Don't let him get you down! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m sorry to hear about your crush! But, I have some good news: this week, not only are you getting advice from me, but I’ve also enlisted the help of super-awesome Pubertina from Shut Up Cartoons to give you some advice. Check out what she has to say below:

Thanks for the advice help, Pubes!

Okay, Heather here! I totally agree with Pubertina’s advice and just wanted to add a few things. It definitely stinks that your crush doesn’t share the same feelings as you. I know how much you’re probably hoping he’ll change his mind, but if that happens, it’s something that he’ll need to figure out without your help. This is one of those situations where the best thing to do is back off and move on.

Imagine if you didn’t like a dude, and he kept talking to you and attempting to do things to win you over. It would probably get pretty annoying, right? Continuing to be persistent in going after your crush after he’s already made a decision is only going to turn him off. Be friendly towards him if you’re comfortable with that – maybe in time he’ll see how totally awesome you are and realize he needs to date you.

But keep in mind that that might not happen, and that’s fine. You don’t deserve to sit around trying to make some dude fall in love with you. One day you’ll meet someone who will return all of your feelings and more, and you’ll forget all about this guy!

take care,
Heather (& Pubertina!)

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Need more advice? Get it from this unlikely celeb!

Um... awkward, much? | Source: ShutterStock

I can totally understand your frustration here. You love and respect your parents, but at the same time, you want to do what makes you happy. Dealing with parents who are a little strict or who see things completely differently than you do can be super difficult – but luckily, not impossible!

First of all, I’m glad you realize that you need to come clean and be honest with your mom and dad. Lying about having a boyfriend and sneaking around behind their backs is only going to lead to a really stressful situation for you and your boo. But don’t just spring this on them – you need to find a time to talk to them calmly. Tell them that you met a really great guy who asked you to be his girlfriend and explain that you really like him and he makes you really happy. Let them know that while you want to respect their wishes and be honest with them, you also really want to be with this guy.

Aw! This is probably how they still see you. | Source: ShutterStock

If they start to freak out, let them know you’re willing to work with them on this. For example, reassure them that it’s not going to affect your schoolwork. Suggest letting them meet him, if you’re comfortable with that. If they lay down a few rules, like giving you a curfew or saying you can’t go out with him on weeknights, agree to them. You can always talk to them about changing these rules in the future – but if you flat-out refuse to do them now, that’s only going to them angry.

Remember to stay calm and mature through the whole convo… and lastly, be gentle with them. I don’t know how old you are or if you have any brothers or sisters, but I’m assuming that the reason your parents don’t want you around guys is because they’re worried about you. They’re probably just trying to protect you and I’m sure they don’t want to see you get hurt in any way. As much as you don’t want them to see you as their little girl, they probably still do, and you having a BF is going to be a big adjustment for them.

Make sure to keep in mind that arguing, yelling or acting stubborn isn’t going to help this situation at all. Hopefully, they’ll have a positive reaction, but if not, just give them some time to get used to the idea. The more mature you act, the better!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is it normal to feel a little distant from your family? Heather advises.

Don't panic yet. | Source: ShutterStock

Here’s the deal: there’s a possibility you could get pregnant from the condom breaking, especially if you aren’t using an alternate form of birth control, like the pill or the patch. It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend didn’t ejaculate yet – he could have pre-ejaculated, and despite what some people might think, that can get you pregnant. In the short period of time that his penis was inside of you unprotected, that pre-ejaculation could have gotten inside you too.

Your best bet? Taking a pregnancy test. | Source: ShutterStock

Okay, now don’t freak out after reading that. For one thing, if you are using an alternate form of birth control and your boyfriend did not ejaculate inside of you, then it’s safe to say that you’re probably not pregnant. And if your boyfriend really did notice immediately that the condom broke and pulled out right away, you’re most likely safe, whether you use another form of birth control or not. But since I’m not your doctor and I wasn’t there that night, I can’t say for sure.

How long has it been since this happened? If this just happened recently, your best bet is to take a pregnancy test. That can be terrifying, but taking one will calm your nerves and give you an answer once and for all. If you don’t want to take one on your own, go to your gynecologist. Sitting around wondering about whether or not you’re preggers is only going to stress you out – and all of that stress can actually put a hold on your period, which will only lead to more stress. It’s better to take a test or see a doctor to get a real answer. And there’s no reason to be ashamed, because this happens to people on a regular basis!

