In middle school and high school, I loved playing matchmaker. Was I very good at it? Eh, managed to help facilitate the brief courtship of my BFF and this dude in eighth grade, but that’s about it. Still, I tried my best! In retrospect, I realize that this was probably a result of not having a love life of my own, so I could live vicariously through my friends instead. But it’s with that perspective that I’ve learned a lot about what to do and most importantly what not to do when you’re trying to set your friend up with someone.
I learned this the hard way when it came to a friend of mine who was absolutely in love with one of my other friends. He was seriously head over heels, and the idea of the two of them together made my heart pitter patter. So what did I do? Did whatever I could to try to get them to become an item; I helped him figure out ways to ask her out, and I subtly tried to convince her to open her mind about the possibility of him liking her. Well, suffice to say, it failed miserably. She turned him down at the beginning of ninth grade, and dude spent the entirety of his high school career pining over her and obsessing over the rejection. Meanwhile, my friends and I had no idea why she would turn him down, and we were honestly a little annoying about it. We didn’t respect her decision, and it took a little growing up and maturing to realize how awful I was about the whole thing. That ordeal definitely taught me thing or two about setting people up, and how easily you can become a monster in the process. Don’t do what I did, guys, even if you think you have everyone’s best interests at heart. Check out these seven things you should never do when someone is crushing on your BFF. Matchmaking is fun, but we can’t all be Cher Horowitz.
Stay Super Involved If They End Up DatingCongrats, you actually helped someone get together with your friend, and now they're dating! Cool! Now, stay the hell out of their relationship! I learned this the hard way after I kept prying into the relationship that I (barely) helped facilitate between my BFF at the time and some dude in middle school. I wanted to know EVERYTHING that they were up to, and it definitely got on everyone's nerves. Don't do what I did: Stay away, leave the nest, let them do what they're going to do without your influence. It's going to be okay. And if they break up, it's not because you weren't involved enough. Mean Girls
Make This Matchmaking Your Full-Time JobIt's so easy to get caught up in these schemes; I'd know, I got really invested in them when I was a teenager. But please remember that you also have your own life and own responsibilities to take care of. Stop coaching some dude trying to make a move on your friend for one damn night and focus on your homework, or--better yet--your own crush. Don't let this consume you; it'll quickly go from fun to stressful if you do. Clueless
Changing Either The Crusher Or Your Friend to Fit One Another BetterYo, this isn't Clueless or that ridiculous episode of iCarly where Carly makes Sam more girly before a date with some dude. Don't pull some makeover BS to make someone seem more appealing. If their regular schmegular appearance wasn't enough to make things work, then leave it alone. It's not cute, it's actually super shallow iCarly
Keep Trying To Make It Work Even After It Clearly Ain't WorkingListen, sometimes things just don't work out, and it's okay. The last thing you want to do is to keep trying to make your friend and the person who crushed on them an item even after a rejection. Let. It. Go. If it was meant to be, maybe they'll get together later. But that's just not the reality right now. Don't try to force it to happen, you'll start to get on everyone's nerves, and for what? To fulfill some fantasy? Sis, worry about your own life. Adventure Time
Indulge In The Crusher's Feels After They've Been RejectedUgh, I mistakenly did this with that friend I mentioned in the intro for years. I let him go on and on about how depressed he was that my friend didn't like him back, and while I felt bad for him, I also helped enable some unhealthy emotions and coping mechanisms. I should have encouraged him to move on, not indulge in his angst. It's kind of you to lend an ear for someone after they've been rejected, but realize that you might be doing more harm than good. Pretty In Pink
Encourage The Crusher To Keep Trying To Get Your Friend To Go Out With Them, Even After A RejectionListen, if your friend rejected someone you were trying to set them up with, you need to respect your friend's wishes. What you shouldn't do is to encourage the person with the crush to keep at it. Don't give them false hope, and don't encourage them to put your friend into awkward situations. Imagine if the tables were turned and you rejected someone, only to discover that your friend was encouraging him to keep asking you out! would you think that that was cool? Absolutely not. Dazed and Confused
Feel Slighted When Your Matchmaking Attempts Don't Work OutOkay, so your friend isn't into the person you want to help set them up with. Don't take it personally that your friend is rejecting your little pet project, okay? That's super immature and petty. This isn't even about you, so don't make it about you. Your pride over your failed matchmaking abilities isn't worth ruining a friendship over. Some Girls