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Should I Unfollow, Unfriend, Uneverything My Ex?

Caitlin Corsetti — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 20:43:58 +0000

At least I don’t regret hooking up with him

Even though I’m going on all of the dates lately, I still catch myself thinking about the last guy I kind of dated. We weren’t officially in a relationship, but it certainly felt like one. Feel free to read all about that disaster.

The thing is, now when I break up with someone, it’s done. I’m someone who needs to cut off contact or else I end up diving into this on-and-off cycle. After having two very long on-and-off relationships, I just can’t do it again. It’s too difficult.

But this guy wanted to be friends and still act buddy-buddy. Which was fine until I realized that I just can’t do that. Why, you ask? Maybe because I’m surrounded by social media and am getting bombarded by him ALL THE TIME.

I love social media, I really do. I just don’t want to see the guy that I want to be with all up on my Instagram and Twitter feeds when I’m trying to get over him. I was doing okay for a while because we weren’t talking that much anymore. But little by little, we’re communicating more. Or rather, he’s “communicating” with me.

He sends me Snapchats of things he’s doing and tweets at me, but then doesn’t want to have an actual conversation. And I’m here like “Helloooo why are you doing this to me?!” It’s like he knows when I’m about to get over him and then he’s all NO JK COME BACK. It’s really frustrating.

Back in the day when all of this social media didn’t exist, I found it much easier to avoid contact with people. I know I could easily unfollow him or unfriend him or whatever, but it seems really harsh to do that. He didn’t particularly do anything like one of my exes that I had to block from Facebook. The timing just wasn’t right. We don’t have ill feelings toward each other.

I just miss his face. And it’s really hard to move on and want to give other guys a chance when I’m seeing his face pop up on my phone because he won’t let me go. I really don’t know what to do.

Should I just remove him from all social media accounts? Should I talk to him about it? If I talk to him, how do I even bring it up? I feel so confused in my brain, heart and feels. HELP ME! Tell me what you think I should do in the comments!

From The Message Boards: My Boyfriend Is Bad At Sex!

Caitlin Corsetti — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 20:00:52 +0000

Am I going to be alone forever?

Sometimes, sex isn’t always great. You can have awesome chemistry with someone, but you might not work together in bed. Or you might really love someone, and something just isn’t doing it for you in the sheets.

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about what to do if your boyfriend isn’t great in bed because he only pays attention to himself so you end up faking it.

Let’s see what y’all had to say!

Nobody said:

It is a big deal, I’d seriously talk to him about it and tell him where you’re coming from. And I hate to say it but if he’s not willing to take the time to please you he really can’t be that great of a guy and care about you all that much (speaking from experience). Tell him something like “How would you feel if I got off all the time and you never did and when you got upset I just told you to go ‘masturbate’” and just see how it goes.

S0Exciited said:

My main advice to you is never fake it again. Your boyfriend is a selfish lover, and you aren’t making things any better by faking it and keeping your mouth shut. A silent lover is an unsatisfied one. Tell him he isn’t satisfying you because he’s not trying! He needs patience.

mandakim said:

If he can’t be bothered pleasuring you now, imagine how he’s going to be when/if you get married. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being literally used for his pleasure and him not giving a rats about yours?

He doesn’t need to “change a little”, he needs to “change a LOT” and needs to understand how important it is for BOTH of you to enjoy sex. It’s a two person activity. Make sure he knows that, and if he doesn’t care or cant be bothered changing, dump him! There a lot of guys out there who WILL care about your pleasure and make sure you both enjoy the experience.

It totally sucks when you aren’t having good sex with your boyfriend. But you absolutely need to speak up! Faking it is the worst thing you can do. He’s just going to keep doing the same thing since he thinks he’s getting it right!

If your sex life isn’t what you want it to be, you have to say something. You have to tell your partner what you want! You don’t have to tell your partner that they suck in bed, but just explain what you like and how you want things to be done. Let him know “I really like it when you do this,” or take a different approach and ask if y’all can try something new.

Sex is a two-way street. If your partner doesn’t know what you like in bed, there’s no way that they’ll be able to please you. Before you have sex again, sit your partner down and talk about it. Having an open dialogue about sex will also make things much better between you two.

Have you ever had a partner that was just no good? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

From The Message Boards: Am I Going To End Up Alone Forever?

Caitlin Corsetti — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 19:00:50 +0000

How do you tell your little sister that you’re not a virgin?

Everyone goes through periods in their life when they feel lonely. It’s completely normal to have that feeling every once in a while, but it goes away!

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about if you’ll be alone forever if you’ve never had a boyfriend or never been kissed.

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

flamingoccm said:

Plenty of girls don’t date in high school. You can’t “get” a guy to like you. It’s not something you force. You need to be yourself and maybe even put yourself out there. If you’re interested in a guy, try to actually let him know. You’re also not going to date every guy you talk to. It’s possible those two guys just saw you as a friend and nothing more. Maybe it’s them, and they just weren’t interested. Or, maybe you’re just not conveying that you would give them a chance.

