Feeling horribly guilty all the time just wasn't worth it. | Source: ShutterStock

When I was 18-years-old, I made one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life: I started hooking up with someone else’s boyfriend, and essentially became “the other woman.” And this wasn’t just a one time deal. No, this “relationship” went on for a few months.

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking: “How could you do that?”. Or maybe it’s more like, “What a slut!” (Man, we hate that word). Listen, I know that the other woman is normally seen as someone who is manipulative, selfish and just downright nasty. But I swear, I’m none of those things. I’m actually a super-shy girl who fell (hard) for a dude who wasn’t available. It was a think-about-him-every-second kind of crush, so pathetic that it was hard to watch… and so, I made a stupid mistake. Before you judge me, read my story.

I had just gotten out of a very serious relationship and was feeling vulnerable, sad and totally ready for a rebound…and that was when I met who we’ll call K. K was cute, older than I was, more mature (or so I very wrongly thought), and extremely charming. We worked together almost every day and flirted constantly. Even though I knew K had a girlfriend and was off-limits, I couldn’t help the major crush I was developing, no matter how much I wanted to.

After a few months of harmless flirting, things started to get…well, not so harmless. K started asking me to hang out, and while I said no at first, I eventually gave in. The first time we hooked up, I felt absolutely terrible. But at the same time, it was also kind of thrilling. Not only was I doing something no one ever would have expected me to do, but the secrecy of our relationship made things weirdly exciting.

The secrecy might have been fun at first, but wasn't for long. | Source: ShutterStock

For me, this wasn’t just a meaningless hook-up. I really, really liked K.  Even though being with him made me feel super guilty, it also made me happy. And I know this is going to sound like a lame excuse, but K spent a lot of our time together talking about how terrible his relationship with his GF was. He told me he wanted to break up with her, but couldn’t because they were “in a weird place.” I stupidly thought that he might really end things, and that made me feel a little less horrible.

Eventually, it didn’t matter how exciting our “relationship” was, or how much I liked him – I knew I had to end things. I couldn’t think about K without thinking about his poor, clueless girlfriend. I started realizing that a guy who could lie to his GF on a daily basis wasn’t really a good guy, no matter how many perfect things he said to me or how much he made me smile.

A lot of times, the other woman gets all the blame. But here’s the thing: they don’t always deserve it. I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame – I made a choice to be with someone who I knew had a girlfriend, and I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mistake. But K was to blame also. He made the choice to cheat on his girlfriend and he was the one who pursued me for a long time.

All I’m trying to say is this: don’t automatically judge a girl who hooks up with someone else’s boyfriend. Before you start calling her all sorts of names, consider that she just might have fallen for the wrong guy at the wrong time. I’ve heard people say that once you’ve been branded the other woman, it sticks with you for life. That’s ridiculous. People make mistakes, and believe me, I still feel incredibly guilty for what I did. And if you’re in this situation right now, you owe it to yourself to dump the dude right now. Trust me, that’s one thing you won’t regret.

Have you ever been the other woman? Would you ever cheat with someone? Have you ever been cheated on? Tell us in the comments.

Can cheating ever be accidental? Share your thoughts

Totally regret what you did? The best thing to do is take responsibility for your actions. | Source: ShutterStock

There’s no doubt about it, cheating in a relationship stinks. But unfortunately, it happens pretty often. Everyone has their own excuses for cheating, and unless you’re the cheater, you’ll never really know the real reason why it happened. So here’s a question: do you think cheating can ever be accidental?

It’s easy to say ‘NO‘ in big, huge letters right away… that is, until you’ve been in the situation yourself. We saw this conversation going on in the message boards, and we were curious to see what you girls thought about it also. Read what these ladies had to say and then fill us in on your opinion.

Yakubutsu said:
Can cheating ever be accidental? For example, some people may argue that cheating when you’re drinking is “accidental” and should be viewed as a mistake because you were intoxicated. Is that true?

Sure, after one has cheated they may realize that what they have done was wrong and therefore a “mistake”… but was it initially an “accident” until the feelings of guilt came afterwards? If that makes sense.