And if you’re not using another form of birth control, maybe it’s time to consider doing so. Using the pill or the patch will give you double the protection against an unwanted pregnancy. But if you do go on either of those, you should still use condoms. Condoms are the only form of birth control that will protect you against STD’s and other diseases. Ask your mom or doctor about it.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Are you dumb about sex?

If it's not making you feel better, stop doing it! | Source: ShutterStock

Okay, girl, here’s the thing: I can understand your situation and why you want to keep tabs on your boyfriend’s Facebook. But, as you already know, you need to stop doing it. It’s not going to make you feel any better – actually, it sounds like doing it is hurting you. And it’s definitely not going to help you learn to trust your boyfriend. If you want to have a healthy relationship with this dude, then you need to log off of his Facebook, once and for all.

Looking at your BF’s Facebook page every day is totally fine – normal, even. But logging into your boyfriend’s Facebook page and stalking it on a regular basis? Not totally fine. What starts out as a once-in-a-while thing inevitably turns into sort of an obsession (sounds like that happened to you). Even when you don’t want to log on, you feel like you have to, because you do it so often. Although you might feel like checking up on him this way will help you trust him, it’s going to do just the opposite. It will start to make you even more paranoid. It’s SO easy to misread things online. Little things you see that are probably harmless are going to look ten times worse when you don’t know the actual story behind them.

Playing detective and snooping through his stuff will never help your relationship | Source: ShutterStock

Besides the fact that this is harmful to your own mental health, it’s simply not a nice thing to do to your boyfriend. If he doesn’t know you’ve been checking his Facebook, I’m sure he won’t be too happy if he finds out. How would you feel if he was snooping through your Facebook everyday? It’s an invasion of his privacy – it doesn’t matter how long you two have been dating, that still doesn’t give you the right to go through his things whenever you want.

And if he knows you have his password, then consider this: he knows you can see things he does on FB. That means if he’s going to do something shady, he knows better than to do it on that website. I’m not trying to make you more paranoid or worried, because I have no idea if he’s doing that or not, but it’s definitely something you should realize.

Trusting someone who has betrayed you in the past is super hard. But snooping around and going through his things isn’t the answer on how to gain it back (for more advice on trust, read my advice here). You’re really the only one who can make yourself stop going on his Facebook. The next time you have the urge to do it, get yourself away from the computer immediately. Think about all the times you logged on and found nothing and ask yourself if it’s really worth it. Start by only allowing yourself to log on once a week, or twice a week. After a while, go down to even less than that. And if you really can’t do it on your own, confess to your BF. Tell him to change his password so that you have no choice but to stop.

If you honestly don’t trust your BF enough to stop stalking his Facebook, then you need to talk to him about it. I know that whatever he did in the past hurt you – but if you want to stay with him, you need to learn to move on and truly forgive him. What you’re doing now isn’t fair to either of you.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 How can you forgive your boyfriend for cheating?

Um... where does this go?!! | Source: ShutterStock

First things first: you need to relax, girl! Although I can’t say for sure (because I’m not your doctor), I doubt that there’s something wrong with you. Tampons seem so easy to use, but for a lot of girls, they really aren’t that easy. This is actually a totally normal situation, so no need to freak out just yet – especially since it sounds like you’ve only tried this a few times.

Are you a virgin? If so, that’s probably why you’re having a lot of trouble here. Your vagina isn’t used to having a foreign object in it, so it’s something your body has to adjust to. The other reason you’re probably having trouble is because you seem really nervous and stressed out about the whole issue. It sounds to me like you tried the first time, and it hurt – so obviously, you weren’t exactly thrilled about trying it again, and your body tensed up. That reaction is completely normal.

Annnnd relax... | Source: ShutterStock

But that’s exactly why it’s so important to remain calm and relaxed while attempting to inset a tampon. Feeling that nervous about doing it is going to make your body (and down there region) tense up. That’s going to make things tighter down there, and naturally, it’s going to hurt and cause you some pain and pressure.

Pick a time to try this when you’re feeling calm. Sit in a comfortable position with your legs spread wide, and try using a mirror so that you can see exactly what’s happening. Inset a small tampon (for the first time, you should try a light or regular one so that it’s not as difficult) very slowly. If you start to tense up, take a deep breath and calm yourself down again. If you get it in, you might feel a little pressure at first, but eventually you should get used to it. Give yourself a few times to try this – if it doesn’t work right away, don’t get frustrated. That’s only going to tense you up more.

