7 Tips On Asking Someone Out IRL, Not Via Text

I want to let the record show that while I think breaking up with someone via text is usually The Worst, I actually think it’s fine to ask someone out via text. Given the prevalence of dating apps and DMs to slide into, it makes perfect sense to use technology as a convenient middle man between you and the person you want to ask out. It’s easy, it’s convenient, you can do it whenever and wherever you want, and you don’t have to deal with actually looking at your crush face to face to do it…which can be scary AF.

However, it’s worth knowing the how to shoot your shot IRL. As handy as it is to just hit up your crush via text, ask them to hang out, and nervously wait for them to respond, let’s not act as if that can also be super nerve-wracking. It’s hard to judge tone or someone’s true interest through text; maybe IRL you could tell that they aren’t actually interested in you, but they might just put on like they care in a text message so you won’t feel so bad…only to let yo down later. Who wants that? And what if they take forever to reply? What if they try to ghost you all together? You can’t ghost someone IRL. Plus, there will be moments when you’ll feel compelled to ask someone out right then in there, in the flesh, and you should be able to have some skills in your back pocket to unleash when you do it. So, here are seven tips on asking someone out IRL, not via text. You’ll feel so powerful when you actually do this…hopefully with some success.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

You're going to be nervous, period. There's no getting around that unless you're somehow born without the capacity to experience fear. But you're going to have to fake it 'til you make it. Put on a smile, take deep breaths, act your butt off and pretend to have some chill even though you're going "ohmygodohmygodohmygod" on the inside. And whatever you do, don't tell them you're nervous for sympathy points, because that's just awkward AF.

Some Girls

Have A Set Idea For An Ideal Date In Mind From The Jump

When you ask them out, have an idea of what you actually want to do. Maybe you want to go bike riding in the park, or go to a cheap gig that isn't sold out yet, or go to a record shop. But have something in mind that isn't just hanging out at your place, because even though you probably just want to make out on the couch, that's not exactly showcasing your creativity...which you should totally do. What you don't want to have happen is you ask your crush out, they inquire as to what you guys will do on your date-of-sorts, and you're left standing there like, "Uhhhh, IDK." Naw, have a plan, sis.


When In Doubt, Always Go For A Coffee Date

If you can't think of any good date ideas, or if the idea of getting really specific while asking someone out makes you too nervous, just see if they want to grab coffee with you. It's always a good way to see if someone is interested in you even slightly, because coffee is a lot less of a commitment than a fun filled Saturday afternoon. If your crush can't even find a way to grab coffee, they're probably not going to want to do anything else one-on-one with you either, unfortunately.


Don't Just Blurt It Out

Please, don't just roll up to your crush and go, "Hey, let's grab coffee after school?" You want to cushion it a little more with some conversation before you launch right into things. Take your time!

YouTube/Cherry Glazerr

Ask Them Out When You Can Get Them Alone, Not An Audience

You don't want to ask someone out when they're in front of all of their friends. And I don't care how nervous you are, never use a friend as moral support while you ask someone out just because you're scared. Grow up, please. If they're talking with other people, ask if you could talk to them really quickly and lead them a little ways away. It's really simple. Keep this private, don't make it into a spectacle.

Dazed and Confused

Try To Pick Up On Body Language Cues

That's something you can't figure out from a text message. Feel 'em out, see if they actually seem interested in your conversation that you're already having before you launch into asking them out. If they seem distracted or closed off, you might want to consider abandoning mission. But if they seem relaxed and comfortable, go for it. Hopefully they'll be interested!


Remember That It's The 21st Century, You Can Take The Lead On This

Please, if you're a girl seeking to date a guy, do not buy into this idea that you should wait around for a guy to ask you out first. Listen, it's the 21st century, we're tryna run some stuff, girls. That means having agency over our love lives in real ways. That means, having the audacity to ask out a boy you like. I made the first move with my current boyfriend and we're still going strong years later. Give it a shot, sis!

My Mad Fat Diary

So, are you a pushover? Do you think you have pushover tendencies? Do you have a friend who fits this description perfectly? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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