I’m bigger than my boyfriend.
Sure, he’s taller than me, and he’s far stronger than I am, but that’s pretty much where his physical fortitude over me begins and ends. I weigh more than he does, and I’m all curves and love handles and belly while he’s slim and slender; genetics, am I right? I’m a big girl in every sense of the word: I’m pretty tall with a big head, big boobs, big hips, and big feet, and it’s easy enough to feel a little self-conscious about that in a world that prefers women to be smaller. Throw a man into the mix–a man who doesn’t have the most imposing frame in the world–and that self-consciousness is kicked up a notch.
Obviously nobody should pick and choose their romantic partner based on how well to two of you align with societal ideals. Sorry to sound cliche, but you really only live once, and that life shouldn’t be wasted making sure you and your bae meet someone’s aesthetic standards. But I’m not going to sit here and act as if I have no hangups about our weight and body mass differences. If you can relate, check out these seven things every girl who is bigger than her boyfriend knows is true and commiserate with me.
You Fall Into the Trap Of Thinking That A Big Guy/Small Woman Dynamic Is Super CuteYou don't fit the ideal, and that's going to have to be okay. But we all have moments of weakness. As much as I roll my eyes whenever I stumble upon fan art in which the dude is huge while the girl is ~so smol~ and has to crane her neck and stand on her tippy toes to kiss her man...it's easy to succumb to the idea that maybe that imagery is super cute and OMG what if you were super ~smol~ compared to your boyfriend too? What if he could easily pick you up in his arms and all this other nonsense we've been brainwashed to believe is peak!cute-straight-couple? Again, it's an ugly trap, and you need to just accept that maybe that just won't be your life, and it's okay. Glee
You Feel UnfeminineWomen are supposed to be petite, slender, slight, right? Well, when you don't fit those descriptors, it's easy to feel like you're not feminine enough. This is especially true if you're someone like me who, on top of being tall, also has a somewhat wide frame and big feet. Like, seriously, my boyfriend and I wear the same shoe size. It's a silly thing to get hung up on, but I feel it sometimes nevertheless. Do you? Chewing Gum
You Feel Awkward In Some Sexual SituationsIf this doesn't apply to you, hey, more power to you! But I'm not going to lie, I'm sometimes weirdly worried that my frame is somehow going to squish my boyfriend...even though he insists it won't and he hasn't been squished during sexy stuff yet. It's a super illogical thought process that can plague the minds of those of us on the larger side. We're used to the idea that men's frames are supposed to dominate ours, not the other way around. When we don't fit the script, we fret over it a little bit. But, please, remember that your partner wants to do sexy stuff with your regardless of your size because--wow, surprise surprise--you're cool and they like you. You don't have to be 5'2 and 110 lbs to be desirable in the sack. Bridget Jones' Diary
If You're Significantly Heavier Than Your BF, You Sometimes Feel Like Your Partner Deserves To Be With Someone ThinnerOf course, this is untrue. But we tell ourselves nasty little things all the time, even if they're total BS. Plus, it's not rare for people who have that relationship dynamic to receive nasty comments on social media, mocking your courtship because you have the audacity to be overweight while your partner isn't. Let's be real: We live in a society in which larger bodies aren't valued the way seemingly average sized or slender bodies are, period. People who are bigger have to actively unlearn their worthlessness and remind themselves that they're worthy of being loved, being considered beautiful, etc. My Mad Fat Diary
People Think You And Your BF Are Friends, Not BF And GFUm, this has happened to me more times than I care to even think about, and it drives me absolutely nuts. The fact that I'm a tall black girl and he's a slender white dude probably doesn't help matters. I've straight up had someone hit on my BF when I was sitting right next to him! It's like people don't believe you can be dating a man that you're bigger than or something. That '70s Show
If You're Taller Than Your BF, People Have Suggested That You Shouldn't Wear HeelsIf you're taller or the same height as your BF, you've probably heard people suggest--perhaps gently--that you shouldn't wear heels because you'll look even taller than your BF than you already are. Um, that's...not a bad thing. Oh, and if your boyfriend has a complex about it, he needs to get the eff over it. I regularly wear tall platform shoes that make me an inch or so taller than my boyfriend and I...love it? It makes me feel powerful? You should feel powerful too? Just try it, your BF should be PROUD to have you by his side, even if you're towering over him. Sixteen Candles
Your BF Is A Great CheerleaderAt least, I hope he is. Whenever you're feeling self conscious about your weight, or being big, or daring to look taller than him in your favorite shoes, he's there to tell you just how much he doesn't give a f**k. He's attracted to you just the way you are, and you shouldn't have to spend so much time going on about how you feel fat or worried that you're going to crush him if you're on top during sex. He might get tired of reassuring you all the time, but he does it because he cares, and you should take his words to heart. Again, if your man isn't doing this...he low key sucks. The Addams Family