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Ugh, I know the feeling and I know how much it stinks. Getting over someone is hard enough as it is – but getting over someone you have to see and interact with all the time is even more difficult. It’s also a confusing feeling because you never really had a relationship with this person, so you don’t really know how you’re supposed to feel.

The best way to get over a crush, or anyone really, is to stop thinking about the person. This is way, wayyyy easier said than done. To do this, cut off contact as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you need to completely ignore him if he tries to talk to you (although you can do that if you want), but don’t go out of your way to talk to him. In fact, go out of your way not to talk to him. Do you sit near him in class? Try to move your seat, if possible. Are you friends with him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? I strongly suggest deleting him or, at the very least, blocking him. You’re never going to get over someone if you continue to see their regular updates via social media.

Using the buddy system to get over someone can help as well. Let your best friend know that you’re ready to get over this dude and she shouldn’t let you talk about him or try to talk to him. She can stop you whenever you bring up his name, she can say encouraging things to make you feel better and she can convince you not to approach him if you want to. Plus, you can lean on her when you’re feeling sad.

Another way to get over a crush? Start crushing on someone else! Be open to meeting new people and getting to know other guys – you probably didn’t notice them when you were busy crushing on this person, but their out there, I promise. Or, on the flip side, just focus on yourself for a while. Put all of your energy and time into doing something that will make you happy, like a hobby or a sport. Focusing on yourself not only makes you better, but it also makes you happier and before you know it, you’ll forget about that loser who doesn’t like you back.

I’ll be honest with you, though: it’s probably not going to take just a week or two to get over this crush. It can take a long time to stop liking someone and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel pathetic about that! As corny as this phrase sounds, time really does heal all wounds. If you stick with these tips and avoid your crush as much as possible, you’ll go to bed one day realizing you didn’t even think about him once during the day – and it will feel great.

take care,
Heather

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Does THIS mean my crush likes me?

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Good news: it’s totally, totally fine to masturbate while you’re on your period. If you’re comfortable with it, it’s not gross and as long as you’re clean about things, it’s not unhealthy.

In fact, masturbating during your period is probably a big benefit to you. When you have your period, all of these crazy hormonal things are happening to your body and these hormones can make you even more in the mood, if you catch my drift. So, you probably feel extra, um, cravings to masturbate during this time anyway. Masturbation can also help relieve painful cramps from your period. And if you have mood swings, pleasuring yourself has been proven to make you feel happy and to help get rid of stress (read more about what masturbation does here). I see nothing but good things here!

I mean, yes, a masturbation session during your period may end up being more messy than masturbating when you’re not on your period. There’s blood down there so that makes sense, right? I would suggest laying down a few old towels before you get busy and, of course, washing your hands when you’re done. If you don’t feel like cleaning anything up, you can also try sitting on the toilet so things are more manageable.

As for how to do it, try stimulating your clitoris rather than doing anything vaginally. If you masturbate by stimulating your clitoris, you can keep a tampon in, which will help with the mess. If you don’t want to stick your fingers in there, you can try using sex toys, but make sure you don’t already have a tampon in your vagina – in fact, if you plan on putting anything inside of your vagina, make sure there is no tampon in there at all.

So, yes, masturbating while on your period is perfectly fine and totally normal. Don’t let anyone make you feel weird about doing it (you don’t even have to tell anyone!). This is your body and there’s nothing wrong with exploring it, even if things get a little messy. After all, this is just your blood we’re talking about here. No big deal!

take care,
Heather

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My 7th grade teacher made me afraid to masturbate

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Two words: run away. Seriously. This guy sounds like a jerk and you deserve to be treated waaaayyy better than this.

I’m not surprised that you’ve heard that when guys are mean to you, that means they like you. I think we were all told this when we were little kids – whenever a boy was picking on you at school and you complained about it to an adult, he/she probably said something along those lines. Here’s the thing, though: while this is sometimes true for very young, immature boys with a little crush, it’s not true for older dudes who really do have feelings for you. 

Yes, your average teen boy full of hormones who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings may tease you or bully you a little bit if he likes you. But he most likely wouldn’t take it this far, especially if he’s already hung out with you and hooked up with you. This isn’t harmless and annoying teasing to try to get your attention – this is being genuinely mean, rude and insensitive and it’s not cool.

