She probs just wants to see you happy! | Source: Shutterstock

All that’s left is for you to take things to the next step. No, we don’t mean THAT. We’re talking about meeting the parents. That’s right; he’s going to meet the beautiful weirdos who created you, but before you go THERE you’re going to have to tell them about him first. So how do you make this a positive experience and avoid freaking them out? Naturally, I’ve got some tips.

1. DO think about who to tell first.
You may be closer to one parent. If this is your first boyfriend (and they’ve said you’re too young to date) or some other situation that could be drama-filled, it helps to have an advocate on your side while you tell the other parent.

If there are no extenuating circumstances like, “Mom, he needs to stay here until his educational Visa comes through,” then telling the ‘rents together is ideal. This way, no one feels left out.

2. DON’T lead with the stuff they might see as negatives.
There’s something about him that may be an issue. It’s no biggie to you but it will be to your folks. Maybe he’s older or of a different religion or from another background. Cool, but don’t let that be your opening statement. Let them register that you have a boyfriend first. Then give them the caveats.

This is NOT the pic to show mom and dad! | Source: Shutterstock

Note: A simple smiling shot of your cutie is best. Sexy selfies or pictures of the two of you hugged up can be saved for another time, like Neverary.

4. DON’T spring him on them.
Parents are not big on surprises where your romantic life is concerned. Trust your personal love coach on this one. Showing up with a random, unexpected guy has more potential for failure than success.

5. DO share what you know about him and his family.
Be polite without freaking out if they have a zillion questions. Remember, these people used to change your diapers. It’s natural for them to feel bittersweet about you growing up. They may still see you as their baby. Cut them some slack.

Now what?
Family dinners are a common first time meeting moment but can be very stressful. A great alternative is telling them that he’ll drop by to spend a short time on his way to somewhere. This way, there’s a built in out. An hour or two at most is a safe amount of time for a first visit.

Visualize the future: You love him, your parents love him and he didn’t even mind when your little brother kicked him in the shins. YAY. Really hoping this all goes super well for you!

Have you told your parents about a boyfriend? Was it weird? Was it hard? Tell us what happened in the comments!

Is He Ready To Be Your Boyfriend?

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You call him FROGGY?! Oy. | Dmitry Berkut / Shutterstock.com

Ah, l’amour. Almost nothing feels as good as finding someone cool who likes you the way you like them. Your endorphins are buzzing and you are oh-so-happy. Yes you are! Yup; we already know ALL about it. How? Because you’ve got an itchy facebook trigger finger, that’s how.

We’re officially calling the Social Media Police. You, my sweet, are being fined for “Annoying Relationship Behavior.” Your F.D.A. levels, Facebook Displays of Affection, are way too high and we’re sick of it! Before you get unfollowed by everyone and your mother, here’s how to be in a relationship on Facebook (without annoying the crap out of everyone you know):

1. Keep Nicknames to Yourself.
Did Pooh Bear and Cuddleface have an amazing time at the beach? Who cares! If you call your dude Bubble Booty and he calls you Snicker Doodle, do the rest of us really need this information? The final answer is no.

2. Limit Oversharing.
“Check out my man’s ripped stomach” is a rather braggy status update we’ve seen lately. We also spotted, “Lookit, my baby’s mouth is all bloody from floor hockey.” We’re sure that the women who posted these updates are thrilled about their BF’s abs and sad about the missing teeth. However, they should ask themselves whether their friends need more randomness clogging up their timelines. Being in a relationship on Facebook shouldn’t mean your WHOLE relationship is on Facebook!

3. Some Photos Are Private.
Wow! We now have an image of your guy grabbing his crotch. Or, who knew that when he poked your boob you’d make that face? Ewwww. Gross. We don’t need to see you pick his boogers either. Keep personal pics to yourselves, please.

And while we’re at it, don’t tag us in pictures featuring only the two of you. Thanks.

