When things aren’t going well in a relationship, you can only coast by for so long. Eventually, action needs to be taken. That could involve you and bae agreeing to work through your issues and make the necessary changes. If you’ve already tried that — or if doesn’t seem like a viable option — one of you might decide to call time on your relationship. The question is then: Should you break up or only go on a break?
Some might consider it a good sign if there are the two options as opposed to people only thinking about a permanent split, but that knowledge often doesn’t make the situation any either. It can be a tough call and there are no guarantees either way.
It would be nice if someone could tell you what to do, but they can’t. You friends can’t, your parents can’t, and I definitely can’t. Every relationship is different and only the two people in the relationship really know it. What I can do, is give you some things to consider that will hopefully give you a clearer perspective on the situation.
Help! I’m so torn about whether to break up or go on a break.
Like I said, it’s a tough spot to be in. Before we get ahead of ourselves, let me ask you this: Have you and bae discussed the options? Is your significant other also debating about going on a break or breaking up? If not, you could likely be wasting your time. You obviously have a large say in what’s going on, but bae has to agree to a point. If one person wants to break up, the other person really doesn’t have much of a choice. But, if one person only wants to go on a break, you need to make sure the other one is in favor of it. Otherwise, it’s a break up with one person hoping you’ll get back together.
We’re both open to either option, but it’s not making things any easier.
Now is the time when you want to think about your issues. I know you have them otherwise you wouldn’t be in this situation. Think about what they are, what you’ve done to work on them, and what bae has done. Think about what has worked and what hasn’t worked. Now think realistically whether time apart could help the problems. Unfortunately, you cannot predict the future so you won’t know 100 percent what will help and what won’t, but thinking about it can be useful.
For example, if one of your issues is that both of you have a ton of things going on at the moment and you don’t have enough time and/or energy to make the relationship work, taking a break until you’ve finished your projects could help. However, if the issues are things like jealously, a break might not be the best solution. If you go on a break, the feelings of jealously could intensify with both parties wondering what the other one is up to.
I’d like to go on a break because it means there’s still a chance the relationship could work…
If you have feelings there, a break can seem like a less painful solution than a break up. It seems like the better choice in that aspect, but ask yourself honestly whether this is a relationship that’s worth your time and effort. Is it worth a break? Or, is it something that has run its course and the break will just drag things out unnecessarily? What’s more, is bae worthy of break?
How do I make sure the break benefits the relationship instead of just leading to a break up?
There are some things you can do, but there’s no guarantee they will help. If you do decide to go on a break, make sure that you and your significant other are clear about what “on a break” means. Some people consider it a temporary split where you focus on alone time while others treat it is a time they’re single again which means they can date. The differing definitions can lead to problems later so try to have a clear understanding of what the terms are and that both parties are in agreement.
It can also be helpful to set a timeline of sorts. A break cannot go on indefinitely. At some point, you’ll either have to get back together or split for good because it won’t be fair for either party to drag things out. I know that you cannot rush matters of the heart, but having a date when you check in after time apart can be helpful.
I get that you’re confused, but be confident in your decision. Listen to your heart and your head and go with what’s best for you. It might not always be the easiest decision, but things should work out the way they’re meant to in the end. Good luck!
Have you ever been on a break? Let us know in the comments!
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