I don’t understand how sex can be “accidental” … intoxicated or not.

hesmyweakness said:
I do not think that cheating is ever accidental. When saying that something led you to cheating, you are just finding an excuse for your actions. You don’t want to be held responsible.  I know that having sex with someone else is cheating and is wrong. Therefore, my opinion is that no cheating can not be, nor will it ever be, accidental for any reason what so ever.

Don't try to blame your cheating on something else. | Source: ShutterStock

vespertine said:
This topic is a toughy. I used to think that there was no way that this “accidental” business could actually happen, until it happened to me. Sometimes it’s not so much an accident as it is the product of influence.

My opinion? Cheating is cheating – and I don’t think you can ever call it accidental. You are always held responsible for your actions, no matter what. When you decide to cheat on someone, you’re making a choice to betray them, whether you realize that in the moment or not.

Yes, situations can very easily get out of hand, and sometimes things do happen. But when a person cheats and they honestly feel terrible about it, their reaction should never be, “It was an accident.” It should be, “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. This is my fault.” I think that saying it was an accident is trying to take the easy way out… and also, in my mind at least, it’s a pretty lame excuse. But taking accountability for your actions? That shows that you’re mature enough to realize what you did really was wrong.

What do you think? Who do you agree with? Can cheating ever be accidental? Have you ever cheated? Let us know in the comments.

So you cheated on your boyfriend… now what?

 
You like someone a ton. He’s smart and gorgeous. Or maybe she’s hilarious and down to earth. Basically, your crush is perfect…aside from one small issue—they’re already dating another girl. Should you still chase your crush? If something hot does wind up happening between you two, you’re not the one doing the cheating, right? It’s kind of a gray area. So, what do you do? Ask Lena, that’s what. Lena’s got an answer and some advice when it comes to stepping into a love triangle. And here’s a bit of a warning about being the other woman—it’s some tough love!

Have you ever been the other woman? What do you think about girls who date guys who are already in relationships? Tell us everything in the comments!

Is It Okay To Masturbate? Ask Lena!

His GF could be watching... | Source: ShutterStock

Obviously, a dude with a girlfriend is off-limits to other girls. But just because you can’t hook up with him, does that mean you can’t enjoy a little flirt sesh with him? Flirting with a guy with a girlfriend might seem like harmless fun to some girls, but to others, it might be totally inappropriate.

We’re sure that most of you have (maybe unintentionally) flirted with a dude who’s already taken. Is it no big deal, or is it totally crossing the line? The editors of Gurl all feel differently about this, and we want to know what you think. Read what we have to say, and then let us know: is it okay to flirt with a guy who has a girlfriend… or is flirting cheating?

Ew dude! You're already taken! | Source: ShutterStock

Melanie Says: No Way Because Of Karma
Flirting with someone who is obviously attached is just not cool. It’s disrespectful to that person’s relationship, puts them in an awkward position (of not wanting to be a jerk to you, but also not wanting to screw up things with their girlfriend or boyfriend), and makes you look a bit desperate (I mean, can’t you find your own cuddle buddy?!). I know girls who do this all the time, and they wonder why people get annoyed at them. I think the answer is pretty obvious!

Ugh... we can only imagine the drama | Source: ShutterStock

Emerald Says: No Way Because Of Drama
Flirting is a dangerous game, my friend. You may think it’s just between you and another person but everyone can see it (and if you’re flirting with a guy who is in a relationship in private then you are crossing treacherous waters). The formula is simple, you bat your eyelashes and brush the arm of a dude with a GF, his GF’s BFF sees, she sends a text “OMG You wouldn’t believe what so-and-so just did!” Then all of a sudden your Facebook wall is flooded with a bunch of cuss words and judgments about something you thought was innocent. Avoid the dramz, flirt responsibly.

