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10 Reasons I’m Glad My Ex Is Happy

Caitlin Corsetti — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:16:22 +0000

Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general. Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

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Someone Stole My Picture For Their Online Dating Profile!

Shallon Lester — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 20:56:33 +0000

Source: MTV

I’m completely addicted to the show Catfish–where two filmmakers help lovelorn people figure out if their online crushes are actually real people–but I never thought I’d get Catfished IRL.

Lemme ‘splain.

A few weeks ago one of my Twitter followers told me that someone was using my image on their OkCupid profile.

Confession time: once upon a time I did some online dating. So I figured that my loyal Tweep had just stumbled upon a profile I’d neglected to delete and now I’d have to explain that I online dated.

I prepared to be awash in embarrassment (because even though online dating is totally normal, it’s not something I’m completely comfortable talking about)…until I clicked the link…

Source: OkCupid.com

OMFG! WTF? R U KIDDING ME?!?! That would be my author picture for my last book, Exes and Ohs, and that was most definitely not my OkCupid profile because I don’t have an OkCupid profile. Absolute panic washed over me. Was I creeped out? Flattered? Furious? All of the above! I mean great she thought I was cute enough to use for her (assume it is a her) profile but HELLO! That’s me! And I instantly thought about who she’s out there duping. Is she Catfishing someone with my picture? That’s horrible! I don’t want to be a part of someone getting crushed because they fell for an online mirage.

Source: MTV

My next big question was: is she using my entire life–not just my pic–as a template for her own? I clicked around her page and noticed that there wasn’t much Shallon-ness to be found. Her occupation was listed as an outlet mall manager, and she didn’t seem to have any hobbies or interests. Besides ganking other people’s photos, obviously.

Another thing that bugged me was the username. Shorty_22? Do I look like I use the word shorty? I am not Justin Bieber, people. Um NOR AM I 34. Like, not even close.

I sent the site an email asking them to remove the profile or at least the picture, but in the meantime, I took matters into my own hands and made a fake profile of a dude to try and Catfish her right back!

My guy friend Matt helped me fill out the rest of the profile (I SO WISH I’d screencapped it, curses!) but basically I talked about my love of race cars and how I had a dog named Pistachio. I decided to name him Jarret. Then I sent Shorty_22 a message, which was kind of the strangest part about this whole saga: trying to hit on a girl, as a guy.

Being a girl, I always assume that it’s so easy to chat up a female–just say hi! Compliment her! Be yourself!–but when you’re the one doing it, it’s confusing. And I’m not even actually a guy! And I don’t even know/like this Shorty_22! How is this my life? Anyway. After about 10 attempts and rewrites, wracking my brain about what I liked to hear when I was online dating, I wrote:
What’s up, saw your profile and thought you have a great smile Did you grow up in NV? I’m born and bred but I try to travel a lot, see what else is out there. How about yourself? Hope you’re having a great week!

I felt so lame. Not just because Fake Jarret was hitting on Fake Shallon but because he was doing it so clumsily.

Sadly, Shorty never responded. OH I’M SORRY FAKE SHALLON, IS JARRET STOLL NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? And what about poor Pistachio?

About a week later, OkCupid removed Shorty_22’s profile so I deleted Fake Jarret’s account too–the last thing I wanted was some poor girl to fall in love with a Catfish.

All in all, as irked as I was that someone had stolen my pic, I felt really sad for that person. Whoever they are IRL can’t be so bad that they need to invent a whole new person. I’m sure that Shorty_22 is a perfectly nice, lovable girl who will DEF have better luck in life if she just owns who she is.

Love is like sales–if you don’t believe in your own product, how can you expect anyone else to buy what you’re selling? Hopefully, whoever Shorty_22 really is learned her lesson and stuck to the truth when it comes to online dating–and stays far away from my photos!

Have you ever pretended to be someone you’re not online? What would you do if you found out that someone stole your pic? Let me know in the comments!

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Can Men and Women Ever Be Just Friends? New Research Says Nope

Jessica Booth — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 18:59:18 +0000

Just friends? I don’t buy it. | Source: ShutterStock

This is a proud day because science has finally proven me right. Finally! Finally. I have always said that men and women can’t be just friends without at least one person crushing on the other person, and now new research has backed me up. It’s pretty much official, girls: researchers have stated that guys and gals can’t be simply friends without the opportunity for “romance” hanging out and waiting in the corner.