Wolf-Fire said:
Plenty of people don’t do any of that stuff until later in life. Don’t use any of that as a barometer on whether or not you will be alone forever. You have a lot of life left to live, you know.

Nevalyn said:
Your life does not end when you graduate high school.

And you are probably right, you’re probably not their type. But that’s really nothing to be bothered by. You’re not the only diamond left in the world that everyone has to love and admire. There are billions of people in the world, your town… is not the universe. In order to find the right guy, you have to meet a crap ton of men. The more you meet, the greater your options. You need to go out there and make yourself available and look for those that find you to be their type.

Don’t stress it. If you keep complaining, people will notice. And no one likes someone who doesn’t like themselves.

I totally remember having the “I’m going to be alone forever” feeling. It’s awful, and you can end up feeling completely worthless. But I promise, you are not alone in feeling this way!

Seriously, everyone has this moment in life, maybe even more than once. You are not going to end up alone forever. When I was in middle school, I was convinced that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life with like a million cats. But I’ve gone on to have three serious relationships and casually dated lots of other people since then.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the alone feeling when you’re stuck in it, but the important thing to remember is to always be yourself. You can’t let someone else in until you’re comfortable with who you are first. I would take this moment of loneliness to really figure out you and figure out what makes you happy.

And don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! Just because guys aren’t asking you out left and right doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Maybe a guy is too shy to talk to you! If you don’t take a chance to get to know people, they’re not going to know how amazing you are.

Have you ever felt like you’re going to end up alone forever? How did you deal with that feeling? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Should I Come Out If I Go To An All-Girls’ School?

Caitlin Corsetti — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 17:00:45 +0000

Which two celebrities are on your hookup list?

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, our girls are talking about if you should come out when you go to an all-girls’ school:

sunshine_sun said:

So I go to an all girl school. I don’t know if I should come out because some girls will find it creepy, and my friends probably won’t want to change in the locker room if I’m there anymore. What should I do?

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let us know what you think right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

I Don’t Think My Friend’s Boyfriend Likes Her. I’m Stuck In The Middle Of Them! Should I Tell Her?

Jessica Booth — Fri, 31 May 2013 16:41:20 +0000

Okay, story time! For realz though, I need a little advice, girls. And I can’t think of a better place to get it than here, so please help me out! Read on to hear my story and then tell me what you think I should do:

Here’s what’s happening: A few months ago, my best friend (let’s call her Stacy, because I have no friends with that name) started casually dating my brother’s best friend (who we’ll call George, because I like that name). I introduced Stacy and George to each other, not really thinking they would hit it off – but when they did, I was thrilled. Yay! One of my best friends was dating my brother’s best friend! I imagined us all hanging out all the time in a cute little group and I thought it would be awesome.

Wrong. Oh, I was so, so wrong. See, here’s the problem: George also happens to be one of my good friends. I’ve known him forever and he’s always at my house, going on vacay with my family because, obviously, he’s my brother’s best friend. It didn’t take long before I found myself stuck in the middle, as is what usually happens when two of your good friends start dating.

At first, it was stuff I could handle. I’d hang out with Stacy and she would ask me if George had said anything about her, or if my brother had said anything about her and George. Or she’d ask me stuff about George, like what I knew about his past relationships. Fine. I would spill to her. I like Stacy better than George (harsh, but true) and we had the whole “girl code” thing happening, so my loyalty was with Stacy.

Then things got a little more intense. One example: George had a family event coming up that he needed a date for. George had known about this event since he started dating Stacy, but for some reason, he told my brother that he didn’t want to bring her (bad idea, George: my brother likes to gossip to me). He even asked my brother to go with him! When my brother said no, I guess he eventually decided to just go for it and in the end, he asked Stacy to go.

When Stacy told me, she was super excited about it. I felt guilt rise up in my like a bad stomachache. I wanted to tell her the truth – that she was his second choice after my brother – SO badly. She deserved to know! But how could I burst her happy little bubble and tell her something like that? I couldn’t. So, I kept my mouth shut and decided to stay out of it.

The 10 worst things about being in a relationship

A few weeks later, I saw George comment on a picture of a girl and say something about how “hot” she was. My first instinct was to pick up my phone and text Stacy. She should know that her sort-of-BF was kind of a jerk, right? But my boyfriend convinced me not to say anything. “You’re just going to get yourself stuck in the middle, Jess. You think George isn’t going to realize who told Stacy about that comment?” I knew he was right. Besides, it was just a harmless comment, right? Did it really warrant a huge fight that I didn’t want to be involved in? I kept quiet.

But now things are getting worse. Earlier this week, my brother said to me, “So, George and Stacy are done, I guess?” I had just hung out with Stacy, who had told me that things were going great with George, so I was confused. When I asked him what he was talking about, he told me that George had been saying that he wasn’t that into Stacy anymore and he was going to stop talking to her. This was the complete opposite of what Stacy had been telling me about George. WTF?

This weekend, Stacy is having a little party and invited George, my brother and their friends. Yesterday, my brother told me that George was trying to convince everyone not to go to Stacy’s party! And when my brother said he was going, George got totally annoyed. Last I had heard from Stacy, George was going and she was thrilled.

When my brother told me this, my first thought was, “Okay, last straw.” I mean, how can I not tell my BFF all of this stuff? She’s my friend! She really likes this guy and I don’t want him to hurt her. I feel like if I were Stacy in this situation, I would want to know that this guy I’ve been dating for months has been saying really crappy things behind my back. And if I knew one of my best friends knew this, I would want her to be honest with me. So obviously I really want to tell Stacy what my brother told me.

But at the same time, I’m scared. Stacy really likes George and I don’t want to be the reason they break up. Also, George is my brother’s best friend and he’s my friend – if he finds out that I’m the reason Stacy stopped talking to him, he’s going to get mad at not only me, but my brother too. Even though I have my brother’s blessing to tell Stacy all of this stuff (because even my brother thinks it’s messed up), I’m scared to start all of this drama.

So, what would should I do? I usually try my hardest not to get involved in other people’s relationships, but this is really bugging me. I feel like I have an obligation to be honest with my friend. Should I get in the middle or should I mind my own business? Should I let her figure out that he’s a jerk herself? Am I a bad friend if I don’t say anything? HELP!!!! Tell me your advice in the comments below.

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From The Message Boards:Should I Give My Cheating BF Another Chance?

Caitlin Corsetti — Sun, 19 May 2013 19:00:05 +0000

What should you do if your friend’s boyfriend makes a move on you?

Cheating is a really tough subject. It’s hard enough to learn that someone you love and trust has betrayed you. Trying to forgive and forget that is almost impossible. Sometimes you can end it and move on, but what if you’re still in love with the person who hurt you?

This week on the message boards, you guys are talking about if you should give a cheater another chance.

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

TheDatingAngel said:

Just because you are in love with someone doesn’t mean you have to put up with his behavior. Let me ask you….who are you in love with more….YOU or HIM? It sounds like him. I suspect that you think you are going to be alone if you dump him…Nothing could be further from the truth. When you remove the people from your life that aren’t treating you well, you make room for people who WILL treat you well. However, you will need to teach someone new or this guy (depending on what you decide to do) how to treat you. I suspect you don’t know how to do that…otherwise you would have never allowed this guy to get away with cheating on you.

Here is what you do first: Write down on a piece of paper how you want to be treated. Here are some examples: “When I am talking to someone, I want them to listen to me…and I will do the same to them. If they make the decision to not listen to me, then I am no longer going to waste my breath.”

Keep going. For every behavior you want to see from someone else, write it down and then write down what YOU will do if they don’t behave the way you like.

curiosity_ said:

Honestly, NO. Take it from someone who’s been cheated on 4+ times < - Thats just that I know of . If you keep taking him back he's just gonna keep doing it Because he know's that you'll just forgive him and take him back . I know you love him, But it isnt fair to you to keep someone that keeps on hurting you in your life

stayclassy said:

Unless you enjoy being cheated on, leave the relationship. He’s not going to stop especially since your reaction to his behaviour (aka not leaving him) made it acceptable for him to cheat and will continue to cheat.

cgrisadancer said:

Say goodbye for good. You deserve much better.

Word to what all these ladies said. In terms of context, the cheater we’re talking about is a serial cheater. I’m not saying that guys who only cheat once should be given another chance automatically, but this guy clearly is not going to change.

I dated a cheater for a very long time. I didn’t know for a while, but I kept giving him chances and he kept cheating and treating me like dirt. He knew I would take him back every time. I didn’t stand up for myself, and eventually I started believing that I didn’t deserve better.

Another guy I dated maybe cheated on me once, but I will never really know. All I know is that when I found out the situation, I made sure that he knew it was going to be over if anything ever happened like that again. And it didn’t.

But I think you have to be wary anytime cheating is involved. I think you’ve got to get rid of this guy and move on, but it’s entirely your decision. Sometimes couples can move past cheating, but the majority of the time, it’s not going to work out. The trust is always going to be broken, and you’re always going to wonder if he’s cheating again.

Have you ever forgiven a cheater? Did it work out? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Are You Getting Dumped Because You Won’t Have Sex?