4. No More Personal Convos.
“Hey babe, did you get condoms?” “Yeah, I found free ones at the mall.” Um, excuse us but why is this a facebook conversation? Ditto goes for tweeting these tidbits back and forth or facebook chatting a fight if you’re in the same location. If you want to send a sexy “Come upstairs and find me” message, there’s a great “new” phone function perfect for that. It’s called TEXTING. Use it!

5. The Real Deal.
Don’t get us wrong. We’re not bitter. Your joy is our joy. For example, we LOVE seeing your so-in-love faces on instagram. We celebrated when you changed your status to “in a relationship.” Your “Couple Us Tumblr” is the bestest — but you don’t need to tweet it daily.

We support you in your happiness. We just don’t need to be clued in to every minute detail every step of the way. Got it?

This has been a public service announcement. I’m your personal Love Coach and I approve this message. Sheesh!!

Okay, come on. Overshare with me. Have you ever posted too much about your love life on facebook? Or do you have a friend who gets so mushy in your News Feed that you wanna gag? Tell me in the comments!

Wait. WHO’S Creeping On Your Facebook Page?!

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It’s actually important to clue him in! | Source: Shutterstock

If You’re Sexually Active
If you’re being sexual, definitely let him know what’s going on! This is one surprise that would NOT necessarily go over well. But if you’re both comfortable having sex during your period then it’s fine. That said, it’s important to practice safe sex. Know that you can STILL get pregnant. Also, like semen, your menstrual blood is a bodily fluid so you can still pass on and be infected with sexually transmitted diseases. Use condoms, as always!

It’s seriously NBD. | Source: Shutterstock

Oh, and special note? Speak it plainly! Dudes do not speak girl. Euphemisms might confuse him. If you say “my friend” or “the visitor” is here, he may be looking around for an imaginary alien invasion.

What He Needs To Know
Before we consider what he needs to know, let’s talk about what YOU need to know. Keep a calendar record of when you get your period, cyclical conditions, changes and how many days it lasts. I get killer premenstrual moodiness and like to be able to distinguish whether my personal dramas are “hormonally magnified.” Reducing sugar helps with that, by the way…

Any dude worth dating will be cool with it. | Source: Shutterstock

A good guy won’t care. He may even volunteer to pick up your tampons or pads. There’s nothing gross or embarrassing about something that your gorgeous body does every 28 days, got it? Good. And unless you’re dating someone super immature, he’ll get it, too.
 
 

How have you told a dude about your period? Tell me in the comments!

Wait. Can You Get Your Virginity Back?!

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You’ve GOT to love you, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

Know who it is? Your SELF.

That’s right. The best date, most ah-mazing BFF and love of your life should be YOU. At this point you may be all — “wait, WHAT?” Here’s the deal, rock stars. I’ve named it “F.L.T., The First Love Theory.” And no, F.L.T. is not what they serve when the kitchen runs out of B.L.T.s!

The First Love Theory is the concept that we all need to FIRST love OURSELVES before we can love anyone else. After all, if you don’t love, forgive and accept YOU, how do you expect someone else to? If you want loving, romantic relationships, start by treating YOURSELF the way you want to be treated.

What do you do for someone you’re in love with? You share quality time with them, right?

Here are 5 really cool “self-dates!” This is the way to treat yourself really well and give yourself love every day. Then when another person shows up to lavish love on you too, that’s just the yummy hot fudge on the ice cream sundae of your LIFE! So . . . let’s get started!

A Dinner Date with You
A dinner date is the perfect way to show your love for YOU! Raid the fridge and cook yourself a tasty meal that feeds the body, mind and spirit. Pack a basket and take yourself on a people-watching picnic. If you’ve saved the budget for it, go to a cafe for a fun solo lunch.

You’re worth it, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

The Solo Book Date
Nothing says “ME” time like gifting yourself with a soon-to-be-favorite book. (Side note: Buying or making yourself other presents like barrettes or jewelry is always fun, too.) Then, take your new book and cute self somewhere fun and indulge in a great story.