This is crossing the line | Source: ShutterStock

Jessica Says: It’s Usually Not A Big Deal
I don’t think innocent flirting is that serious, no matter if the dude is married or what. I mean, let’s face it, we all flirt! I’ll admit to flirting with guys who are in relationships, but it’s never been over-the-top or anything touchy-feely. However, I  wouldn’t do it if I knew it was making my own boyfriend super uncomfortable, and I would never do it to my friends’ boyfriends. There’s definitely a fine line, and while I usually don’t think it’s serious, I’ll definitely admit that sometimes it’s wrong.

Who cares? | Source: ShutterStock

Julie Says: Go For It
Flirting is just that: flirting. A coy smile or a funny e-mail or even a little shoulder squeeze doesn’t make anyone a cheater. Being a cheater makes you a cheater. So, I feel totally fine being a little flirty with a guy in a relationship…just like I’d be totally fine with my guy flirting with someone. Relationships are about trust, not about avoiding eye contact with anyone who could possibly wink at you. I say flirt away. As long as your intentions are fine and you’re just having fun, it’s really no big deal.

Who do you agree with? Do you flirt with people who are in relationships? Tell us in the comments.

Join our other debate about padded bras!

Would you give him a chance? | Source: ShutterStock

We’ve all heard the saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater“. According to some people, cheating is never a one-time offense. Sure, there might be some guys and girls out there who are serial cheaters, but can you really say that that applies to everyone? If you knew a dude cheated once before, would you ever trust him enough to date him?

And what about if that dude was cheating on his last girlfriend… with you? If he broke up with her to date you, would you be able to go into a relationship with him knowing exactly how he deceived his last GF? We found a girl in the message boards who’s wondering the same thing, and we want to know your opinion. So read what these ladies had to say, and then tell us: would you date a cheater?

Yakubutsu said:
I’ve heard so many people say things like: “If he cheated WITH you, then he’ll probably cheat ON you.” or “Once a cheater, always a cheater…”

Say it was not in his/her track record to do so, and this was a one time thing when you were both very drunk, one of you upset from a break up and it just happened…if the guy/girl in question ended things with their partner and admitted to liking you straight afterwards or down the line… would you ever date them?

Brad supposedly cheated with Angie on Jen... now they're happily together. | Source: IrishCentral

S0Exciited said:
I’m there now. I’m dating the guy who cheated with me (and others). I’m a total believer in bad karma and I think the whole “If he’ll do it to her, he’ll do it to you too.” thing can be true sometimes. I just try to give this relationship the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best.

Dixienerves said:
If I’m honest my boyfriend that I am with now cheated on someone with me. I know he’s cheated in the past. No one is a saint. I mean I’ve cheated and I’m not proud but believe if you find the right person you can change.

Our opinion? Yes, it’s true that some cheaters cheat again. But it’s also true that people make mistakes sometimes, and those mistakes shouldn’t be held against them their whole lives. That being said, if you want to date someone who’s cheated with you or cheated in the past, you should still be cautious. There’s no need to stalk them or restrict them from talking to any other girls. Just keep your eyes open and don’t forget the past.

When you know someone has cheated before, the main problem is usually about trust. If you can’t trust someone, your relationship is never going to be as strong as you want it to be. So if you think you can move past that issue, than go for it.

Who do you agree with? Have you ever dated a cheater? Would you? Have you ever cheated? Tell us in the comments!

Are looks really important when it comes to relationships?

waterbedgallery.com

I didn’t so much lose my virginity as I was relieved of it. I was 21 when I finally gave up my v-card to my on-off/drama-filled/never-really-knew-where-we-stood boyfriend, J. I was so ready to stop being a virgin—it was starting to define me. But I had waited so long because I really wanted sex to be special. Meaningful. And frequent! When I was about 19 I figured that since I’d held out that long, I might as well wait until I found someone special.

And then it turned out my someone special had a waterbed. Yes, I lost my virginity on a waterbed. God knows why J had a waterbed in 2005 but he did and I was too in love with him to suggest, say, a stationary mattress for my first time having sex. I don’t recommend this.

The liquid-filled bed was like a third person in the room with us, gurgling and sloshing around like a big fat blubbery stomach. It made way more noise than a regular bed frame, to the point that J stopped in the middle and said the worst thing: “I can’t stop thinking about my parents.”

