I struggle with body image a lot. I am really overweight and I am not just saying that. My weight has been a struggle all my life. I feel like I can’t be in a relationship because of that. I really like this guy and I just wish I could be skinny and ask him out.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Dealing with a negative body image is incredibly difficult, especially when it keeps you from living your life. You should never feel like you aren’t skinny enough to date somebody. Your weight is not the most important thing about you, and it is not the only thing you, or anyone, has to offer.
Before you learn how to ask someone out, you have to learn how to start accepting yourself and liking your body. I say “start” because completely changing the way you feel about yourself in a few days or weeks is impossible. Getting rid of negative body image is a process that takes years. But don’t let that deter you – it’s definitely possible, it’s just important that you don’t expect it to happen overnight.
If you are really unhappy with your weight, you have two choices. One: eat healthy, work out more, try to lose weight. Two: accept yourself for how you are and learn to love yourself that way. Neither choice is a bad one, it’s totally up to you. Once you decide what you want to do, you need to set up a support system. Since your body image seems to be affecting your life, I strongly suggest seeing a therapist. Talking to a professional can be so incredibly helpful. You should also find a close friend or family member you trust to confide in, someone who will help lift you up and be the person you can talk to when needed.
There are lots of things I could say to you that come off as cliche phrases: “you’re beautiful the way you are.” Or “the right person will love you no matter what you look like.” Those things are true, but hearing them isn’t very helpful when you’re not in that state of mind yet. It’s something you have to realize for yourself. You need to figure out what you want to do – change your weight or accept it – and go from there.
As for the guy? Before asking him out, try taking things slow. Talk to him, flirt a little bit, feel things out. If he seems interested, then go for it! You definitely do not need to be skinny to do something like that. If you think he’s flirting with you, then why not? Rejection is, unfortunately, a part of dating – for anyone, no matter their weight – and it makes it hard to put yourself out there. But feel out the situation, and make a move if it feels right.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org