I liked the idea of Duckie with Andie together when I watched Pretty In Pink, too. But can we please stop using this phrase? | © Paramount Pictures

Last week, we made a post rounding up some of our favorite 90s fictional characters who were stuck in the friend zone. You all had a lot to say about the term and most of you expressed how much you hated it.

Well, guess what: I hate it too. And if you don’t hate it or don’t see why it is a problematic phrase, maybe these reasons will change your mind.

1) It’s sexist.

Let me guess, this is the moment when the skeptics scoff and ask, “how is this sexist?” or say, “girls can be in the friend zone too!” or shout,”this is why I hate feminism!” Look, sure, technically a girl can be in the friend zone. But get real: How often do you hear this term used to refer to girls? Seriously, think about it. Nine times out of 10 you will hear “friend zone” used to talk about some poor, rejected straight dude who is in love with a friend who is a girl who doesn’t “like him, like him.” Chances are, he’ll consider himself a “nice guy” as well. Yikes!

2)  It’s male entitlement in a nutshell.

Anytime a guy is in the friend zone, there is this ridiculous assumption made that this guy has been wronged. How dare this girl not have romantic feelings for them? How dare they find interest in other people when this young man has been such a great friend? Give me a break! Just because a guy likes a girl who he is friends with, that doesn’t give him any kind of claim to her. She’s not property, she’s a human being with her own feelings and those feelings don’t include wanting that guy in her pants.

Snape was totally friend zoned! Except for the fact that he was the one who ruined his friendship with Lily…but facts don’t matter in the friend zone, and neither do women’s feelings. The only thing that matters is man pain, and in friend zone land, Lily is a bitch for not falling in love with him! | © Warner Brothers

3) It is used to makes girls look like “bitches” for no reason.

Of course, because we have to think about the feelings of the poor, lovelorn boy, we’re supposed to view the girl who doesn’t return his feelings as some kind of bitch. And if she has feelings for somebody else–especially somebody that our poor, dejected, friend zone poster boy doesn’t like–she is upgraded to a heartless bitch. The problem is that we are socialized to take men’s needs and feelings far more seriously than women’s. Think about it! Think about the media you consume; the books, television, and movies. Think about how fans coo over rejected boys and feel so sorry for them and yet view lovesick girls as annoying and desperate.

4) It’s really just unrequited love, but whinier.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that liking somebody who doesn’t like you sucks, whether you’re a boy or a girl, gay or straight or everything in-between. Nobody wants to be in that position, especially when a friend is involved. But when we get so invested in referring to those situations as friend zones, there is an added level of unnecessary vitriol and nastiness. Why do we think it is okay for people to wallow in that kind of passive aggressive nonsense? If a romance with a friend doesn’t work out, or doesn’t look like it is going to work out, preservation of the relationship is paramount. And trust me, ladies: If a guy thinks that you friend zoned him and suddenly hates you and doesn’t want anything to do with you, then you were’t really his friend at all, you were the endgame.

5) I just hate the phrase.

The only zones that we should care about are parking zones and erogenous zones. Friend zones are the last thing that any of us should have to worry about. Life is just too short, y’all.

What do you think about the term “Friend Zone?” Do you think that it is used too often? Is it sexist? Tell us in the comments!

My Date With A “Nice Guy” Ended In Disaster!

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This week on the message boards, y’all are talking about signs that he likes you. There are a lot of ways to tell, so let’s see what you had to say first.

Nessinha said:
“It usually depends on the guy and his personality. In general you could try looking for these: – he looks at you a lot; maybe turns away when you catch him looking or holds your stare. sometimes he might just try not to look at you and it gets too obvious because he will look anywhere but directly at you – he smiles a lot at you or at the things you say – he teases you and makes fun of little things, but isn’t aggressive about it. – he may try to get your attention by talking louder and laughing a lot when you’re in view – he’ll find excuses to touch you or to get close to you in various occasions – his friends might look at you a lot too.”

MEEE888 said:
Look at his body language. When talking to him pay attention to his eyes if his pupils become bigger it means that they like what they see. Also, if you two are sitting next to each other look at his knees, if they are pointed towards you it means that he is interested in what you have to say. And with some guys when you see them with there hands in there pocket it is kind of an instinct, and they are basically pointing at their **yoohooo** if that makes sense to you in a way. If they seem to be bored, and this is kind of iffy, possibly not because they would be interested in anything you have to say.. If they make an effort to get to you then they could. But sometimes it could just mean that they are really friendly so don’t automatically assume.

sanvean17 said:
“If his girlfriend hates you.”

Okay, I wouldn’t say that if his girlfriend hates you it means that he likes you. And if he has a girlfriend, he’s off limits! I just had to address that.

Yes, there are a lot of ways to tell if a guy likes you! But mostly, it does depend on the guy. If a guy is going out of his way to talk to you and be around you, it’s a pretty safe bet that he’s interested. Body language can be a good identifier, but it’s not always accurate. Some guys are really touchy and others aren’t so you have to use your judgement.

Some guys are shy and might not give you a lot of signs that they like you, while other guys might be really flirtatious so it can be hard to tell. But from my experience, if he always wants to be around you, constantly talks to you (whether texting or otherwise) and always asks you to hang out, he’s into you.

And if he asks you out or makes a move, well then you know he likes you as more than a friend!

What do you think are signs that he likes you? Do you have any specific ways to tell? Tell us in the comments!
 

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

What should you do if your boyfriend is bad at sex?

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I’ve gone through my share of breakups. With some, I relied heavily on ice cream. With others, I resorted to whole packs of Oreos at one time, which I have absolutely no shame about. Sometimes I watch sad movies, sometimes I try to empower myself with strong female leads. Every breakup is different, but they’re all tough.

It’s just hard to get over someone that you care about! But it can be done whether you have an emergency breakup kit or not. Regardless of how long it takes you to get over a breakup, you definitely go through several stages.

Let’s talk about the stages of getting over a breakup.

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Denial

You just don't even think the breakup is real. You think it's a really terrible dream and when you wake up tomorrow, everything will be back to normal.

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Confusion

The breakup just doesn't even make sense to you. Like...y'all were fine last week. It doesn't add up at all in your brain.

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What Is Wrong With Me?

You start thinking that something is horribly wrong with you and that no one will love you again ever for the rest of your life. You pick yourself apart and nag yourself for every single one of your flaws, no matter how small they are.

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Wallowing

You completely break down and post up in your room with tissues, Ben & Jerry's, movies about love and your dog. And you just cry and cry until you can't cry anymore. Or until you run out of ice cream.

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Anger

You finally move past sad and onto mad. You hate your ex and think about every stupid fight you had and how much he sucks.

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Relapse

But then you realize you miss your ex and his wonderful face and his soul and the way his lip curls up even when he's not smiling and then you want to crawl in a hole. I've totally never done this before...

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Girl Power

You surround yourself with your friends and vow that you don't need a guy! You need your friends and nail polish and girl-power movies like Legally Blonde.

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Moving On

You finally are able to get some closure and move past your ex. Whether you stay single for a while or start dating someone new, you're finally over the breakup and don't think about him 24/7.

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Have you been through these stages during a breakup? Are there any that you’d add to the list? Tell us in the comments!
 

You should listen to these songs to get your ex off your mind

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If there’s one thing girls can always bond about, it’s an embarrassing hookup story. Trust us: we all have them. So don’t be shy! Read this OMG reader hook-up confession, and then send your own to confession@gurl.com

One weekend, I went to visit my best friend at the college she was living at. She was trying to hook up with her crush and since I didn’t want to be a third wheel, she decided to set me up with one of her guy friends. The night we hung out, we were having a lot of fun – her guy friend who she was setting me up with was kind of shy, but he seemed pretty cool.

Towards the end of the night, we went to my BFF’s crush’s dorm room to hang out. After a little while, she started getting cozy on the couch with her crush. We started feeling a little awkward, so her guy friend took me into his room and we started to hook up. It got to the point where he had all of his clothes on, but all of mine were off (don’t ask me how that happened). Things were getting super heated when, out of nowhere, my best friend opened the door and walked in on me naked on top of him. He got really, really embarrassed and won’t talk to either of us anymore. And it’s not even like he was the one who was naked!

