Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

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Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

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He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

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He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

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I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

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I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

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I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

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Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

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I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

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He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

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I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

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There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general.  Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

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Source: MTV

I’m completely addicted to the show Catfish–where two filmmakers help lovelorn people figure out if their online crushes are actually real people–but I never thought I’d get Catfished IRL.

Lemme ‘splain.

A few weeks ago one of my Twitter followers told me that someone was using my image on their OkCupid profile.

Confession time: once upon a time I did some online dating. So I figured that my loyal Tweep had just stumbled upon a profile I’d neglected to delete and now I’d have to explain that I online dated.

I prepared to be awash in embarrassment (because even though online dating is totally normal, it’s not something I’m completely comfortable talking about)…until I clicked the link…

Source: OkCupid.com

OMFG! WTF? R U KIDDING ME?!?! That would be my author picture for my last book, Exes and Ohs, and that was most definitely not my OkCupid profile because I don’t have an OkCupid profile. Absolute panic washed over me. Was I creeped out? Flattered? Furious? All of the above! I mean great she thought I was cute enough to use for her (assume it is a her) profile but HELLO! That’s me! And I instantly thought about who she’s out there duping. Is she Catfishing someone with my picture? That’s horrible! I don’t want to be a part of someone getting crushed because they fell for an online mirage.

Source: MTV

My next big question was: is she using my entire life–not just my pic–as a template for her own? I clicked around her page and noticed that there wasn’t much Shallon-ness to be found. Her occupation was listed as an outlet mall manager, and she didn’t seem to have any hobbies or interests. Besides ganking other people’s photos, obviously.

Another thing that bugged me was the username. Shorty_22? Do I look like I use the word shorty? I am not Justin Bieber, people. Um NOR AM I 34. Like, not even close.

I sent the site an email asking them to remove the profile or at least the picture, but in the meantime, I took matters into my own hands and made a fake profile of a dude to try and Catfish her right back!

My guy friend Matt helped me fill out the rest of the profile (I SO WISH I’d screencapped it, curses!) but basically I talked about my love of race cars and how I had a dog named Pistachio. I decided to name him Jarret. Then I sent Shorty_22 a message, which was kind of the strangest part about this whole saga: trying to hit on a girl, as a guy.

Being a girl, I always assume that it’s so easy to chat up a female–just say hi! Compliment her! Be yourself!–but when you’re the one doing it, it’s confusing. And I’m not even actually a guy! And I don’t even know/like this Shorty_22! How is this my life? Anyway. After about 10 attempts and rewrites, wracking my brain about what I liked to hear when I was online dating, I wrote:
What’s up, saw your profile and thought you have a great smile  Did you grow up in NV? I’m born and bred but I try to travel a lot, see what else is out there. How about yourself? Hope you’re having a great week!

I felt so lame. Not just because Fake Jarret was hitting on Fake Shallon but because he was doing it so clumsily.

Sadly, Shorty never responded. OH I’M SORRY FAKE SHALLON, IS JARRET STOLL NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? And what about poor Pistachio?

About a week later, OkCupid removed Shorty_22’s profile so I deleted Fake Jarret’s account too–the last thing I wanted was some poor girl to fall in love with a Catfish.

All in all, as irked as I was that someone had stolen my pic, I felt really sad for that person. Whoever they are IRL can’t be so bad that they need to invent a whole new person. I’m sure that Shorty_22 is a perfectly nice, lovable girl who will DEF have better luck in life if she just owns who she is.

Love is like sales–if you don’t believe in your own product, how can you expect anyone else to buy what you’re selling? Hopefully, whoever Shorty_22 really is learned her lesson and stuck to the truth when it comes to online dating–and stays far away from my photos!

Have you ever pretended to be someone you’re not online? What would you do if you found out that someone stole your pic? Let me know in the comments!

Is Your Diet Soda Making You Depressed?

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Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you back is definitely maybe the worst feeling in the world. But even more terrible is having to pretend you aren’t completely crushed. And even more terrible-er? The fibs you come up with to keep up the act. Here’s what we know you’re thinking when you get negged by your crush.

The School Dance

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She said: Ask Luke to Sadie Hawkins? Pfft nah I don’t want to be tied to one guy all night long, let’s just to a big girls group!

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She meant: I already oh-so-casually brought the dance up to him and he mumbled something about a big guys group. FML.

Over Text

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She said: Haha omg I was kidddinnngggg it was just an emoji!

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She meant: Well. If he didn’t appreciate a kissyface emojicon over text I guess he won’t like one IRL. Excuse me while I bury my phone—and possibly myself—in the backyard so I’ll never text something so pathetic again.

When He Talks About Another Girl

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She said: Oh yeah, Allie is, like, soooo cool. If you’re into, ya know, boobs and long blonde hair and all that…

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She meant: I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. I’ll think of a reason later.

