As everyone knows, there comes a time in every young girl’s life in which she finds herself screaming an essential, age-old question into the void: Will steaming my face with an herbal laxative give me the smooth, glowing, baby-soft poreless skin that ultimately gives me the strength and confidence to pursue my dreams, such as but not limited to going to law school in order to become the smartest contestant on The Bachelor one day?
Just kidding! This is not something that anyone should think about ever, probably. (Though, as someone who has suffered from acne for a greater portion of my teenage and adult life, I certainly understand the urge to go to extremes in order to attain the sort of skin that is deemed conventionally attractive.) Still, I can truly say that this thought had never passed through my mind, not even once, until I chanced upon an Into The Gloss Top Shelf feature on someone named Karen Lord. Or, to be exact, this is “Fitness Guru Karen Lord,” a Pilates instructor and studio owner who, apparently, loves a good herbal laxative facial.
Anyway, Fitness Guru Karen Lord does laxative steam-based facials herself, using Swiss Kriss Herbal Laxative flakes. And, given that I am passionate about exactly two things–skincare and asserting that laxatives are perhaps the only inherently hilarious thing in the world–I had to try it for myself.
Here is how you give yourself an herbal laxative facial steam:
- Pour a few cups of water into a pot and bring it to a boil. It doesn’t really matter how many cups of water you put in it, you just have to be able to bring it to a boil.
- While the water is boiling, wash your face. (I use the Charcoal Jelly Ball from boscia, if you are wondering, which is very good and works nicely with my skin except sometimes I drop it on the floor of my bathroom and have to run it under water for a few seconds so I don’t get scabies of the face or whatever, which probably does not bode well for the longevity of this particular product!)
- If the water is still not at a boil, and you, like me, accidentally purchased Swiss Kriss in tablets instead of its intended flake form, crush the tablets into a fine powder. I did this by using the handle of a corn on the cob-shaped vegetable peeler:
4. By now, the water should be boiling. Place the laxative flakes and/or crushed-up laxative powder into a glass or ceramic bowl, then pour the boiling water about three-quarters of the way up the bowl. (Be careful when you’re doing this, obviously.) Then, take a towel, and place it over your head so it forms a little tent over the bowl. This helps the steam reach its intended target (your face) without excaping anywhere else in the room. I guess it should look something like this:
How long should you stay like this? Well, here’s the thing: Swiss Kriss actually smells very nice, like eucalyptus essential oil, which makes breathing it in for an extended period of time relatively pleasant. All the same, steaming your face does get incredibly hot, especially if your apartment does not have air conditioning and it still feels like summer and you are prone to sweat anyway, so increasing the heat to any degree feels, in many ways, unbearable. So, what I am saying is that you should stay in this steam tent for exactly as long as you can bear it, and no more!
Anyway, here me before I tried the laxative facial:
And here is me after I tried the laxative facial:
Clearly, there was no, like, immediate difference (as is, usually the case when taking a photo fifteen seconds after trying a new skincare product) but my skin does feel softer and more supple. I suspect that it will only be a matter of time until my skin is clear, my grades are better than ever, and my crops are thriving. Long story short, I recommend this laxative facial.
Would you ever try a laxative facial? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments!