His GF could be watching... | Source: ShutterStock

Obviously, a dude with a girlfriend is off-limits to other girls. But just because you can’t hook up with him, does that mean you can’t enjoy a little flirt sesh with him? Flirting with a guy with a girlfriend might seem like harmless fun to some girls, but to others, it might be totally inappropriate.

We’re sure that most of you have (maybe unintentionally) flirted with a dude who’s already taken. Is it no big deal, or is it totally crossing the line? The editors of Gurl all feel differently about this, and we want to know what you think. Read what we have to say, and then let us know: is it okay to flirt with a guy who has a girlfriend… or is flirting cheating?

Ew dude! You're already taken! | Source: ShutterStock

Melanie Says: No Way Because Of Karma
Flirting with someone who is obviously attached is just not cool. It’s disrespectful to that person’s relationship, puts them in an awkward position (of not wanting to be a jerk to you, but also not wanting to screw up things with their girlfriend or boyfriend), and makes you look a bit desperate (I mean, can’t you find your own cuddle buddy?!). I know girls who do this all the time, and they wonder why people get annoyed at them. I think the answer is pretty obvious!

Ugh... we can only imagine the drama | Source: ShutterStock

Emerald Says: No Way Because Of Drama
Flirting is a dangerous game, my friend. You may think it’s just between you and another person but everyone can see it (and if you’re flirting with a guy who is in a relationship in private then you are crossing treacherous waters). The formula is simple, you bat your eyelashes and brush the arm of a dude with a GF, his GF’s BFF sees, she sends a text “OMG You wouldn’t believe what so-and-so just did!” Then all of a sudden your Facebook wall is flooded with a bunch of cuss words and judgments about something you thought was innocent. Avoid the dramz, flirt responsibly.

This is crossing the line | Source: ShutterStock

Jessica Says: It’s Usually Not A Big Deal
I don’t think innocent flirting is that serious, no matter if the dude is married or what. I mean, let’s face it, we all flirt! I’ll admit to flirting with guys who are in relationships, but it’s never been over-the-top or anything touchy-feely. However, I  wouldn’t do it if I knew it was making my own boyfriend super uncomfortable, and I would never do it to my friends’ boyfriends. There’s definitely a fine line, and while I usually don’t think it’s serious, I’ll definitely admit that sometimes it’s wrong.

Who cares? | Source: ShutterStock

Julie Says: Go For It
Flirting is just that: flirting. A coy smile or a funny e-mail or even a little shoulder squeeze doesn’t make anyone a cheater. Being a cheater makes you a cheater. So, I feel totally fine being a little flirty with a guy in a relationship…just like I’d be totally fine with my guy flirting with someone. Relationships are about trust, not about avoiding eye contact with anyone who could possibly wink at you. I say flirt away. As long as your intentions are fine and you’re just having fun, it’s really no big deal.

Who do you agree with? Do you flirt with people who are in relationships? Tell us in the comments.

Join our other debate about padded bras!

Are dudes into the extra stuffing? | Source: Tribune

First of all, there’s no reason to hate your small boobs! Check out my previous post on what guys really think about breast size.

In addition to the fact that male physical preferences are completely subjective, you need to own those perky pals of yours because excessively padded bras can be an issue for guys. Half a cup size is generally no biggie if you’re looking for a little boost — lots of guys honestly can’t tell the difference between a large A and a small B. But it’s usually pretty obvious when a lady undresses and her imposter Cs are actually As. Imagine kissing a guy whose sexy moustache were to fall off when your mouths meet – it’d be pretty shocking, if not disappointing. However, more than anything, padded bras are frustrating not because a modest chest is so unattractive, but because deception is.

Keira Knightley is gorgeous without the extra padding | Source: Bloggr.com

Let’s be honest here: if the relationship develops, and you’re anything like most couples out there, he’s eventually going to uncover what you’re truly working with. You shouldn’t pretend to be athletic to impress a jock, or a natural swimmer to woo a lifeguard, right? Well, while it may not directly result in injury or drowning, the same goes for lying about your boobs!

When a girl changes her appearance too drastically to look the way she thinks she “should,” the lack of confidence can be a turn off to guys. Subtle enhancements are one thing — we can appreciate a glossy lip or some leg extending high heels now and then. But remember that too much deceit not only sets the wrong precedent, it reveals a needless insecurity much less appealing than your beautifully smaller boobs can ever be.

Good luck!
Ethan

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Would you wear a padded bra? Join the discussion!

