You need more smiles in the bedroom | Source: ShutterStock

Alright, onto this week’s question.

Q: My sex drive is low and it’s driving my boyfriend (and me) crazy. Is there anything I can do to increase it?

A: ChickRx expert Evelyn Resh says…

The idea that a young woman could have a low sex drive seems a little bit crazy to most of us. But, the fact is that even teenage girls can feel disinterested in sex. There are four common reasons for this and all of them can be addressed. So, in short, yep, you can increase your sex drive. Here’s how:

Birth Control: Birth control pills are the most asked for contraceptive method by teen girls in my practice. They’re effective for preventing pregnancy. You’re smart enough to know that the pill does diddly for STD prevention. So, condom up, girl! Here’s the thing about the pill though, one of its potential side effects is that it might lessen your interest in sex. If you’re on the pill and think this could be your problem, talk with your health care provider. You two can find an alternative method that won’t decrease your sex drive.

Partner Problems: If you’re having problems getting excited with your boo, it could be because you’re having problems getting excited about your boo. You could love your guy or gal and just not be attracted to him or her. This is really hard to admit and even harder to talk about. But not living and acting honestly is hurtful and interferes with both you and your partner having what you want most. Be honest, even if it hurts at first, and find someone who does turn you on. You’re worth it and so is your partner.

Could it be depression? | Source: ShutterStock

Depression: Not being interested in sex, or much of anything else, could mean you’re depressed. Stress, low self-esteem, and a family history all increase your risk for depression. Most episodes of depression resolve after a week or so. But if a low mood and disinterest in everything that used to turn you on, including sex, persists for more than a couple of weeks, talk to your school nurse, guidance counselor, medical practitioner or any other adult you can confide in. Feeling depressed isn’t something to be ashamed about and it’s definitely something that can be and should be treated.

Pressure: Last but not least are the worries many of us have about having sex thing the “right way”. When teen girls learn about sex, the information they often receive is filled with fearful messages. “If you have sex, you will get pregnant” or “If you have sex, you will get an STD.” It’s rare that anyone who teaches girls about sex presents it as one of the most pleasurable things in life made all the more so when you’re protected from an unplanned pregnancy and infection. If you’re afraid, it’s difficult to feel relaxed and happy about having sex at all. So know that if you’re using a condom and protecting yourself, you’re doing it right. Enjoy!

Finding out what’s up with your sex drive may not be easy, but it is important and will lead to a much happier, healthier sex life.

More from ChickRx:
I’m Into Porn. Is That Weird?
Can You Ever Be Too Stressed For Sex?

Have you ever noticed a change in your sex drive? Know what it was from? Let us know and leave your questions for ChickRx in the comments.

10 Foolproof Ways To Get His Attention.

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Is your secret safe? | Source: ShutterStock

Alright, onto this week’s question.

Q: Are there ways a guy can tell if I’m faking an orgasm?

ChickRx Expert Amy Levine, MA, CSE, Sex Coach and Founder of Ignite Your Pleasure says…

Not really, which is why so many guys are fooled. There are general signs of the orgasm phase of sexual response. However, since it’s possible to act some of them out, it’s usually enough to convince him.

Think about it. In addition to the physical satisfaction of getting it on, it feels good for guys to know they’re able to get their partner off. Just like it makes us feel good to know we can do it for them. So, it’s likely your guy won’t question you.

The real deal usually includes contractions of the pelvic muscles, uterus, vagina and anus (or, a combination these areas), heavier breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure, sex flush (reddening of the skin in certain spots like your chest), and loss of muscle control as the build up of sexual tension is released. If you’re giving an Academy “O”ward winning performance, you’ll likely be able to pull it off by mimicking the rapid contractions by doing Kegels, quickening your breath and forcing your body to quiver. Typically, facial expressions and moans are part of orgasmic response and can be simulated as well.

Does he know? Probs not. | Source: ShutterStock

While a guy can definitely experience a range of feelings–like betrayal, hurt, frustration, anger, disappointment, resentfulness, etc.– if he finds out you’re “faking it,” it’s really important to realize you’re sabotaging your own sexual pleasure. And, that’s upsetting. Instead, understand it’s perfectly natural not to climax every sack session, and that orgasms can be as quick as a sneeze to something that’s more earth-shattering. If you’re faking it because you never had the Big “O,” know it’s possible to learn and you’ll only enjoy sex more if you communicate with your partner honestly.

Want more from ChickRx? Check out Is the g-spot real? and What are the side effects of birth control?.

Have you ever faked it? Ever talked to your partner about what you really like in bed? Did it make a difference? Let us know and leave your questions for ChickRx in the comments.

How to feel confident during a hookup.

