My cheating situation didn’t go down as in-your-face as this one did! | Source: ShutterStock

“The other woman” in a cheating situation gets a lot of negative attention and a lot of times girls attack her instead of the actual cheater. But here’s the thing: A lot of times “the other girl” is just as in the dark about a cheating dude as his girlfriend is. I know this because it happened to me!

We’ll call this guy Frank. (I’m changing his name because he may be a cheating douchebag, but he doesn’t need his dirty laundry aired in public). He was my coworker Anne’s brother, and I met him when he came to drop something off to her. Apparently he’d popped in a few other times too, but I never noticed him before that. He started talking me about our favorite bands and asked if I wanted to grab food with him that weekend.

He was cute and didn’t seem like a sociopath, so I said yes–and he added me on Facebook later that day. He didn’t have many pictures up and no relationship status was listed, so I figured he was just a pretty private dude. (I was listed as married to my best friend for five years, so I wasn’t about judge.)

We hit it off and started hanging out once or twice a week after that. We both worked, sometimes at night, so I had no reason to think he was making plans with other girls behind my back. Which is why, when his sister mentioned “Frank’s girlfriend Danielle” at work one day, I almost fell over. We hadn’t had “the talk” yet, but, uh, my name isn’t Danielle, and I was making out with him pretty regularly.

I never mentioned anything to my coworker, because I didn’t want her to feel weird or awkward, so I just acted curious: “Oh, Frank has a girlfriend? That’s cute! How long have they been together?”

The answer? “About a year.” Wait, what? Anne then showed me Facebook photos of Frank and Danielle together. Apparently Frank had a lot of pictures on Facebook–he just blocked me from seeing them. Sleazy!

The next time Frank called me to go out, I told him, “Do you have Verizon too? My phone keeps doing this weird thing where I get calls meant for dudes’ girlfriends.”

I never got pissed at Danielle, because, well, what did she do to me? To this day I don’t know if she ever found out about me, but if she ever does, I hope she knows that I really didn’t do anything wrong–and I’m willing to bet a lot of girls have been in the same boat as me and gotten slut-shamed for it. Most girls wouldn’t date a dude who they knew already had a girlfriend, so if your guy is ever cheating–do us a favor. Be pissed at him.

Have you ever been “the other girl?” Have you ever been in a cheating situation that you didn’t know about? Have you ever been cheated on or cheated on someone else? Would you ever take back a cheater? How’d you deal? Tell us in the comments!

Should this girl give her cheating boyfriend another shot? Weigh in!

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But what happens if you are the one who cheats? This week y’all are talking about what you should do if you cheat in a relationship. Do you end your relationship? If you do end it, should you tell that you cheated?

Let’s see what you had to say!

S0Exciited said:

You don’t “owe it to him to break things off”, if anything you owe him the truth. This hookup is your breaking point and the realization that maybe you don’t love him. To tell him is the right thing to do. If you want to continue this relationship with him or at least try to work things out then this conversation should happen. If my live-in boyfriend cheated on me and was even questioning his love for me, I’d want to know. But that’s just me.

stayclassy said:

I think that cheating once isn’t necessarily telling you that you don’t love him, but I believe it’s telling you something is missing in your relationship. I think repeated cheating means you don’t love the person. Either way, I’m not at all condoning your behavior.

This can be worked through. It would be hard, but the first step is to tell him. However, in the future (whether with this guy or another guy) avoid placing yourself in the position where you could cheat… like don’t hang out alone with a guy you’re attracted to at his place, for example. And always keep an on-going communication in your relationship.

loveislikeoxygen said:

If you really care about him, I think it’s the right thing to do to be honest with him. No one wants to feel stupid and no one wants to be lied to. Telling him and facing that you hurt him is part of the consequence of cheating on someone you’re in a committed relationship with. Bottom line– I would tell him, and sooner rather than later. 

If you cheat, you need to admit to it as soon as possible. I dated a cheater for a long time and had no idea. I wish I knew the first time it happened because I wasted so much time on someone who didn’t value me enough to be faithful or honest with me.