Who are you going with? | Source: OrlandoLuxuryLimo.com

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about prom dates. Check it out:

gimowil12 said:

Sooo….my prom is next month… my dad said I can’t go unless I have a date. I have guy friends, but none that I wanna take. I told my dad that I’d just take my best guy friend so he’d get off my back. My best guy friend is super nice & all but I don’t “like” him. I didn’t really wanna go with him just because he just recently told me that he likes me.. now I FOR SURE don’t wanna go to prom with him, because I don’t want it to be awkward.

My problem now is I don’t know who to take… or should I just stand up to my dad & go with my friends like I’ve been wanting to do??? Please help!!!

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl. Give this girl advice on who she should bring to prom right here in our boards.

The funny truth about prom dress shopping

Just approach him first! | Source: Shutterstock.com

Don’t worry, you and Kristen Stewart aren’t the only ones – plenty of girls are shy! In fact, how to overcome approach anxiety is probably the question most frequently asked of me and my fellow “College Dating Coach”, Dave. My first suggestion is to open with something you have in common: If he’s a classmate, ask him about the History homework. If he’s a cook at Chick-fil-A, inquire about the secret ingredient of the Spicy Chicken Sandwich you love. Or, if he’s a member of your girl scout troop, find out what the hell he’s doing in a girl scout troop. Using info you already have to get a dialogue started may be the oldest trick in the book, but it’s lasted through the ages because it actually works!

Maybe you guys can make each other more outgoing. | Source: Shutterstock

If you know absolutely nothing about him, you can use your environment to spark conversation. For example, while seeing him in line for the movies, ask if he’s seen the The Vow yet, which you intend to watch with a friend. Hopefully he’s like you and won’t have trouble chatting once someone else initiates — in which case he’ll take the hint that you’re interested in getting to know him and make his own contributions to the exchange (e.g. “I haven’t seen The Vow—but have you seen those washboard abs on Channing Tatum? Ridiculous!”) Before you know it, you’ll be making plans for Saturday night.

Should you hit a dead end, feel free to try again in a few days. For all you know, you could be catching him at a bad time. But if he’s still not responding to a second attempt, he’s either uninterested or so painfully shy that he likely wouldn’t be a good match for you anyway. You might be best paired with an outgoing guy who can draw you out of your shell.

Let’s hope that your confidence and initiative inspires this crush of yours to open up – the man of your dreams could be one conversation away!

Good luck!
Ethan

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Why will he hook up with you but not call you his GF? Ethan tells the truth.

How To Talk To Guys

Blair and Dan tried being just friends... um... didn't work out too well.

It’s one of the biggest debates ever (okay, so maybe not ever, but when it comes to love, definitely): can men and women really just be friends? Some people say that they can’t because there will always be some kind of attraction from at least one person between them. But doesn’t that seem a little bit ridiculous? Shouldn’t a guy and a gURL be able to just be totally platonic without wanting to hook up? We started thinking about it after seeing this post in the message boards, and we want to know what you think. Check out these opinions and then tell us your own in the comments.

maemaeandjose asked:
I been thinking about this whole topic of can men and women be just friends? Of course there or exception  to the rule, but I mean in general?

phunky-fresh replied, saying:
I think that at one point in time one person thinks of the other as more than just a friend. I’m not talking about having full on feelings but just a random thought that crosses their minds. It’s normal; you are two people from the opposite sex that are obviously attracted to each other in some way and that’s how you ended up as friends in the first place. No matter how close you are with someone it doesn’t mean they are going to just openly tell you, especially if they aren’t sure you are thinking the same, some people keep it hidden and then eventually the feelings fade. It happens, sometimes people are in denial and would like to think this isn’t the case.

But Alex and Meredith make it work!

a_wolves_spirit replied, saying:
Yes. I don’t understand why people have such a problem with this. You don’t “have” to have sex with every person of the other sex. You can, but just because they’re the opposite sex of you doesn’t mean you WILL.

So what do we have to say about this? Well, this kind of thing really depends on your situation. Sometimes it definitely seems like it’s not possible, but in the end we’d like to think that it is. It might sometimes (or most of the time) turn into something more, but there are plenty of people who can just be friends without hooking up. In our opinion, yeah, guys and gURLs can and should just be friends.

WDYT, gURLs? Who do you agree with the most? Have you had any kind of experience with this? Tell us in the comments.

Harmless? Probably. Awkward? Definitely.