It sounds like this guy is way too immature to handle any sort of relationship right now. He’s into hooking up with you, but it doesn’t seem like he wants anything more than that. It also sounds like he has a crush on your best friend and it’s totally not okay for him to keep rubbing this in your face. If he likes your BFF, he never should have hooked up with you in the first place. Also, he shouldn’t be telling you about it and he definitely shouldn’t be comparing you two! That is NOT okay. He’s acting like a jerk and not a jerk who just doesn’t know how to tell you he likes you – he’s a jerk who thinks he can treat you however he wants.

So, here’s what I think you should do: stop talking to and hanging out with this guy ASAP. You don’t deserve to be compared to your best friend by a dude who knows you have feelings for him. When a guy likes you, he’s not going to purposely make you feel bad about yourself (unless he’s 12-years-old). He’s going to go out of his way to talk to you, hang out with you and make you feel good all the time. If a guy is into you, he’s not going to tell you he thinks your best friend is hot. Plain and simple. Let this dude go and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

take care,
Heather

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Scared to have sex? Read this now!

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First things first: take a deep breath and relax! Finding a lump in your breast does not automatically mean that you have cancer. I completely understand how scary it is – once I found a lump in my armpit and I was convinced I was dying (turns out it was just swollen glands) – but freaking out isn’t going to help the situation at all. Take it from me, I’ve been there.

Let’s go over the good news first: 80 percent of lumps found in breasts are benign, which is a fancy word for “cancer-free.” Also, breast cancer generally affects older women over the age of 30 (although it can of course affect younger women also). So, chances are, your lump isn’t something to panic over.

Now it’s time for the not-so-good news: you should definitely head over to the gyno to get it checked out anyway. And, really, that news isn’t even that bad. While chances are good that your lump is nothing to worry about, it’s still really important to stay on top of your health. Trust me, your doctor isn’t going to think you’re crazy or dramatic for coming in to get a breast exam. You’re concerned about your health – there’s nothing crazy about that!

So what could this lump be? Well for starters, some breasts are just lumpier than others, so this could just be a lump you’ve maybe never noticed before. It could be a cyst – cysts sound scary, but they’re actually pretty common and can sometimes come and go throughout your menstrual cycle. It could be fibroadenoma, which is an excess formation of lobules (the glands that produce milk). The lump could also be the result of an injury you had that maybe you forgot about. The point is, a lump in your breast could mean a lot of things, not just cancer – although that is typically the first thing to pop into our minds.

Head over to the doctor and make sure you’re keeping up on your breast exams. If you can’t make it to the gyno all the time, do a monthly breast exam on yourself (use this handy guide to figure out what to do). I’m not going to lie, it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but you should still do it. Even though teens don’t have a huge risk of breast cancer, it’s still possible, which means it’s still important to watch out for yourself.

take care,
Heather

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Are your birth control pills ruining your orgasms?

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Oh man. This is definitely a rough situation. I understand where you’re coming from – no one likes to feel like a third wheel. It’s totally understandable for you to feel left out and a little bummed out, even if you’re happy for your friends at the same time.

You have two options here: you can voice your concerns to your friends or you can try to move on and stop hanging out with them. I’d like to think that the second choice isn’t an option, since I’m assuming you don’t want to lose either of your friends. Instead, try talking to them. If they are really your best friends, they’ll hear you out and do what they can to keep your friendship intact.

If you really honestly feel like they’re leaving you out, then you should say something. Approach them either separately or together, whatever you feel more comfortable doing, and just say that you love both of them and you’re so happy for both of them, but you feel a little left out. Let them know how much you don’t want to lose them as a friend. Say that you have no problem with their sexual orientation, but you want to continue to hang out with them without always feeling like you’re intruding on one of their private dates. You don’t need to be mean – just be honest and clear with them. Sometimes, new couples don’t realize how alienating they’re being. It’s okay to let them know nicely!

Talking to them should hopefully clear some things up, but - and this is a bummer – you should know that some things are going to change now that your best friends are dating. It will feel like it’s them against you because, well, it sort of is. I know that stinks to hear, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t continue being best friends with them. You should just get used to the idea of them hanging out without you and getting closer without you. And as much as that may suck, it’s also okay. Friendships won’t always stay the same over time – they evolve and change just like any other relationship. If you guys are truly all friends, you’ll be able to work around this stuff and stay friends.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How to deal with annoying PDA

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Don’t worry girl, you definitely don’t sound weird. A few years ago, I heard something similar to this and I started freaking out the same way you are. I was seriously skeptical of ever using a public toilet because I was so paranoid that I would catch some sort of STD or other disease. Fortunately for both of us, catching something serious from a toilet seat is rare and can also be avoided pretty easily.

