Nobody knows WTF they’re doing in their first relationship. In fact, a lot of us don’t know WTF we’re doing in our second or third relationships either, especially as teens. We think we have the general idea of what a relationship requires, because we watch enough movies and TV shows, read enough books, and listen to enough songs to give us all the gushy and heartbreaking details. We even witness our friends’ relationships and take mental notes about what we like or don’t like about the dynamic we’re eyeing. But when you’re actually in a relationship—especially for the first time–all the rules you think you know end up being, well, not so helpful.
So you go with the flow, perhaps look to your partner for guidance on this whole relationship thing. That’s perfectly fine, but some people might use your naivety to pull some seriously side eye worthy moves and play them off as normal relationship dynamics, especially where sex is concerned. Check out these seven sexual situations you might think are normal in a relationship, but aren’t. Don’t get played, sis.
You Perform Oral On Them, But They Don't Return The FavorIt's the 21st century, guys, and what we're absolutely not gonna do is let people--especially straight cis-gender dudes with penises--get away with expecting to receive oral sex from their partner but not even bothering to perform oral sex on their partner. Look, everyone has their sex preferences and nobody is obligated to enjoy oral sex or even offer it. But there's this super sexist notion that blowjobs are just par for the course and cunnilingus is something that requires an acquired tasted. Yeah, no. You and your partner should talk about what you're comfortable with, but if you have a vagina and you get the impression that your partner doesn't want to put his head down there because of some nonsense about cunnilingus being gross...yeah, that's not normal. You can do better than him. The To-Do List
Pressuring You To Have SexJust because you're in a relationship, that doesn't mean you're contractually obligated to have sex whenever they want. It's not normal to have a partner who always badgers you about having sex and will hardly take no for an answer if you're not in the mood. Coercive sex is not something you should participate in, especially considering the fact that consent in that context is super dubious. Here's what's normal in a healthy relationship if your partner is in the mood and you're not: You let them know what's up and they leave you the f**k alone. My So-Called Life
Always Having Porn On When You Two Hook UpFor the record, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the two of you getting hot and heavy while watching porn. But if your boyfriend can only seem to enjoy sex with you if he has Pornhub open on his phone, that's something you two might want to discuss. If you feel like he's paying more attention to porn in intimate situations than you are, be honest. He might feel defensive, but he should be receptive to your feelings and try to cool it with the porn when you're around. Don Juan
Demanding NudesSending nudes to someone you're in a relationship with when you're in the mood is one thing. It's another to be in a relationship with someone who basically demands nudes. That's not normal in a relationship at all. I don't care how sweetly he puts it, if you're with someone who is a little pushy about getting some nude photos out of you, even if you say that now isn't a good time, then you're dating someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, period. The last thing your relationship needs is for that dynamic to be normalized. Kim Kardashian @ Instagram
Having Sex Without Protection Because You Two Are OfficialAn old roommate of mine dumped a dude she was seeing because he didn't understand why she wanted him to wear a condom even though she had an IUD. She told him she just felt more comfortable that way, and he was a petulant brat about it. Look, condoms help prevent the spread of STDs/STIs and--of course--help prevent pregnancy. It's perfectly reasonable to be in a committed relationship and still demand condoms, even if you're on birth control. Accidents happen, and it's natural to want to be as safe as possible! Don't let your partner pressure you into doing it raw just because they don't like the way a condom feels. Give them an ultimatum: Sex with a condom or no sex at all. I guarantee you that they'd prefer sex with the condom. Skins
Not Bothering To Make Sure You Got OffWe're all sex novices at some point, so it's understandable to have a partner who might need a little work figuring out how to pleasure you and vice versa. But if you have a partner who won't even bother making sure that you've had an orgasm after some sex session...yikes. It's normal for a partner to make sure that you've had an enjoyable experience, not to just care about their pleasure and nothing more. If they need a little guidance, help them! But if they won't even bother without being asked, then...sorry, your partner low key sucks. When Harry Met Sally
Ejaculating In Your FaceIf you're into it, that's fine, but your partner shouldn't assume you are. Someone who just decides to end every ejaculation all over your face simply watches way too much porn. If they tell you it's totally normal to end sex like that, then they're either blatantly lying or absolutely ignorant. Don't get scammed into a facial. Insecure