What To Do If Your Significant Other Is Focused On Your Weight

If you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re supposed to be a team. In strong relationships, you’re supposed to make decisions together, ask for the other person’s opinion, and work in a way that benefits both of you. Despite the team dynamic, you’re still your own person in your own body with your own mind. If bae steps over that line, it can be issue. One time it can be a trouble is if your significant other brings up your weight.

Even if you and bae are close, there are probably still certain topics that you don’t feel need to be communicated with bae. And it’s likely that anything related to your body falls into the category. It’s understandable. Many people would agree with you. After all, you would probably never think to comment about your your SO’s weight, right?

I get that it has thrown you for a loop and you might be really upset about it. Here’s what to do if your significant other is focused on your weight:

Help me out here. Bae brought up my weight and now I don’t know what to do.

I get that this probably feels that it has come out of nowhere and you might be tempted to lose your cool. You’re not out of line for feeling that way. Before you go crazy, I want you to consider the context of how bae said it. Was it a compliment? Was it an insult? Was it phrased as a suggestion that you need to lose weight/gain weight? Or, was bae bringing up a change in your weight because he/she is concerned? It’s important that you consider the situation because each one might have a different response.

I think bae meant it as a compliment, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.

People usually like compliments, but not ones that make them feel uncomfortable. If you felt weird about it, you may want to bring it up in conversation with bae, especially if your SO has made similar compliments like it before. You could say something like, “I appreciate you wanting to be complimentary, but when it’s in relation to my weight, it makes me feel awkward.” If bae is decent, he/she will understand. Who knows, your significant other might have made the comment because he/she thought that was what *girls like to here.*

I think my SO brought up my weight because he/she seemed concerned about something. What should I do?

I know that weight can be a sensitive subject in any terms. Bae might know this and might have brought it up despite this fact because he/she wants to make sure you’re okay. Are you? If you’ve lost or gained a noticeable amount of weight lately, bae might not be concerned about your new size. He/she might be worried there’s an underlying cause like a health problem or eating disorder. If you are going through something, know that there are people out there to support you, and it seems like your SO if one of them. There’s no shame in opening up to bae because he/she could help you get through this.

Pretty sure that bae was trying suggest that I need to be a different size. 

If that’s the case, I get that you might be fuming right now. After all, your body is your body and you are the one in control of it. No one else is. For bae to say something, I bet you feel that some line was crossed. It might be tempting to stay silent, but if you’re experiencing these strong emotions, you will probably want to talk to bae about it otherwise it will lead to resentment.

I want to bring it up because it upset me, but I don’t want to in case it was just a one-off comment.

I get why you would want to wait again to see if bae makes another comment like this. Here’s something else to consider: Could bae have already made similar comments that you never picked up on? Did your SO ever make comments about your hair, skin, teeth, whatever, and you brushed them off? You also need to consider bae’s actions and whether he/she was subtly been trying to control your body such as ordering for you at restaurants or making a suggestion you skip the big lunch.

If you still want to wait until a second comment, note that it’s likely you will still be harboring feelings of anger until then. If bae says something again, you might explode or not be able to communicate your feelings as effectively.

I want to talk to bae, but I don’t want it to turn into argument. 

First of all, why are you concerned that it would end in an argument? Do you think bae is the controlling type and wouldn’t like you standing up for yourself about your own body? If so, that is a red flag. If you’re worried that you’re going to get worked up, try to remember that if you start yelling, things could escalate. So, try to keep calm and focus on the comment that upset you.

Do you have any tips for talking to bae about it?

First, try to have the conversation when you’re both calm and there are no distractions around. It can be helpful to arrange to meet up so you don’t bring it up when someone is in a rush or stressing about something else. Like I touched on before, try to stay chill because that can help you articulate your points. Explain what it was that upset you about bae’s comments, how you felt, and make it clear what topics you don’t want to be brought up again. If you don’t want your weight ever brought up, spell it out.

What if bae doesn’t understand?

If your significant other doesn’t understand why you would be upset about comments about your weight, you need to consider whether this is the type of person you want a relationship with. You should be with someone who respects your boundaries, feelings, and knows your body is your own and you’re the one in charge of it.

Have you ever had someone comment on your weight? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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