Workout Self Love
Moving your body is one of the greatest ways to show your love for YOU. If you need motivation to get fit, think of each workout as a HOT DATE — you doing something special for YOU. Yeah!

The real deal…
Before you know it, you’ll be the best date you’ve ever had. This makes great sense because self-love, really truly, loving YOU, is the best love there is. This is true whether you’re in a relationship with someone else or blissfully SINGLE. When you treat yourself well, you accept nothing less from anyone else.

What are some other great self-date ideas? Tell me in the comments!

This Girl Is Happy Being Single!

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Taking a break isn’t always the answer. | Source: Shutterstock

Yeah, well. Those days are long gone. Now you get on each other’s nerves. Ugh. That cute little way he would interrupt everything you said is WAY annoying. You need a BREAK, so maybe you’re thinking about taking a break from the relationship. Then, you can get clear and then come back to each other ready to love again.

Sounds awesome, right? WRONG. Pump the brakes on that break, chica. Here’s what you need to know before taking a break from love:

1. If you need a break, it may be broken.
Is “taking a break” just your passive aggressive way to say “I want out”? Examine WHY you’re considering taking a break instead of breaking up. Guess what? I know why. Breakups suck, that’s why — and they’re scary. You’re comfortable with this person you thought was the love of your life. What if you can’t live without each other? No matter how scared you are, if it’s time to move on it’s time to move on.

2. You’ll grow apart, not together.
Relationships are built on the little everyday moments. That’s why long distance relationships are so hard. We’re all rapidly evolving. You’re already different today than you were yesterday. When you come back together after taking a break for a few months, you’ll try to communicate based on who you both used to be. It just won’t work.

3. There were probs more bad times than good.
The BEST thing about being in a relationship is that you’re happier together than apart. There’s an old saying in the South: “You can do B-A-D all by yourself.” That means that being miserable with another person makes no sense. If things are gonna be sucky, then what is the point?

4. Ignoring a problem won’t fix it.
Similarly, the same minds and hearts that created a problem can’t solve it alone. Einstein said that(ish). You need new thoughts and a new approach to create a new love dynamic. That can only happen with deep, introspective relationship work and often intensive couples therapy. Do you really see couples therapy on the sched next to your Sociology homework?! Riiiight. Didn’t think so.

5. It’ll hurt WORSE than a breakup.
When you take a break you leave room for an interloper. Now, this doesn’t mean that either of you purposefully seeks the arms of another OR that anyone WANTS to come between you two. However, as you both go forward in the world, it’s natural to meet and enjoy new people. That’s all fine and great, but what happens when one of those people start filling the emotional spaces that your old boo used to hold? Are you willing to CHEAT YOURSELF out of the exciting possibility of a potential love match for something you know is broken? And what if your honey starts flirting with someone new? Yeah. Ouch.

So, here’s the deal, chica
When you decide to be BF and GF, you commit to the person AND the relationship. If it doesn’t work out, it’s natural to be sad. Still, cut your ties and move on. You’re not moving on alone; you’re taking the lessons of the old relationship with you. You owe it to yourself to always err on the side of happiness, baby doll. You deserve it! Anyone not helping you SHINE is just dimming your light.

Have you ever thought about taking a break from your relationship? What happened? Tell me in the comments!

Should You Ever Try To Win Back An Ex?

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Friends or more? WHO CARES! | Source: Shutterstock

One day Mimi came to me in tears. Some people she didn’t know said that EVERYONE assumed that she was a lesbian or bi. They didn’t ask her out of curiosity; they asked to make fun of her.

Mimi asked me if she should start being more “feminine.” She even slept with a random guy to prove that she wasn’t gay! Mimi turned her life UPSIDE DOWN to squash the rumors. It was ridiculous, and something no girl our guy should have to do.