I know plenty of people are going to disagree with both me and these researchers on this. I’m sure there are tons of you who have guy friends who you would never dream of hooking up with or dating officially. But let’s face it, do you really know how they honestly feel about you? Because here’s the thing: as I’ve always suspected, men think about opposite-sex friendships much differently than women do.

This study looked at 88 pairs of opposite-sex friends and discovered that the majority of men were attracted to their female friends. The majority of men believed that their female friends were attracted to them also – but those guys were wrong. It turns out that majority of women were not attracted to their male friends and also had no idea that their male friends were attracted to them.

I’m not saying that I don’t think men and women can be friends at all. I do! I just think that in these friendships, one person is always going to have more than platonic feelings for the other person. Maybe your guy friend secretly thinks you’re hot and sort of wants to get in your pants. Maybe if the opportunity presented itself, he would take the chance of full on dating you.

Why do I feel this way? I’ve seen the evidence way too many times, and I’ve also discussed this with plenty of dudes who have agreed with me. Most guys I talk to about it say basically the same thing: they would date and/or hook up with any of their female friends if given the chance. Even our resident guy expert Ethan pretty much agrees! Do you know how many times I’ve heard dudes say that it’s not possible for girls to be friend-zoned because their friend would always be willing to try to take things to another level?

It’s also happened to me on numerous occasions. When I used to waitress, I was friends with most of the guys that I worked with. At work, we joked around and also talked about more serious stuff; after work, we hung out together with everyone else and had a good time. I had zero romantic interest in most of these guys. Almost all of them ended up hitting on me at one point or another. It was super disappointing, because I really wanted to believe that we could be just friends without having any awkward romantic situations going on. And I’m not trying to sound cocky, like it only happens to me – no, I’ve watched it happen to all of my girl friends at one point or another.

So what’s the definitive answer on this? Based on this research, it seems like guys are more likely than women to have romantic feelings for their opposite-sex friend. And while they might not come right out and say that they have a crush or that they would be willing to hook up, they would take things to that level if they had the chance.

But keep in mind that this research was only done on a small group of people. This doesn’t mean that every single guy out there thinks his female friend is hot. It doesn’t mean that there is no girl ever who feels friend-zoned by a guy. Still, I find myself pretty convinced: unless someone can prove otherwise, I truly don’t think guys and girls can be just friends without one of them sort of crushing on the other person.

What do you think – can guys and girls be just friends? Have you ever been in a totally platonic friendship with a guy? Do you agree or disagree with this study? Have you ever been friend-zoned? Tell me in the comments.

Is there a link between food and love?

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Is There A Link Between Relationships And Gaining Weight?

Jessica Booth — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:35:47 +0000

Source: ShutterStock

When I was in high school, I dated a guy for about five years ( I know). As silly as it sounds, I barely ate in front of him when we first got together. I avoided dinner dates and stuck to “lady-like” foods like salads or picking at fruits when I was forced to eat so that I didn’t pass out. It was ridiculous.

As we got closer and more comfortable with each other, I let my guard down and actually started eating in front of him. My ex was relatively thin and could pretty much eat whatever he wanted without having to worry about gaining a pound. Me, not so much. Once I felt stable in our relationship, I started eating a lot. Like a lot. I figured, why should I care so much about my appearance? My guy loves me the way I am and he’s not going to leave me if I go up a few pounds.

Obviously, I gained a bunch of weight – and while my ex never said anything, it bugged me. I wondered if I was the only one who had gained weight once they were in a relationship, and I quickly figured out that I wasn’t. Over the years, I’ve watched many, many girl friends spend their single lives dieting like crazy, only to get into a relationship and gain all of that weight, and more, back. I’ve watched cousins get married and pack on the pounds. Basically, I’ve seen people literally transform once they get into a long-term relationship.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with gaining a little weight. It happens. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over. But I’ve always wondered: is there really a link between food and relationships? And apparently, yes, there is.

The Huffington Post recently spoke to a psychology professor Maryanne Fisher, who has done a little research on the subject. According to Maryanne, food and love are sort of linked in your brain. She says that in the beginning of a relationship, “Food is a way to display skills to a potential mate. You might buy nicer food, prepare better meals. It’s fascinating how it can be used as part of the relationship.”

TOTALLY TRUE. At least according to my love life. When I first started dating my current BF, I wouldn’t touch greasy chips or fries or candy in front of him – I wanted him to think I only ate healthy foods that are good for you. Why? I don’t know. I once watched my boyfriend wash down two jumbo Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with a bag of BBQ pork rinds, so I don’t know why I felt the need to lie about my own eating habits.