Do you think you can top this confession? Send your hook-up confessions to confession@gurl.com. Don’t worry: they’re totally anonymous.

Read more hilarious hookup confessions here!

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She was wearing leggings, a tank top and a flannel button down. For the record, it doesn’t matter what she was wearing. She could have been wearing a see through dress and that comment still would have been so completely out of line. The officer’s comments were so wrong and inappropriate.

Fortunately, the TSA and LAX authorities are working with Mr. and Mrs. Frauenfelder and launching an investigation due to this horrendously bad behavior. A friend, Maureen Herman, wrote a response on Facebook, “‘Cover up’ is a dangerous cultural attitude that fuels more than rude comments. It’s the foundation of the oppression of women, rape culture (‘she was asking for it’), and the drive for reproductive control of women’s bodies.”

The agent said “cover up” in regards to this outfit. Really? Source: Boing Boing

I couldn’t agree more. No matter what a woman wears, it does not give anyone the right to harass her or tell her to put on more clothes. It is a terribly dangerous attitude and quite frankly, it’s really annoying.

This weekend, I wore one of those American Apparel bodysuits that has a mesh insert with some flowy pants. It’s not any more revealing than many of my v-neck shirts or low cut tops. And yet when I wore that out, people felt the need to comment. While walking down the street I had men shouting “BOOBIES!” at me like they were small children who just discovered the word “boobs” for the first time. I had girls who were with their boyfriends mumble rude remarks under their breath as I walked by.

And you know what? I wasn’t “asking for it.” I wore an outfit that I felt great in and that is no reason for anyone to harass me for it. I, like this 15-year-old girl, wore outfits that we wanted to wear. She apparently was not wearing enough while I, according to a lot of gross guys I walked by, should have taken more off.

I am so sick of this kind of behavior. What someone wears is their choice. I have never yelled at a stranger regarding their fashion choices except to ask where they got their outfit because I really liked what they had on. Why do people believe they have the right to tell someone what they should or should not be wearing?

It’s disgusting that now, in 2013, I can’t walk down the street in an outfit that I love without someone making a comment. Or that in 2013, a 15-year-old girl is harassed by a supposed professional for her outfit.

What you wear is YOUR business and not anyone else’s. You are not “asking for it” and you do not need to “cover up.”

So the next time you put on an outfit and worry that people will say something about it, don’t change. If you like it, you should wear it. Period, end of story, BYE.
 
Do you think your outfit means you’re “asking for it”? Has someone ever told you to cover up? Tell us in the comments!
 

Here are some responses to street harassment that I crafted

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The HappyPlayTime mascot!

There are a lot of amazing apps out there (my favorites are currently Candy Crush and Vine), but this new one just might be the best app I’ve ever heard of: it’s called HappyPlayTime and it’s about female masturbation. Yes, you read that right. HappyPlayTime is a masturbation app for girls, complete with games, info, facts and even lessons on how to masturbate. Was this app made for Gurl.com? Because, um, I feel like it was.

HappyPlayTime was created by designer Tina Gong in an effort to get rid of the stigma surrounding female masturbation. Because, as I’m sure you guys already know, female masturbation isn’t something that everyone talks about. While most dudes have no problem talking about how much they jerk off or letting other people know that they just rubbed one out, the same can’t be said for us ladies. TV shows and movies constantly reference guys masturbating or even show scenes of guys masturbating – but how often do they do the same with women? You rarely see that, just like you rarely hear anyone talking about women masturbating.

But, hello – we totally masturbate and we love it just as much as guys do! So why can’t we talk about it? Why is the subject of female masturbation so taboo? Tina Gong doesn’t understand either, which is why she created HappyPlayTime. As the website says, “Loving your body, in every way, is not a sin. No more shame, no more secrets. Happy is on a mission: to free the world from a silly social stigma.”

Tina made HappyPlayTime into a fun, lighthearted app purposely – she specifically did not want any discussion about female masturbation to become too serious. As Tina told Gamification.com, “Teaching an anatomy lesson with a mission to educate about female masturbation is too much of a serious topic when taught in the traditional education model.”