Yes, it’s super difficult to be honest when you’ve done something bad. You don’t want to hurt the other person, but you’ve already done so by cheating even if they don’t know yet. It’s going to be so much worse for them to find out later or from someone else.

In regards to breaking up, I think if you cheated you’re not happy in your relationship in one way or another. Some couples can get through cheating, but a lot can’t.  Whether you break up or not, you should still fess up to cheating. These kinds of lies do not stay buried.

Have you ever cheated? Did you admit to it right away or did you hide it? Did you break up? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

What are some fun things you can do with a guy while on your period?

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Have you ever found yourself wondering “Is it cheating if…?” If you have, read on, girl, read on. Our soul sistas over at The Gloss recently posted an article on what counts as cheating according to a self-proclaimed bro and it was… quite enlightening. Or maybe the right way to describe it is to say that the comments made by this anonymous dude made all of us over at the Gurl office cringe and then feel really angry for the rest of the morning.

You would think that cheating means anything intimate you’re doing with a person who is not involved in your relationship, whether it’s emotional or physical. You would think that. If you’re anything like me, you would assume that cheating means kissing, having oral sex with, having sex with or developing a strong emotional connection with someone who isn’t your significant other. But, if you looked at cheating from this dude’s eyes, you would be wrong.

Let’s go over what this guys thinks cheating means, along with some choice quotes that sort of make me want to vomit. According to this “bro,” handjobs, kissing, getting naked, fingering someone and masturbating in front of someone is not considered cheating. This bro thinks that a guy with a girlfriend can do any of that stuff and get away with it because it’s not really cheating. Why? His reasoning behind fingering someone is that there’s not much of a difference between his finger and a tampon (oh, makes sense) and getting naked in front of someone isn’t cheating because he’s already seen a lot of women naked. Oh. So I guess if it’s something you’ve done with other people in the past, it can’t be cheating?

He also thinks that oral sex is only kind of cheating. This means that if he’s not getting oral sex from his girlfriend, it’s totally fine to get it from someone else. But if he is getting oral sex from his girlfriend, then it’s cheating. And, yeah, he thinks intercourse counts as cheating… but only if you don’t wear a condom. Obviously.

I’m going to assume this doesn’t count as cheating to this bro. | Source: ShutterStock

What?! What?! I can’t even… my mind can’t even… I can’t process this. I have to wholeheartedly agree with the author, who says, “if you find yourself dating a self-proclaimed ‘bro,’ you better be damn sure you know what you’re getting into.”

Look, I get that cheating can mean different things to different people, but I certainly hope that there aren’t a multitude of guys running around out there who think that sex only counts as cheating if you forgo a condom. Because that’s insane. I don’t want to sound weird, but the dictionary defines cheating as “to be sexually unfaithful” to your partner. And the dictionary is pretty legit, soooo…

I mean, come on dude. There’s no difference between your finger and a tampon? You have got to be kidding me with that line. That was a joke, right? You were just trying to look like a huge douchebag, right? Please tell me that’s what was happening there.

But unfortunately, I don’t think that was what was happening. Sadly, I have heard other guys say similar things (although none on this stupid of a level). One of my guy friends once told me that threesomes don’t count as cheating because it’s a threesome. Solid explanation. I’ve had a few other guy friends (and girl friends!) tell me that they don’t consider kissing cheating. I can’t help but wonder if they would still feel that way if they had to watch their significant other make out with another person.

Like I said, I understand that cheating can mean something different to everyone. But I think, in general, cheating means doing something with another person that you wouldn’t want your partner to do to another person. Does that make sense? I also think that if you’re a firm believer that cheating doesn’t include kissing, handjobs, oral sex or sex with condoms, you need to make that clear to your partner, because not everyone feels that way. 

What does cheating mean to you? Do you think what this guy said about cheating is totally messed up? Or do you agree with him? Tell me in the comments.