If you’re feeling a really serious pain when trying to inset a tampon, go to a gynecologist. A doctor is the only one who can find out if there’s really something wrong going on. But before you do that, try just relaxing. You’ll be surprised to find out that will probably work.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

The complete guide to your period options

Um, take a hint, dude! | Source: ShutterStock

Eek! This guy obviously has good taste (he’s into you, after all!), but it sounds like he really needs to take a hint and move on. No matter how flattering it might be to have someone be that into you, no one wants some dude following them around when they aren’t interested. The good news is that there are a few ways to get him to back off for good.

While I don’t blame you for the lie you told to spare his feelings (turning someone down can be really hard), you have to come clean with the truth here. By telling him that lie, you made it seem like you would like to be with him, you’re just not allowed. You unintentionally made it seem like he still has a chance with you, and that’s probably why he hasn’t gotten the hint yet. I know it stinks to hurt someone’s feelings, but lying is just as bad. What if you end up meeting someone you really like and you start dating him? When this guy finds out you totally lied, that will probably hurt him even more.

There's a big difference between mean and honest. | Source: ShutterStock

If you don’t feel comfortable telling him the truth in person, then do it in a way you do feel comfortable – Facebook messaging, a handwritten note, an email – whatever works for you. All you have to do is say that he seems like he’s a cool guy, but you’re not interested. Don’t try to make excuses like you just need to focus on school or you’re not ready for a relationship. Saying things like that will continue to make him think there’s a chance you like him. By flat-out saying you’re not interested, it’s hard for him to take that any other way. And if he presses the issue, say that you’ve already made your decision and nothing he can say will change that.

Try to keep things between just you two, but if this dude continues to be seriously creepy and perverted, say something to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counselor, or your parents. Maybe if a person of authority tells him to back off, he’ll listen. The main thing is that it’s not okay for him to make you feel uncomfortable with sexual remarks – that’s not cool! Don’t be afraid to tell someone about it.

In the meantime, avoid this guy when you can. I know you might feel guilty for rejecting him, but don’t feel like you need to be overly nice to compensate for it, because that will give him the wrong idea. Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life, and he’s going to have to learn to deal with that.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

And if someone rejects you? Here’s how to deal

Breakups are sad no matter what | Source: ShutterStock

I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation – it definitely stinks. As hard as this is for you, I think it’s great that you’re being so mature and level-headed about it. That will only make it easier for you to deal with everything.

While normally I would tell you to wait and see how things go next year before making a decision, in this case I think the best idea might be to end things. That’s not because I don’t think long-distance relationships can work, but it’s because you’re already having serious doubts while you two are together, and that’s only going to get worse once you two are apart. And if you want to stay on good terms with this guy, it’s much better to end things in person than other the phone.

Moving on in college might be easier than moving on at home | Source: ShutterStock

That being said, there’s no reason to rush things – but you do have to talk to your man about this. Letting him think things are going to be fine next year is only going to make things worse. Have a serious talk with him about college and basically tell him what you told me. Explain that you love him, but you just don’t think things are going to work because of the different paths you two are going on. Tell him you would love to be friends and you don’t want to lose him entirely. Be as nice and gentle as possible.

Figure out together when you want to end things. He might be really hurt and want to end things right away. Or maybe you both want to spend as much time together as possible while you can. There’s nothing wrong with you guys dating until you both go away to college if that’s what you want to do. But really, I can’t tell you what to do here. It’s all about how you feel and what you want.

That being said, don’t assume that just because you two will be far away from each other you can’t still be together. Long-distance relationships do work, they just take a lot of time and effort. If you want to give things a shot next year before breaking up, that’s not silly or foolish. Don’t make this decision until you really think things over and consider what you want to do next year – ultimately, do what feels right for you.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do you think: do long-distance relationships ever work?

It's normal to still be sad and confused. | Source: Shutterstock

As weird as this may sound, it’s actually good to feel sad—it means that you’re dealing with your loss and not ignoring your emotions. That’s healthy, and it takes a strong girl to do it. Grieving is not easy, and unfortunately there’s nothing I can say that will make your pain go away. But you will make it through. You will feel normal again. Below, I’ll share some things I’ve learned from my personal experience, and from working with girls and guys who have suffered loss.

There’s No “Right Way”. Remember that grieving is a process, and there’s no one right way to do it. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re taking steps forward, like your mood is better or you’re able to enjoy life again. And some days, you might feel really low. This doesn’t mean that you’re taking steps backward, or that you’re not healing. This is just what grieving looks like.