While toilet seats definitely hold a lot of bacteria, there’s no reason to avoid them completely. Yes, there’s a ton of dirty stuff going on on that seat, but as long as you rub your hands all over it and then put them in your mouth (ew, gross), you should be okay. Bugs that are normally found on toilet seats are things like E. coli, hepatitis A, the common cold virus and, yes, some sexually transmitted diseases. I know, I know. This isn’t helping your anxiety. Read on!

I’ve heard myths about being able to catch pubic lice (crabs) and genital warts or herpes from toilet seats. This is most likely something you don’t need to worry about. Pubic lice can’t live away from a human body for that long, so that means they can’t live on a toilet seat. Have no fear – no little lice are going to be jumping up your butt! Catching genital herpes from a toilet seat is also super rare.

Here’s the thing: as long as you have a healthy immune system and you wash your hands after you use the bathroom, you should be fine. After all, if it were that easy to catch a serious disease from a toilet seat, we’d all be walking around with these diseases, right? And remember when I told you guys about those eight seemingly innocent things that are dirtier than a toilet seat? Trust me, toilets are not the number one thing you need to be worried about. If you’re stressed over germs, make sure you stay hygienic - wash your hands after you go to the bathroom and carry around hand sanitizer. And remember, in general, the only time you should be worried about contracting STDs or STIs is when you’re having sex without a condom.

take care,
Heather

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Can oral sex cause cancer?

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I feel your pain, girl. Sometimes trying to help and be a good friend isn’t easy and this is definitely one of those times. No one likes being the bearer of bad news, even if that news is only going to help someone. That being said, there are some ways you can give your BFF a hint about what’s going on without coming out and saying something really blunt.

While I would usually encourage you to be honest and straightforward with a best friend, in this case, being too honest is going to hurt her feelings and probably make her feel really embarrassed… and that might end up starting a fight. Instead, you can give her some subtle hints to try and get your point across. The next time you guys are hanging out, show her one of your perfumes and offer her a spritz. Say something like, “I’m in love with this perfume. You have to try it!”

But obviously you can’t offer her a spray of perfume every single time you see her, so maybe try something a little bit more direct. Go to the drugstore with her and say you need some new deodorant. Once you guys are there, say something like, “I love this brand of deodorant. You should try it. It smells good and it never stains my clothes!” You could also try checking out perfumes with her at the mall – when you find a scent you like for her, try encouraging her to buy it by telling her how amazing it smells on her. I know that sounds really manipulative and it is a little bit, but it could also be a strong hint to her that she needs to try something different.

If all of that fails, you may just have to be honest with her and tell her the truth as gently as possible. Tell her when it’s just you two talking (doing it in front of other friends might feel comfortable for you, but it won’t for her) and say something like this: “Hey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I want to let you know that sometimes you smell a little. I’m just trying to be a good friend because I would want you to tell me that.” There’s no need to let her know other people are talking about her. Just try to be as nice as possible and let her know how much you care about her.

If you really don’t want to tell her, you may just have to live with the smell. But think about it: don’t you think she’d rather hear it from you than someone she doesn’t know as well?

take care,
Heather

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Is it bad to think about sex a lot?

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First things first: try to relax. I know you’re freaking out and I can completely understand why. In situations like these, it’s really easy to get yourself worked up into a state of panic and that makes it hard to think clearly and figure things out.

Now, onto your question. Unfortunately, I can’t give you super great news here. Even if a guy ejaculates near your vagina and not directly inside of it, there is still a small chance that you can get pregnant. Take into consideration exactly what happened and then figure out your steps from there.

The further away from your vaginal opening he ejaculated, the better - if this dude finished on your stomach, arm, breasts or legs, you would have had an almost zero chance of getting pregnant. However, from what you’ve said, it sounds like your boyfriend finished really close to your vagina. If he ejaculated on your upper thigh, close to that area, you do have a slim chance of getting pregnant. Sperm can be strong swimmers and there is the always the possibility that they can make their way over to your vaginal opening on their own.

Your chances of getting pregnant increase as the ejaculation happens closer and closer to the vaginal opening. But something important to keep in mind is that sperm can sometimes even make their way through thin clothing. So if your boyfriend ejaculated on your underwear, don’t assume your safe.

One common myth about sperm is that it dies instantly the second it hits the air. I wish that were true, for your sake, but unfortunately it’s not. Sperm can live outside the body for up to an hour. That’s why it’s really important to be safe even if you’re not having intercourse – a lot of people assume that they won’t get pregnant if a guy just ejaculates near their vagina, but that’s not true.