When You Try to Flirt

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She said: My eye? Yeah uh guess my contact is all wonky or something…

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She meant: That was supposed to be a wink. Great. I probably look like I was having some sort of seizure. SEXY.

When You See Him on a Date With Someone Else

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She said: OMG you guys I soooo don’t care. It was just a “no.” I’ve heard that word before. I’ll BRB, bathroom.

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She meant: WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME! I can actually feel my heart breaking in half. I’m going to lock myself in the stall for the next 20 minutes and weep. Then pretend I had an allergy attack.

When He Says You’re Like a Sister To Him

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She said: Haha umm thanks bro…

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She meant: I’m sure this is how Prince William described Kate when he first fell for her right, RIGHT?!

Ever been rejected by a crush? How did you handle it? With a little lie or two? Let us know in the comments.

True story: One of Gurl’s writers rejected Adam Levine!

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At first glance, dating a guy’s idol doesn’t seem all that cruel at all. But think about how you would feel if your ex rebounded with whoever’s poster happens to be on your bedroom wall. Do you want to picture your ex with, say, Taylor Swift or Rihanna? Horrible, right?

I know. And that’s exactly why I dated my ex-boyfriend’s hero.

J was probably the worst boyfriend to ever walk planet earth. He seemed to completely hate having me around. He refused to hold hands with me in public, cheated and one time let me walk into the street knowing an oncoming cab was speeding towards me.

“I was curious if you’d see it coming or not,” he shrugged after. I think he may have been a sociopath.

Source: Shutterstock

But as soulless as J was, he loved one thing: Athlete X. I won’t say his name, but he’s a pro hockey player and J was beyond obsessed with hockey. I’d grown up playing hockey actually but by the time J and I dated, I’d forgotten all about the sport and didn’t care one bit. That didn’t stop J from gushing about Athlete X and his latest stats and game and even his equipment. Athlete X was like the third party in our relationship–unless of course you count all the girls he cheated on me with. Loser.

Eventually, I found a pair of panties in his bed. Ugly panties, too. And finally, finally, FINALLY broke up with him. Flash forward two months–I was an editor for a men’s magazine when my coworker casually mentioned that he was interviewing Athlete X.

“OMG Athlete X!” I chirped, jumping up from my chair, gushing about how much I loved him and rattling off his stats. No one in the office had ever heard me say boo about sports until that moment, and here I was rattling off info about Athlete X that I didn’t even realize I knew.

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“Well maybe I’ll set you two up!” chucked my coworker–and he did. Later that night I get a text from Athlete X! One thing lead to another and we began talking, then hanging out, then full on dating. At first, I was only doing it to spite J and oh, I made sure that he knew. Cryptic Facebook posts, vague Tweets about Athlete X’s team, an Instagram pic of X’s jersey number doodled on my hand inside a heart–oh yes. J knew. And it worked.

“You f’ing BITCH,” he wrote in a scathing email out of nowhere. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing but STAY AWAY FROM ATHLETE X!” You’d think I was sleeping with his wife or something.

I can’t lie–I felt kind of guilty and icky. I wondered if by dating Athlete X, who was terribly foxy, I had ensured that J and I could never be friends or even bump into each other and have a pleasant catch-up convo.

Then I came to my senses and realized that it was J’s crapbag behavior that had started this whole thing–all I’d done is finished it.

What do you think–is this the meanest thing you’ve heard of a girl doing to an ex? Was I totally wrong to rub Athlete X in J’s face? Or is all fair in love, war and professional sports? Tell me in the comments.

The 10 Worst Things Dudes Have Ever Said On A First Date

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Dude, shut up! | Source: Shutterstock

I’m one of the few people who actually enjoys first dates. Typically people are on their best behavior and trot out all their best stories and funniest anecdotes. But some people use a first date as an opportunity to shock and horrify, namely the dudes I tend to date. Check out the top 10—and believe me I could’ve done more—most awful things my dates have actually had the nerve to say on a first date. And bible, I’m not making these up.

10. “How the f*** do I know what’s in a matzo ball? What am, I your Jewish liaison?”

This charmer was going on and on about how much he loves matzo ball soup, which I’ve never had, so I asked him what exactly a matzo ball entailed. After this little exchange I told him that no, he’s not my Jewish liaison—he’s not going to be my anything.

9. “I try not to date girls your age. All you guys want to do is get married.”

Um, I’m sitting right here.

Source: Shutterstock

8. “You got your nose fixed? Wow I had no idea you were so shallow.”

I got my nose fixed because I broke it. Yeah I’m shallow because I don’t want to spend my life as a mouth-breather. And BTW, he had just finished telling me about how he had his ears pinned back as a kid because people called him Dumbo. Now I guess they just call him Doucher.

