Flings can be great, but they can get ugly faster than Danny Zuko can wiggle his hips. Bad communication and uneven expectations can turn your summer fling into a summer dud. To save you from this summer becoming your Worst Summer Ever, we’ve rounded up a list of 10 things that you have to know before you have a summer fling.

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Know What You're Getting Into

A fling usually doesn't equate to a long term relationship. It's short, it's fleeting and it's fun. If you treat it like a long term relationship you're missing the point and that'll probably lead to mixed signals

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Make Sure Your Fling Doesn't Already Have A BF/GF

You don't need any unnecessary drama over your summer break. The last thing you want is some scorned lover to tracking you down while your fling plays dumb. Save the drama for the fall.

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Don't Become Someone You're Not

Deciding to take up smoking just because your fling smokes is stupid. Deciding to dress completely different, lying about yourself, and pretending to be someone you're not is even more stupid. Be yourself! If your fling doesn't like it, that's their problem, not yours. You wouldn't want somebody lying to you about who they are, would you?

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Be Cheesy; Do Typical Date Stuff

Go watch 4th of July fireworks, go to a fair or have dinner and a movie. A fling can be more than hooking up, so have more fun with it.

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Don't Hesitate To Talk About STDs

Just because you're having a fling doesn't mean you can't have some serious discussions about staying safe. Don't hesitate to ask if they've been tested or any other relevant questions about their sexual history.

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Remember: Your Fling Has A Life Too

They're going to probably have plenty of their own things going on this summer; family reunions, skateboarding, working at the local library, you name it. Don't light up their cell every time you want to hook up and expect them to revolve their entire schedule around your horn.

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Don't Assume Your Fling Will Want To Continue Your Rendezvous Beyond The Summer

Sure, flings sometimes turn into legit relationships. But just because you hit it off doesn't mean that they're going to want to commit to something serious.

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On The Flip Side, Don't Feel Pressured To Continue A Fling Either

If your fling wants things to continue into the fall and you aren't feeling it, be honest about it. If you want to stay friends, that's cool, but don't be guilt tripped into a relationship you don't want.

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Remember Your Besties

You might have the d or the v on the regular, but that doesn't mean that you should sacrifice your time with your friends. Flings can be temporary, your friendship won't be…well, it might be be if you stop hanging out with them!

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A Fling Doesn't Have To Define Your Summer

Deciding to revolve your entire summer around your fling will lead you on the fast track to "Worst Summer Ever." Don't let this fling dictate your time with your friends, family, and other interests. You want a summer full of a variety, not just your hookups...especially if your fling ends on a low note.

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Have you ever had a summer fling? How do you feel about casual hook ups? Tell us in the comments!

Reader Hookup Confession: My Sticky Hands After My Hookup Totally Embarrassed Me

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]]> http://www.gurl.com/2013/05/22/things-i-wish-i-knew-before-summer-fling/feed/ 0 http://www.gurl.com/2013/05/01/being-friends-with-benefits-relationship-gifs/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=being-friends-with-benefits-relationship-gifs http://www.gurl.com/2013/05/01/being-friends-with-benefits-relationship-gifs/#comments Wed, 01 May 2013 21:43:05 +0000 Jessica Booth http://www.gurl.com/?p=109128 Read More]]> Being in a friends with benefits relationship is super tricky and as much as we all want it to work, it usually doesn’t. I mean, sure, there are those lucky people out there who can hook up with no emotional attachment there. But for most of us, having a FWB usually leads to a pretty messy situation. Whenever hooking up is involved, some sort of feelings will also be involved.

Something a lot of us do is settle for being friends with benefits with a dude we actually like. Trust me, I’ve been there – I’ve so been there. I thought I could handle hooking up with my crushes without wanting to actually date them, but I couldn’t. So, here is what being in a friends with benefits relationship is really like – at least according to my experience. Yes, it’s totally possible for the roles to be reversed, where the dude wants a relationship more than the girl. But these GIFs are based on what has happened to me – and a lot of girls I know.

You meet a super cute guy.

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You guys end up hanging out one day and things are pretty… passionate.

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Before you know it, you guys are always hanging out to hook up.

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You’re super happy about where things are going.

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Then he says he’s not ready for a relationship, but he still wants to hang out. You like him, so you decide to give it a try. 

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You tell yourself this is great – someone to just hook up with, no strings attached!

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At first, things are super fun.

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You tell your concerned BFF that you’re cool with everything. 

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But he only calls to hang out at night.

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It’s fine, though.

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You realize you’re kind of starting to like him. Maybe he’ll change his mind?

