I’m a 21 year old straight female college senior who has a great life and all, but I’ve somehow randomly noticed lately that I don’t have many guy friends. I’m in a sorority and most of the people in my classes are girls, so that’s who I hang out with. I never thought much of it until my mom mentioned something recently, saying I should hang out with guys more and maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend. That’s not my concern at all, but it did bother me that I don’t have friends who are guys. Most of my sisters have guy friends who take them out for “date night” but I don’t. Is it bad to not have many dudes to hang out with? I have no issue talking to guys and have been sexually active with many, but for some reason I feel self-conscious about making a guy friend. How do you even make dude friends?! Help!
Okay, so first things first: it’s definitely not weird that you don’t have any guy friends. Some girls have lots of friends who are dudes, others don’t at all – and there’s nothing wrong with either case. As you said, you’re surrounded by females – it’s not surprising that you haven’t really ventured outside of your comfort zone to make friends with a different gender. Also, for what it’s worth, it’s more than likely not the reason you don’t have a boyfriend.
Making guy friends can be tricky, because our society is so conditioned to believe that men and women can’t have platonic relationships and that everything leads to sex. So, pursuing a guy just to make him your friend can easily make him believe you want to do more than be friends, which, uh, destroys the idea of a friendship.
If you really want to try making dude friends, use your girl friends who have lots of guys friends for help. Go out with them and get to know her guy friends. Be friendly and open, and talk to everyone. As with any other friendship, don’t try too hard… making friends with a dude is like making friends with a girl. It’s not something you should be putting a ton of thought into, or things will feel a lot more awkward.
You can also meet guy friends in more natural ways, like starting up a friendly conversation with a guy in one of your classes (if you can find one!) or at work (if you work). Talk to someone who seems nice at a party. If you’re in a sorority, then you probably go to mixers fairly often, and maybe you guys have a frat that you work with quite often – those guys could be friends too. A potential guy friend is everywhere – you just have to start talking like you would with a girl friend.
All of that being said, you don’t NEED to have guy friends. I personally never made many dude friends – I had a few in college, but we weren’t so close that we hung out together and talked all the time. I was just always a person with a lot of girl friends, and there’s nothing wrong with me! I’m engaged, so your mom’s theory doesn’t check out. Anyway, this isn’t about me – it’s just to say that you shouldn’t feel pressured to have more dude friends in your life. Girl friends are amazing, and if you’re happy, then keep doing what you’re doing.
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