8 Signs You’re Too Dependent On Your Significant Other

One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that you have a partner in crime who you can count on to always be there for you and to support you. If you have someone like that, I’m genuinely happy for you. Congrats. I don’t want to rain on the relationship parade, but what I want you to try to remember is that you should maintain your independence in your relationship, too. It’s great to lean on someone to support you and help you with everything, but at the same time, it’s totally possible to be a little too dependent on your significant other.

We’ve all had those friends who get into relationships and then literally cannot function without their SO by their side. Suddenly, you go from hanging out on girl’s night to listening to your friend make a lame excuse as to why she can’t come out, when you know she’s actually just hanging with her bae… again. You might now see that you’ve become that person, too. You probably don’t even feel that guilty about it! It happens to the best of us, but we do need to avoid it.

It’s good that you’re recognizing it now, so that you can do something about it. At the end of the day, a relationship can be a big part of your life, but it shouldn’t consume every aspect of your life. You should have your own stuff going on, too. If you’re concerned that you might be becoming too independent on bae, but you don’t think you’ve reached an extreme stage, here are eight signs that you’re too dependent on your SO.


You Cannot Make A Decision Without Consulting Bae

I get that you value your SO's advice, but you have a brain, too. No matter how well your SO knows you, it's still you who knows yourself best. Therefore, if you're making decisions that are centered around you, don't feel that you always need to rely on bae for answers. It is you who is going to have to live with the decision and it's you who is always making it. Feel free to get bae's advice, but remember who makes the final choice.

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You Cancel Plans If Your SO Cannot Come

Be honest: How many times have you committed to something and decided to bail when your SO couldn't come? It's always nice to go to a party with someone so you're not standing awkwardly in a corner, but canceling plans just because bae can't come will actually hurt your other relationships. It's important that you work on your other relationships besides the one with you girlfriend/boyfriend. And it helps to get out of our comfort zones now and then.

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You Wait For Bae To Give Feedback Before You Do

If you and bae need to make a decision together, do you have a tendency to hold off giving your opinion until bae reveals his/hers? Once your SO has said their deal, do you find yourself aligning what you're going to say to match with bae's? Remember, the two of you are equal in this relationship so your opinion matters just as much as bae's. If it's a different opinion, that's cool.

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All Of Your Plans Literally Involve Bae

When you make plans with your friends and family, is bae always involved in them? That might not be so bad, but what about your alone time? If you're scratching your head about the idea, then things could be an issue. If you don't do things on your own anymore, you need to change that. As cheesy as it sounds, it's important to connect with yourself. It will help you focus on what's best for you and it will likely improve your other relationships.

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You Stop Hanging Out With Your Friends When You're Alone

Can you remember the last time that you hung out with someone who wasn't bae? Do you know when the last time you and your BFF hung out or you had a girl's night? If you can't, that is a red flag. Your friends were there before bae and you probably want to make sure that they'll always be around, so give them a call. Your SO is independent and will be able to handle some alone time.

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You Let Bae Make Decisions For You

Do you find yourself saying *you decide for me* or *I'm happy with whatever you want me to do* when you're with bae? Or, has your SO started saying what you're going to do/making your life decisions, and you're cool with it? It might be small things like picking out your clothes or selecting what you're having for dinner, but too much of that can actually be toxic. You're a team, remember.

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You Feel Uneasy When You're Alone

Does just the thought of being alone freak you out? If so, it's probably time to try to figure out why. Are you unhappy about something? Are you using bae as a distraction? Are you worried about what bae will do when you're both on your own? Be honest with yourself. It's important that you feel as comfortable alone as you do with bae.

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You Find Yourself Agreeing With Bae's Opinion On Things Just Because

Does the thought of having a different opinion than bae stress you out? If bae likes cheeseburgers with extra jalapenos, do you suddenly like cheeseburgers with extra jalapenos? And do you find yourself agreeing with what your SO says for fear that if you don't, it will result in an argument? That's no way to live. You're your own person so bae should respect that you have different ideas. You also shouldn't compromise your likes and how you feel, because that's actually hurting you.

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How do you maintain your independence in relationships? Let us know in the comments!

You can follow the author, Heather Cichowski, on Twitter.

 

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