Um... now what? | Source: ShutterStock

Does being friends with benefits with someone ever actually work out? This is one of those questions that gets asked over and over again – and usually the answer seems to be a big, fat no. But in reality, it can work sometimes! Can someone just give us a final answer?!

We saw this post about FWB relationships in the message boards, and we wanted to see what you girls thought. Can it work sometimes? Or is being friends with benefits destined to always be a major fail? Read what these girls had to say, then give us your opinions in the comments:

dreamingaboutyou asked:
It’s an opinion post: What do you think about friends with benefits? Why do you think that? Do you know situations, good or bad to share about the outcome of being FWB?

pixie_stix_queen said:
I think FWB is totally awesome as long as you follow the rule of thumb: it only works if you actively DON’T want to be in a relationship with the person. Otherwise the sex combined with the friendship muddles together into feelings and then it gets all messy and hurt-y.

A lot of times, it ends like this. | Source: ShutterStock

amyboox said: (from another thread!)
I have to say that friend with benefits… never works. Unless it’s more like, acquaintances with benefits, having a friend you fool around with will always end up with one person liking the other. It’s much better to stay friends normally.

My opinion? Sorry to say this, but I just don’t think an FWB relationship can ever really work out. There are so many reasons why it’s just way too complicated. When you’re having sex with someone, of course you’re going to develop feelings for them – you’re being super intimate. It’s natural!

I’ve seen (and experienced) so many friends with benefits situations where one person ends up liking the other person, and the feelings aren’t returned. They almost always lead to jealousy, anger and feeling like you’re not good enough. But everyone is different, so if you think you can handle totally casual sex, go for it. But if you think there’s even a small chance of you wanting something more, don’t do it. It’s only going to hurt.

What do you think about friends with benefits? Have you ever seen it work? Have you ever done it? Let us know in the comments!

How do you get out of an FWB mess? Here’s some advice

Don't let it bring you too far down. | Source: CollegeCandy.com

If I could, I would come over there and give you a huge hug. I’m so sorry that your first time wasn’t as special as you wanted it to be – and that this guy turned out to be so disappointing. It stinks when something we’ve always thought about doesn’t happen the way we want it to, but unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes.

Khloe Kardashian has publicly admitted to regretting the way she lost hers | Source: AnythingHollywood.com

Losing your virginity is a big thing for a girl, and I’m sure it seems like everyone around you is losing it in some super special way with a really great dude. In movies and TV shows, it’s all candles, roses and sweet “I love you’s”; but the sad truth is that in real life, it’s usually not like that. The first time having sex is not great for every girl – it can be awkward, disappointing, and messy. So trust me, you’re not alone here.

That being said, what happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Now it’s time to move on from that bad experience and to get over this loser guy who treated you badly. He isn’t worth your time or energy, and he definitely isn’t worth crying over (read my advice on getting over someone for more tips).

The good news is that now you can learn from your mistakes and focus on your next first time with a different dude. Before you have sex with someone new, make sure you have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Don’t jump into sex with anyone else unless you know they love and care about you, and you feel totally comfortable with them. I’m not saying you have to wait until marriage, but just give yourself some time – the first time is important, but that doesn’t mean the second time can’t be just as important.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Next, Heather gives advice on convincing your parents to let you do what you want!

Lose Your Virginity

These two made it work... in the movie. | Source: Tumblr.com

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about friends with benefits relationships. Check it out:

bubblygirl22 said:

How do I get out of a friends with benefits mess? I think we both care a lot about each other, but it’s so complicated. We spend time together just hanging out. But we have sex. Sometimes it’s just a booty call. Sometimes it’s literally just hanging out. But I don’t know what to think of it. I wonder if he thinks of me as more, and worry that he doesn’t. I think I do want more. I am growing attached to him. I feel like I should ‘run away’, get out while I can, but he’s my friend. I can’t run and don’t want to lose him. Yet we’ve both agreed we’re ‘too complicated already to be in a relationship’, though he’s asked me before if that’s all I want or if I want something more… I don’t know what to do.

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl. Give this girl some advice on what she should do right here in the message boards.

If he's like Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids? Get rid of him! | Source: Gawker.com

The first step in getting a guy to show some respect for your relationship is to make him work for sex. Not that he needs to do dog tricks or your Poly Sci paper, but going all the way should be a prize reserved for someone that you’ve come to trust and develop feelings for. And the longer you make him wait, the more invested he’ll become.

After fooling around for a few months – or even weeks, if things are moving quickly – you need to make your desire for exclusivity clear. As I revealed in a previous post, males are biologically wired for sex without strings. So you might need to sweetly, but explicitly, explain that you’re looking for something more than just “friends with benefits.”

He won't commit? Don't let him down there. | Source: Mnn.com

If he’s still avoiding monogomy after that conversation, it’s time to cut him loose. Either something from his past is holding him back (e.g. a lingering ex-, a commitment phobia, etc.), or “he’s just not that into you” (read the book, skip the movie). Plus, if he truly does have affections but has been taking you for granted, once you stop making him a priority (or, even more powerfully, start dating someone else), he’ll come running back faster than Usain Bolt in the 100 meter dash. Conversely, should he appear unfazed by the fact that you’re no longer physically or emotionally available, then you know he wasn’t worth the heartache in the first place.

