9 Tips On How To Orgasm During Penetrative Sex

This past week, I started binge watching The Bold Type (a show I love even though its depiction of working in a magazine is not entirely accurate, because, guys, a writer would NEVER report directly to the editor in chief! And also, I used to intern at Hearst, which is what the show is loosely based upon, and the offices are NOT that cool, especially the fashion/beauty closets, which are just a mess, BUT I’m missing the point I’m sorry!), and the episode I watched last night really made me think. It was about the fact that Jane, the main character, had never had an orgasm before, and she had to write about it, and she was super embarrassed. The moral of the episode was that a lot of women don’t have orgasms, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

SO. With that said, I thought it might be good to write about how to have an orgasm during sex. Maybe you’ve never had one before! Maybe you have, but you can only have an orgasm if you masturbate, or if your partner goes down on you. Both things are normal. In fact, studies have unfortunately found that women only orgasm about 62 percent of the time with a partner, compared to men, who orgasm about 85 percent of the time. That is not a fair statistic!

Let’s make sure you’re getting yours, okay? Having an orgasm from penetrative sex can be tough, because most women struggle with vaginal orgasms and can only have a clitoral orgasm – and, if you’ve ever had penetrative sex, then you know that stimulating your clit while a penis is thrusting inside of you is not easy. But it’s also not impossible to orgasm from this! So, here are a few tips on how to orgasm during penetrative sex. You deserve it!


Start With A Lot Of Foreplay

If you've done any research on orgasms at all, then you probably already know that foreplay is really important. So, I'll say it again - foreplay is really important! Don't just immediately start having sex. Get yourself ready by making out, touching, kissing each other all over, maybe some fingering, and maybe some oral sex. This will get you excited and turned on, and once you're very turned on, it's easier to actually have an orgasm. You might also want to try having a clitoral orgasm before starting penetrative sex - that could definitely make it easier to have another orgasm during sex. Of course, don't do that if you can't have a few orgasms in a short span of time, but it's worth trying. And if you don't orgasm during the sex, then at least you did at some point!

Source: iStock

Prop Yourself Up

For many women, the trouble with orgasming during sex is that they can't seem to stimulate their clitoris - and that's what they need to do in order to get off. It can be hard for a penis to stimulate your clit because of where it's located. So, move things around. Try doing missionary (or a similar position) and prop yourself up by putting one or two pillows under your butt. This lifts you up and will make it easier for your clitoris to get stimulated. It might feel a little awkward, so play around with it, but it works.

Source: iStock

Stimulate The Clitoris Yourself

In case you couldn't already tell, sometimes you need to stimulate the clitoris to make things work. It's just that that's not always easy when having penetrative sex! Ask your partner to reach down and finger you while you're having sex - if he can't manage that, then you can do it! Find a position where it doesn't feel completely awkward, use a little lube if needed, and touch yourself while he does his thing.

Source: iStock

Try Doggy Style

There are a few different kinds of sex positions experts recommend trying when you're having trouble having an orgasm, and the most popular one is doggy style. Because of the position, your partner is most likely to stimulate your clitoris in this position - it feels good for both of you, and it's a basic move that's not hard to master. Try it out!

Source: iStock

Experiment With Different Positions

If doggy style isn't working, then just try different things! You don't need to copy positions from a magazine or website - you can if you want to, but don't go crazy - you can just make your own or move with what feels good. A lot of people recommend doing something where you're on top so that you have more control. Here are a few good position ideas!

Source: iStock

Incorporate Sex Toys

Sex toys are not just for masturbating or foreplay - they can be a huge help during penetrative sex. Your best bet is using a small vibrator (they even have finger ones out there) and stimulating your clitoris with it during penetrative sex. But play around with all different toys and with what you're comfortable with. There's something for everyone!

Source: iStock

Be Selfish

One of the reasons women don't orgasm as much as men is because they aren't putting their needs first. It's great that you care about your partner's experience and you want them to feel good - but if you're having sex with a guy, it honestly doesn't take a lot for them to enjoy sex and have an orgasm. Stop focusing on them so much and start focusing on yourself! It's okay to be selfish. Ask them to change what they're doing if it doesn't feel good. Give them direction. And if something feels like it's getting you there but he's not as into it, keep doing it and then switch it up to something he likes after. It's a give and take, and you definitely shouldn't be ignoring your needs for his every time.

Source: iStock

Do Kegels In Your Spare Time

Kegels are a simple exercise that strengthen your vaginal muscles. If your muscles are stronger, it's easier to have an orgasm. So, do them whenever you can! You can do them at night, in the morning, even sitting at your desk - no one will be able to tell. To do kegels, simply clench and unclench the vaginal muscles - almost like you're trying to hold in pee.

Source: iStock

Try Something Different

Okay, here's the bad news: sometimes you might try everything ever, and you still can't orgasm during penetrative sex. It's oaky! There are other things you can do to get off. Focus more on oral sex or fingering. Or whatever works for you! Masturbate to find out what feels good and explore your sexuality, and figure it out from there.

Source: iStock

You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.

 

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