When it comes to high school, your choices in men are slim. Sure, your school technically has over 1,000 students in attendance, but do you know how many of those dudes are actually viable dating options? Something like three percent, I would say. Out of those three percent, you’re going to discover that even though you may find some of those guys hot, funny, smart, etc. – none of them are actually worth seriously dating.
The key word there? “Seriously.” Every girl needs a few practice swings before they march up to home plate and start hacking away with reckless abandon, which means that even though you THINK you may have found “The One,” he’s more likely “One of Many.” Take it from us: high school is the time to start figuring out how to function in a relationship, not the time to find your soulmate. Because no matter how hard you may be crushing on him, in the end it probably won’t work out – but you’ll walk away smarter and more relationship-savvy than ever. Here are a few of the worst types of guys you’ll meet, crush on, and possibly date in high school:
He's Nowhere Near Your LeagueEver heard the phrase “he’s out of your league”? This is the opposite – you’re too good for him, you just don’t know it yet. Girls tend to wind up with dudes who are living at the bottom of the barrel in terms of hygiene, intelligence, social skills, etc. when they don’t have a whole lot of confidence in themselves, but you know what? Confidence comes with time. One day you’ll wake up and realize that you deserve a guy who doesn’t spend his entire Friday night playing World of Warcraft in his basement, or a guy who showers more than once a week – and when that day finally comes, you’ll be kicking yourself for wasting all that precious time on that one loser.
The Momma's BoyThere is nothing wrong with being close to your mom. There IS something wrong, however, with being so close to your mom that you spend every spare minute of your life with her, talking about her, thinking about her…let’s just put it this way: if you have your first kiss with a guy and his immediate reaction is to text his mom, do yourself a favor and RUN, do not WALK, to the nearest exit and lock the door behind so he can’t follow you. Growing up is hard, but it’s even harder when you let your mother become your Siamese twin – the chances of this guy becoming a functional adult are slim. Cut your losses now while they’re still relatively minimal.
The Bad BoyYour parents hate him. Hell, even your friends think he’s a dirtbag – but you don’t care! This boy is a BADASS and he doesn’t care about your stupid RULES! Anarchy is his middle name and the poorly-dyed green Mohawk he’s sporting just goes to show how he loves stickin’ it to THE MAN. In reality, this “Bad Boy” has a 1.6 GPA, is in the process of getting rejected from every college he applied to and is on track to graduate when he’s 21 (“Why did you send in applications if you aren’t graduating?” you ask, to which he has no good response). You like him because he’s something new and because he pisses your parents off – but you’ll soon figure out that no, smoking weed down by the creek is not the best way you could be spending your Wednesday afternoon, and that his inability to get a job with such a stupid haircut puts a real damper on where you can afford your date nights.
Actually Awful, But Also HotWe may all think that men are dumb, but us girls are stupid too. You know how many friends I’ve seen put up with total douchebags just because they’re hot? Too many. And the same can be said for me – I’ve put up with a LOT of crap in my relationships because I thought he was at least semi-attractive, and chances are you will too. But you know what? Just because he has perfect sandy blonde hair and eyes so blue you may as well be taking a dip in the ocean doesn’t mean you should put up with him calling you names. It doesn’t mean you should put up with him flaking on your plans at the last second. It doesn’t mean that he has a right to whine at your for sex or make you feel guilty when you’re not in the mood – and one day you’ll finally get sick of his shit and kick his ass to the curb…though you’re still allowed to show his Facebook profile to your friends just to brag about how hot he was.
He's Just So, So DumbEvery girl goes through that phase where she thinks that acting dumb is more attractive to dudes than acting smart, and because of this silly notion you will wind up dating an idiot. You attracted this idiot by pretending that “Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1982” during history class, and initially thought that he was kidding when he shot back “Nuh uh it was EIGHTEEN-ninety-two!” Sadly, that was no joke and he is actually a moron. You like him because you get to turn your brain off when the two of you talk, but break up after you soon realize that all of your talking revolves around stuff like puppets and boogers. You are 16 – who likes puppets and boogers?
The PlayerWe all think we’re special – and to some degrees we are. But to The Player, no one is special. He might take you on dates, tell you that you’re beautiful and send cute little “I miss you <3” texts before bed every night, but don’t be fooled; he’s doing the same thing to six other girls at the same time. Sadly, this is where you learn that even the nicest guys can be complete dirtbags, and even though he treats you right that doesn’t mean you should subject yourself to being monogamous when he’s sticking his pecker into anything that has a double-X chromosome within a five-mile radius. You’ll wake up one day and realize you have dignity – keep it that way.
The Reality CheckUnlike every other guy on this list there’s nothing wrong with the Reality Check, and that’s the point – he’s there as a final reminder as you grow older that Disney movies and romantic comedies aren’t the norm in life. The two of you get along great, rarely argue and he treats you well…but it doesn’t work out. Maybe you go to different colleges in the fall, maybe you two get into a giant fight where neither of you are willing to apologize, or maybe you two just fall “out of love” through no one’s fault. In the end, neither of you can really put a finger on what went wrong, just that the two of you fizzled out. Sometimes, shit just happens and you can’t do anything about it – and it’s better to learn that now as opposed to 20 years down the road.
Which one of these guys have you crushed on? What did we forget to add? Share in the comments.