10 reasons why guys cheat on their girlfriends

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One warning? I don’t condone cheating in a relationship in any way, so none of these quotes are going to be pro-cheating in any way. Instead, these should make you think twice before you cheat in any way and they should also come as a little bit of a comfort to you if you’ve been cheated on. Check them out and don’t be scared to show them off on your own social media sites.

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10 reasons dudes cheat on their girlfriends

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Can understanding the reasoning behind why guys cheat help you prevent it from happening to you? Possibly. Learning what the reasons are might help you become more apt at spotting if it might happen. But it’s definitely not a guarantee. When it comes down to it, cheating is a choice someone makes (I don’t want to hear any excuses) and in the end, there is nothing you can do to stop a person from making that choice. In other words? It’s not your fault if he cheats on you.

Take a look at these 10 most common reasons why guys cheat (and these apply to the ladies also) and keep them in mind:

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He's Bored

A huge reason people cheat is because they're bored in their relationship and they're looking for some sort of excitement. And, let's face it, cheating can be exciting - the sneaking around, the lying, the hooking up part is new and different. Some people get off on that. It's a new routine from what they've been used to, especially if they've been in a relationship for a long time.

Source: ShutterStock

He's Scared Of Commitment

If a dude in a relationship is terrified of commitment and feeling vulnerable, he may act out by cheating on the girl. The thought of being with one girl for a long time makes him feel trapped - so he has to show that he's still his own person and can make his own decisions. He also may be afraid to get too intimate with his girlfriend, so he shows his power and dominance by cheating. If this is the case, this dude was never ready for a relationship to begin with.

Source: ShutterStock

He's Not Sexually Satisfied

Sometimes there's no deeper reason why guys cheat other than the fact they want to have sex. Maybe you guys haven't done it in a long time, maybe the sex has gotten sort of boring or maybe you aren't giving him what he wants. There might not be any emotional reason - just a physical one. But please don't ever feel like you have to have sex or do certain things for your man to please him and make sure he doesn't stray - if he wants to change things, he should talk to you, not cheat on you.

Source: ShutterStock

He's Not Emotionally Satisfied

At the same time, there are guys who cheat because they're not getting what they want out of a relationship emotionally. Instead of craving sex, they might be craving attention. Maybe you're really busy with work or school and you two don't hang out that much. He might feel neglected or he might even feel a little emotionally abused by you. Whatever the reason, he wants to find someone who will listen to him, be there for him and make him feel special. Remember, emotional cheating can be just as bad, if not worse, than physical cheating.

Source: ShutterStock

He's Trying To Get Revenge

If you cheated on him first and he agreed to forgive you, he may have been holding out to get revenge on you by cheating on you. Yeah, that's pretty messed up, but it happens. Even if you didn't cheat, maybe you did something else to really hurt him and this is his way of getting back at you.

Source: ShutterStock

He Has FOBU

FOBU, or the Fear Of Breaking Up, happens to guys just as much as it happens to girls. This dude may be really unhappy in your relationship, but he's scared to end things completely... so instead, he cheats. I've known guys who have cheated simply because they wanted an out. They knew their girlfriend would break up with them over it, which allows them to not have to go through the process of dumping you. Again, is this messed up? Definitely, but it happens.

Source: ShutterStock

He Wants To Feel Better About Himself

A lot of times, people cheat because of insecurities they have with themselves. Cheating may make them feel better about themselves - knowing someone is willing to sneak around for him may boost his self-confidence. Or maybe he just isn't feeling great about himself in the relationship and is looking for an ego boost.

Source: ShutterStock

He Has No Willpower

I don't want it to sound like I'm being stereotypical, but it's true: sometimes a guy is only thinking with his head down there, not up here. Guys have even readily admitted it themselves. Maybe a girl who he's really attracted to is flirting with him and he decides to give in, even though he knows it's something he'll regret later on.

Source: ShutterStock

He Doesn't Think It's A Big Deal

Cheating isn't only when a guy has sex with someone else - it could also be more about emotional stuff, like talking and flirting with another girl a lot. But some dudes don't think of that as cheating and so they do it thinking they're not really doing anything wrong.

