partner and a high level of mutual respect–you wouldn’t feel so sad afterward, and you wouldn’t need that outside approval to feel good. And all that sex you’ll have? It’ll actually be better. And sometimes quality trumps quantity.

Do you think a lack of sex education causes sex addiction? Do you look at online porn as a substitute for sex education? Have you ever thought you were addicted to sex? Tell us in the comments!

These sex education toys are pretty nuts!

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Get a room, you guys! Eew! | Source: Shutterstock

So, naturally, when abovementioned boyfriend saw this freaky article about blue cheese, he had to send it to me. There’s a reason why blue cheese is so nasty . . . and that’s because the cheese is actually having sex! Like, it’s having sex while you eat it! If you’re like, “Whaaaaaat?! Cheese can’t have sex!,” you’re kind of right, and kind of wrong.

Here’s the deal: the “blue” in blue cheese is fungus, you know, like mold that grows in your shower (although I definitely wouldn’t suggest eating that!). Fungus is, to put it bluntly, alive. It eats, it breathes, it grows. No, it doesn’t have it’s own Facebook page or watch TV, but apparently–according to super smart scientists–it does have sex.

Scientists used to think that the kind of fungus in blue cheese wasn’t having sex at all, that it was reproducing asexually without coming together with another sexy fungus to make fungus babies . . . but that’s all wrong! The fungus in blue cheese is actually having sex even as it enters your mouth on a cracker!

If you love blue cheese, just think of it as the most romantic cheese out there. As for me, I’m just calling it gross.

Do you love blue cheese? What do you think about your cheese having sex? Creepy or kind of cool? Tell me in the comments!

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If sex really grosses you out, you may have bigger problems than you realize! | Source: ShutterStock

Let’s put it out there: Sex can be pretty gross, but it can also be pretty awesome, and that sort of cancels out a lot of the inherent nasty stuff. But it turns out if you’re really, really grossed out by sex, you may have a bigger problem.

A new study revealed that feeling disgust at sexual situations can actually physically prevent you from having or enjoying sex at all. Women who suffer vaginismus are more likely to be grossed out by sexual, sexual situations, or just the idea of body fluids being exchanged. (Okay, when you put it that way, it is pretty gross.) Vaginismus is a disorder that makes your pelvic muscles involuntarily contract if and when they’re penetrated–meaning it usually prevents vaginal sexual intercourse from happening at all.

The research says that if you feel disgusted by sex, vaginismus may be a subconscious defense mechanism that the body uses to prevent it from going down (or in, as it were). And disgust is something tough to control–think of how seeing someone else puke makes you gag. You can’t help it, right?

Researchers did a bunch of surveys on sexual disgust on normal, healthy people and some on women and men with sexual disorders including vaginismus. They found that the women with vaginismus reported a lot more disgust at sexual situations than sexually healthy people or people with other sexual disorders did.

However, it’s sort of unclear in a chicken-or-the-egg sort of way which causes which. Does disgust trigger the body into shutting down the possibility of intercourse through vaginismus? Or does the discomfort and embarrassment that comes with vaginismus lead to being disgusted with sex in general? It can–and probably does–go both ways.

Which isn’t to say it’s abnormal to think sex is a little icky. It is. But it’s also amazing when it’s right. If you experience physical discomfort and disgust during sex, though, you may want to talk to your gyno, because it’s never supposed to feel bad. (If it was, we’d all be extinct by now!)

Do you think sex is gross? Have you ever experienced disgust or discomfort during sex? Do you think one leads to the other? Tell us in the comments!

You’re not the only person grossed out by sex!

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Don’t let the whole V-Card thing get you down. | Source: Shutterstock

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Here’s why: Your body and your sexual experiences are yours and yours alone. If you are a virgin, it’s probably because you haven’t found the right person to get that intimate with or that you’re simply not ready for something that serious. Does that make you a loser? No. Does that make you less smart, interesting, or sexy? No. But it’s also important to remember that your virginity doesn’t make you superior or better than other girls who have lost their virginity.

It’s easy to get caught up in Team V-Card or Team Sex or whatever when you’re in high school–I know, I’ve been there, and it’s not a pretty place in terms of how girls treat each other; but in the grand scheme of things, how old you are when you lose your virginity isn’t going to make a ton of difference. What will make a big difference? How you treat other people, how hard you work, and how much fun you can have on any given day.

Too many guys already judge girls based on sex–what a girl will do in bed, how far she’ll go, if he can be her “first,” whatever. Being seen as nothing more than a sexual conquest is creepy and icky and not okay, but what’s even worse is girls judging other girls for those things. Why would we do that to our own people? Being a girl and growing up is hard enough without this huge thousand pound weight of virginity to worry about. So, my advice to you, girls? Just stop worrying about it.

If you’re not a virgin anymore, I hope you’re being safe (condoms are absolutely a must!) and that you know that sex is natural, normal, and totally okay! And if you ever don’t want to do it–even though you’ve done it before–don’t feel like you have to. If you are a virgin, I hope you’re not too obsessed with virginity and get that one day you’ll probably have sex, and that it’s so totally okay that it hasn’t happened yet. Just don’t do it to be popular or because you think it’s the thing to do, unless it’s the right thing for you.

What do you think about virginity? Do you think it is a big deal, or am I right that we put too much importance on it? Tell me in the comments!

What Really Counts As Virginity, Anyway?

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