“You…you what?” I stammered, hoping I’d misheard him.

“No, not like that or anything weird,” he quickly backtracked. “I’m just worried that this damn bed is super loud!”

Well, it would have been the only loud thing. Based solely on movie sex scenes, I expected to either be in serious pain or serious ecstasy my first time. But really, I didn’t feel all that much. At least not in my lady regions. Emotionally though, I was more in love with J than ever. He was sweet and slow and nose-to-nose, always asking me if I was okay. It was so Cruel Intentions!

weheartit.com

But, eventually J’s paranoia got the better of him and we stopped. It was a fairly anti-climactic experience (in every sense of the word) but the real fireworks came the next morning, when my two best friends, Sam and Chrissy, met me for lunch.

As I gushed about J and how happy I was and how I thought this really marked the turning point in our romance, I noticed that my friends were wincing at every word.

“We need to tell you something,” Sam began. “Remember that rumor that J was sleeping with Lizzie?”

How could I forget! I’d had a meltdown over gossip that he was hooking up with one of my friends. But J swore up and down that it was totally false.

“Well,” Chrissy finished, “he was. We drove around all night looking for you to tell you before you slept with him but we couldn’t figure out where J lived! We’re so sorry honey!”

I sat there numbly as they poured out the details. I’d waited 21 years for this experience—who knew I needed to hold out 21 years and one day?

I ended up escaping to Italy for my study abroad about a month later and spending the entire time getting over J. Now, when I meet a boy I’m dying to have sex with, I make sure that I take a good hard look at the kind of dude he really is and wait as long as possible before sleeping with him.

Then I wait one more day.

Are you waiting a long time to have sex? Did you wait a long time? How did you know the time was right for you to lose your V-Card? Tell me everything in the comments!

Do you wish you’d waited longer for sex? Here’s how to deal.

Should you go anywhere near his phone?

But is giving in and snooping through their phone (or any of their stuff) the best idea for your relationship? The editors of Gurl have agreed to disagree, and we want to know how you feel about it: is snooping a recipe for disaster, or is it just part of being in a relationship? Read what we think, and then let us know your opinion:

No more sneaking around!

Julie Says: You’re Only Going To Hurt Yourself
Back away from the phone, girl. You’re only going to find stuff that will hurt your relationship. Your sweetie’s allowed to have thoughts he doesn’t share with you. And, get real, you’ve totally thought and probably texted a few things about your dude you’d never say to him. (Can’t think of anything? Maybe this will jog your memory: BACK HAIR!) Sure, for relationships to work, there needs to be honesty, but that doesn’t mean you should know every single thing he’s ever thought or written about you. Give your relationship a chance and don’t snoop.

If you feel like you have to...

Jessica Says: Sometimes It’s Necessary
I know that snooping is wrong, and going through someone’s phone is generally a bad idea. But in some situations, it kind of needs to be done. If you honestly feel like your sweetie is cheating or going behind your back (I’m not talking about just a hunch), then maybe you should go through his stuff to see what’s going on. If you’ve caught him lying before, then how else will you find out the truth? I would hate to encourage anyone to snoop, but if it comes down to it and you feel like you need to, then I say go for it. Just don’t make a habit out of it!

This is what you really need instead.

Melanie Says: It Just Spells ‘Trust Issues’
The whole snooping thing bothers me so much. Good relationships are built on two little (or actually huge!) things called trust and communication. If you’re feeling uneasy or unsure of something for some reason, talk to your honey and try to find out what’s going on. I know, I know, you’re like, “but what if he’s cheating on me?” Well, hon, that’ll come out one way or another–there’s no need to stoop to his same creepster level by going behind his back and snooping. End of story.

Who do you agree with? Have you, or would you, ever snoop through a sweetie’s phone? Tell us in the comments.

Should you ever give an ex a second chance?

Snooping On Boyfriend

Innocent flirting? Or something more?

