My boyfriend and I just started having sex. Everything has been pretty good, and I make sure that we use condoms. The only thing is that he hates condoms, apparently, and has been pressuring me to “let him” stop using them. I feel like this puts a lot of pressure on me, since I’m the one who could get pregnant, so it’s really not fair. I don’t want my parents to know that I’m on birth control, so I’m not sure how to explain to him that condoms really are a necessity. I really don’t want to break up with him. Any advice?
This question is both a no brainer and a deal breaker. You are correct: condoms are NOT an optional thing, unless you are trying to get pregnant. That’s all there is to it. Zero compromise. If he can’t abide by that, you give him two options: no sex or no girlfriend. There is no room for negotiation here, as this is an incredibly serious issue with massive stakes.
Perhaps most importantly, remember that even if you are on birth control, YOU CAN STILL GET PREGNANT! Much like condoms, birth control pills, shots, patches, etc. are not a 100% guarantee that you won’t get pregnant. If you want to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, the more birth control in play, the better. That is to say, if you DO go on birth control, that does not mean he gets to ditch the condoms.
Speaking directly to his claims, know that the vast majority of guys claim to hate condoms. Whether they say it’s because they can’t feel anything, it doesn’t feel good, it’s a hassle – the reasons are endless. But each of their reasons mean absolutely nothing. You are 100% correct that if you get pregnant, it’s YOU who will truly have to deal with that situation. Even if he gives you all the sweet-talk assurance in the world, it’s just not the sort of thing you want to risk.
Along with that, I am very concerned that he is pressuring you, as that is not something a good partner does. He should be completely supportive of your want for protection, and perhaps more to the point, he should be just as concerned with the possible pregnancy if you don’t use protection. His behavior, while common in guys, tends to be a sign of someone who cares more about their own wants and pleasure than yours.
I cannot stress enough how important and uncompromising a question there is around the entire idea of protection during sex. Not only do you need this to try to prevent pregnancy, but you never know what STDs might be lurking; and condoms provide an additional shield from that. The fact that he’s pressuring you makes it even worse, so again, either he keeps using condoms, or he can find himself a new girlfriend.
Do not yield to his whining or pressure. If he persists, kick him to the curb.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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