So, if people are spreading rumors that you’re gay, here’s what to do:

1. Realize that it’s not an insult
Even if that jerk means it as one, being gay is not an insult. It might be incorrect (if you are, in fact straight!) but it’s not bad by any means. It’s just different. So there’s no need to get defensive.

That said, we all want to be acknowledged for who we are. I’m from Queens and I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m from Jersey, even though we ‘tawk’ similar. Hopefully, we all know that just like some peeps are black and some are white; some are Chinese, others Guyanese; some like “Glee” and a few weirdos don’t (kidding!); and that some folks are gay and some aren’t. If you’re not, just say, “Nope, I’m into guys.”

2. Laugh it off.
The best way to deal with verbal bullies is laughter. If someone means to insult you by calling you a lesbian or gay slur, smile your most gorgeous smile and say, “Guess you don’t have much going on in your own life to talk about!” Brush ‘em off like dust and walk away.

2. Talk about it.
If the rumors persist, you really might need to address the problem head-on. Ask them why your sexual orientation matters so much to them, and say that you’re bored of it and need them to stop. We all deserve a positive, safe and hate-free environment. If they won’t knock it off, go to a trusted teacher or administrator at school.

3. Ignore them.
Who cares? How fab must you be if other people spend their free time wondering about Y-O-U!

Keep being your fab self, girl. | Source: Shutterstock

5. And so what if you are??
And if you are gay, you’re gay. No biggie. But that doesn’t mean anyone has the right to “out” you without your permission. If someone’s spreading news about your orientation that you’re not okay with, privately call them out on it and explain why you’re not ready to be public with it.

When we ran into each other years later, Mimi was now a proud and out bisexual woman. Good for her. It was just not a personal truth she was able to embrace when she was younger. Maybe she didn’t even know it herself at the time.

Either way, makes no difference to me as a friend. I love and accept her JUST AS SHE IS.

Have you ever had to deal with lesbian rumors about you or a friend of yours? What do you think when you hear rumors like this at school? Tell us in the comments!

Don’t Fit In? Here’s Help

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We know how this one goes . . . | Source: Zibi/WENN.com

Cheating. Infidelity. Adultery. Skankery. No matter what you call it, cheating sucks and so do cheaters. Sadly, sometimes the best of us screw up though and are tempted.

To be clear, cheating is secretly and intimately engaging with another person while you’re involved romantically with someone else. This definition includes virtual and emotional affairs. So that guy on facebook you trade sexy pics with? That’s CHEATING if your BF or his GF is unaware of it. That cute guy in your class you call to cry on his shoulder? Right-o! You’re in Cheat-oh-rama City if your dude doesn’t know about it.

But that’s harmless, you say. Well, if it’s SO harmless, tell your sweetie pie all about it. Go on. I dare you.

And now, here are 5 (Super Solid) Reasons Not to Cheat:

1. Karma is one mean goddess.
What goes around comes around. Ever heard that? Karma is also known as The Golden Rule or you reap what you sow. That means that if you are a low down, dirty, lying cheater, you may be attracting some nasty energy! The universe balances life out in that way. Treat folks like you want to be treated.

2. Being a coward is never cute.
Cheaters generally cheat because they don’t have the guts to be honest with the person they’re with (or with themselves!) about how unhappy they are in their own relationship. If you’ve found someone you like better don’t be cowardly, selfish and self-absorbed. Have the courage to tell your boyfriend.

You’re better than this, girl. | Source: Shutterstock

4. Cheaters have more STDs
Yup. It’s true. According to a University of Michigan study, cheaters have more unsafe sex and catch more sexually transmitted diseases. That’s definitely NOT sexy.

5. You won’t know who to trust.
If you’re being untrustworthy, it’s virtually impossible to trust someone else. Don’t step into the dark, girl. Believe me. It can make you crazy.