Source: ShutterStock

He's A Jerk

Not all people who cheat are jerks, but a lot of them are. Maybe he just wants to have his cake and eat it to. He doesn't want to dump you because you treat him good, but he wants to be with other girls... so he decides that he can just have it all. These guys are selfish and don't really care about your feelings - they only care about theirs.

Source: ShutterStock

Have you ever been cheated on? Have you ever cheated on someone? Why did you do it? Are these reasons accurate? Tell us in the comments.

Quiz: Is your BF cheating on you?

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The experience of having a partner cheat won’t be the same for everyone, but unfortunately many of us have dealt with a cheating boyfriend at some point. Look no further than the Gurl comments for proof. Readers have been sharing their experiences about cheating boyfriends, as well as advice on how to deal and what they would do if cheated on. Some have heard rumors about a boyfriend cheating and others are debating if the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true when it comes to boyfriends.

You can find discussion on all of that in the comments, so here’s a sample of what you all have been talking about when it comes to cheating boyfriends.

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Have you ever dealt with a cheating boyfriend? What did you do? What advice would you over from your experience? Tell us in the comments!

Can Cheating Ever Be Accidental?

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Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have kept quiet about his alleged cheating scandal at the 2013 Oscars. That’s smart! | Source: WENN

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have been rocked by a cheating scandal. Rumor has it that Liam got cozy with January Jones at a 2013 Oscars party while Miley and her mom went to a party benefiting the Elton John AIDS Foundation elsewhere. Liam was spotted leaving the party with January and hitching a ride with her to wherever they went afterward, and some sources even say that they smooched. It could very well be nothing–but once gossip and rumors start to fly, it’s hard for it to die down.

We imagine Miley is pretty pissed about all this, and she has every right to be. Here’s how to handle dealing with rumors of a cheating scandal of your own.

If there are rumors you cheated on your boyfriend:
These are especially annoying because you know whether you did or didn’t, and it’s frustrating if people don’t believe you when you know for a fact that you’re right. Poor Miley Cyrus already was accused of cheating on Liam Hemsworth with Ed Westwick a few weeks ago by Perez Hilton. She adamantly denied the allegations and called that bottomfeeder Perez out directly on spreading lies. This is a pretty savvy move: If you know the source of the scandal rumors, confront that person directly in a polite way. Just be like, “Hey, I heard you said I cheated on Josh, and that stings. Why would you say that?” Chances are the rumormonger will be so taken off guard that they’ll apologize–and keep their mouths shut for a while.

These also suck because they can cast doubt on your guy and make it harder for him to trust you (unless the rumors are totally bogus and you can both prove it–like if the guy you were supposedly seen with was your brother or something dumb like that). You may want to give your guy a little extra TLC to assure him that you’re into him and him alone.

If there are rumors that your boyfriend cheated on you:

These are tough, because unless you’re literally with your guy 24/7 or have a tracking device on him like you’d have on your pet, you can’t really know for sure what happened. Your best bet? Don’t comment on any stories you may hear. If anyone asks, just be like, “Oh. Cute shoes!” or anything else to change the subject. Then hear your guy out in private. Nothing good ever came from airing dirty laundry in public–especially if you’re not sure exactly how dirty the laundry is.

In situations like this one where there may not evidence beyond he-said-she-said nonsense, go with your gut and your boyfriend’s history: Did he have a player rep before he met you? Has he done anything shady that you know of before this? If not, chalk it up to jealousy and try your best to move on. If your instinct tells you something is up, though, you may have to ring the alarm.

When it doubt:
Keep quiet. The less dramatic you get about the rumors, the more a chance that they’ll die down on their own once everyone else has a new scandal to talk about!

Do you think Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are handling this cheating scandal well? Do you think Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus will still get married? Have had cheating scandal rumors of your own? How’d you deal? Tell us in the comments!

Miley Cyrus may be in good company!