So, what can you do? If it’s less than 72 hours after this happened, you can stay on the safe side and take the Plan B pill. If it’s been more time than that, you can contact your doctor or take a pregnancy test. Don’t get into full-on panic mode though – your chances of getting pregnant are slim, but it’s always better to cover all of your bases. And keep this in mind for the next time – if your boyfriend is going to ejaculate on your body, have him do it on your stomach, your breasts or your arm – anywhere that’s far away from your vagina!

take care,
Heather

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How can you initiate sex without looking slutty?

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Try not to stress, girl! Every woman who is on the pill has most likely forgotten to take it at least once. Remembering to take these pills at the same time every single day can be tough, especially when you haven’t been on them that long. This stuff happens and while it’s not ideal, it also doesn’t mean that you’re now guaranteed to get pregnant.

You did the right thing by doubling up on your pills the day after. Whenever you forget to take your pill at your designated pill-taking time, take it as soon as you remember. It doesn’t matter if it’s one hour later or 24 hours later – take it right away when you realize you forgot about it. This should usually put you back on schedule.

It’s too late to change this now, but just so you know for the future, you always need backup protection whenever you forget or skip a pill. So if you usually have sex without a condom and then you forget to take your pill one day, you need to start using condoms until the end of that pill pack. If you forget your pill and you don’t double up on protection when you have sex, you may want to seriously consider using the Plan B pill just in case – but remember, you can only take that up to 72 hours after you have sex and it’s more effective when you take it right away.

Forgetting to take just one pill isn’t a huge deal as long as you take it once you remember, continue on with taking the rest of your pills normally and double up on protection until the end of that pill pack. Things get a little tricky when you forget to take two or three pills. If that happens, get in touch with your doctor right away and he or she will let you know what to do.

For right now, all you can really do is to wait to see if you’ll get your period. If you know you’re supposed to get it within the next day or so and you don’t, take a pregnancy test and consider calling your doctor. But try not to freak out. Keep in mind that forgetting to take a pill can mess with your hormones a little bit, so you may get your period a day later. It’s also important not to stress because too much stress can actually delay your period even more and that can quickly turn into an endless cycle. And remember this ordeal for the future – if you need help taking your pill, check out these tips and remember that if it happens again, double up on your protection.

take care,
Heather

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How to skip your period

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The first thing I want you to know is that it’s totally normal for you to feel confused and frustrated right now. Figuring out your sexuality can be a very confusing time and there’s nothing wrong with anything that you’re feeling – but please don’t feel like you’re weird! If you are a lesbian or bisexual, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The second thing I want you to know is that while I can give you some advice on figuring out your sexuality, I can’t tell you for sure whether you’re gay or not – that’s something that you have to figure out on your own. Some people say they have known that they were gay since they were little kids, and for others, it takes a little bit longer to come to that conclusion. It may not happen overnight, but it will happen.

However, there are some things you can think about to help you try to figure things out. Have you ever had a crush on a girl? Think about it – it sounds like you do, but you might not want to admit it. Are your feelings of attraction towards girls stronger than your feelings for guys? Imagine yourself kissing a girl and then imagine kissing a guy – which is more exciting to you? Consider your future: would you rather be with a man or a woman? How often do you fantasize about girls? Do you think about girls more than guys? You say you’re into lesbian porn – are you into heterosexual porn at all also?

I know you probably feel super confused because you dated a guy once and now you feel like you’re into girls. First of all, a lot of lesbians have dated guys before they fully came to the conclusion that they were a lesbian, so don’t feel like you’re weird for doing that. Second of all, that could mean that you’re bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting a little bit to sort things out. Did you like dating that guy? Did you do it because you felt like you had to? Why did you guys break up?

Think about these questions, but know that none of these can give you an absolute answer. There are no right or wrong answers. I know it sounds confusing, but my point is that your sexuality is a big thing – there’s no one question or quiz that will give you an answer. You kind of just need to figure it out on your own. If there is anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this, I’d definitely encourage you to do that. It may help you work things out and may feel good to get your thoughts out.

Just remember: it doesn’t matter if you’re a lesbian or bisexual or straight, that doesn’t change anything about who you are as a person. You should never feel ashamed of your sexuality or feel embarrassed over who you like. In the end, being true to yourself is the  best way to make yourself happy. It may take a while to feel fully comfortable with your sexuality, but know that you’re not alone. Good luck!

take care,
Heather

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How to come out to friends and family

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