Yikes. “BUT, what if I ALREADY cheated,” you ask?
Good people make mistakes all the time. If you have already cheated you owe it to your dude to ‘fess up. Part of learning to be an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. It’s better for him to hear it from you than somewhere else. As anyone who has been cheated on can tell you, the feeling of betrayal is heartbreaking–but some relationships can move past it. Good luck, my lovely.

So what do YOU think? Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Do you have other reasons not to cheat that I forgot? Tell me in the comments!

If You’ve Ever Cheated, Watch This

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You are NOT a bad person. | Source: Shutterstock

Sure, you watch shows like “Teen Mom” and “16 and Pregnant” but you never had any intention of living them! You try to get info online but it’s WAY overwhelming. You’re scared and confused. What now?!

The fact is, if you have had sexual intercourse, genitals-to-genitals contact or if your guy has ejaculated anywhere in the vicinity of your vaginal area, you may be pregnant. No contraception is 100 percent effective. It doesn’t matter if it was the first time you had sex or the tenth time. You can also still get pregnant even if you don’t have regular periods yet.

But when you think you might be pregnant, it can be hard to think straight and figure out what to do. Here’s your emergency cheat sheet, girl. You can thank me later (when you’re not freaking out as much):

1. Take a deep breath.
Calm down. Worrying won’t help. You need to find out if you’re really pregnant. A missed period could be due to excessive physical activity, poor nutrition, stress or your cycle just being irregular.

2. Be sure.
Either get to a doctor or buy two home pregnancy tests. Costs may range from $8 to $16. Follow the directions carefully and confirm your results with the second test. You might want to have a trusted friend or your partner with you for support when you take the test, but that’s really up to you.

She won’t be happy, but she does love you. | Source: Shutterstock

Try to remember that no matter how your mom or dad reacts, they are almost definitely coming from a place of love. If they freak out it’s only because they want you to be happy and know this is a hard thing to go through.

4. Know your options.
If you are pregnant, you now have a potentially life-changing decision to make. Beating up on yourself won’t help. You’re not a bad person. Think carefully about what YOU want to do. No matter what, DON’T go through this by yourself. Talk to your boyfriend, best friend or a close family member.

Your options are (a) becoming a mom, (b) terminating the pregnancy or (c) adoption. No matter what your choice is, if you are pregnant you will need medical attention.

Remember, whatever you decide to do with your body is your choice. I shared my own experience with an unplanned pregnancy here. And no matter what, I have faith in you. Everything will be okay. You are not alone.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Has a friend ever thought she was pregnant and told you about it? Tell us how you dealt in the comments!

Can Your Teacher Make You Take A Pregnancy Test?!

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Get it out some other way, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

Raise your hand if you ever had a bad break up…

One minute we find the love of our lives. The next minute homeboy is walking away with someone else. The world is not all bubbles and cake, Sugar!

It HURTS when someone we love lies, cheats on us, betrays us or finds another fun way to stomp on our feelings. It’s a “break up” because the “we” of us is hacked in half. They call it
a “broken heart” because we feel split open. We just want the pain to stop.
We cry out our misery to sad songs, in weepy poems, to our BFFs and the lady at the bus stop.
Then, the devil on your shoulder says, “You know what? We could totally get revenge on this
loser!” Yeah…

STOP! Here’s why revenge is not your best option…

5. You’re better than that!
Everyone does the best they can at the moment. Now you’re all, “If that’s his best I’d hate to see
his worst.” Just because some dude is a slimeball doesn’t mean that you have to get slimy with
him. At some point you chose that slimeball for yourself. Instead of focusing on revenge ask yourself, “How can I make better choices in the future?”

4. Karma aka The Golden Rule.
Ever heard the saying “what goes around comes around?” That’s karma. There’s no need to
make someone pay. Karma kinda evens the world out. You may be thinking, but karma takes
too long and I wanna see them suffer. Before you shout, “Look karma, you forgot someone,” move forward. Whatever your beliefs, let the universe handle it. Treat folks like you want to be treated.

