How To Deal If You’re Competitive About Your Friends’ Relationships

It’s pretty much human nature to compare ourselves to others. I know that it can be very annoying. I get stressed out just thinking about myself. When I start comparing myself to others, it gets even worse. Typically, we compare ourselves to others in terms of looks, clothes, smarts, and success. A lot of us also make comparisons about relationships.

If you’re single, you’ve probably compared yourself to your friends in relationships and wondered why they’ve found baes and you haven’t. If you’re in a relationship, the comparing often doesn’t stop. You probably compare what you’re like with your SO versus what your friends and like with theirs. In some ways this is worse because the constant comparing can interfere with your relationship.

Find yourself constantly comparing your relationship to your friends? Here’s how to deal if you’re competitive about your friends’ relationships.

Try To Figure Out Why

You might not be able to answer this one. Your immediate response could be *That's just the way I am.* Try to think about it a bit deeper. Do you feel a bit insecure about your relationship? Do you wish that you and your SO had a connection like our friends do? Are you actually happy in your relationship? These are all big questions.

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Make A Conscious Decision To Focus On Your Relationship

Yeah, this is a lot easier said than done, but try to focus on it. If you find that your thoughts are drifting, you need to tell yourself to focus on your relationship and what's going on. If your mind keeps wandering, you will likely lose out on some of the fantastic things that are happening in your relationship right now.

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Put It Into Perspective

What you see about your friends' relationships isn't a true representation. It's a small fragment. It doesn't matter how often you hang out with them. You don't see your friends with their baes all the time which means you probably never see the fighting, the nagging, and the bored AF moments. You likely see the good stuff which can give you a false impression about what their relationship is actually like. It's like seeing celebrity relationships. How many of those have you thought were *perfect* then you were shocked when they got divorced?

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Consider The Type Of Friendship You Have

Are you and your friends competitive with each other in general? If someone goes out to buy something, does someone else run out to get something better? Do you seem like you're always trying to one-up each other? There's nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition at certain moments. But, if that's all your friendship is based on, it could be a bit toxic.

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Talk To Your Friends About It

If you have a solid friendship that you wouldn't define as toxic, you might find that it helps to talk to your friends about your feelings. You could say something like, *I know it might seem a bit silly, but I find that I'm competitive about your relationships compared to mine.* When you open up, your friends might admit that they feel/have felt the same way. They could also offer your some advice on how they overcame it.

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Think About Whether You're Happy In Your Relationship

I really want you to take the focus completely off your friends right now and focus it just on you. Are you happy in your relationship? Is there a chance that you're clinging to this relationship because all your friends are in relationships and you cannot bear the thought of being alone? That could actually be the reason why you're comparing your relationship to your friends' relationships. Know that you shouldn't stay just because you think it's the best of a worse situation. You deserve to be with someone you have dealings for and who treats you great.

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Organize More Girls' Nights

The competitive feelings could also be stemming from the fact you think that your friends' baes are stealing time away from you. If you suspect that could be part of the problem, make plans to have regular girls' nights. If you're finding it hard to organize them, you can be honest with your friends and say that you're missing them and want to connect more.

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Do you find yourself comparing your relationship with your friends? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.


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