7 Things That You Think Will Happen During A Blowjob, But Won’t

I’m going to be real with you: I used to be terrified of blowjobs. I was a late bloomer in the sex department, so not too long ago I was literally a 23-year-old who was convinced that if I gave an (unlucky) man a blowjob, I would accidentally bite his penis. Sometimes, I even had visions of biting it off entirely. Maybe it’s because I was super neurotic and insecure about my rookie moves in the sack, but whatever the reason, it made my early hookup days pretty terrifying.

And then, I gave someone a blowjob and…it really wasn’t scary. Oh, and nobody got their penis bitten off. Yay.

But biting off dicks wasn’t my only concern in the blowjob department. I thought that I had to be able to deep throat like a porn star and look super sexy while doing it. Turns out, that’s not really all that important at all. In fact, there are a lot of preconceived notions that I think a lot of us have about what happens during a blowjob, and you might be surprised, elated, or disappointed to discover that a lot of those notions never really materialize. To understand what I mean, check out these seven things you think will happen during a blowjob, but won’t. Of course, every experience and partner is different, so maybe some of these things will happen to you. But for the most part, you’ll be surprised by how much doesn’t actually happen.


It's A Quick Operation

It might be quick if you're with someone who has never experienced a blowjob before, but don't assume that anyone you give a blowjob to will be super quick about it. Blow jobs often aren't a short, two minute operation. It can last for ages, so be prepared for some jaw fatigue, remember to breathe, and take breaks!

Jawbreaker

There Will Be LOADS Of Spunk

Porn really makes it seem like everyone with a penis has loads and loads of spunk to unleash when they have an orgasm. Guess what: That probably won't happen when you hookup with someone. I mean, maybe you'll end up with someone who has loads of it, but for the most part? Keep your expectations low. The average dude's penis doesn't turn into a fire hydrant.

Scary Movie 2

It's Complicated

I think it's easy to overthink blowjobs. You'll look up tips, hand tricks, ways to deep throat, etc. But honestly, once you get started it's really, really easy. Like, there's very little mystery and you figure out good technique very quickly. Don't sweat it.

Misfits

It'll Be A Big To Do

Chances are, you won't feel like a whole new woman when you give someone a blowjob for the first time. Sorry, if you wanted to feel that way you must be disappointed. But I'm keeping it real: this probably won't be a big game changer with you. It'll be thrilling and all, but it'll probably be a lot more anticlimactic than you think.

Submarine

You Already Know If You'll Be A Spit Or Swallow Type Before You Even Do It

You might be thinking, "Ew, I'm never going to swallow a guy's load!" Which, I mean, understandable since it doesn't exactly have a reputation of being very delectable. But you really won't know what you prefer to do until you actually do it, period. Maybe you won't think the taste is so bad. Maybe you'll think it's more intimate to swallow. Or, maybe you think you'll be the swallowing type only to realize that it makes you gag. Keep your mind open.

American Pie 6: Beta House

Your Partner Will Be Super Disrespectful

I always had a fear that I would end up being manhandled by a dude who watched way too much porn during a blowjob. I mean, you've probably seen how often women in porn have their hair pulled, how often men finish on their faces, etc. Ugh, it's hard not to be a little wary. But honestly, you might be surprised by how respectful your partner is of you. The aforementioned affronts happen mostly at the hands of immature dudes who don't respect their partners. If you're with a good person, they probably won't do this...unless you ask...or they ask and you accept.

Some Girls

You'll Have An Awful Time

While I hate how much women are expected to give blowjobs to men they're in a relationship with whenever, that doesn't mean that blowjobs are always some awful, degrading experience. Some women genuinely enjoy giving blowjobs, not because it's super pleasurable to them, but because it's gratifying to give their partner pleasure. You might end up really enjoying giving someone a BJ, or you might not, but don't assume you'll hate it.

Insecure

Are you surprised by anything on this list? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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