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Your friends tell you to ditch him because he’s a loser.

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You insist you’re fine. Things could still work out!

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One day, you see him flirting with another girl.

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A week goes by and he still hasn’t called. Enough is enough! You’re saying something to him.

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When you get mad that he treats you so badly, he just doesn’t get it and he’s all like:

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You realize you really like him, but maybe he doesn’t like you.

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You start to feel like this may not be working out.

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You let yourself be sad… really sad.

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It gets a little intense.

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Your BFF is tries to be sympathetic but kind of fails.

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After a while, you start to wonder why you even got yourself in the situation in the first place.

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When he calls you a few weeks later asking to hang out? You’re like, pssh whatever! Bye! 

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Have you ever been in this kind of situation? Do you like having a friend with benefits? Have you ever had one? Tell me in the comments!

7 reasons why I think being FWB is a terrible idea

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When you get to know a new, cute guy, you probably can’t help wondering at some point, “is he good in bed? Is he a good kisser?” It’s totally normal to want to know what a dude is going to be like when it comes to hooking up, but in order to know for sure, you have to, you know, hook up with him first. Obviously. But if you’re feeling impatient and you want to know that info before you hit the sack, there might be a few ways to tell what kind of hookup he’ll be.

According to Tracey Cox , the sexpert over at The Daily Mail who also provided us with this info, you can tell what kind of a hookup a dude is going to be just by carefully studying some of his actions. Let’s take a look at what she says, shall we?

Pay attention to how he eats. Tracey says that “A good appetite usually means they’ve got a lusty libido to match.” So basically, if your crush eats a lot and really loves eating, that means he’s more passionate in bed. Also, if he’s not willing to try some crazy new food, he’s probably also not willing to try something different in the bedroom.

Focus on how he talks. If he’s one of those guys who’s constantly talking with his hands and getting really into a conversation, he’ll probably get really into hooking up as well. Passion!

Watch them in social situations. If he’s outgoing, that means he’ll be able to tell you what he likes and wants when it comes to hooking up. But if he’s shy and reserved? He’s not going to be great at sexually connecting with you, according to Tracey.

Pay attention to where he sits. Okay, so say you guys go out to dinner or sit together in the cafeteria or something. If he sits facing you and only you, that means he’s focused on you. But if he sits in a perfect people-watching spot, he’s not that into you?

Watch how he touches other people. If he has enjoys his personal space and doesn’t walk around hugging people or whatever, he’s not open to intimacy. Tracey says, “Physical distance often translates to emotional and sexual distance.”

Is this an indication of his hookup skills? | Source: ShutterStock

Look at how he holds your hand. Does he only lightly hold onto your fingertips? Bad sign, girl, bad sign. You’re getting warmer if he’s doing a traditional “palm-to-palm clasp,” but if he does that, don’t think he’ll be spontaneous in bed, because he won’t be. You’ve got a winner if intertwines your fingers together because that’s more erotic.

So, if you carefully study all of those actions, you should be able to determine whether he’s going to be a fun, exciting, passionate hookup… or if he’s going to be lame and shy and boring.

Or maybe you could just wait until you hook up with him to find out for yourself?

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not buying these hookup clues. Okay, yes, some of these things do make sense. It would make sense for an outgoing guy who’s pretty passionate about everything in his life to be just as passionate when it comes to getting down and dirty. But, and this is a very important lesson, that doesn’t mean that always happens. You can be hanging with the most friendly, outgoing dude ever and then hook up with him and find that you’re just not into it. At the same time, you can hook up with a quiet guy who’s just not into holding hands and he could maybe even be the best hookup of your life.

Basically what I’m saying is that you don’t need these clues. Please don’t sit around and study your crush for all of these things and try to figure out whether he’s going to be good in bed or not. First of all, you’ll look a little crazy. Second of all, you could be missing out on something awesome. Maybe he’s nervous and uncomfortable around you because he likes you. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad hookup!

Doing this stuff is essentially judging a book by it’s cover and we’re not down with that at Gurl. What we are down with is giving people a chance to really show you what they can do rather than assuming you know what they’re going to be like based on a few clues you read about online. Trust us on this one – go with your gut, give everyone a fair chance and don’t take these hookup clues seriously.

Would you ever use these clues as a way to tell if a guy is a good hookup? Do you think this is stupid or good advice? Tell me in the comments.

7 ways men know if we’re good in bed

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We’re constantly talking about slut-shaming here – why it sucks and why it needs to stop. One thing we haven’t spoken about as much? Virgin-shaming. As YourTango put it in a recent post, “Is virgin-shaming the new slut-shaming?” Wait, how about there is no new slut-shaming? How about both of these things just go away altogether?