To give off a playful vibe, HappyPlayTime’s mascot is an adorable personification of a vagina (see it?). The whole app revolves around silly little games that are also masturbation techniques. For example, it shows you where the clitoris is and then instructs you to make little circles on it (check out the image below). At the end, you get a “fantastically funny and wacky climax,” according to Gamification. Seriously, why didn’t we think of this app first?

In general, HappyPlayTime makes masturbation fun and easy to talk about. Think about it – talking about masturbation in terms of an app doesn’t seem so scary, right? That was exactly Tina”s point, which I think makes total sense. As Tina explained to Gamification, “If users can pick up the game, play it, laugh and share it with their friends, then the inherent taboo surrounding the conversation about female masturbation has been lifted; you don’t need to bash your beliefs over the heads of your players in order to make a point. By representing the whole process around a lighthearted and comical character and games, the masturbation topic at hand is easier to discuss.”

Another really awesome thing about HappyPlayTime is that it offers up some seriously interesting masturbation facts. According to the infograph on the website, 44.4 percent of women started masturbating between the ages of 10-14-years-old. The infograph also points out that women who began masturbating during adolescence less arousal difficulties and more orgasms during sexual intercourse.

I think this app is really, really great. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop singing it’s praises all morning. As I’ve written about before, I was once terrified of masturbation because I thought it would send me to hell (true story). I know firsthand how taboo female masturbation can be and that’s sad. As we’ve pointed out a million times here on Gurl, masturbation is fun, it’s healthy, it’s normal and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. I’m all for anything that aims to make female masturbation less taboo, especially if it’s accompanied by a cute little vagina themed mascot.

Unfortunately, HappyPlayTime isn’t available to download just yet, but Tina is hoping for a summer release of an alpha version. In the meantime, you can subscribe to the newsletter to stay updated on what’s going on.

Are you planning on downloading HappyPlayTime when it’s available? Do you think this is a good or bad idea? Do you hate how taboo female masturbation is? Tell me in the comments!

Is it okay to masturbate every day?

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Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, our girls are talking about if you’re the third wheel in a best friend triangle:

treblegirl3418 said:

“Since I moved to secondary school, I have been close friends with A and L. For the past three years A and L have been my closest friends.

Some background info: I don’t find it hard to make friends as I’m easy to talk to and am friends with pretty much everyone at school, but I do find it very hard to trust people and therefore never really develop trusting friendships etc. I am confident in my talents and abilities, but really shy and not confident in the whole trusting people with my feelings etc.

Since I have trust issues A and L are my closest friends but we are not very close (e.g. I don’t talk about my feelings or whatever with them, I just hang out with them most of the time). I have always known that A and L are best friends, and I’m not apart of that. But they lead me on all the time. Saying things like “Oh we are BFFs!” but then not inviting me out with them ever (in fact I have never been out with them anywhere before). What’s worse is that they have no shame or guilt when they talk about times when they have gone out in front of my face. I feel like they treat me as if I have no feelings (this is true because people have always used me for my brains as I get top marks in school and have been bullied and teased before). I have been the “third wheel” for the past three years because I never knew if I should say something or do something. I stood up to them once and they stopped talking to me for a whole week (just because I showed them that I can stand up for myself and won’t be used).

They don’t seem to realize that there even is a problem and don’t realize how they treat me (I heard them say to each other “Why don’t we ever invite her out with us?” and then brush it off)

I really don’t know if I should stand up to them, talk to them about it or just stop being friends with them. Please give me some advice. All advice is appreciated.”

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let us know what you think right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Should you sleep with your ex if he comes back around?

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How do you break up with someone?

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So this guy was on a HuffPost Live chat with writer Olga Boyko and comedian and writer Nicole Paone. They were discussing this topic, and Steve eloquently responded with, “For men, it’s very very simple, we see a woman and we immediately think, ‘I would do her or I would not do her.’”

Basically, Steve says that every guy you’ve ever met has assessed within the first say, ten seconds of looking at you, whether or not he wants to sleep with you. If he does not want to sleep with you, then you can be friends. Yay! If he does want to sleep with you, it’s going to be much more difficult to create a friendship. Or just impossible.