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It hurts more when guys who cheat happen to be in One Direction. Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards from Little Mix are on the rocks after he was caught with another girl–who got slut shamed by Internet commenters. | Source: WENN

Guys who cheat are generally selfish douchebags. That goes without saying: If you make a commitment, break it and are dishonest about it, that’s a pretty scumbag move, right? So then why do we get so mad at the other girls when it’s the guys who cheat on us? Even when that guy is . . . Zayn Malik from One Direction! (Gosh, it pained me to write that, because I love them.)

Here’s what supposedly went down: Zayn has been dating Perrie Edwards from the U.K. girl group Little Mix for a while now–well over a year–and they even live together. Now, a girl named Courtney sold a story about having sex with Zayn to a tabloid. She said she didn’t know he had a girlfriend and that he insisted he was single, but that when she got to his bedroom, she saw a lot of Perrie’s things around–fake eyelashes, shoes, even a photo of them together (yikes!). Of course, once she pieced it all together she could have peaced out, and it’s a little shady that she sold her story knowing Perrie was going to see it. Courtney got a lot of vitriol from Internet commenters and Directioners when the story broke (she took pics to prove it, which–again–is a little shady, but still. It takes two to tango.)

But here’s the thing: She’s not the one in the relationship. Zayn is.

Courtney and “the other girls“ didn’t cheat on Perrie or you or anyone else. Guys who cheat often try to spin it to get the two girls involved pissed at each other, but really, guys who cheat are the ones who owe you something–not the girls they cheat with!

Think about it this way: Guys who cheat usually lie to their girlfriends about it, right? So chances are, they probably lied to the girls they’re cheating with, too.

Being cheated on sucks. It hurts. It makes you sad, it makes you angry, it makes you embarrassed–and it kind of tears you up, because you don’t want to think that someone you liked or loved a lot has it in them to play you out. You might try to channel that frustration into hating or even slut-shaming on whoever he did his dirt with while you were together. That’s a somewhat normal reaction, and I can sort of understand it–but it’s not the healthiest or best one.

Guys who cheat are tricky to deal with, and every situation is different. But if you suspect he’s a real rat, bashing the girl (or worse, girls) he hooked up with won’t fix anything. If someone cheats consistently, you don’t need to look at or blame anyone else. You just need to get out of that relationship–or at least ask yourself why you don’t think you deserve someone who cares about your feelings, because guys who cheat don’t care about you, and have very little regard to your feelings when they’re getting it in somewhere else with someone else. And for the record? You do deserve better. And chances are, so does she.

Do you blame guys who cheat or the girls they cheat with more? Do you think girls should take back guys who cheat? Tell us in the comments!

Zayn Malik isn’t the only celeb who may have cheated on his GF. Yikes!

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Feeling horribly guilty all the time just wasn't worth it. | Source: ShutterStock

When I was 18-years-old, I made one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life: I started hooking up with someone else’s boyfriend, and essentially became “the other woman.” And this wasn’t just a one time deal. No, this “relationship” went on for a few months.

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking: “How could you do that?”. Or maybe it’s more like, “What a slut!” (Man, we hate that word). Listen, I know that the other woman is normally seen as someone who is manipulative, selfish and just downright nasty. But I swear, I’m none of those things. I’m actually a super-shy girl who fell (hard) for a dude who wasn’t available. It was a think-about-him-every-second kind of crush, so pathetic that it was hard to watch… and so, I made a stupid mistake. Before you judge me, read my story.

I had just gotten out of a very serious relationship and was feeling vulnerable, sad and totally ready for a rebound…and that was when I met who we’ll call K. K was cute, older than I was, more mature (or so I very wrongly thought), and extremely charming. We worked together almost every day and flirted constantly. Even though I knew K had a girlfriend and was off-limits, I couldn’t help the major crush I was developing, no matter how much I wanted to.

After a few months of harmless flirting, things started to get…well, not so harmless. K started asking me to hang out, and while I said no at first, I eventually gave in. The first time we hooked up, I felt absolutely terrible. But at the same time, it was also kind of thrilling. Not only was I doing something no one ever would have expected me to do, but the secrecy of our relationship made things weirdly exciting.

