Ask A Guy: What Guys Like To See When You’re Texting Them

Hey Joel,

I’m really bad at texting guys. Like, really, really bad at it. I’m fine if I talk to someone I’m just friends with, but when it comes to someone I actually like, I freeze up and say really dumb things that make the conversation stall.

I know that no two guys are the same, but are there any basic things that guys like to see in a girl they’re texting?


Like everything in life, the key to communication is being yourself. The more you force things or try to be something you’re not, the more problems it will create in the end. Regardless of how you’re interacting with someone you like, they need to be getting to know the real you – and that’s someone you should be proud of – regardless of how you feel about texting.

While it has become one of the quickest and easiest ways to communicate, texting isn’t everything. There are tons of people, myself included, that aren’t big fans of texting in general. I far prefer to talk to people on the phone or in person. So much feeling and intent can be lost in a text, and it’s not something I at all enjoy.

Do you suddenly feel nervous when it’s a guy you like? If so, ask yourself why. If this guy texts you, he’s already shown he wants to talk to you. There shouldn’t be a ton of pressure, so take a deep breath, and get in the same mindset as when you’re just chatting with your longtime friends.

The reality is, texting isn’t your problem. You stated that you have no issues when it’s just your friends. So you need to take that same relaxed mindset when texting with someone you like. I totally get that the stakes are higher and different because it’s a guy you’re interested in, but it’s still the same basic concept. Again, just be you! Your friends like that person, so guys should as well.

At the end of the day, if a guy isn’t into you because you’re not the best at texting, he wasn’t a guy you wanted to date in the first place. Yes, communication is a paramount requirement for any relationship, but that means finding a way both of you communicate at your best. But I would really suggest you just look at every text message as the same – the less pressure you put in yourself, the better and easier things will be.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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