7. “….And, that was the first time I had a penis in my mouth!”

Note to self: never ever playfully ask a guy to tell you a secret. You just may get an answer like this.

6. “I mean, don’t you think you’re what’s wrong with society?”

Because I’m an editor at Star magazine, which, OK fine, isn’t exactly going to earn me a Pulitzer, but I like our mag and so do our readers. He, meanwhile, was a member of the NRA.

5. “So can you, like, hook me up with Lauren Conrad?”

Source: WENN

I’m former MTV reality star but—shocker!—I don’t live in one giant compound with all my other network mates. And even if I did, even if LC and Pauly D and Teen Mom Maci’s hot baby daddy and I were sharing groceries and having cookouts together, is it really appropriate to ask to be set up with a different girl on a first date? WTF bro?

4. “No no no no no—here’s why you’re wrong…”

I firmly believe that I’m never ever wrong. And I’m even less wrong when I’m expressing an opinion, as I was on a date with this nightmare. I believe I declared Gladiator to be my favorite movie. And at the end of the date I also declared him to be unlovable. That is not wrong.

3. “Sorry. I’m broke from two DUIs, you’re gonna have to get this one.”

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ON A FIRST DATE. Seriously dude? If you can’t afford to take a girl out to coffee (my latte wasn’t exactly bank-breaking) then guess what: don’t ask a girl out! And certainly don’t be so rude about it. And certainly, certainly don’t get two DUIs, you loser.

2. “You’re left handed? Um, that’s like, kinda like being handicapped. Sorry but I don’t really see this going anywhere.”

Seriously.

1. “Oh c’mon don’t be so provincial! Open your mind!”

My date said this when he PULLED OUT A BOTTLE OF LUBE and set it on the table. ?!?!?!?!?! It was clear my mind wasn’t what he wanted me to open…

Which one of the above do you think is the most offensive? Tell us in the comments. 

One of the worst first date stories we’ve ever heard!

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Oh honey. He’s not worth it! | Source: Shutterstock

Here’s the deal: She and her ex have been broken up for a long time (like, over a year) and even though they’ve both dated other people since then–she refuses to go to any event or party where he might show up. And it’s not like they hate each other or he was a jerk or something. And since they have a ton of friends in common, that means that she’s missed out on a whole lot of major parties, picnics, trips to Six Flags, and well–all kinds of other awesome stuff. How lame is that? Super lame! Seriously, no dude (especially one you’re not even dating anymore!) is worth giving up all those super fun times.

I get it that after a breakup, it’s good to give yourself some space from your ex. You don’t want to rip open that wound over and over by hanging out with him, seeing him having fun without you, maybe even flirting with someone else. But if you’ve moved on and he’s moved on, then it’s time to put on your big girl pants and go on with your life!

Do you ever let your ex stand in your way of having fun? Do you know anyone who does? Tell us in the comments!

How To Make Seeing Your Ex Less Awkward

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What do you do when your BFF’s boyfriend sucks in a major way? Well, you have to tell her she’s got a bad boyfriend. But, it can be touchy. So, Sara’s here to help with how to tell when you need to say something and how exactly to do it.

Do you know someone with a bad boyfriend? Or do you have a question for Sara? Tell us in the comments!

Should You Take Him Back?!

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If you’re the only single girl, it can be annoying to always get unsolicited advice on how to find someone! | Source: ShutterStock

Most of my friends have boyfriends, but I’m single. I’m happy–I have a ton going on, from work to to performing to baking cookies to just curling up and hanging out with my friends on my couch–and I go on dates pretty often. I just haven’t found the right dude yet. No big deal, right? And I bet a lot of you can relate!

Well, seems like a big deal to my girlfriends. Whenever we’re out, they’re giving me advice on how to find someone. Without my asking, they suggest I sign up for free dating sites, wear miniskirts more often (dude, it was like 15 degrees today–not happening), or offer to set me up. This would be okay and much less annoying if I were one of those people who complains about being single, but I don’t. I like it! Being single is exciting, because it’s like there’s always something new around the corner. There are no limits, and you can do whatever you want to do with your time.

When my friends freak out about me being single, sometimes it can feel like they think there’s something wrong with flying solo. But honestly? That’s their own issue. Don’t get me wrong–they totally mean well and have good intentions! But when people are so desperate to pair others off, it sort of speaks about their own insecurities and fear of being alone. Don’t fall for it!

How to find someone isn’t the problem. I find a lot of people, and a lot of people find me–just some don’t have a spark and a lot of them are jerks. (Kelly Clarkson had the same problem before she met her fiancee!) Finding someone worth my time is the problem. And it’s not even really a problem. I’m a busy girl, and when I find someone worth carving time out for, you bet I will. I’m just pretty happy with my life as it is.

