7 Things Every Virgin Should Know About Having Sex With A Non-Virgin

There’s a lot of cute, fluffy sentiment around the idea of someone and their significant other losing their virginity to each other. I get it; it’s hard not to. When you and your partner are both total virgins, having sex together for the first time is a mutually agreed upon amateur hour, complete with awkwardness, limbs stretched at odd angles, and–probably–a little disappointment. But it’s still a milestone that you share and, hopefully, improve upon together. But the sentiment is a little different if you’re a virgin and your S.O. isn’t. Whether your boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever has had sex one time or 10 times before, they’re still more experienced than you are to the whole sex thing, and that can feel intimidating. There’s no mutual milestones, just yours that you’ll reach with someone who has been there and done that, and there’s a lot more pressure on you to somehow live up to your partner’s other sexual experiences.

As someone who was a virgin the first time I had sex with my boyfriend who had years of experience…I know that feeling all too well. Frankly, it sucks, and I couldn’t help but think about how much of a disappointment I would be, which obviously wasn’t the best thought process to have during a moment of intimacy. But after going through that ordeal, I know exactly what I’d do differently, and I hope to instill that onto you. Here’s seven pieces of advice for virgins who are having sex with their non-virgin S.O. Don’t be so hard on yourself, dude, and I promise you’ll have a better experience.


Don't Lie About Your Virginity Status

You don't have to tell your partner that you're a virgin, but if you're asked, please don't lie. First of all, if you feel the need to lie about your v-card status, ask yourself why. Is this someone you really feel comfortable having sex with if you can't even feel comfortable being honest with them? Also, if you say you're not a virgin but end up struggling big time during run of the mill sex stuff, you might accidentally out yourself in a really awkward way.

I know, it's scary to admit that you're a virgin, especially if you're in your twenties and are a little older than a typical virgin. But honesty is the best policy here, period. Besides, it's also okay for some people not to want to have sex with folks who have never had sex before. That's just their preference, and you deserve to have sex with someone who is totally cool with showing you the ropes instead of someone who might be too impatient.


Don't Assume They'll Treat Your Bits With The Respect They Deserve

Yo, I assure you that there are people with penises who have sex with folks with vaginas and think that penetration alone is enough to give their partner's a good time. Ha...hahahaha. Yeah, uh, no. Most people with vaginas can't even orgasm through penetration alone; they need some clitoral action to make the magic happen. But don't get too confident just because your partner knows where your clitoris is. The fact is that even if they know where it is, they might not know how to treat it right. Seriously, I once heard someone day that most dudes handle a clitoris like a video game controller...which is sad but so true. If you have some one-on-one familiarity with your bits, you'll be better equipped to tell your partner what works and what doesn't, which leads me to the next point...

Big Mouth

If You Want To Avoid Having An Awful Time, Be Vocal About What Feels Good And What Doesn't

So, yeah, penetrative sex can hurt like hell. That doesn't mean that you should just keep your mouth shut when you're experiencing discomfort. Some discomfort is normal for your first time, others can be avoidable if you just tell your partner that you might need to readjust or they need to move their hips in a different way, etc. Trust your body and talk to your partner, please. It's paramount for your pleasure.

Freaks and Geeks

Demand Some Foreplay

While everyone with sense enjoys foreplay, some people need it a lot less than others. Generally, people who are able to launch right into things are a little more experienced. But if you're a virgin, you really need to get warmed up and properly aroused (and, frankly, lubricated down there) if you don't ant your first time to hurt even more than it already will. So make sure that you're treated accordingly. You aren't at quickie level yet, sis, and that's okay.

Faking It

Don't Expect Them To Be Masters In The Sack

Just because your S.O. has had sex one or even a few times, that doesn't mean they're a sex god. So honestly? It's okay if you don't get your expectations up too much. Your partner might still be getting the swing of things themselves, so in a way you'll learn together even though they technically have more experience.

Blue Is The Warmest Color

Don't Expect It To Be Great, Because It Probably Won't Be

Yes, sure, you'll know a few people with vaginas who had a great time losing their virginity. But for the most part, you'll hear stories of disappointment, pain, and general discomfort. You're not above that narrative, so you might as well keep your expectations low no matter if the sex is mediocre and awkward or if the sex is surprisingly good. If you go into this with super high expectations, you're going to probably end up having a really awful, disappointing time. Losing your v-card is stressful enough without all that.


Remember That They Were A Virgin Too Once

Look, your partner isn't some holier than thou figure, or a master of sex, or a sex guru, or a sexy demi-god just because they've had sex before. They, too, used to be a virgin like you, totally clueless to the ins and outs (perhaps literally) of sex. In fact, they might not have even lost their v-card that long ago, so don't force yourself to be intimidated while you gas them up. They're not all that. Having sex isn't a super power.

Some Girls

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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