Before I get into my rant, let’s be clear on what virgin-shaming is. It’s basically exactly what it sounds like, which is people making other people ashamed of being a virgin. Or it’s virgins being ashamed that they’re a virgin. Just like slut-shaming, which is people making others feel guilty about the amount of sex they’re having, virgin-shaming is about making other people feel bad about about their choices when it comes to sex. Virgin-shaming happens just as often as slut-shaming, if not sometimes more.

One example of a girl who has dealt with both virgin-shaming and slut-shaming (ridiculous, right?) is Taylor Swift. Tay-tay has dated a decent amount of dudes in Hollywood, which has caused everyone to feel like they have the right to discuss her sex life as if it’s their own. A lot of people slut-shame Taylor for all of the boyfriends she’s had, which just isn’t cool. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating around and if Taylor wants to be with more than just one or two guys in her life, let her! More power to her!

On the flip side, a mysterious source recently called Taylor out on being an antique-loving virgin – and critics ripped her apart for that also. Come on, guys. You can’t make fun of Taylor for being “slutty” and then turn around and make fun of her for being a virgin. I’m not a Taylor fan myself, but I’ve never slut-shamed her or cared about her sex life.

But back to virgin- and slut-shaming. Honestly? I’m over it. It seems like we as a whole just can’t win. If we’re hooking up with too many different people, we get called “slutty,” “skanky,” “trashy,” or a “whore.” If we’re not hooking up with anyone, we get laughed at and teased for being a prude. So which is it exactly that we’re supposed to do? Is there some perfect middle we’re all supposed to be striving for? That’s insane and ridiculous.

Here’s the thing: whether you’re having sex or not, it’s no one else’s business but yours. It’s your decision and no one has the right to make fun of you for it. If you’re not ready to have sex yet, don’t do it just because you’re ashamed of being a virgin. Whether it’s for religious or personal decisions, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You should never push yourself to do something you’re not ready for, especially when it comes to sex.

At the same time, no one should be making fun of girls (because, let’s face it, slut-shaming doesn’t really happen to dudes) for hooking up with a few different people. I don’t care how many guys a girl has been with – that doesn’t give anyone the right to call her a slut. It’s a mean, nasty word and it’s only purpose is to make someone feel bad about themselves. And for what? For enjoying themselves, for having fun or for connecting with another person? That’s something we should have to feel about?

Can we just all agree to stick to our own personal choices and stop caring so much about other people are doing? Someone else’s sex life isn’t for you to talk about and make fun of and judge. And for those of you who think you’re better than other people because you decided to wait until marriage to have sex or because you’re more experienced, guess what? You’re not better than anyone, especially if you’re making fun of others for their sex lives.

Are you sick of virgin-shaming and slut-shaming? Have you ever been shamed for being a virgin or a “slut?” How do you feel about this? Tell us in the comments.

How my mom convinced me I wasn’t a slut

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When it comes to hooking up, does penis size matter? I think we’ve all heard the statement “size doesn’t matter” a few times in our lives, so you would think not, right? But here’s the hard truth, ladies… and especially dudes: according to new research, penis size apparently does matter. 

A recent study looked at 100 women (so, this is super small. Keep that in mind!) and showed them computer-generated images of men with all different sized… junk. The women were then asked to rate how attractive they found each man. What did researchers find? That the size of a man’s penis was the biggest (no pun intended) factor in rating attractiveness. The women were also really into tall and broad-shouldered dudes. 

However – and this is important – proportions were really crucial in this study. Women only found guys with big penises more attractive if the size of their penis was in proportion with the rest of their body. Here’s what I think that means: that short guys with big penises probably weren’t rated as attractive as a tall guy with a big penis, simply because the shorter dude had a penis size that didn’t really match up with the rest of his bod. Make sense? 

I find these sorts of studies to be really interesting. We once wrote about a similar study that found that penis size actually does matter when it comes to vaginal orgasms. Because here’s the thing: both of these studies were really, really small. I mean, 100 women? That’s nothing! I don’t like to make a judgement call on something like this based on what only 100 women have to say.

I think when it comes down to it, the importance of penis size depends on the person – just like with any other preferences towards physical qualities. I don’t think any girl is really running around saying, “I want a dude with a really small penis!” but if you meet someone who you love and care about deeply, then his penis size isn’t going to matter to you as much. And I mean, come on girls – just because a guy isn’t packing a lot in his pants doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to pleasure you. Seriously! It’s unfair to judge a guy based on his penis size, just like it’s unfair for men to judge us girls on our breast size.