3. Your health.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you’re a human being dating other human beings,
sooner or later someone is going to screw you over. (And not always in a good way! lol)
Plotting revenge might feel like temporary relief from crying on the kitchen floor. However, all
that negative energy surging through your body is AWFUL for your health. Payback can weaken
your immune system, raise your heart rate and cause stressful breakouts. Bitterness ain’t cute.

2. You don’t have TIME.
Okay, between planning an outfit for next weekend’s party, catching up on PLL, and beating your little brother (again) at World of Warcraft, when the hell do you think you have time to plot some elaborate revenge scheme?! Whether you know it or not, you’ve got WAY better ways to spend your time than on this chump. Hasn’t he already wasted enough of your time as it is?

1. Living well is the best revenge.
Don’t be mad that it’s over. Be glad that it happened. Grieve the loss of the relationship and
move on. Channel the love you had for the other person into more sweet, juicy love for yourself. Then, keep jamming as the bright, shiny light you are. As P!nk would say, “So what! You’re still a rock star.” Rock on.

Okay, now it’s time to be super honest. Have you ever plotted revenge on an ex? Tell me in the comments!

You DO NOT Want To Do What This Girl Did!

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Is he or isn’t he?! | Source: Shutterstock

It’s always exciting to meet a new guy and feel a connection. You laugh at the same dorky jokes and listen to the same music. Wait–ZOMG. You may have found your other half! So now you’re dating, kissing and maybe even doing… other things. Every time you hang out you’re even more sure that he’s perfect for you.

So . . . is he your boyfriend? Let’s explore.

Even if it freaks you out, it seems like it’s time to have a DTR talk, a Defining The Relationship conversation. The only way to know if you’re really in a committed relationship is that you both verbally agreed to commit. Short of that, almost anything goes. Without bothering to define your relationship, you’re in the Wild Wild West of relationship territory.

In the meanwhile, we present this handy dandy “Is He My Boyfriend” Cheat Sheet:

He MIGHT BE your boyfriend if…

He speaks about the two of you being together in the future tense.
If you’re half of a couple, the plan is generally to continue dating. Someone who considers you his girlfriend will often have joined plans for the two of you. If he uses phrases like: when “we get back from break” or “next semester we should,” then he just might be your dude.

He’s NOT your boyfriend if…

You are a secret.
You’ve been seeing each other intensely for months and you’ve never met a friend or family member? OR you only get together for sexy hookups? Not to throw a paranoia blanket on your hot and heavy parade but that’s pretty suspicious. Anyone really crushing on you will want to blend you with the rest of his life. If none of his peeps know you exist, you are NOT his girlfriend.

He MIGHT BE your boyfriend if…

Ask him, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

He’s NOT your boyfriend if…

He never asked you to stop dating other people.
If the person you think is your BF doesn’t know or care if you’re still seeing other people then he’s probably not your man. So, last week you went to the movies with that guy in the band. This week you may go to a concert with that cute skater? If you’re seeing other people, you should assume he is too.

The real deal…
The ONLY way to know if you’re really a couple is to talk about it. Sure it may feel majorly awkward but the bonding experience of being so vulnerable will make you closer if that’s where you’re heading anyway. When it comes to love, ALWAYS err on the side of clarity.

And if you try to define your relationship and he’s all, “Duh, obvi I’m your boyfriend,” great! It’s better to over-communicate than to under-communicate. If he avoids having any sort of Defining The Relationship talk then he’s TOTALLY NOT your boyfriend. Likewise if he refers to you as his homie, BFF or friend. Those are all bad news bears.

Good luck, chica. And you know what? Even if he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, remember that you’ve got tons of GIRLFRIENDS right here at Gurl.com.

So, have you ever wondered if a guy was your boyfriend? How do you define your relationships? Do you think there are any better signs to tell if he is your boyfriend? Tell me in the comments!

How Long Do You Wait To Call Him Your Boyfriend?

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