But have no fear! Steve knows how you can get yourself out of the “do her” category if, in fact, your guy friend does want to hop in bed with you, “And if you fall into the ‘I would do her category,’ the only way you can get out of that zone is if you’re such a horrible person or you gain a lot of weight or you become somehow physically unattractive to him.”

It’s so easy! Pretty much all of your guy friends want to have sex with you. So all you have to do is become an absolutely wretched person or become an ogre to him. Steve has just solved the debate! We’ve been dancing around the answer FOREVER, and it’s just so simple!

I seriously can’t believe we didn’t realize this before. Nicole asked a question that I had, “What if you guys just don’t have a chemical attraction?” I’m curious because I have a ton of guy friends. And with the majority of them, we’re just not into each other like that. It’s not that they’re unattractive or they think I’m unattractive (OR MAYBE THEY THINK I’M DISGUSTING I DON’T KNOW). We just don’t feel anything there.

Steve had an answer for that too, “That’s not most guys.” Okay then. So my guy friends are either “not most guys” or are just really good at hiding their boners around me.
 
Do you think men and women can really be friends? What do you think about Steve’s categories? Is he right? Tell us in the comments!
 

And if you’re friend-zoned, here are some of our favorite ’90s friend-zoned characters

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ANYWAY. The point is, no one likes to get dumped. As much as you want to act like a strong, independent chick who knows how to get over crappy things and deal with stuff like a grown-up, sometimes you just can’t. Sometimes you’re so heartbroken and so hurt that you have to act like an emotional mess in order to get through it. It’s okay. I’m here for you. Here’s what it’s REALLY like to be dumped, explained in GIFs, of course.

You’ve been in a relationship for a while and things have started to get a little rocky. But it’s fine, you guys can get through this.

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But then you see your BF and he’s like, “I can’t do this anymore” and you’re like…

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You may or may not beg for him to change his mind. He’s not budging.

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You cry. A lot. 

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You get out of there before you make a complete fool of yourself. 

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How did you not see this coming?!

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You text your best friend and she’s like, “Come to me, I’ll make you feel better!” But honestly, you just feel like being alone.

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So you go home, grab two boxes of tissues, climb into bed and cry until you fall asleep.

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In the first few seconds when you wake up, you forget that you two broke up and you wonder why your nose is clogged with dry snot.

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Then you remember. You got dumped. Back to bed you go.

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All day, you get texts and calls from friends asking if you’re okay. You’re like: 

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Your mom asks what’s wrong and you’re like, “Just leave me alone, Mom.” She obviously gets mad at you.

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You spend the day crying but not eating and it makes you feel exhausted.

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You venture online. OMG WHO WROTE ON HIS WALL ALREADY.

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Ugh, now it’s time to change your relationship status on Facebook. Worst.thing.ever.

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A random asks what happened. Um, mind your own business. 

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After a few days of hibernating, you allow your best friends to try to cheer you up.

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They let you know your ex is a loser and you can do so much better, but this doesn’t really make you feel better.

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You don’t want to seem pathetic, so you try to act like they helped.

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Instead, you go home and feel lonely and miserable.

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A commercial for Outback Steakhouse comes on. OMG you guys talked about going there. Memories. Pain. SO MUCH PAIN.

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You cave and call him. He doesn’t answer. You call a few more times. You just want to say:

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Adults give you “wise” advice that actually just makes you feel kind of stupid.

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People tell you there are plenty of dudes out there. Okay, but you only want one dude right now, so that doesn’t help.

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When you see over couples it makes you want to run away screaming.

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After a week, you tell people you’re okay because you’re sick of everyone feeling sorry for you.

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Truthfully, you’re not okay. You feel really, really lonely. You miss your ex. You can’t imagine a time when you felt this horrible.

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You feel like you’ll never move on and it’s the worst.

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(But you will) INTERNET HUGS 

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Have you ever dumped? Did it feel like this? How did you get through it? What did I miss? Tell me in the comments.

What it’s really like to lose your virginity

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