The thing that stinks about studies like this is that dudes really do stress over their penis size – and hearing that ladies officially do care makes things harder for them. Guys are even going all out and doing their own penis enhancement, which is just a horrible idea all around. Like I said, it’s not always the size that matters, but it’s what he can do with it. So what if he has a small penis? Give him a chance anyway, because you never know what you could be missing over something so superficial.

Do you care about penis size? How much does it matter to you? Do you think it’s really important during a hookup? Tell me in the comments. 

Can this app tell you how big he is?

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RELAX. Hook ups are totally normal, and you have to embrace the awkwardness that can (and probs will) occur during them. There are some dos and don’ts to hook ups, but there is no scientific formula for the right way to hook up.

That being said, there are definitely helpful things to know beforehand! So click through for your complete guide to having a good hook up!

Want to prepare for some amazing future smooches? These 10 kissing quotes will get you in the mood for any type of smooch, whether it’s a first kiss, a more spontaneous kiss or just something for fun. Check ‘em out and don’t forget to share them on your Tumblr or Facebook!

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Which of these quotes is your favorite? What’s the best thing about kissing to you? What do you want to see quotes about? Tell me in the comments!

10 Inspiring Demi Lovato Quotes

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To help you girls have the best make-out sesh ever, I’ve put together a list of the best ’90s love songs to kiss your boo to. I’m sorry in advance if these spark a bout of nostalgia and instead of swapping spit, you end up swapping memories, but… I’m pretty sure that won’t happen. Because seriously, how can you not make-out to these tunes?! It’s impossible.

Xscape – Just Kickin’ It

Lay back, relax and just kick it with Xscape. After all, “every man wants a woman that can always keep him in the mood.” Or something like that.

R. Kelly – Bump N’ Grind

Guys, seriously… there’s nothing wrong with a little bump n’ grind. Talk to R. Kelly about it.

Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You

This is over-the-top romantic. You should probably only make-out to this if it’s with someone you’ve been dating for a while to avoid any awkward situations. Just sayin’.

Brandy – Sittin’ Up In my Room

Use this song to tell a dude how you feel about him. Or don’t. Just kiss to it. It has a nice beat.

Mariah Carey – Vision Of Love

Super romantic. Put this on and you’ll feel like you HAVE to kiss something. Anything!

Savage Garden – Truly Madly Deeply

True story: I stopped writing this post so that I could listen to this song in it’s entirety two times. Fine, three times.

K-Ci & JoJo – All My Life

This is also a perfect song for slow dancing. I remember from middle school… duh.

Mazzy Star – Fade Into You

This song is pretty intense, not going to lie. But if a dude can handle it… keep making out with him.

Sixpence None The Richer – Kiss Me

Okay, this song really makes me want to dance around. But dance around in the rain and then kiss someone like in the movies, you know?

Boyz II Men – I’ll Make Love To You

I mean… obviously. If you haven’t made out to this at least once in your life, you’re missing out.

All 4 One – I Swear

Another very good slow dance room. Oh! Idea: Slow dance and then kiss. Sigh.

Salt-N-Pepa – Let’s Talk About Sex

For some reason, this song always used to come on when I was alone in the car with my parents. Too awkward for me to do anything else to. But, hey, if it floats your boat…

Aerosmith – I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing

Guys, if you’re not interested in making out, this is a great cuddle song. I bet you didn’t even know those existed (they do).

Backstreet Boys – I’ll Never Break Your Heart

Try not to get too distracted by the out of control outfits and hair in this video and just focus on the song. I know, it’s hard. I know.

Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On

This one should not even need an explanation. Just don’t cry your way through it… like I used to. Just kidding! Not really.

Which of these songs is your favorite? Have you ever made out to any of these? What did I miss? Tell me in the comments! 

Where are they now: forgotten siblings of the ’90s

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One thing’s for sure: you should absolutely not say these 10 things. Saying any of the things in the list we’ve compiled below is either going to a) offend the dude, b) make him think you’re a little crazy or c) both of the above. So, to sidestep any awkward situations, we’ve put together a list of what not to say after sex:

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"I feel SO fat right now."

Guys NEVER want to hear you talk about how you feel fat or how you think you're fat. Never. They especially don't want to hear you talk about it right after you've had sex and you're both naked. It makes them uncomfortable and it also makes them doubt why they hooked up with you in the first place... even if they don't think you're fat. Plus, guys get really turned off by low self-esteem. Oh, and by the way? You don't look fat!

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"Was that good for you? Are you sure? Promise?!"