You are not alone in this. | Source: Shutterstock

Be patient with yourself.
As time goes on, your pain will lessen. I don’t know how long this will take for you, because it’s different for everyone. But please, be patient with yourself. You’ll take exactly the amount of time you need to grieve, and that’s okay. If you find that your sadness is getting consistently worse as time passes, or if you’re starting to feel helpless or hopeless, reach out to a parent or doctor. It may be important for you to talk one-on-one with a counselor.

Find meaning in your experience.
I mentioned above that you will feel normal again, and that’s true. You won’t feel exactly the same way you felt before your friend’s death, though. This was a tragic life event, and you will be changed because of it. Maybe you’ll find strength you never knew you had. Maybe you’ll treasure your current friendships all the more. Eventually, acknowledging those things that you’ll take from the experience is a way to honor your friend. And honoring her a little bit every day will keep her memory alive.

Most of all, just try to take good care of yourself. That’s what your friend would have wanted.

Have you ever had to deal with the death of a friend? How did you get through it? Share your advice with other girls in the comments.

Feeling kind of lost and like no one understands? This might help.

Don't get involved... | Source: ShutterStock

This is definitely one of those moments when having two amazing best friends turns from super fun to super awkward. I can totally understand where you’re coming from – being stuck in the middle of any fight is complicated and pretty much just stinks. I know it’s difficult to stay out of an argument, especially when it’s two people you really care about doing the arguing, but in this case it’s usually best to avoid the situation as much as possible.

You need to tell your friends that they have to stop trash-talking each other to you. That puts you in a totally uncomfortable situation, and it’s so unfair to you. The next time one of them brings up the other one, say gently but firmly, “I really don’t want to talk about this.” Explain that you understand they need someone to vent to, but you don’t want to hear these mean words about your friend. If you feel totally weird speaking your mind (and you shouldn’t!), just try changing the subject immediately when it’s brought up. If you do it enough, they might take the hint on their own.

And don't let them get mad at you too! | Source: ShutterStock

Letting your friends know what you think is probably not going to help. Their fight might seem ridiculous to you, but it probably doesn’t seem that way to them. Telling them they’re being stupid is only going to come off as judgmental, and just make them angry at you. The only time you should involve yourself is if things are getting completely out of hand. In that case, tell both of them how much you hate watching them fight. Remind them that they care about each other, and ask if this fight is really worth ruining a friendship over.

Once you say that, don’t make yourself the mediator. They have to make their own decision here, and you going back and forth between them is only going to stress you out. If they want to keep arguing, make it clear that you’re not going to a part of it in any way. And if they want to make up, they will eventually, with or without your help.

And if one of them gets mad at you for not being on her side? Tell her it has nothing to do with her and that you just don’t want to get involved. If she can’t understand that, there’s not much you can do to make her get it. You should never feel like you have to fight just because your best friends are.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How do you deal with your boyfriend being a huge flirt?

Don't do this! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m not going to lie, acne is super annoying – especially when you have a big event coming up and you want to look flawless. Piling on the makeup doesn’t really help, either. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to try to get rid of acne quickly (and hopefully forever!)

If you’re prone to breaking out, you should be working on preventing acne all the time. Even if you go a few days without a zit popping up, you shouldn’t slack off… that’s when they come back! Make sure you’re washing your face with a gentle cleanser every night and morning, and if you’re going to use moisturizer, use one that’s oil-free.

While wearing a pound of concealer and foundation might hide your zits at the moment, it’s probably clogging your pores and could actually be contributing to your breakouts. It’s good for a quick fix if you need it, but make sure you wash it off before you go to sleep, and try to buy brands that are oil-free. Oh, and don’t try popping your zits on your own. I know it’s super tempting, but all it’s going to do is leave a nasty little scar. Plus, touching your pimples is one of the worst things you can do – you’re just transferring the bacteria from your hands on to your face!

And don't freak out either! | Source: ShutterStock

If your acne is worse than a single zit once in a while, try using products that are a little stronger. A great brand that doesn’t require a prescription is Proactiv – as long as you use it every day as instructed, you’ll start seeing a difference in your acne (hopefully just in time for prom!). The face washes are great and work for a lot of skin types, plus it’s not going to cost you a ton of money.

But if your pimples are out of control, you should probably take a trip to the dermatologist. Your doctor can check out your skin type and prescribe some products that are super strong. It can be expensive, so maybe make this your last option.

And keep this in mind: you’re always going to notice the zits on your face, no matter where they are, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is. Stress only makes acne worse, so don’t worry about it too much. One or two pimples aren’t going to ruin your appearance!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Find out all the facts about acne here

This post written in partnership with Proactiv. But even if they didn’t sponsor us, I’d totally mention them because this stuff works! xo, Heather