7 Reasons Your Second Relationship Is Scarier Than Your First

There’s lots of talk about relationships, but a good chunk of it is focused on first relationships. After all, if you’ve never been in relationship before, you’re curious about what exactly it’s like. When you actually get into a relationship, you will have even more questions.

You’ll definitely discover a lot of things in your first relationship, but subsequent ones can be just as emotional. And I would like to make a case that your second relationship can be scarier than your first.

When you go into your second relationship, you’re more familiar with how the game works. You are also acquainted with the pain of breaking up, and the other sad things about relationships. That can leave you more vulnerable and worried. I don’t want you to stress out in your relationship. I want you to enjoy it. I also want you to be aware that there might be times where you question your relationship based on past experience. If you recognize you’re doing it, you can evaluate why and hopefully come up with a solution.

Here are seven reasons why your second relationship is scarier than your first.


You Understand What Heartbreak Is Like

I touched on this in the intro. Prior to your first relationship, you might have experienced rejection from crushes. That can be painful, but it's often not quite as heart-wrenching as breaking up with someone in a relationship. You likely grew to love the person and get to know them on an intimate level. When you go your separate ways, it can be very hard. And it can make you fearful of putting your heart out there again.

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You Will Be Comparing Your New Relationship To Your Old One

We're humans and we're naturally going to compare ourselves to others. That includes comparing our new relationships to our old ones. No matter how much time has gone by, you'll likely do it. If you're feeling insecure about your second relationship, it will only make it worse. You might have to consciously remind yourself to stop doing it. Try to remember that each relationship is different and has its own pace.

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You Might Not Be Completely Over Your Ex

When you get into a new relationship, you might suddenly find those feeling about your ex are coming back. It might catch you out of the blue. It's natural. If you're suddenly kissing someone and the last person you smooched was your ex, the old feelings can come right back. What can be even scarier is that you'll have to make the decision whether you're over your ex enough to pursue this relationship or not.

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You Will Have More Realistic Expectations

When we're in our first relationship, we tend to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. Everything is perfect, bae is perfect, and you and your SO might be the couple who gets together in high school and ends up married. Once you've experienced heartbreak, you will find yourself having less fairy tale fantasies and know in the back of your mind that there is a possibility that this relationship might fizzle out like your first.

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You'll Be More Concerned About Your New Bae Coming With Baggage

Your bae from your first relationship might have had exes to deal with. I bet they stressed you out. Now that you have a bit of baggage yourself, you might see exes as even greater threat because you have more of an idea what they can be like. For the sake of your new relationship, you have to try and put your and your new bae's past relationships behind you and focus on what you've got.

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You'll Find Yourself Analyzing Things More

Hands up if you have a tendency to analyze everything bae does or says? You are probably very familiar with doing it with your crush and in your other relationship. You might be looking for signs that your second relationship is heading on a downward spiral, like your other relationship. If you notice patterns between your first and second, it will likely freak you out. So, try to stop it.

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Your Will Wonder Whether You're Good Enough

Most people go through moments of self-doubt. You cannot have the good without those bad days. Because you've been through one breakup, you might question whether you're a worthy catch for anyone. Sometimes, the thoughts can be all-consuming. Try your best to stop them, girl. You are good enough. You had a breakup, so what? It wasn't because of you. It's because you and your ex turned out not to be the perfect match. There will be others out there who are much better for you. I swear.

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How did you get over your first relationship? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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