Maryanne goes on to say that in the beginning of a relationship, people tend to eat less due to the fact that they release an abundance of “reward hormones”. These hormones make you happy and give you energy, and can sometimes suppress your appetite.

However, those hormones don’t stay up throughout the entire course of a relationship. The levels go up and down, and in extreme cases they can even cause obesity. Many other studies have found that people who are married or in long-term relationships are more likely to gain weight. Why? I can only imagine that it’s for the same reasons I gained weight: you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship and you don’t really feel like you have anyone to impress anymore. So you let things slide.

This all makes total sense to me and I’m sure it’s something that a lot of us can relate to. So I want to know: have you ever gained weight during the course of a relationship? Have you ever seen friends do it? Tell me in the comments!

If you’re slightly overweight, you may live longer

What You’re REALLY Thinking When Your Crush Rejects You

Shallon Lester — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:00:04 +0000

Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you back is definitely maybe the worst feeling in the world. But even more terrible is having to pretend you aren’t completely crushed. And even more terrible-er? The fibs you come up with to keep up the act. Here’s what we know you’re thinking when you get negged by your crush.

The School Dance

She said: Ask Luke to Sadie Hawkins? Pfft nah I don’t want to be tied to one guy all night long, let’s just to a big girls group!

She meant: I already oh-so-casually brought the dance up to him and he mumbled something about a big guys group. FML.

Over Text

She said: Haha omg I was kidddinnngggg it was just an emoji!

She meant: Well. If he didn’t appreciate a kissyface emojicon over text I guess he won’t like one IRL. Excuse me while I bury my phone—and possibly myself—in the backyard so I’ll never text something so pathetic again.

When He Talks About Another Girl

She said: Oh yeah, Allie is, like, soooo cool. If you’re into, ya know, boobs and long blonde hair and all that…

She meant: I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. I’ll think of a reason later.

When You Try to Flirt

She said: My eye? Yeah uh guess my contact is all wonky or something…

She meant: That was supposed to be a wink. Great. I probably look like I was having some sort of seizure. SEXY.

When You See Him on a Date With Someone Else

She said: OMG you guys I soooo don’t care. It was just a “no.” I’ve heard that word before. I’ll BRB, bathroom.

She meant: WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME! I can actually feel my heart breaking in half. I’m going to lock myself in the stall for the next 20 minutes and weep. Then pretend I had an allergy attack.

When He Says You’re Like a Sister To Him

She said: Haha umm thanks bro…

True story: One of Gurl’s writers rejected Adam Levine!

She meant: I’m sure this is how Prince William described Kate when he first fell for her right, RIGHT?!

Ever been rejected by a crush? How did you handle it? With a little lie or two? Let us know in the comments.

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I Was A Victim Of Dating Violence–Without Warning!

Jessica Sager — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 20:12:19 +0000

This happened to me. In public. WTF?! | Source: Shutterstock

I met Derek at a friend’s party. He was pretty cute–he sorta looked like a blond Tyson Ritter. We hit it off and made each other laugh, so we exchanged numbers and I agreed to go out with him later that week.

Our first date went well, though he was a bit showy and a little loud for my taste, but I attributed that to nerves. On paper, he was rad: Cute, funny, studying to be an engineer, polite and he had a motorcycle. (I love riding). I went out with him two more times to feel everything out and decide whether or not I liked him. On the third date, I decided I really didn’t like him.

We were waiting to get seated at a restaurant, so we sat at the bar watching some of the TVs and chatting when some guy friends of mine that I hadn’t seen in forever walked in and made a beeline for us. There was nothing romantic going on between any of these dudes and me–they were pals I’d had for years.

I hugged everyone hello and introduced them to Derek, and we all talked for a bit. Realizing I was on a date, my dude friends kindly started to leave for another section. They’d just turned around and started walking when Derek decided he wasn’t getting enough attention–and slapped me in the face.

I was more stunned than anything else, because, well, there was no warning. We weren’t play fighting. We weren’t really fighting. No one forgot a safe word. It was out of nowhere.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and was just like, “Wait. You just did what?”

Derek responded by laughing–and then hitting me again on the other side of my face. By then, I’d run out of cheeks–of that kind, at least–to turn. I was still somewhat stunned, but I was coherent enough to know I needed to get the hell out of there.

I’m not sure how no one else saw what happened (he likely timed it strategically), or if no one just wanted to get involved, but that didn’t matter to me at the time. I left Derek sitting at the bar, caught up with my guy friends, and we left together. I didn’t even tell them what happened until we were far enough away that they wouldn’t turn their cars around and go to kick the crap out of him. I didn’t go to the cops or anything, though it probably would have prevented him from pulling that crap with someone else if I did. Plus, since no one did anything when it happened, I figured it’d be my word against his. At the time, I just wanted to get out.