I look at life as a cupcake: My family and friends are the actual cupcake, all moist and gooey and yummy, a solid foundation to work from. My goals are the frosting, sweet and rewarding. I look at romance as sprinkles: They’re awesome, but not necessary to make a delicious dessert.

Much like I view life as a cupcake, I look at dating as a dessert buffet. (Can you tell I have a sweet tooth?) How can I tell what I like the best out of, say, tiramisu, pumpkin pie, red velvet cake, ice cream sandwiches or petit fours if I don’t sample a little of everything first? Once I find a favorite, I’ll be happy to settle down. But until then, I’m content to taste test a few things, and I know that some will give me toothaches or not work so well with my stomach. That’s fine. That’s part of life. But for now, I don’t want to eat the same thing every single day.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re weird. It doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be forever alone. It just means you haven’t met your match yet, and that’s fine. Because you won’t meet him or her if you’re stuck settling with someone else. If you want to know how to find someone awesome? The answer is to be as awesome as you can by yourself. Just let the rest happen!

Do your friends try to get you a boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re single? Do your single friends want boyfriends? Tell us in the comments.

Single but wondering how to find someone? Try this!

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If your boyfriend is constantly blaming you for things, it could be that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and we urge you to seek out help because you deserve so much better than that situation. Sometimes though, even the best of boyfriends mess up and take the blame out on girlfriends for things that aren’t their fault at all — but that’s still not okay. Here are eight everyday things that your boyfriend shouldn’t blame you for happening.

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His Band Breaks Up

Whether it is an actual band or simply his band of friends, the fact is that people drift apart for a whole host of reasons. There can be a lot to balance in life between family, school, work, sports, and yes relationships, but it also takes effort on the guy involved to make things work despite all those different areas requiring his focus. It's not your fault if he has chosen to place emphasis on different areas of his life and maybe that has impacted his friendships.

Source: Andres Otero/WENN.com

He Has A Bad Game

Every athlete has bad games. Okay, so maybe you being there makes him a little nervous, but considering he probably has nerves that also his whole family, the rest of the school and the local news is there, it's not fair to blame you when you've just been trying to be supportive. A part of sports is being able to block all that stuff out, and while that's really tough and it can be tempting to blame all those outside factors, he's got to know that you really had nothing to do with how the game went.

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He's Super Tired

If he knows he needs 10 hours of sleep to function the next day, he shouldn't plan on chatting with you until midnight. It's nice to have those late-night talks with a significant other, but there's also some personal responsibility to make the decision to stick with bedtime and be done with the phone or Internet. Conversations are a two-way street, so to put all the blame on you for his night-owl habits just isn't fair.

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He Was Late For Curfew

He knows what the rules are in his household, and it's his responsibility to adhere to them. It's not fair for him to act like seeing a movie that cuts it close to curfew is all okay, only to take it out on you when he's late getting home and now might be getting grounded.

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He Has A Fight With His Parents

In addition to curfew rules, disagreements with parents can happen for a whole bunch of reasons, and maybe they don't see eye-to-eye when it comes to dating in general. That's a family situation, and just because you may be the girlfriend, that doesn't make it your fault when there's some kind of disagreement between parents and son at home.

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He Got A Bad Grade

If he insists on studying with you, but seems more interested in flirting while you're busy cracking the books, that's not your fault at all. If he knows he won't really focus around you and won't be productive, then he should also know it could impact his grades. If he isn't putting the work in, it's not fair to somehow turn it around on you just because you were in the area.

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You Can't Make Last-Minute Plans

You are a busy girl, and while you do make time to hang out with the BF, that doesn't mean you can drop your plans at any second to go hang out. When he suggests hanging out at the last minute but you have another obligation, he shouldn't be putting blame on you for ignoring him or prioritizing things over him. It's nice he wants to spend time together, but that's totally unfair to blame you for being selfish for simply having your own schedule.

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He's Broke

It's 2013, and guys definitely don't need to pay all the time on dates - in fact, splitting bills is great to keep couple peace. The annoying thing is if he offers to pay, and then later starts complaining about how you cleaned him out. Ummm, you definitely didn't make him pay! That's just not cool to put forth a favor and then use it against someone.

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Has a boyfriend ever blamed you for something that was totally not your fault? How did you handle it? Tell us in the comments!

Some Dude Unwisely “Advises Guys To Take Caution” When A Girl Has Her Period

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When you’re together with someone for a long time, things can start to change. Something change is good…but sometimes change can be bad. And it’s tough to know the difference. That’s exactly what this week’s video is about. Sara’s helping a girl figure out what to do about a boyfriend who’s change a lot and how to tell when it’s time to move on.

Have you ever dated someone and then been upset when they changed? Tell us in the comments!

Should You Take Him Back?!

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