7 Things Every Virgin Should Look For In A Significant Other

Dating as a virgin can be hard. I would know: I was a virgin for all of high school and college because I just didn’t get around to that whole sex thing and didn’t really care that much about doing it in the first place. Throw in some mild insecurity issues and, bam, you’ve got someone who is a virgin in their early twenties! But people act as though being a virgin means you straight-up aren’t interested in intimacy or relationships. But whether you have special religious beliefs that require you to remain a virgin until marriage, or you’re ready for anything but penetrative sex, or you just aren’t interested in sex yet, you can still want to chill with people in a romantic way.

But I want to be real with you: You have to be a little selective about who you date if you’re a virgin. After all, not everyone is going to respect your v-card status. But it’s easy to avoid duds if you know what to look for. Check out these seven things every virgin should look for in a significant other.

 


Someone Who Won't Pressure You

This is a huge one, obviously. You don't want to get into a situation with someone who is constantly trying to pressure you to do it if you're not ready. And, no, pressure doesn't just come in the form of a guy whining about you not having sex with him. It can come in the form of suggestive texts, images, and seemingly innocuous questions about sex, sexuality, and your body. If someone you're talking to does that, trust me, it won't die down unless you two actually have sex. Avoid.

Skins

Someone Who Is Into More Than Just Sex

Yes, believe it or not there are people out there--yes, even guys--who are invested in more than just sex in a relationship. When a relationship is too sex-centric for anyone it can be a dud, but when it's super sex-centric for a virgin? Yeah, how about...super dud? You'll end up feeling like you're not fulfilling your partner and you'll feel like you're being used as well. Guilt and degradation? You don't need it.

Submarine

Someone Who Shares Similar Thoughts On Sex

Look, this is important whether you're dating someone who is also a virgin or someone who has had a bunch of sexual partners. If your partner is invested in waiting until marriage to have sex and you're not, this might not work. If your partner thinks that you're being unreasonable to not have sex ASAP, this isn't going to work. If your partner thinks that you're low-key weird for not having sex yet, or would think that you would be a "slut" if you did have sex...this isn't going to work. Do you get where I'm going with this? You two don't have to agree on everything sex related, but when your opinions have an impact on how your sex life will proceed in this relationship, that matters.

My So-Called Life

Someone Who Doesn't Care That You're A Virgin

You want to date someone who doesn't put a lot of weight on what it means to be a virgin. At the end of the day, a virgin is just someone who hasn't had sex yet. They're not some socially inept weirdo who needs sex to reform into a normal person again. And they're not some coquettish little prude that can be fetishized either. So, yeah, avoid people who think your virginity is weird and people who think it's super hot. They're both not worth your time...and the latter is just creepy.

My Mad Fat Diary

Someone Who Doesn't Go On About Their Past Sexploits

I mean, other than this just being straight up obnoxious, it's also going to make you feel super insecure when you finally do have sex. It doesn't matter if they're bragging because they're arrogant or they're insecure and just want you to think they're cool. At the end of the day, you'll be worried that you won't measure up to your partner's past flings, girlfriends, etc, and nobody wants to feel inadequate.

Some Girls

Someone Who Actually Wants To Go Out

Please, go outside on real dates instead of just hanging at home making out. That's especially important if you're not ready to have sex yet. Every extra minute spent hooking up you'll feel increasingly pressured to perhaps do something you're not ready for yet. When you're ready, you're ready, but don't feel like it's forced because of your surroundings. Go for a walk, go to a restaurant, go to a museum, check out a bad movie, whatever. Just go out, guys.

That '70s Show

Someone Who Understands Birth Control And Safe Sex

Listen, if you eventually do start doing sexy stuff with this partner of yours, you need to actually be with someone who knows how safe sex works. I mean, you should know yourself, but doing end up with someone who is clueless. That's putting you at risk, and you don't want your first time having sex to end with a trip to the drugstore to cop Plan B because bae didn't realize that he was wearing the wrong size condom.

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