There are some people who get some sort of twisted joy out of finding couples costumes corny and annoying. Sure, there are some played out combinations that prompt an eye roll more than anything else: Wow, yet another peanut butter and jelly costume. Barbie and Ken? Never saw that before. Oh, Netflix and Chill, how delightfully…2014. But for every cliche couples costume is an amazing one that either uses clever word play to create a really unique costume or borrows from a couple fictional characters, celebrities, or historical figures for a really stellar turn out. I still swoon over a proper Morticia and Gomez Addams costume, or a really spot on Jay Z and Beyonce. So let’s be real: Couples costumes aren’t all bad. Many are a little cliche and boring, but inherently bad? Nah.
Except for the following.
No offense to the people who are actually wearing these costumes, I’m sure they had a great time, and some of them clearly took some work to put together. But some couples costumes–particularly straight couples–imply some really weird gender roles and dynamics that just end up making you want to die of second-hand embarrassment. If you’re confused, check out these 14 couples costumes that’ll make you feel uncomfortable to get a better idea of what I’m talking about. Oh, and avoid dressing up as a soon-to-be-dead deer to your boyfriend’s hunter this Halloween…it’s low key weird, and not in an endearing way.
Hunter/DeerOkay, maybe it's because I'm a city girl, but I'm shook by how many deer and hunter costumes there are. But what's more shocking is that the girl is always the deer while the guy is always the hunter. Country girls would be the first ones to proudly proclaim that girls and women hunt too, it's not just a guy thing. Plus, there are stags, guys. Not all deer-type animals are girls. If I was ever asked to post as a dead animal with my boyfriend holding my limp body up as a trophy...barf, guys. Barf. Pinterest
Mermaid Trapped By FishermanI know I sound like your ultra feminist auntie right now as I say this but...what is it with straight couples having the men and woman dress up as captor and captive (respectively)? I guess it's supposed to be cute in a tee hee way? Haha, caught the girl? I don't know, I try not to think too deeply about this, but after scanning through couples costumes on Pinterest, it's hard not to be a little turned off by this pattern.Pinterest
99 Problems/A Bitch Who Ain't OneYes, yes, yes, this is obviously inspired by the classic Jay Z song "99 Problems," but I can't be the only one who cringes a the idea of a girlfriend gleefully being the "bitch" part of this corny couples costume. Besides, Jay Z's bit about feeling bad for someone with "girl problems" is pretty funny considering all the problems he later had with women...namely Beyonce...listen to "Lemonade," guys...that is all. Etsy
Doctor/NurseSorry, but it's the 21st century: The idea that the boy plays the doctor while the girl plays the nurse is so old fashioned and irritating. It's all based on the idea that being a doctor is the smarter occupation while being the nurse is merely a nurturing (i.e. materal, i.e. feminine) role. But we all know that that there are plenty of women who are doctors and that there's nothing shameful about being a male nurse. Nurses rule, and the fact that there's a stigma against it because it's seen as a woman's job is nonsense. But if you are going to go with the gender normative doctor/nurse couples costume...at least make sure that you're BOTH dressing up as sexy or neither of you are. Pinterest
Puppet/Puppet MasterThis marionette costume is actually kinda cool, but there's something a little sinister about a dude pulling a woman's strings to do whatever he wants. I don't know, maybe this is just a little too close to home in our weird Weinstein controversy heavy news cycle right now. loreley_smith @ Instagram
Trump/Border WallI'm going to keep this short and sweet: If you and your bae dress up as Trump and his border wall for some oh-so-edgy laughs, you're a monster. This isn't an issue that's funny or cute to make light of. This is about human beings being treated as vermin and viciously scapegoated. Don't pull this nonsense, guys. Pinterest
Box Wine CoupleOkay, look, in defense of the box wine couples costumes I've seen, most usually feature one person as the box of wine and the other as some grapes. But this is just...next level cringeworthy to rock as a couple. So, the dude is the box of wine and the girl is just...at the ready to demonstrate the costume whenever the moment strikes? Pass. Imgur
Pilgrim/Native AmericanHa, remember when Hilary Duff and her BF caused a lot of controversy after she dressed up as a sexxxxxxy Pilgrim while he dressed up as a rugged Native American? Yeah, don't do this, guys. It's a lot less cute when you consider the fact that the pilgrims had a hand in instituting ethnic cleansing against countless Native American populations. How's that for your daily downer? Getty Images
Pinata And Miscellaneous Mexican ManOkay, so, first of all...don't dress up as a Mexican if you aren't Mexican. Second of all, the visual of the woman piñata being beaten by a man is doing the absolute most. It's obviously not the same as abuse, but it's a little "yikes" worthy all the same. _renatameitis_ @ Instagram via stayglam.com
Brawny Man/Paper Towel RollHonestly, I've yet to see a gender swapped version of this costume, which is a shame, because a dude dressed up as a giant roll of paper towels accompanied by his lumberjack girlfriend is a lot more endearing than...a ~sexy~ paper towel costume. Pinterest
Hugh Hefner/Playboy BunnyYou'll probably see a lot of these costumes this year in light of the recent death of Hugh Hefner, creator of the Playboy empire. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this costume if you totally ignore the fact that Hugh Hefner was an absolute dog around his bunnies over the years...but have fun, guys! Pinterest
Stanley Cup/Hockey PlayerNot going to lie, this is a cute costume combo! But the feminist knee jerk reaction side of me was a little annoyed by how many variations of this costume that I saw in which the woman is the literal trophy. This definitely deserves a gender swap, complete with the dude in a sparkly dress. Pinterest
Animal Control Man/Wild AnimalAgain, this obsession with men capturing women. Enough already, it's so cheesy. Pinterest
Firefighter/DalmatianWhy can't the dude be the Dalmatian? And why does a Dalmatian have to be sexy in a couples costume. Issa dog. Pinterest