Breakups aren’t fun – unless you, like me, wait until you’ve cultivated a strong feeling of hate towards your partner, in which case then they’re GREAT. But most people have the common sense to break off a relationship before you’re regularly spitting in each other’s morning coffee, which means most people get subjected to being told they’re “great” but not “great enough” and yadda yadda “It’s me, not you.”
Well, I call bullsh*t! Humans are inherently selfish beings, which means the “It’s not you, it’s me” line is total crap. In fact, most lines men use during breakups are total crap. If people would just say what they meant rather than what they think the other person wants to hear, the world would be a much better place. Here are a few of the most common phrases guys use to break up with girls… and what they really mean when they use them:
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'It's Not You, It's Me.'
Why he said it: Dude has watched a few too many romantic comedies and thinks this is the easy way to let you down. What he ACTUALLY meant: I really don’t have a good reason for breaking up with you, and if I do I’m too much of a sissy to say it because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I also do not recognize the irony in lying to you to save your feelings, because by breaking up with you I’m automatically ruining your week and essentially taking a shit in your morning cereal for five days straight. Source: iStock
'I Just Need Some Space'
Why he said it: He’s trying to dump you but also trying to make it sound like there’s a chance of you two getting back together in the future. Dude wants to have his cake AND eat it too. What he ACTUALLY meant: He wants to break up permanently, but realizes that he might not find anyone better than you out there. Instead, he’s using the “Oh I just need a break to find myself hum-dee-dum” so that he can take a break, but also still possibly get back together with you in the future. Barring any family deaths, traumatic events or whatever else have-you, this line is total bullshit – you can and will do better. Source: iStock
'I'm Too Busy For A Relationship Right Now'
Why he said it: He’s not lying – he actually is pretty busy. What he ACTUALLY meant: Yeah he’s busy, but no one is “too busy” for a relationship. You think married couples get divorced when one of them has a packed schedule 24/7? Uh, no. Dude just doesn’t want to put the effort into penciling you into his apparently jam-packed day, because chances are he can only see you once or twice a week and for 30 minutes apiece. Who wants to deal with a relationship like that? Not him, and probably not you. Source: iStock
'I Think You Deserve Better'
Why he said it: He’s lying, but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings with the truth. What he ACTUALLY meant: You are most likely very high maintenance. Most guys can’t keep up with a girl who requires him to be available 24/7 for every little thing, nor do they want to – and so they throw out this line that implies there’s nothing wrong with you, just that he’s not good enough for you; in reality he just doesn’t want to deal with the constant effort and drama. Source: iStock
'I Love You But I'm Not IN Love With You'
Why he said it: He’s trying to be honest. Hooray for him! What he ACTUALLY meant: He loves you as a person the same way that you love your best friend, but that’s all he sees you as – a really good friend. Sure you two may find each other attractive and have lots of hobbies in common, but for some people that’s not enough; some need that little spark that comes from having chemistry with someone. Having chemistry with your partner isn’t always a sane and logical process, so if the spark isn’t there between you two don’t get upset – just think of it as a challenge to find someone who does get your panties rolled up in a bunch at first sight. Source: iStock
'This Is Moving Too Fast And It's Too Intense For Me'
Why he said it: Because he’s an idiot and couldn’t think of anything better. What he ACTUALLY meant: If he actually liked you as much as he says he does, he wouldn’t care about how fast you two are moving nor would he care about how “intense” it is, he’d just forcefully slow the process down. In reality your relationship got too hot-n-heavy too quickly for him and he’s come to realize that being single and alone is safer than giving your heart away to someone else. Translation: he’s immature and you actually can do better. Source: iStock
'I Think We're Better Off As Friends'
Why he said it: He’s telling the truth – he could’ve used any other line on this list if he didn’t actually want to be your friend. What he ACTUALLY meant: Not all relationships work out like fairytales, but that doesn’t mean they have to end with dumpster fires and your ex stalking you forever. Sometimes people do better as friends than they do as lovers, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Having the maturity realize that it’s best to go back to being friends is a rarity, so take it to heart if he uses this line – he probably really means it. Source: iStock