The secrecy might have been fun at first, but wasn't for long. | Source: ShutterStock

For me, this wasn’t just a meaningless hook-up. I really, really liked K.  Even though being with him made me feel super guilty, it also made me happy. And I know this is going to sound like a lame excuse, but K spent a lot of our time together talking about how terrible his relationship with his GF was. He told me he wanted to break up with her, but couldn’t because they were “in a weird place.” I stupidly thought that he might really end things, and that made me feel a little less horrible.

Eventually, it didn’t matter how exciting our “relationship” was, or how much I liked him – I knew I had to end things. I couldn’t think about K without thinking about his poor, clueless girlfriend. I started realizing that a guy who could lie to his GF on a daily basis wasn’t really a good guy, no matter how many perfect things he said to me or how much he made me smile.

A lot of times, the other woman gets all the blame. But here’s the thing: they don’t always deserve it. I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame – I made a choice to be with someone who I knew had a girlfriend, and I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mistake. But K was to blame also. He made the choice to cheat on his girlfriend and he was the one who pursued me for a long time.

All I’m trying to say is this: don’t automatically judge a girl who hooks up with someone else’s boyfriend. Before you start calling her all sorts of names, consider that she just might have fallen for the wrong guy at the wrong time. I’ve heard people say that once you’ve been branded the other woman, it sticks with you for life. That’s ridiculous. People make mistakes, and believe me, I still feel incredibly guilty for what I did. And if you’re in this situation right now, you owe it to yourself to dump the dude right now. Trust me, that’s one thing you won’t regret.

Have you ever been the other woman? Would you ever cheat with someone? Have you ever been cheated on? Tell us in the comments.

Can cheating ever be accidental? Share your thoughts

Totally regret what you did? The best thing to do is take responsibility for your actions. | Source: ShutterStock

There’s no doubt about it, cheating in a relationship stinks. But unfortunately, it happens pretty often. Everyone has their own excuses for cheating, and unless you’re the cheater, you’ll never really know the real reason why it happened. So here’s a question: do you think cheating can ever be accidental?

It’s easy to say ‘NO‘ in big, huge letters right away… that is, until you’ve been in the situation yourself. We saw this conversation going on in the message boards, and we were curious to see what you girls thought about it also. Read what these ladies had to say and then fill us in on your opinion.

Yakubutsu said:
Can cheating ever be accidental? For example, some people may argue that cheating when you’re drinking is “accidental” and should be viewed as a mistake because you were intoxicated. Is that true?

Sure, after one has cheated they may realize that what they have done was wrong and therefore a “mistake”… but was it initially an “accident” until the feelings of guilt came afterwards? If that makes sense.

I don’t understand how sex can be “accidental” … intoxicated or not.

hesmyweakness said:
I do not think that cheating is ever accidental. When saying that something led you to cheating, you are just finding an excuse for your actions. You don’t want to be held responsible.  I know that having sex with someone else is cheating and is wrong. Therefore, my opinion is that no cheating can not be, nor will it ever be, accidental for any reason what so ever.

Don't try to blame your cheating on something else. | Source: ShutterStock

vespertine said:
This topic is a toughy. I used to think that there was no way that this “accidental” business could actually happen, until it happened to me. Sometimes it’s not so much an accident as it is the product of influence.

My opinion? Cheating is cheating – and I don’t think you can ever call it accidental. You are always held responsible for your actions, no matter what. When you decide to cheat on someone, you’re making a choice to betray them, whether you realize that in the moment or not.

Yes, situations can very easily get out of hand, and sometimes things do happen. But when a person cheats and they honestly feel terrible about it, their reaction should never be, “It was an accident.” It should be, “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. This is my fault.” I think that saying it was an accident is trying to take the easy way out… and also, in my mind at least, it’s a pretty lame excuse. But taking accountability for your actions? That shows that you’re mature enough to realize what you did really was wrong.

What do you think? Who do you agree with? Can cheating ever be accidental? Have you ever cheated? Let us know in the comments.

So you cheated on your boyfriend… now what?