One of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is realizing that your significant other might have a crush on someone else. It sucks to think about your BF liking anyone as much (or more than) they like you, but it is especially crappy to think that your boyfriend might have a crush on your friend. Trust me: I know from experience.
When I was in college, I started to suspect that my boyfriend, who I had been dating for over four years, might have a crush on our mutual friend. He got weird whenever we talked about her and they seemed to have a certain vibe going on whenever they were together. At first, I assumed that I was just being jealous and controlling (as I am wont to do, I will be honest). Unfortunately, my fears were nearly confirmed when another friend brought it up to me. After a few months, I confronted him, and he admitted it was true. It was terrible, we broke up, and I still get annoyed when I think about it years later.
Anyway, I know how terrible it feels when your BF likes someone close to you. It feels like more of a betrayal! It can also be easy to ignore the signs since you really don’t want to believe it. I did that and… it didn’t end well. Here are a few sneaky signs your boyfriend has a crush on your friend:
He Brings Her Up A LotUnless this friend is a mutual friend, there's really no reason for your boyfriend to bring her up often. If this your friend, who he met through you and isn't particularly close to, there's really no reason he should be asking about her, asking you to invite her places, or talking about her regularly. Of course, if there's something serious going on in her life, that's different. But you'll know if the way he's talking about her is shady. My ex used to ask about our friend constantly. Every time we hung out, he'd say, "Maybe we should invite Tina." Every time I was texting her, he would ask what she was doing. He would randomly talk about her, throwing her name into stories. The point is, her name came up a lot - and it got weird after a while. Source: iStock
He Gives Her More Attention Than He Gives YouThink about how things are whenever the three of you hang out, whether you're in a group or not. Does he end up spending most of his time talking to her, or trying to bring her into a conversation? Does he focus on her the most? Does he keep looking at her and/or finding excuses to talk to her? So much so that he's doing this more than he's paying any attention to you? That's... not cool, especially if he's doing it every single time you guys are with her. And if he seems like he's acting flirty, he probably is - and that's definitely not cool. Source: iStock
He Takes Her SideOkay, this is a big one: if your boyfriend always takes your friend's side over yours, that might mean something shady is going on. Your boyfriend isn't obligated to agree with everything you say. But he should be supportive of you - and if it feels like he's more inclined to side with your friend no matter what, that could be a sign that more sinister emotions are at play. Whether it's in a joking way - like, he always teases you when you guys are with her - or a more serious way (he says she's right when you two are arguing, always), it's not cool. Source: iStock
He Starts Asking About The Possibility Of A ThreesomeA few years ago, my friend's boyfriend very clearly had a crush on another friend. We could all see it, and even my friend he had a crush on could tell. After a while, he started asking his girlfriend if she'd ever be interested in a threesome - specifically with her friend. It was weird, and just another sign that he had a crush. Sometimes, a guy will think that he might just be able to have his cake and eat it too, and so he'll try to get a thing going with all three of you. It's not abnormal for a guy to ask about the possibility of a threesome, but it's definitely fishy if he's asking about doing it with a particular person. That means he wants to hook up with her, with a get out of jail free card. Source: iStock
He Doesn't Like Who She's DatingHow does your boyfriend act about your friend's dating life? If he's not interested in her, the answer would most likely be, "Uh, he doesn't really care." But if he is interested in her, he'll probably have some opinions... and usually those opinions will be negative. When my ex first started liking our friend, she was dating a guy who, admittedly, sucked. But my BF was invested in it. He would constantly try to talk her into breaking up with him. He brought up their relationship and how terrible it was to anyone who would listen... to the point where it got weird. And he was definitely a little too happy when they broke up. If your BF is acting like this, watch out. Source: iStock
He Starts Talking To Her On His OwnHere's another big one: if your boyfriend goes out of his way to start talking to your friend without you involved, that's pretty shady. I found out, in a crappy way, that my boyfriend had asked my friend for her number and started texting her on his own. It was awkward AF, but he tried to act like it was just friendly. If your BF is constantly texting your friend, or even trying to hang out with her without you, it sounds like he's getting a little too close for comfort. Think about it: would you act that way with one of his friends unless you were romantically interested in him? Probably not. Source: iStock
He Compares You To HerYour boyfriend shouldn't be actively comparing you to anyone, especially one of your friends - it's hurtful and not conducive to healthy communication. If he starts bringing her up when you guys are fighting, or saying things like, "Why can't you be more like so-and-so?" (or something along those lines), watch out. Source: iStock
She Seems Uncomfortable Around HimSometimes, the friend will like the boyfriend back. Other times, she won't... and she'll just feel really, really uncomfortable. Take note of how your friend acts around and about him. Does she seem to avoid hanging out if he'll be there? Does she try not to have a conversation with him? Does she get weirdly quiet or awkward when you bring him up? If so, she could be noticing his way too friendly vibes, and she doesn't know what to do. Take it seriously! Source: iStock