8 Lies About Penises You Need To Stop Believing

What do you really know about the humble penis? Assuming you don’t have one, you probably very little. And, no, sexual intimacy with a penis doesn’t make you an expert. Hell, even having a penis yourself doesn’t make you an expert. Basically, penises seem like the simpler genitalia–they just hang there, they’re pretty straight forward, and they’re literally made up of one hole, a shaft, with some dangling bits below–but they’re actually a little more complex than you might think.

We grow up blindly accepting a surprising amount of BS about penises; arguably more than vaginas. For example, how long did you seriously believe that a dude with big hands or big feet has a big penis? Er, do you still believe that? Well, get ready to have your mind blown. Check out these eight lies about penises you need to stop believing already. Who knows, you might actually school someone who actually had a penis with these facts.

Uncircumsised Penises Are Healthier

Proponents of circumcision like to claim that circumcised penises are less dirty than uncircumcised ones, which are reputed to collect more gunk and funk under the foreskin. Well, newsflash: As long as someone who is uncircumcised cleans up down there, they and their penis are perfectly healthy. Anyone--no matter the state of their bits--can be unhygienic. Don't assume that a circumcised penis is squeaky clean while an uncircumcised one is filthy. It all depends on the person and their relationship with soap and water.

Broad City

Penises With Foreskin Experience A Lot More Pleasure

While there are plenty of fair #TeamForeskin arguments when it comes to the circumcision debate, this isn't a particularly truthful one. You'll hear loads of anti-circumcision advocates claim that circumcision results in a massive decline in sensitivity because the foreskin contains countless nerve endings. But multiple studies have shown that the sensitivity differences between circumcised and uncircumcised penises are virtually non-existent. Womp womp womp.

Some Girls

There's Supposed To Be A Ton Of Semen

I thought that it was typical for a guy to ejaculate the kind of semen accounts that you generally see in porn; i.e. a ton. You might figure that that's typical as well. Well, surprise surprise, it's not. Get this: The average amount of semen in a single ejaculation session rounds up to about one teaspoon's worth. YES, ONE TEASPOON. ONE. TEASPOON. So don't be weirded out or shocked if your partner doesn't release a ton of semen when they ejaculate; there's nothing wrong with them.

Scary Movie 2

Big Hands Or Big Feet = Big Penis

We all grew up hearing this one, right? I mean, who even started that? But I'm here to crush your reality: It's all a lie. Yeah, there's zero correlation between hand size and penis size. Oh, same goes for the feet, too. So don't assume that your crush is packin' just because he wears a size 13 shoe. Wait, how do you even know his shoe size?

Harry Potter

The Average Erection Is Around Eight Or Nine Inches Long

As someone who read way too much erotic fanfiction as a teen, I seriously thought that it was typical to encounter penises that averaged around nine inches long while erect. Ha. Hahahaha. Ha. Uh, yeah, so, the average penis length actually hovers closer to five to six inches long. The more you know!

Getty Images

You Can Make Your Penis Bigger

You've likely seen commercials for male enhancement drugs on late night TV. Maybe you've even heard about penis pumps! Well, companies that sell those products are the ultimate scammers, because there's no way to make your penis longer. You might hear anecdotal evidence to the contrary, but let's be real: If there was a surefire way to make a penis bigger, wouldn't you hear about dudes lining up at plastic surgeons or doctors offices for a prescription of 300 mg of Make My Dick Bigger serum? Right.

Getty Images

Being A Grower Instead Of A Shower Matters

There's literally nothing weird or wrong about a dude being on the small side when he's flaccid, but big AF when he's erect. Sure, some dudes are large while flaccid--I mean, we all know about the sweatpants season meme, right?--but that's not necessarily the norm. Don't judge your bae if he's not really packing before he gets turned on, because it's not that deep...at all.

My Mad Fat Diary

Length Is Everything

Look, most people like penises that are larger than average (again, we're talking larger than five inches here, which is average). But please note that a super long penis isn't necessarily the best. Long penises can result in painful sex for plenty of folks with vaginas--feeling something smashing over and over again against your cervix isn't exactly the most pleasurable feeling in the universe. Also, people should probably consider girth as well when thinking of ideal penises: Someone can be lacking in the length department, but making up plenty in, er, other ways. Basically, don't write someone off entirely just because they don't have a long penis; it really isn't everything.


You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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