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Step one? Don’t wear matching outfits. | Source: Shutterstock

He’s cute. He’s hilarious. He’s sweet. He’s … Your friend. D’oh! So you’re in the friend zone. It happens, but it’s totally not the end of the world–you can get out of there, especially since studies show that your guy friends are most likely attracted to you!

Here’s how to hop right out of the friend zone and into the girlfriend zone!

Do you fake it when you make it?

Fake it ‘til you make it, babydoll. It’s something we hear a lot. While faking the funk may work for some situations, there’s one place that you should never, ever fake it. The bedroom. I’ve now officially declared it a fake free zone.

So who’s out there faking it and not making it? A recent study shows that a whopping 60% of women fake orgasms. 60%!

Here’s the deal: about 75% of women are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. About 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm. So, it seems like a good chunk of us aren’t exactly swinging from chandeliers, if you know what I’m saying. It’s actually normal not to sometimes.

If it’s so normal, then why are 60% of us faking orgasms? Well, there are all kinds of reasons. We fake because we fear we may be taking too long. Or some gURLs don’t want to disappoint their partners and bruise their egos. We fake it because we are scared of the “weird” ways our bodies react or don’t react. And sometimes we pretend because we are not sure whether we’ve had an orgasm or not.

I say, if you’re not really feeling it, then be honest. By faking it, you’re just cheating yourself out of real pleasure.

You see, instead of putting your energy into a big show, you could be spending that time and effort showing your partner what you really like, or finding out on your own. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to say something like, “It would feel amazing if you…” with your partner yet, then he or she may be someone you shouldn’t be having sex with. After all, safe sex is not just about condoms and birth control. Truly safe sex is about feeling safe as well.

Another important thing to remember is that an orgasm is not the be-all, end-all of sex. Just because you’re not feeling the exact same wake-up-the-neighbors-and-never-get-the-security-deposit-on-your-apartment-back experience you’ve seen in some movie doesn’t mean you’re not having great sex. Orgasm or not, if what you and your partner, or just you alone, do is making you feel good, then feel good about it. Orgasm or not.

There are many reasons why you might fake a sexual climax but there is one awesome reason to not fake it – being real in the bedroom, or wherever your boogie is going down, is what makes everything feel so much better.

WDYT? Have you ever faked an orgasm? Would you do it again or are you taking this no more faking pledge? Sound off in the comments.

Lifestyle expert Abiola Abrams is an MTV Made Teen Dating Empowerment Coach and author of the upcoming Official Bombshell Handbook. Find her scrapbooking with pink feathers at AbiolaTV.com.

Ellen!

Masturbation is something people do at any and every point in their lives — whether they’re single or in a relationship, old or young, male or female. What’s great about masturbation is that there is no right or wrong way to do it, you don’t need any supplies, and it is perfectly healthy and safe. This guide was written by Ellen Friedrichs, a sex education teacher, to help clear up some confusion surrounding masturbation, answer the most common questions people have and offer tips and advice on a subject that can be tough to talk about. Read on to learn more about masturbation, and hopefully, get some of your questions answered.

amber heard is out and proud

Amber Heard recently came out at the GLAAD 25th anniversary party. So Susie was wondering…how do you know if you’re gay?

Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule, other than being attracted to the same sex. But sexuality is fluid, and there’s no real reason to attach labels to yourself that may not fit. Check out my video below for a better explanation.

Have you ever wondered about your sexuality? Are you against sexual labels? Let me know your thoughts by posting comments below.

And remember, if you have a question, don’t be afraid to ask! You don’t even need to give you name, just shoot an email to askanexpert@gurl.com.

Love,
Lena

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!

one of the countless "look how happy we are!" twitter pictures posted by Jessica Simpson

I love Twitter. I love my boyfriend. It stands to reason that I would love tweeting pictures of my boyfriend.

But how do other people feel about it? There is such a thing as electronic overshare — when people just become fed up with your superfluous updates of pda via your twitter, Facebook wall, or, uh, myspace… Jessica Simpson is guilty of posting a lot of  pics of her boyfriend. I’m happy she’s happy, but when does it just become all too much?

So where’s the line? Watch my video below.

So remember, use your common sense and good judgment. Also check with whoever you want to tweet a picture of before you do so, to make sure they’re okay with it. Happy tweeting!

Love,
Lena

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!

both madonna and britney are gay icons, but no one ever accused brit-brit or madge of being a lesbian

Kim sees a lot of gay bullying at her school, but she’s scared to do anything about it, because she thinks the bullies will turn on her, too. The world needs a lot more Kim’s though! While doing the right thing is good, no one said it’s easy.  I am straight, and a strong queer rights advocate and I too, have suffered from my share of put downs and bullying, online and in person.

So if you’ve found yourself ridiculed for standing up for gay rights, or anything you feel is right, here are some tips to not let them get you down or give them fuel for their waning fires.

Is homophobic bullying a problem at your school? Tell us what happened! And, what’s your advice for Kim?

