Ask A Guy: How To Tell If A Popular Guy Is Using You

Hey Joel,

I really like this guy who lives in the same town as me but I don’t know if he likes me back in the same way.  He’s one of the most popular guys at school and I’m not popular at all. Anyway, we’ve been hooking up and exchanging nudes for a while. He told me that he likes me, but I still think he doesn’t like me in that way and is only using me to get nudes and head. Last night, I sent him a few pictures and I was going to ask him if he likes me or not but I didn’t. Please help me, this is actually killing me.


Before you even think about this other guy and how he may feel about you, start by taking care of yourself and finding ways to love who you are. I know it’s cliché, but the idea of “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” does hold some truth. You need to be putting your best self forward, and it will help you answer all of your other questions.

Let’s start with the idea of popularity. Once you get out into the real world, you’ll quickly realize that popularity means absolutely nothing. Zero. It’s not going to help you get into a better college, get a job or anything like that. If someone is that obsessed or interested in your popularity, ditch them fast. These people are self-absorbed and materialistic, and likely have less real self-confidence than most.

Insofar as what you should do about this guy, I would start by NOT sending him nudes. If you haven’t even gone out on a date, that’s certainly not something he’s earned. In fact, there is a very good chance he’s just trying to see what he can get – so until he SHOWS you he’s interested, cut back on the photos.

If you want to know whether or not he’s into you, you may have to take the more aggressive role in the relationship. Even something as simple as asking him to go get coffee will tell you all you need to know. If he’s interested, he’ll either agree or offer another casual date idea. On the flip side, if he gives you some lame excuse or flat out declines, then you know he’s just using you.

Popularity isn’t a real thing. There is nothing different about people deemed “popular” that makes them better or more worthy than others. The more time you spend fixating on why you are or aren’t seen as popular, the less time you have to focus on things that actually matter. If you’re into a guy, let him know. And, seriously, save the nudes for guys who you know dig you!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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