There are a lot of signs that your boyfriend is one of the good ones. A good boyfriend will try to cheer you up when you feel like trash. A good boyfriend will tell you you look good, even when you’ve got no makeup on and you’re rocking a sweatshirt and your period-bloat friendly sweatpants. A good boyfriend will try to help you out when you’re in a jam, he’ll send you sweet texts every now and then, and he’ll act chill even when you’re drooling over Cole Sprouse.
Unsurprisingly, however, there seem to be a lot more signs that accurately point to your boyfriend being, well, pretty crappy. By now we hope you’re familiar with some of the more obvious signs, like your boyfriend controlling what you wear, or your boyfriend telling you not to hang out with your friends, or your boyfriend pressuring you to have sex with them. But what you really need to look out for are the sneakier signs that your boyfriend isn’t worth your time or energy, signs that you might brush off as a minor annoyance or a personality quirk that are actually big ol’ red flags. To get idea of what I’m talking about, check out these nine subtle signs that your boyfriend is an a-hole, and prosper.
He's Super Condescending About Things That Bring You JoyYou know the saying "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all" right?" Yeah, apparently your boyfriend doesn't, especially when it comes to things you're interested in. Whether it's a hobby like cosplaying or obsessing over a TV show like Riverdale, he finds some way to throw some sneering commentary your way about it. He probably thinks it's harmless because he's not making fun of you, he's just making fun of something you happen to like. But it still hurts, because his tone is rude and it makes you feel stupid. A good boyfriend doesn't make you feel stupid for being invested in Harry effing Styles. Sure, he might tease you, but to insult your actual intelligence over your interests is venturing into a-hole territory, big time. That '70s Show
He Low Key Talks Badly About Your FriendsYeah, this should be a BIG nope for you. If your boyfriend has nasty things to say about your friends, you've got to wonder what he hopes to gain from it. It's one thing if your friends are manipulative monsters and he's calling them out in the hopes of giving you a reality check. It's another thing entirely if your boyfriend just casually likes to talk about how your friend is fat, or your other friend sleeps around, or your BFF is boring. Your BF and your friends don't have to love each other, but they should respect each other, and if he can't find it in him to even show your friends respect, he's an a-hole. Skins
He's Very Available For Things HE Wants To Do, But Things You Want To Do? He's MIAHe's eager to invite you to that movie he wants to see, or that party one of his boys is throwing. But that cool cafe you want to hit up? He's busy. Your friend's party? He's too tired. It's nice that he wants to spend time with you, but it's a red flag when it's only to do things that HE wants to do. He should be just as eager to spend time with you doing things that you want to do. Submarine
He Makes Fun Of The Way People LookHe can call you a goddess every effing day, but if he goes out of his way to talk s**t about other people--especially the way they look--then he's an a-hole. Nobody is an angel, and we're all guilty of poking fun at the way someone looks every now and then. But does your boyfriend damn near make it a pastime? Does he resort to mocking people's looks before anything else? If so, yikes. Pretty In Pink
He's Not A Good Tipper, And He Seems Unconcerned About ItThis is something that not enough people take seriously, but it can be part of larger, more glaring personality flaws down the road. So listen up: If you live in a country where restaurant employees rely on tip, and your boyfriend doesn't tip at least 18-20 percent and doesn't see a problem with it...congrats, he's an a-hole. It's one thing if he just never learned how to tip properly, but it's another if he undertips and is proud of it. He'll come up with all sorts of excuses--tipping is a bad system, the service wasn't amazing, etc--but at the end of the day, your boyfriend is just cheap and doesn't care about the fact that people rely on those tips for their livelihoods. You should both be living by this mantra: If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out. If he thinks that's flawed thinking, uh, please, call his butt out. Riverdale
He's Awful Around His FriendsIt's like the second he's around them he transforms into someone you barely recognize. Maybe he's nastier, or more of a know-it-all, or more cynical, or more of a goofball. Whatever it is, it's irritating and not very appealing. It's not the guy you fell for, and you feel like he's totally two-faced, especially when he doesn't treat you as sweetly when he's around them. Listen, we can all alter our personalities a bit depending on who we're around, but when that personality is nasty, that's a problem. If that describes your BF...yikes. Grease
He's Super Slow At Responding To Your Texts, Even Though He's ALWAYS On His PhoneDude is always on his phone, and if he's not on his phone, it's always nearby. You've witnessed him reply to his friends' texts in record time! But when you aren't together and you text him, his replies come back slower than molasses. Sure, some people are just slow texters and get very easily distracted (yup, I'm one of those people), but this could be a sign that he's not really considering you a priority anymore and he thinks it's chill to just ignore you until it becomes convenient for him. Don't jump to conclusions, but if he does this yet goes nuts and triple texts you when you don't respond immediately...holy hypocrisy, dude. Some Girls
He's Rude To Service PeopleThis should immediately set off some red flags for you: People who are rude to service people are a-holes, period. If your boyfriend is one of those people, I'm sorry, but he's an a-hole. Maybe he doesn't realize he's being rude and you can gently call him out on it so he can be more aware of the way he treats people. But if he's not receptive to that, then I don't know what to say, sis. Find a man who doesn't turn his nose up at people making minimum wage? She's All That
He Expects You To Blindly Support His Passion Projects, But He's Not As Kind About YoursFor example, your BF is promotes a ton of his music on Soundcloud and expects you to have something good to say about ever song, every beat, every...well, everything he's creating. Maybe it's not music, but some other venture that he's really passionate about. Hey, passion is cool, but a passionate person who can't take any criticism and just expects people to fawn over his work all the time? Yeah, not cool. Just because you're his girlfriend doesn't mean that that has to be your job. This is especially true if he's less forgiving and way more critical when it comes to things you're passionate about, whether it's your YouTube channel, your photography, etc. 10 Things I Hate About You