I’m going to be real with you guys: My first time having sex sucked. Like, I thought I was doing everything right–foreplay, crazy amounts of lube, relaxation (or, at least an attempt at it)–but nothing worked. It still hurt like hell, and I really wasn’t prepared for that reality. I mean, we all know that it might not feel great, but I got used to the idea–er, myth–that after a little while, I’d get used to the sensation of some…object invading my bits and it would feel good.
Ha…ha ha ha. Naw.
I know this isn’t everyone’s experience–some people have only mildly painful first time sex experiences–but if you think about it, maybe we’re not as open about the ugly realities of sex as we should be. I don’t think people should be scared out of these intimate experiences, but I wish that people were a little more candid about just how uncomfortable sex can be; and not just intercourse! If you want a bigger does of reality, check out these seven physically uncomfortable things that happen during sex that nobody talks about enough. It’s time for us to warn each other about some impending awfulness.
Your Partner Treating Your Clit Like A Video Game ControllerSo, your partner thinks he's super enlightened about what folks with vaginas want and need in bed, so he starts stimulating your clitoris...which is great in theory but not always great in practice. Some people just don't know how to handle a clit, especially if they don't have one themselves. They think they can just manhandle it like they would a penis, and you can't. Your clit needs to be treated gently, and with respect! Please, if your partner thinks they're giving you pleasure when they're actually leaving you feeling like you're being tortured...let 'em know for their sake and yours. My Mad Fat Diary
Contorting Into Certain Positions, Even Missionary OnesI've always heard people joke about the benefits of having sex with a woman who is flexible. I thought it was just men being...weird and skeevy, which they're certainly prone to be. Well, that was until I actually had sex for the first time with someone who has done it plenty of times before and oh my god. I didn't realize how not-so-flexible I was until then. The various ways in which your body is supposed to contort is absolutely nuts; even missionary can tucker your legs out after a couple of minutes. People really underestimate how important the right sex posture is when it comes to doin' it, so if you haven't done it yet...heed my warning. Broad City
Gagging During OralAh, yes, there's nothing quite like the sensation of feeling like you're going to puke, choke, and die all at the same time when you're trying to pleasure your partner. No, but really, it's a terrible feeling that luckily only lasts for a few seconds. But, ugh, what an awful few seconds they are. Jawbreaker
Not Having Enough Lubrication Down ThereYou think that a little foreplay and some lube is enough...until you quickly realize OH MY GOD NOPE NOT ENOUGH. I think people underestimate how, er, ready you need to be down there. Underestimate and you'll end up feeling like your vagina is being penetrated by a lit torch. Ouch. American Pie
Sore Jaw During A BlowjobWhy does nobody warn you about this before you start having oral sex? Like, seriously, unless your partner takes just a minute or two before having an orgasm, you'll probably have to keep your mouth open wide for a while; jaw pain is imminent. Please, don't be afraid to tell your partner that you need to take a break! If they're chill, they'll be cool with it. Cruel Intentions
When Your Partner Hits Your Damn CervixHaving a partner with a lengthy penis is all fun and games until they hit your cervix with their bits. And if they do it repeatedly? Uh, OUCH. Some people might be into the pain, but I think it's safe to say that it's not very comfortable for most of us. Skins
Being Sore Post-SexPeople love to use being sore post-sex as a badge of honor. Like, I get it, maybe the sex was bangin' (sorry, pun totally intended), but that painful sensation usually isn't quite so cool when your bits ache 12 hours after you were hooking up. It'll get really old, really fast. Some Girls