Ask A Guy: How To Flirt With Guys If You Don’t Feel Sexy

Hey Joel,

I’m 17-years-old and I like to wear non-revealing clothes (no cleavage, no crop tops and generally below the knee skirts), but my friends tell me that this will stop boys approaching me as it makes me “unapproachable” and shows that I’m unavailable. I wouldn’t want to change my clothes style, but I don’t want to put boys off. Are my friends right? If so, what can I do if they are? How can I show boys that I am approachable without doing anything that makes me uncomfortable?




There are few things more important than individuality, but it is a very difficult thing to hold onto. Whether it’s due to peer pressure or just uncertainty in your own choices, you can find yourself second guessing nearly everything in your life. However, in your situation, it sounds like there are a number of factors to consider, including these people claiming to be your friends.

Real friends will support one another, and it sounds like they are trying to shame you into changing who you are. If you choose to dress a more conservative style, it really shouldn’t matter to your friends. They’re allowed to dress the way they want to dress, and you’re allowed to dress the way you want to dress. It really is that simple! They should accept you for who you are – plain and simple.

There is a possibility that your style is forcing your friends to reconsider how they are presenting themselves, and that may not like what they see (in themselves). When they see your image versus theirs, it may make them realize that they’re being a bit fake or lying to themselves. Or maybe they just don’t think you’ll attract the guys THEY want you to attract.

The bigger question you need to ask is what type of guy you are trying to attract. If you want a guy who is only into you for what you wear and/or how revealing your clothing might be, then by all means listen to your friends. However, if you want a guy who digs you for you, then stick to what you feel most comfortable wearing, as that is a true representation of your inner self.

As you get into the world of dating, friends can do weird things to try and make themselves feel less awkward. Add to that the fact that it’s always difficult thinking differently, and it can spin you around until you don’t know what to think. As I see it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your choice in clothes, so let your friends know you’re happy with how you look, and hope they can be as well.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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