13 Reasons Car Sex Is The Worst

Movies love to show car sex as this *hot* thing. In reality, it can be pretty awful. I’m not talking about bae’s performance. I’m talking about the actual act of getting it on in a car.

Think about it for a second: How much do you and bae struggle to get things right when you’re in a bed together? A bed is a nice flat, square surface with padding. There typically aren’t things to jab you or go up random holes in your body. Not to mention that a bed is almost always in a room. A car is a small box with windows that people can see in.

At the end of the day, it’s still your choice if you want to hook up in a car, bed, or anywhere else for that matter. If you’re into the idea, by all means, try it out. I just want you to be aware of some of the things that can happen. Because getting it on in a car is definitely not like hooking up in a bed. Here are 13 reasons why car sex is actually the worst.

1. It’s difficult AF to remove your clothes in a car.

Do you try to do a sexy strip tease for bae but normally find it comes across as awkward? You can forget about being remotely sexy when trying to get your clothes off in a car. If you’re in pants and layers, good luck. You will be tempted to get out of the car and undress just because there isn’t enough room for the two of you to undress in the vehicle.

 

2. It will take forever to get into position.

Once you’ve managed to get off your clothes, you will then have the task of trying to actually get on top of bae. If you’ve ever tried to stretch out in a car for a nap by yourself, you will know how difficult it is to get comfortable. Now imagine doing that with another person, and trying to put the P in the V. Yeah, it’s a challenge.

 

3. You will worry about the keys.

We panic about where are our keys are most of the time. You would think now would be different, but it’s not. You will panic that they’ve slipped between the seats, that you will break them, or the car will somehow randomly turn on and go over a cliff. You’ll also be scared you’ll get locked inside the car. At about this moment, you’ll find the keys digging painfully into your left leg.

 

4. The chances of hitting your head on the roof are likely.

Ouch. Nothing ruins a girl-on-top position faster than smacking your head against the roof. And if you think it’s the only position where you’ll hit your head, you’re mistaken. Cars just aren’t tall enough for a lot of bouncing and moving.

 

5. …And you’ll probably smack something against the window.

You might already be aching, but it will be a miracle if you get through this hookup without hurting yourself. Those four walls are just as lethal as the roof. With limbs flying everywhere, don’t be surprised if you connect with a window.

 

6. You will get the gear stick up your butt.

Car companies didn’t have the foresight to create a gear stick that could be removed when people want to get it on in cars. That means that you have to work around it. Just when you think you’ve gotten your angle right, you will feel that cold, hard stick against your butt. Nope, it won’t be pleasant.

 

7. The temperature will never be right.

Remember the car sex scene in Titanic with the foggy windows? What they fail to show you is Jack and Rose opening the windows because it’s hot AF in there. On the other side, you might find it super cold in the car and discover body heat isn’t enough to warm you up. You’ll spend more time debating about whether you should turn on the car and crank the heat up than enjoying the act.

 

8. You will stress about the location.

Maneuvering in the car is tricky, but before all of that, you need to find a spot where you can actually get it on. No matter how tinted your car windows are, you will know that people can see through them. And even if you find a spot where you think you’re alone, you will be very, very conscious how exposed you are.

 

9. The back seat is never big enough.

In case you haven’t gotten the point by now, cars are too small for hooking up. If you think the roomy back seat will work, you’re mistaken. One wrong turn and you will find yourself on the floor with your head under the seat.

 

10. The seat belts can be a hazard.

No one is probably going to consider having sex in a parked car with their seat belt on, but the seat belts will still cause a problem. Why? They’re just hanging there which means the opportunity to get tangled is likely. And those buckles can hurt when you fall back on them or get one jammed in your thigh.

 

11. You could make a mess.

Nothing is a mood killer than hooking up and having to wipe down all of the seats…and steering wheel…and maybe even the ceiling. No one wants to drive around with evidence of their hook up, no matter how hot it was. It’s even worse if you’re getting it on in a car that isn’t yours. Good luck explaining to your parents what the random stain is on the back of the seats. *Face palm*

 

12. And you could break something.

Stains can be removed, but you can forget about fixing broken parts in your car. And you will be surprised how easily random pieces can fall off. All it takes is one slip off the hand and there goes part of the glove box or the cup holder.

 

13. You will accidentally honk the horn.

There’s nothing like finally getting into it then having a heart attack when one of you leans back and accidentally beeps the horn. If you weren’t concerned that people were watching you before, you definitely will be now.

 

Have you ever had car sex? Did you like it? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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