This brings us to the question: how do you feel about flirting when you’re in a relationship? We started thinking about it after seeing this post in the message boards. So many people have different views on the subject, and we want to know your opinion. Should you be flirting with other people when you’re dating someone? Read what these girls had to say, and then let us know what you think.

antii_emo said:
what do you gurls think? when youre in a committed relationship, what are your views on flirting?

have you ever flirted with another guy or girl when in a relationship?
what’s the furthest you’ve gone when flirting with another girl or guy?
what do you think crosses the line when flirting with others?
have you told your significant other about flirting that you have done?
tell me about a time when you think you took flirting too far.

hesmyweakness replied, saying:
I think that flirting is cheating if you are in a committed relationship.

If you're touching each other, you've probably gone too far.

have you ever flirted with another guy or girl when in a relationship? Nope. I find it to be cheating.

what’s the furthest you’ve gone when flirting with another girl or guy? I have never done it. My fiance makes me happy, I don’t need to flirt.

what do you think crosses the line when flirting with others? If you wouldn’t do it with your boyfriend/girlfriend standing next to you then you are cheating on them.

have you told your significant other about flirting that you have done? Have no reason too.

Some people will disagree with me but, I have a very strict opinion on cheating. Like I stated above. If I wouldn’t do it with my fiance standing right next to me then it’s cheating.

hem replied, saying:
have you ever flirted with another guy or girl when in a relationship? i am naturally just a really flirtatious person. i’m very smiley and giggly when i speak to anyone, and boys often interpret it as me flirting with them. i do MILDLY flirt with boys sometimes, but nothing even remotely serious.

what’s the furthest you’ve gone when flirting with another girl or guy? a few years ago i made a mistake of getting a little physical with a boy i was flirting with, while i was in a relationship. nothing really sexual, but we did kiss a little.

what do you think crosses the line when flirting with others? any touching, or any talk about anything sexual.

have you told your significant other about flirting that you have done? not in the sense that i’m like “OH HEY HONEY SO I WAS TOTALLY HITTING ON THIS GUY TODAY”, but he knows that i’m a flirty girl and most men i speak to find me pretty alluring. it doesn’t seem to bother him, in fact he enjoys it.

Natural flirt? Just watch your boundries.

Here’s what we think: flirting is totally natural. It happens sometimes when you don’t even realize you’re doing it, and sometimes it’s just the way people communicate with each other. So do we think flirting could be considered cheating? No, as long as it’s innocent.

We’re not saying that you should go out and get your flirt on with everyone who walks by you. And you shouldn’t have one person on the side who you flirt with every day. But if you once in a while find yourself flirting with someone other than your sweetie, it shouldn’t be the end of your relationship, and vice versa. Basically, if it would hurt you if your sweetie did it, then you shouldn’t do it. But we say that innocent and occasional flirting isn’t too big of a deal.

Who do you agree with? What are your feelings about flirting? Answer the questions above and tell us what you think in the comments.
Flirting

Life.

Warm weather and vacation aren’t the only things that get us happy about this time of year — lots of our favorite shows come back in the summer, too! Some good, some bad and some that you’d just never expect… like MTV’s True Life, the ultimate in series we <3.

This season covers so much interesting stuff, we just have to share.

Before they split.

At this point, the whole world is aware that Bristol Palin lost her virginity to Levi Johnston. What we didn’t know: She lost it while she was drunk.

|Talk all about teen pregnancy on the Shout Out Boards.|

In her new autobiography, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far,  Bristol shares that after a night of drinking wine coolers on a camping trip with Levi and some friends, she woke up unable to even remember what had happened. According to Us Weekly, she and Levi decided they wouldn’t have sex again until they were married. But they broke their own rule, and a few months (and eight home-pregnancy tests) later, the gURL found out she was pregnant.

Her baby daddy’s reaction? Only that it ”better be a f***ing boy.” On top of that drama, Bristol also found out that Levi was cheating on her and that he got another gURL pregnant, too.

|Do you <3 Bristol? Check out our interview with her!|

What do you think of Bristol’s story? Do you feel bad for her? Are you a fan of hers? Will you ready her book? Leave a comment and share your thoughts below.

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