One word of caution, however: if you decide to move on, make sure you mean it. Doing so simply to make him jealous will only make the situation worse. Break ties for yourself, and not to keep the attention of some dude who, thus far, hasn’t been taking your relationship – or your feelings – seriously. Assuming he does happen to come crawling back, then you can choose whether or not to grant him a second chance. At that point, free to remind him, as a great philosopher of our time once declared, “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”

Good luck!
Ethan

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys actually want to give you oral sex? See what Ethan has to say!

How TO Date Him

Best idea? Stay away from your ex. | Source: CollegeCrush

The short answer, in my honest opinion, is this: absolutely not. No, no, no. Getting into a friends with benefits relationship with anyone rarely works out, and becoming FWB with your ex, especially so soon after your breakup, is almost destined to end in heartbreak. Here’s why:

Have you ever heard the expression ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’? That might sound blunt and a little harsh, but in most cases, it also ends up being very true. It sounds like your ultimate motive here is to get your ex to be in a real relationship with you again. And it sounds like his ultimate motive is to hook up. By agreeing to be FWB with him with no strings attached, you’re giving him exactly what he wants: casual hookups AND complete freedom. He’s getting the best of both worlds, and why would he want to change that?

Vanessa & Zac supposedly tried it... didn't work out. | Source: EOnline

I know it’s hard to hear that, because I know you want to believe that spending time with you again will make him realize he misses you. And while it’s possible, it probably isn’t going to happen. You guys broke up for a reason, and maybe that reason is that you’re not supposed to be together right now. If your ex did want to get back together with you, he would say that. He wouldn’t be asking to be friends with benefits. Guys don’t normally beat around the bush when it comes to their feelings.

The major concern here is how you’re going to end up feeling. You might think you’re okay with casual encounters with your ex, but since you obviously still have feelings for him, it’s only going to hurt you. He won’t be able to give you what you want, and you’ll be compromising yourself for him – that doesn’t sound very fair to you at all, if you ask me.

After a breakup, the best thing to do is to take some time completely apart in order to move on. Hooking up with him randomly is definitely not the way to get over him. I’m not saying you have to fight with this dude, but keep your distance for a little while. If he really, truly misses you, he’ll try to get you back. In the meantime, focus on yourself and what you really deserve.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How do you get over trust issues with guys? Find out.

Friends With Benefits

Blair and Dan tried being just friends... um... didn't work out too well.

It’s one of the biggest debates ever (okay, so maybe not ever, but when it comes to love, definitely): can men and women really just be friends? Some people say that they can’t because there will always be some kind of attraction from at least one person between them. But doesn’t that seem a little bit ridiculous? Shouldn’t a guy and a gURL be able to just be totally platonic without wanting to hook up? We started thinking about it after seeing this post in the message boards, and we want to know what you think. Check out these opinions and then tell us your own in the comments.

maemaeandjose asked:
I been thinking about this whole topic of can men and women be just friends? Of course there or exception  to the rule, but I mean in general?

phunky-fresh replied, saying:
I think that at one point in time one person thinks of the other as more than just a friend. I’m not talking about having full on feelings but just a random thought that crosses their minds. It’s normal; you are two people from the opposite sex that are obviously attracted to each other in some way and that’s how you ended up as friends in the first place. No matter how close you are with someone it doesn’t mean they are going to just openly tell you, especially if they aren’t sure you are thinking the same, some people keep it hidden and then eventually the feelings fade. It happens, sometimes people are in denial and would like to think this isn’t the case.

But Alex and Meredith make it work!

a_wolves_spirit replied, saying:
Yes. I don’t understand why people have such a problem with this. You don’t “have” to have sex with every person of the other sex. You can, but just because they’re the opposite sex of you doesn’t mean you WILL.

So what do we have to say about this? Well, this kind of thing really depends on your situation. Sometimes it definitely seems like it’s not possible, but in the end we’d like to think that it is. It might sometimes (or most of the time) turn into something more, but there are plenty of people who can just be friends without hooking up. In our opinion, yeah, guys and gURLs can and should just be friends.

WDYT, gURLs? Who do you agree with the most? Have you had any kind of experience with this? Tell us in the comments.

Mila Kunis
Mila Kunis

Next week, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake‘s new movie Friends With Benefits will hit theaters. But just because Mila plays a FWB, that doesn’t mean she’s ever actually been one herself.

And she doesn’t want one, either.

According to Teen.com Mila told GQ, “I can give you my stance on it: It’s like communism—good in theory, in execution it fails. Friends of mine have done it, and it never ends well. Why do people put themselves through that torture?”

What do you gURLs think? Do you agree with Mila Kunis, or do you think a friends with benefits relationship can work? Discuss!

Look familiar?

If you feel like you’ve already seen the movie Friends With Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, that’s probably because you already kind of did –  it’s almost the exact same freakin’ movie as No Strings Attached, which starred Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

|Have you ever done the friends with benefits thing? Tell us your story on the Shout Out Boards.|

Both movies have pretty much the exact same story line and some scenes are almost identical to each other.

Don’t believe us? Check out this really clever mash-up video of both movies trailers, which will show you exactly what we’re talking about:

WDYT, gURLs? Are you going to see Friends With Benefits? Are you totally over this story line? Discuss!

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it's innocent now... but can it be more?

In honor of her new book Ask Elizabeth, Elizabeth Berkley (aka Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell!) is here to answer your questions about life, love and more. Check out her advice all week, and look out for your chance to win a copy of her book on Friday, May 6! Now, on to your questions.

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!