So what would you do if you saw your dad watching porn? This convo in the message boards caught our attention, and we wanna know: do you think it’s totally inappropriate for parents (or anyone) to be looking at porn? Or is it just a natural part of life by now? Check out what these gURLs have to say before you make up your mind:

foreverliv wrote:
Okay so my dad left his computer up and i needed to print a paper out for school. i had asked to use his computer first because NO ONE is ever allowed on it but him, even my mom. But when i opened a new tab all the top sites / most visited sites were porn websites. And that really just freaks me out and makes me feel very uncomfortable. I feel really disappointed in him because well he’s my dad and i feel like he is, in a way, cheating on my mom? And i know it couldn’t have been anyone else but him because like i said, NO ONE else is ever allowed on it and they were in the Most visited category, so that tells me he watches it often.

Idk what to do because this really bothers me but i dont want to talk to him about it because that would just be very weird and awkward, plus what could i really say? I really dont know what to do and i really need some advice or help.
Thank you so much gurls

This newscaster was caught on live TV looking at naked pics of Miranda Kerr. Imagine how he felt.

LittleBlonde replied, saying:
almost the exact same thing happened to me. it was almost 3 years ago though, and i never really brought it up to him but i think i was on his laptop in front of him and purposely opened the new tab thing so he would see, but i didnt say anything about the most visit and just kept going to the site i was going too, so obviously he realized. i havent seen it again so he either stopped or got better at hiding it.
but i felt the exact same way, it just made me sick to my stomach even though i realize its kinda human nature, just thinking of my mom and stuff !

artist.on.fire.13 replied, saying: That happened to me a while ago. Just think of it this way: EVERYBODY watches porn at one point on their lives, and he needs some way to please himself.

What do we think? Well, as much as some gURLs might not like it, porn is kind of everywhere these days, and it’s become way more acceptable for men (and gURLs!) to watch it. As long as your dad’s not addicted to it (and he’s at least trying to keep it to himself!) it shouldn’t be a problem.

Is it considered cheating? Technically, we say no. But we can agree to disagree, so let us know what you think. Who do you agree with the most? Tell us in the comments!
Dad Watching Porn

Fighting over weight? Not too cool.

srgal23 asked:
I’ve been with this guy for 4 years and now he wants me to lose weight. When we got together I was about 210 pounds and a size 14. Today I’m around a 6/8. My skinniest was a size 4 but I allowed myself to put on a little weight because I did not look healthy. I’m having a difficult time with it because I’m not unhappy with my body but I also don’t want to lose him over something so dumb. It seems petty that this is what we fight about. He is thin and fit, I’m a little out of shape but not a blimp. What do I do?

hero_of_the_day replied, saying:
What were his exact words?

I, personally, like to keep in shape and eat healthy and blah blah. I’d prefer my man to do the same. If I noticed him gaining a lot of weight, I might say something. I wouldn’t say “get skinnier for me or it’s over!” but I would kindly ask him to work out with me or start eating healthier for his own sake.

bexx18 replied, saying:

There's no need to stress over the scale to please people.

that’s ridiculous … as long as your healthy and comfortable in your body, you shouldn’t have to change for anyone. I’m not saying break up with him, but you should tell him that you feel healthy and comfortable now and that he should love you for who you are not how you look, even if you are drop dead gorgeous, or fat and unhappy.

So what do we think about this? Well, in this situation, we’re going to have to agree with bexx18. It’s one thing for your sweetie to ask you to lose a few pounds if you’re overweight and unhealthy. But it’s another thing if your sweetie asks you to do that when you’re at a perfectly healthy weight. No one should ever change the way they look just to please someone else, no matter how long you’ve been dating. There’s nothing wrong with your sweetie giving you a little extra motivation, but pressuring you to lose weight is just not cool.

The bottom line is this: if you’re happy and comfortable with your body, then that is all that matters. If your guy loves you for you, he’ll understand. If not? You’ll find someone who does.

Who do you agree with? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What kind of advice do you have for this gURL? Tell us in the comments.
Lose Weight

So... should they keep going?

hippie00 asked:
Hey, I was just wondering, do you guys think that sleeping with a guy on the first date means you’re a slut and that there can’t be a serious relationship with the guy afterwards?

blueandyellow replied, saying:
There’s no such thing as a slut/whore/whatever else. Slut-shaming is absolutely disgusting, and it’s no one’s business but your own. I think sexual freedom is a wonderful thing.

fiction replied, saying:
I don’t care if a girl does, but I would never do it. In order to have sex with a guy I’d need to be fairly comfortable with the guy. On the first date I’m NOT gonna be that comfortable with him yet lol. Besides, I would be really wary that he could be using me for sex and just hit it and quit it after the first date. So that’s why I wouldn’t. But I know of someone who had sex with his gf BEfORE they even began dating and they have been together for a couple years now.

If only every first date could be so cute. Sigh.

