Ask A Guy: How To Hook Up With Guys If You’re Self Conscious About Your Vagina

Hey Joel,

I’m seventeen and a lot of my friends have started hooking up with guys. I would as well, but I’m really self concious about my vagina. I feel like my “lips” look long and sloppy compared to what guys see in porn and probably expect. Is the labia/vagina look really important for guys? I’m really self-conscious about it and don’t want it to impact my sex life in the future.


Everyone has some part of their physique that they are self-conscious about. Everyone. Each and every person you know, have seen on TV, that person you think is perfect; EV-ERY-ONE has that “thing” that they wish they could change about themselves. Understanding and internalizing this fact can help you a great deal in becoming more comfortable with your body.

More to the point: comparing how you look against people in porn is both a bad and unrealistic idea. I mean, do you expect that every guy you get with will have the stamina, size, and body build of a porn star? If you do, you’re going to be very disappointed with most of your sexual encounters. Much like fashion models, porn stars set unrealistic expectations in many areas. Also, many porn stars have different types of surgeries to reshape their labia, so what you’re seeing isn’t always natural.

However, I totally understand that even with those two realities in your head, you may still feel totally weird about how things look. To that, I offer a simple thought: if a guy doesn’t want to get with you because he doesn’t like how you look, he’s not at all worth your time! Yes, your vagina is part of who you are, and a good guy will accept everything about you.

From my own experience, I can honestly say that I’ve never really thought about how things look. Sure, some guys prefer girls who shave; some don’t. But once things have gotten to that point in a sexual encounter, I doubt any guy is going to say “no” or stop things. It’s all about the moment and the connection, so don’t get stuck in your own head.

If you’re truly concerned with how things look, ask your doctor the next time you get an exam. There’s nobody who sees more vaginas than OB/GYNs, so that is unquestionably your best source if you want to feel “normal.”

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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