Once again, this is an issue of low self-esteem... and dudes love confidence in a woman. It's totally normal to wonder how a guy felt about a hookup, but if he's smiling and seems happy, it probably means it felt great. If you want to see how he felt about it, say something like, "Man, that was great!" and see how he responds. But don't ask over and over again if he liked it - you probably wouldn't like that being done to you either.

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"Wow, that was SO much better/worse than my ex!"

Talking about your ex in front of a new guy is never a good idea, and the worst way to do it is by comparing the two of them, even if you're saying the new guy is better. You might think it sounds like a compliment, but it just makes him wonder why you're thinking about your ex at all. Also, it will make him wonder what you're going to say about him in the future...

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"I can't wait to tell my friends about this!"

I feel like a guy's worse fear is finding out you told your friends everything about him, sex-wise. It's totally fine to dish to your BFF's about the dude you hooked up with, but you probably shouldn't tell him you're going to do it.

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"You're a lot smaller than I thought you'd be! No offense."

Ouch. Don't ever tell a guy his penis is small - that's a low blow. If there's one thing I know, it's that guys take their penis size very seriously. In fact, I wouldn't comment on it at all unless he asks. At which point, maybe being honest isn't always the best idea... unless you want to intentionally hurt his feelings.

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"Wanna meet my parents tomorrow?"

There's a time to have The Talk, and right after sex isn't it. Your guy is busy feeling all relaxed and happy, and you're about to totally freak him out. Think about it: would you like to have a ton of pressure put on you at a moment you feel vulnerable? Probably not. Save this question for a better time.

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"That was... fast."

Really, anything negative about the sex doesn't belong in this moment. Insulting a guy about what just went on is just plain mean. If it was bad, then just don't do it again... but there's no need to put him down.

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"So, I think we should just be friends."

While it's super important to be up front about what you want, it's also important to get that out of the way before you do something as intimate as have sex. Don't go into that without letting him know what you're looking for first. That's how people get hurt.

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"I should have brought this up earlier, but I'm seeing someone."

Okay, this is just everyone's worst nightmare. Don't get someone to be "the other man" without even letting him know it's happening. Rude!

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"Are you thinking what I'm thinking? CHEDDAR CHEESE!"

I don't know. This just feels like a really weird thing to say when you're cuddling naked with someone. On the other hand... totally something I would say.

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Have you ever said any of these things? What did we miss? What’s the worst thing a guy has ever said to you after sex? Tell us in the comments!

7 reasons why friends with benefits is a terrible idea

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Play hard to get today, be dating tomorrow? | Source: Shutterstock

Looking for a new honey this holiday? Well, according to the findings of a new four-part study, playing hard to get seems to be a strategy that works if you’re in the market for a relationship.

The study looked at college students, and found that male students looking to enter a relationship were more into girls that put up a hard-to-get front. The female students looking for relationships were like Goldilocks – they wanted a guy who played hard to get; not too much, not too little, but a “jusssstttt right” amount.

When it came for a casual hook-up though, a hard-to-get gal was not what the guys were going for, whereas women were more interested in casually hooking up with a guy who was more of a challenge to get. Eesh, relationships are a confusing game.

One experiment in the study tackled the “why” these college students played hard to get, finding that they were trying to make themselves more desirable to the object of their affection (always want what you can’t have, right?) and to get a sense of their suitor’s commitment to them.

So what about the “how?” A different experiment in the study found that common hard-to-get strategies among the group of students surveyed included “acting confident” and “talking to others.” Overall though, women were more likely to play hard to get, and according to the survey, the ladies did things like “not call” and “not talk a lot” more than the gents. Anyone guilty of these?

Now, just because this study found evidence that playing hard to get could work in your favor if you’re looking to lock down a guy, I thought up a couple things that I think may be considered taking “hard to get” just a litttttle too far:

1. Changing every single one of your contacts – cell phones, emails, profiles, etc. – so the person can’t get in touch with you at all.

2.Legally changing your name so he REALLY has to work to track you down.

3. Physically hiding in completely secluded places. You know, like a game of hide and seek, but he is entirely unaware that he is the seeker.

4. Taking a vow of silence. Even if he asks you a question, just stare blankly back.

5. Transferring schools. Or moving across the country… or to another country!

Whether you want to play hard to get or not, just make sure that when it comes to relationships, you’re doing what feels right for you. Different things feel right to different people, so going with what is best for you is most important!

What do you think about playing hard to get? Has playing hard to get worked for you before? How do you feel when the person you are interested in seems to be playing hard to get? Tell us in the comments!

Does Playing Hard To Get Really Make Guys Like You?

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