E-mail me your pressing questions about life, love, health and relationships at askanexpert@gurl.com.

Love,
Lena

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!

who need plastic wrap when you have rachel berry?

It’s an ugly stereotype. gURLs often are more expressive of their emotions than guys, and it gets them labeled as “clingy” or “needy.” Fortunately we’re discussing a fictional couple this week, Rachel and Finn from Glee. But my advice goes for life both on and off your tv screen.

While I personally think expressing needs and wants is communication more than it is clinginess, there is a line…but how do you know when you’ve crossed it and turned into saran wrap?

Short answer: when you lose yourself. Need a little more than that? Watch my video!

Have you ever been accused of being clingy? What did you do about it? Leave comments to let me know, and help out other gURLs who may be battling the same issue.

Got a question? Send it to me at askanexpert@gurl.com.

Love,
Lena

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!

abusive amber and gary with their baby leah

As soon as I read this letter, a massively huge red flag was waving in front of me and last season’s controversial Teen Mom episode with Amber flashed before my eyes. Domestic abuse, an issue we hear about a lot where men are the perpetrators, came to light when Amber hit her baby daddy. The police pressed charges and took her baby away from her. No matter who is doing the abuse, male or female, it’s wrong.  How do you confront your abusive BFF though? Read on…

Dear Lena,
My best friend’s always had a hectic relationship with her boyfriend of 10 months, there’s absolutely no way to sum up everything that they have gone through and still keep this email short. I’ll say it like this: she’s an extremely controlling person dating a very very naive and easy to take advantage of guy. He’s irresponsible and she’s shaped him up into getting a job, stop smoking weed, and overall be more responsible.

Unfortunately she took her power trip too far and she started controlling everything (his friends, his diet, where he lives, anything you could think of she controlled it). Worse yet they started hitting each other and she took advantage of the fact that he wouldn’t hurt her back to really lay into him (and his property). He finally broke things off with her but she keeps begging him to take her back. She has apologized and he keeps saying “i need more time, maybe one day.” He’s kind of being a pig.

What can I tell her to help her? I’m ready to call this boy (he’s one of my friends) myself and tell him to stop leading her on, but I’ve always considered it a little rude to get in the middle of people’s relationships and tell them what to do.

Hey gURL,

First of all, I think it’s great that you’re trying to be a supportive friend and respect other’s relationships enough to not get directly involved. However, if you think your best friend is being abusive or if your friend (her boyfriend) is being abused, then you need to intervene. Women can be abusers too, and abuse can be emotional, physical, or both. From what you’ve said about your friend, it sounds like her behavior (controlling his social life, dictating lifestyle choices, and physically attacking him and his property) fits the signs of someone who is an abuser.

| Get the Fast Facts on abuse, what it means, and how to deal with it. |

Your best friend seems to have recognized her unacceptable behavior before the abuse escalated, but it’s not uncommon for abusers to express regret and promise to change, only to then fall back into the same cycle of abuse (especially if they don’t seek counseling to get to the root of their behavior). And although she’s apologized and feels genuine remorse, that doesn’t mean that her boyfriend is now perfectly fine and ready to move on. Given the control she exercised over his life, he may feel a ton of resentment and anger, but he may also be emotionally dependent on her or blame himself for what happened. If she is aggressively pursuing him and he still has feelings for her, then it’s not surprising that their relationship is in limbo.

I think it’s important that you try to avoid taking sides and instead focus on being supportive. It is often very difficult for people to leave their abusers, so rather than interpreting this guy’s uncertainty as him “kind of being a pig” and “[taking] advantage”, perhaps you should try to understand why he might feel conflicted. Maybe he’s afraid she’ll lash out if he definitively ends things. Maybe he wants to take her back but isn’t sure whether things will really change for the better. While you shouldn’t try to force him to do anything, you can let him know the reasons why you were concerned about their relationship and you can inform him that abusive behavior (from men or women) is never acceptable.

As for your best friend, the best thing you can do to help her is to direct her toward counseling services to help her resolve anger and control issues. Oftentimes, abusers continue to abuse in future relationships, and this kind of behavior is not only romantically destructive, but it can also be illegal. As “Bitch, Please” advice columnist Megan Carpentier writes in The Gloss:

“In most states, even if the neighbors … call the cops and the victim refuses to cooperate, the police are required to cart the abuser to prison for the night and it’s rare that they drop charges. Regardless of the results of the case, [the abuser] could well end up in jail for at least a night and then paying a lawyer thousands or tens of thousands of dollars … [The abuser] could end up in mandatory batterer intervention programs … [The abuser] could, in fact, end up labeled a batterer for life.”

It might seem rude or presumptuous of you to tell your friend that her behavior could be unlawful, but take the approach I suggested regarding her boyfriend and go to her with concern, not accusations.

Love,
Lena

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!