Caitlin Corsetti — Sat, 18 May 2013 17:00:02 +0000

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, our girls are talking about if you’re getting dumped because you won’t have sex:

EverythingChanges1114 said:

“I’ve recently come across a problem that I’m really having trouble dealing with. I’ve recently started to wonder if my most recent relationships haven’t been very long is partially because the guys know that I’m not going to have sex with them anytime soon.

Here’s my thing: I’m a virgin, but I’m not waiting til marriage or anything. I’m just not ready to have sex yet. I don’t want to have sex unless I’ve been with a guy at least a year (unless I feel otherwise in the relationship) and we REALLY love each other. I go into relationships letting the guys know this, and they all say the same things. They say they respect that, and they think that’s really good of me and everything. Then we end up dating, everything is going great, and boom. 2 months later I’m dumped with little to no explanation.

My last few relationships have literally only been 2 months, and none of those guys were virgins. Also, they all dumped me saying things like “It’s just not working out” and offering pretty much no other reasons. Oh yeah and they make sure to tell me that “It’s not my fault” and “You’re a wonderful girlfriend, but it’s just not working out anymore.”

My last longer relationship was with a guy who was also a virgin at the time…so the correlation is just interesting to me. And honestly, considering this as a possibility really hurts me. I desperately want to believe that if I guy really cares about me, then sex won’t matter. I mean it’s not like I won’t do ANYTHING. I’m open to oral and all that good stuff. So I just don’t understand. I even asked my best guy friend’s opinion on this. He’s pretty protective over me and he’s always honest with me. When I approached him with my concerns he said “I’m not going to bull**bleep** you, that might have something to do with it.”

It just really hurts me that guys might not want to be with me just because I won’t have sex with them really soon. I just need some advice and opinions please? It’s just really bothering me. Especially since these guys I date know where I stand going into the relationship and say they’re okay with it. None of them have ever said this was a reason for breaking up with me, but still. I can’t help but wonder. It seems like a pretty good possibility. I just need some advice.”

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let us know what you think right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

What are your feelings on thongs?

What Your Dreams Mean For Your Relationship

Jessica Booth — Wed, 15 May 2013 20:51:54 +0000

Learn to make a dreamcatcher necklace!

True story: once when I was dating my ex, I had a dream that he was cheating on me and lying about it even though I caught him red-handed (major sad face). I woke up feeling irrationally irritated and angry, my cheeks flushed and my hands clenched together, as though this was really going on in real life. Then I turned over, grabbed my phone and texted him something like, “you’re so mean” before I realized it was all just a dream. I would say it ended there, but actually I spent the rest of the morning feeling oddly annoyed and suddenly a little bit worried about my relationship.

Apparently, I’m not alone in letting my dreams affect my relationship. Which, really, is a relief, because I’ve done this more than a few times and I was starting to feel like I was crazy. (Also, it makes my boyfriend mad and so then we end up fighting about the meanings of my dreams.) A new study shows that science is backing me up here – what goes on in your dreams really can affect your relationship.

Researcher Dylan Selterman did a study on 61 people in relationships by having them keep dream journals. They also wrote down the quality of their relationship each day. What he found was that what happens in your dreams can determine what your relationship will be like the next day. So if you have a nightmare about your boyfriend, you two are more likely to get in a fight the next day. Similarly, if you have a great sex dream about your BF, you’re more likely to feel more loving towards him the next day. So, as it turns out, I am not crazy! At least in this instance.

Why does this happen? Apparently Dylan thinks that “these correlations are the result of ‘priming,’ the process by which a stimulus evokes a related response. For instance, previous research has shown that placing someone on a wobbly chair triggers a desire for stable relationship partners. This mechanism, of course, operates on a largely unconscious level.”

So what exactly does this mean? Do our dreams really have deeper meanings? If you dream about your BF cheating on you, does that mean he really is? Um, no – our dreams aren’t magic (I wish they were though). But it is possible that if you’re frequently dreaming about your BF cheating, that could be your real-life distrust of him carrying over to dreamland. It could be a sign that maybe you really don’t trust this guy.

The good news is that if you’re in a good relationship, you don’t feel these negative effects as much after a nightmare. That completely makes sense to me. I constantly used to have nightmares about my ex – obviously, we eventually broke up because we didn’t have a great relationship. Now, when I have nightmares about my current boyfriend, I’m less likely to wake up in a rage ready to fight with him over something that never happened – because I know he wouldn’t actually do that to me.

The moral of the story is this: you shouldn’t feel so bad if a dream causes you to actually fight with your partner. Apparently, it’s not really your fault! But, in all seriousness, try to keep in mind that your dream is not real before you start asking him if he’s ever cheated on you or whatever.

Do you ever have nightmares about your partner? If you do, does that make you guys fight the next day? Have you ever fought with anyone over a dream? Tell me in the comments!

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Why Do Men Like Breasts? Find Out Which Guys Like Big Boobs The Most

Jessica Booth — Mon, 13 May 2013 20:18:48 +0000