We’ve gotta hand it to these gURLs: they both brought up awesome points. So where do we stand? Well, for one thing, we definitely don’t agree with slut-shaming. We say, if you feel comfortable with your date and you really feel ready to have sex with him/her, then go for it. But you should never feel pressured into doing it, and at the same time, you should never feel pressured into not doing it.

Bottom line? Do what feels right for you, and don’t focus on what other people think. It’s your life, and your date, not anyone else’s.

And if you do go for it, be safe and use a condom.

WDYT, gURLs? Would you sleep with someone on the first date? Do you think it’s a big deal if a gURL does it? Who do you agree with the most? Tell us in the comments.
First Date

Making him breakfast in bed AND feeding him? Hm...

a_wolves_spirit said:
I’m confused. I know not every woman does this because well, I’m one of them who doesn’t and I have plenty of friends who don’t either but I’m thoroughly confused – why push yourself to the limit for a man who clearly doesn’t do the same for you?

I don’t understand the need some females (and males) have to wake up earlier to make their mate coffee, cooking him dinner, doing his laundry, etc. while he rarely returns the favor. I know plenty of females who do these things on a regular basis and although their guy is decent, he doesn’t ever return the favor. Such as, waking up early to make his make coffee in the morning or arriving home early to make dinner just because he LOVES her. I guess I just don’t see why you’d deal with a guy like this, let alone cater to him.

hem replied, saying:

i think women are still kind of conditioned to think that their greatest calling (other than having kids) is to serve their man. sexism is still very real and

I don't know about you, but I never look that happy doing laundry!

while feminism has brought us a long way, we still have a long way to go. a lot of this conditioning is subconscious, we see it on TV or in our own homes as children, we hear men talk about how they like a woman who cooks and cleans, etc and we absorb those things.

PrettyandUnpretty replied, saying:

Some people don’t do it because they want something in return though. Some people just enjoy doing it for their partner just because they like doing it. I don’t see the problem with that.

Our thoughts? It’s great to do cute little favors for your boyfriend or gURLfriend, like making them breakfast sometimes and helping out with their chores. But if your sweetie never does the same for you, no matter how nice they might be otherwise, you shouldn’t feel like you have to put so much effort into doing things for them. If it’s totally one-sided, it’s just not fair. But hey… if you’re a gURL who loves doing nice things for others and doesn’t care about getting it back, then do what makes you happy.

WDYT, gURLs? Which user do you agree with most? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Do you think gURLs should cater to their boyfriends? Discuss in the comments.
Cater to A Guy

Do you fake it when you make it?

Fake it ‘til you make it, babydoll. It’s something we hear a lot. While faking the funk may work for some situations, there’s one place that you should never, ever fake it. The bedroom. I’ve now officially declared it a fake free zone.

So who’s out there faking it and not making it? A recent study shows that a whopping 60% of women fake orgasms. 60%!

Here’s the deal: about 75% of women are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. About 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm. So, it seems like a good chunk of us aren’t exactly swinging from chandeliers, if you know what I’m saying. It’s actually normal not to sometimes.

If it’s so normal, then why are 60% of us faking orgasms? Well, there are all kinds of reasons. We fake because we fear we may be taking too long. Or some gURLs don’t want to disappoint their partners and bruise their egos. We fake it because we are scared of the “weird” ways our bodies react or don’t react. And sometimes we pretend because we are not sure whether we’ve had an orgasm or not.

I say, if you’re not really feeling it, then be honest. By faking it, you’re just cheating yourself out of real pleasure.

You see, instead of putting your energy into a big show, you could be spending that time and effort showing your partner what you really like, or finding out on your own. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to say something like, “It would feel amazing if you…” with your partner yet, then he or she may be someone you shouldn’t be having sex with. After all, safe sex is not just about condoms and birth control. Truly safe sex is about feeling safe as well.

Another important thing to remember is that an orgasm is not the be-all, end-all of sex. Just because you’re not feeling the exact same wake-up-the-neighbors-and-never-get-the-security-deposit-on-your-apartment-back experience you’ve seen in some movie doesn’t mean you’re not having great sex. Orgasm or not, if what you and your partner, or just you alone, do is making you feel good, then feel good about it. Orgasm or not.

There are many reasons why you might fake a sexual climax but there is one awesome reason to not fake it – being real in the bedroom, or wherever your boogie is going down, is what makes everything feel so much better.

WDYT? Have you ever faked an orgasm? Would you do it again or are you taking this no more faking pledge? Sound off in the comments.

Lifestyle expert Abiola Abrams is an MTV Made Teen Dating Empowerment Coach and author of the upcoming Official Bombshell Handbook. Find her scrapbooking with pink feathers at AbiolaTV.com.