7 Questions No One Asks During Sex Ed That Everyone Wants To Know, Answered

Sex ed can be a mortifying experience. If your teacher is super gung-ho when it comes to teaching students about dicks and vaginas, chances are your class won’t be so bad… as long as the ice stays broken and no one gets particularly uptight. For me, my teacher was this nerdy little man who looked like he hadn’t ever seen a vagina in real life, let alone his own penis – so you can imagine how uninformative the class was considering his cheeks would break out into bright red anytime someone said the word “uterus.”

And because I learned a whole lot of nothing, I was left with more than a zillion questions – a zillion questions that I couldn’t ask anyone. Well, technically I could, but who wants to talk to their parents, teachers, extended family etc. about sex? Not me, that was for sure. As I grew older these questions eventually answered themselves, but let’s get a few things straight here for the sake of keeping accurate records… you deserve to know the truth now, instead of waiting around like I did. Here are a few questions everyone is afraid to ask during sex ed even though everyone wants to know the truth – and we’ve answered them for you:

Can You Get An STD If Neither Of You Have STDs?

No, you can’t. STDs do not pop out of the ground randomly just because you had sex with someone. One of you has to have already contracted the disease in order to spread it to someone else, which means as long as both of you are clean, neither of you are going to wake up one morning with a bunch of herpes sores breaking out all over your lady-bits. Does that mean you shouldn’t wear protection? Absolutely not! The worst STD when you’re in high school lasts 18 years, and it’s called “babies” – you don’t want either when you’re in high school.

Source: iStock

What About AIDs?

Yup, same thing! You can’t get AIDS unless you ingest the blood/vaginal fluid/semen of someone who already has it; no one got AIDS from having sex with someone who was clean. You can’t get it spontaneously and it’s the same as with STDs – if neither of you have it, neither of you are going to get it (from each other, at least.)

Source: iStock

Is Abstinence Really The Most Effective Form of Safe Sex?

They told us this in every health class I ever took, and it was always a catch-22. What’s the safest way to go skiing? Don’t ski. What’s the best way to avoid drowning? Don’t swim. Even the sentence itself is contradictory because it implies you’re having sex, but abstinence is the act of NOT having sex – in other words, every person who told you this is just trying to get you to not have sex.

So what is the safest form of sex? Technically any form of sex that doesn’t involve the penis being in the vagina is fairly safe, which means oral sex has a nearly zero percent chance of ending in STDs (assuming you are both clean) or pregnancy. If you absolutely NEED to have penis-in-vagina sex, having him wear a condom and having you take birth control consistently means you have a 98.8 percent chance of not getting pregnant, and a 99 percent chance if you use both perfectly.

Source: iStock

Can You Get Pregnant If Sperm Is Just Near Your Vagina?

It's technically true that you can get pregnant if sperm comes in contact with your vagina and not inside of it... but it’s also a little misleading because no one ever tells you what the chances of getting pregnant from this are: very, very, very, very low. If your man ejaculates on your vagina and not in your vagina, chances are better than even that his sperm will die and not make it anywhere near your uterus. Sperm can’t live outside the human body for very long, which means that if he managed to ejaculate on your vulva (or anywhere else for that matter) that sperm would have to drip down, get inside your vagina, swim ALL the way up there and then you’d still have to be ovulating at the right time of the month to get knocked up. The only way you would realistically get pregnant this way would be if you went and forcibly smeared his sperm up into yourself, but let’s be real – that is not happening. Not now, not later, and not ever.

Source: iStock

Is Semen Really A Good Source Of Protein?

Not really. While the average load from an average dude has less than one calorie, it also has less than one full gram of protein – about 171 milligrams, to be exact. To put that into perspective, a single egg white has 3.6 grams of protein. So yes, you’d have to drink about 1/2 of a cup of semen in order to get the same amount of protein as eating one egg white. Any dude who tells you it’s a good source of protein is either misinformed or lying.

Source: iStock

Do You Have To Wear A Tampon If You Go Swimming During Your Period?

This may seem dumb to a lot of girls out there, but this was the biggest question I had during my first few sex-ed classes growing up since I swam competitively. In my mind, the human body had been around for thousands of years, so you’d think we’d be able to turn our periods off and on as needed – alas, that was not the case. If you go swimming while on your period and don’t have a tampon in, you are going to bleed in the pool. Your options are to either figure out how to use tampons (a process that proved traumatic for me since I thought my vagina was the same thing as my urethra at the time), or to not go swimming for the week that you’re bleeding. It sucks, but that’s just the hand we got dealt as women.

Source: iStock

Are Blue Balls Real?

Not really. If a guy is close to ejaculating and he suddenly gets cut off from finishing he may feel discomfort or pressure in his nether regions – but does it hurt? Not really. In reality what happens is that when a man becomes aroused, blood rushes to his penis so that it can enlarge, but if he winds up being unable to “release” that erection then all that blood is left pooling in the genitals, causing pressure. It’s more uncomfortable than it is painful, and any guy who winces in pain and doubles over with his hands over his crotch is just exaggerating to try and get you to finish him off. In fact, women can have a similar feeling called “pink balls” which happens under the same circumstances – blood that had once rushed to your vagina is now built up because orgasm was not reached, and now you’re all cranky and annoyed at not being able to finish. Unlike men, however, we don’t complain about pink balls because we are mature and elegant creatures who do not whine over failed personal gratification.

Real men don’t complain about “blue balls.”

Source: iStock

Which question were you too afraid to ask in sex ed? Ask it here!

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