Sex in movies, TV shows, and–let’s be real–porn often looks easy. Books, too, make some of the sexiest sex positions sound like a piece of cake. You know, the oh-so-petite love interest being lifted off the air while her big, strong, ultra masculine lover thrusts inside her or whatever. Yeah, I know how this goes, I read plenty of smutty nonsense when I was a teenager…and not having sex. So when I actually did have sex, I didn’t realize that sex moves are a lot harder than the media makes it seem. I’m not even talking about crazy, out of this world sex positions either. I’m talking about basic moves! Like, there’s no way my boyfriend is going to be able to lift me off the ground and have sex with me against a damn wall. And shower sex? Talk about a call to the ER waiting to happen.
Sorry, I hate to be the party pooper of sex, but I want you guys to know that it’s so easy to be deceived into thinking that sex moves are a walk in the park, and they’re not. This won’t ruin sex for you, but it’ll definitely offer a reality check that might be useful for the future. So check out these seven sex moves that are actually harder than they seem, and good luck!
Wall SexListen, it might look romantic, but the actual logistics of having sex against a wall are actually really tough. If you have a vagina and you're trying to get it on with someone with a penis, the best way to actually make this work is if you have your legs wrapped around your partner's back. Okay, well, unless you have legs of steel, you would need a little help holding yourself up. That's where bae comes in, naturally, but unless he's super strong and you're incredibly light, this isn't a position that either of you can keep up for very long. Like, seriously, after about 20 seconds you're going to both be tired of all the trusting and muscle tensing. And for what? To have sex in an uncomfortable position that looks sexier than it really is? Nah, not worth it. The Notebook
Doggy StyleOkay, not going to lie: This always seemed very easy on screen. Perhaps a bit impersonal, but hey, that's besides the point. What could possibly be hard about bending over on your hands and needs right? Well, nobody really tells you that the arch of your back in this position is paramount for your partner to be able to penetrate you efficiently. And for those of you who aren't super flexible, getting your back to arch the right way can be incredibly hard and sort of painful. Looks can seriously be deceiving. Girls
Bathtub SexOkay, here's what I want to know: What bathtubs are people using to have comfortable sex in? Because my own damn bathtub is barely big enough to fit my 5'10" self. So the idea of it accommodating me and someone else who might be taller than me in some sexy aquatic fun is absolutely laughable. You'd have to have a bathtub the size of the prefect baths in Harry Potter for this to really accommodate anyone who doesn't want to feel squished the whole time. 50 Shades Darker
Legs In The Air SexSo, you're on your back and your partner is manipulating your legs up in the air during penetration...and this is supposed to be nice? It might look harmless in movies, but the reality is a little different. Unless you do a lot of yoga and are amazingly flexible, I assure you that having your legs pushed this way and that--and even back against your own body--is going to hurt like hell. You'll seriously feel like an old lady in, like, two seconds, and you'll realize that you really need to spend more time stretching every day. The pain is especially noticeable around the joint where the top of your leg bone and your hip bones meet. You might tough it out for a few minutes, but when it becomes unbearable, don't hesitate to suggest a new position. Bridesmaids
Shower SexOkay, so shower sex combines two things that make it very hard: One, it usually requires some standing up, which--as we noted earlier--is a pain in the butt to do during sex. Two, you're in an effing death trap: Water, slippery soap, hard surfaces that are just waiting to be covered in blood after one of y'all slips and cracks your head open. If you have a ledge in your tub to prop yourself up on, your chances of success go up. But otherwise? You're looking at a tough, precarious situation. Like Crazy
Boob JobsJust smush your boobs around someone's penis and you're good to go, right? I mean, yeah, sure, but the actual mechanics of this move are actually a little awkward. You have to use both your hands, so you're basically balancing on either your elbows or your knees the whole time; therefore, not much balance at all. On top of that, unless there's some lubrication going on, this move can be pretty boring and chafe both your skin and your partners. Proceed with some consideration. Beyonce/Vevo
Sex In The PoolThis isn't particularly hard as long as you two have a hold of each other, but sex in water can wash away some necessary lubrication that makes sex relatively comfortable. If you can make it work comfortably, more power to you. But if you give it a try, don't be surprised if it's not quite as erotic as you imagined. Romeo + Juliet