In retrospect–hindsight’s always 20/20, right?–I can sort of see some signs. He was very “me me me,” and one of my girlfriends said he seemed a bit off. Still, a lot of the traditional dating violence signs–isolating you from your loved ones, negging you to the point that you think you’re worthless without him–weren’t there. Yet. Then again, it was only date three. Who knows what could have went down if I stuck around longer?

Have you ever been involved in dating violence? What would you do if you witnessed dating violence while you were out? Tell us in the comments!

Dating violence can effect you long after it’s over!

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The Meanest Thing I’ve Ever Done to an Ex

Shallon Lester — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:38:29 +0000

At first glance, dating a guy’s idol doesn’t seem all that cruel at all. But think about how you would feel if your ex rebounded with whoever’s poster happens to be on your bedroom wall. Do you want to picture your ex with, say, Taylor Swift or Rihanna? Horrible, right?

I know. And that’s exactly why I dated my ex-boyfriend’s hero.

J was probably the worst boyfriend to ever walk planet earth. He seemed to completely hate having me around. He refused to hold hands with me in public, cheated and one time let me walk into the street knowing an oncoming cab was speeding towards me.

“I was curious if you’d see it coming or not,” he shrugged after. I think he may have been a sociopath.

But as soulless as J was, he loved one thing: Athlete X. I won’t say his name, but he’s a pro hockey player and J was beyond obsessed with hockey. I’d grown up playing hockey actually but by the time J and I dated, I’d forgotten all about the sport and didn’t care one bit. That didn’t stop J from gushing about Athlete X and his latest stats and game and even his equipment. Athlete X was like the third party in our relationship–unless of course you count all the girls he cheated on me with. Loser.

Eventually, I found a pair of panties in his bed. Ugly panties, too. And finally, finally, FINALLY broke up with him. Flash forward two months–I was an editor for a men’s magazine when my coworker casually mentioned that he was interviewing Athlete X.

“OMG Athlete X!” I chirped, jumping up from my chair, gushing about how much I loved him and rattling off his stats. No one in the office had ever heard me say boo about sports until that moment, and here I was rattling off info about Athlete X that I didn’t even realize I knew.

The 10 Worst Things Dudes Have Ever Said On A First Date

“Well maybe I’ll set you two up!” chucked my coworker–and he did. Later that night I get a text from Athlete X! One thing lead to another and we began talking, then hanging out, then full on dating. At first, I was only doing it to spite J and oh, I made sure that he knew. Cryptic Facebook posts, vague Tweets about Athlete X’s team, an Instagram pic of X’s jersey number doodled on my hand inside a heart–oh yes. J knew. And it worked.

“You f’ing BITCH,” he wrote in a scathing email out of nowhere. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing but STAY AWAY FROM ATHLETE X!” You’d think I was sleeping with his wife or something.

I can’t lie–I felt kind of guilty and icky. I wondered if by dating Athlete X, who was terribly foxy, I had ensured that J and I could never be friends or even bump into each other and have a pleasant catch-up convo.

Then I came to my senses and realized that it was J’s crapbag behavior that had started this whole thing–all I’d done is finished it.

What do you think–is this the meanest thing you’ve heard of a girl doing to an ex? Was I totally wrong to rub Athlete X in J’s face? Or is all fair in love, war and professional sports? Tell me in the comments.

Reader Hookup Confession: I Got My Period At The Worst Time!

Gurl Confessions — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 23:00:32 +0000

Source: ShutterStock

If there’s one thing girls can always bond about, it’s an embarrassing hookup story. Trust us: we all have them. So don’t be shy! Read this OMG reader hook-up confession, and then send your own to confession@gurl.com.

I was hanging out with my boyfriend one day when we started hooking up (obviously). Things were going really great and we were both really into it. Up until then, we had only made out and touched each other over our clothes, but this time, we went a little further.

He started to finger me and I was really enjoying it. Everything was awesome – until he stopped. When he pulled his hand away, his fingers were covered in blood. At first I thought something had happened, but then I realized that I must have gotten my period in the middle of our hookup session.

We were both so horrified that we couldn’t even look at each for five minutes. I was so embarrassed that I almost started crying. The worst part? It felt amazing.

Do you think you can top this confession? Send your hook-up confessions to confession@gurl.com. Don’t worry: they’re totally anonymous.