7 Things Every Virgin Should Know About Their Sex Life

You might be reading this title and wondering, “WTF? How can a virgin have a sex life?” Well, think of it this way: You don’t have to have sexual intercourse to be sexual. You don’t have to have sex to know what pleasure feels like. People act like virgins are totally clueless about sex and sexuality, and let’s be real: That’s BS. I mean…it’s not like the only people to have orgasms are people who have had sex before. Y’all realize how many women have sex on a regular basis and never have an orgasm, right? Sad, but true.

Yes, there are things you learn about sex and sexuality that you can only learn with a sex partner. But don’t get it twisted, guys: You can know a hell of a lot about your sexual preferences, pleasure, and sensuality without sleeping with someone. In fact, I think that it’s super important not to be totally ignorant to sex when you’re a virgin; that’s when you can learn so much about yourself without the interference of a relationship or other interpersonal influences. You get to figure out sex on your own terms, and that’s incredibly empowering. So, without further ado, check out these seven things every virgin should know about their sex life.


The Power Of An Orgasm

I'm going to be frank: I had my first orgasm long before I ever had sex. That's because of a little thing called masturbation, which can feel super awkward and embarrassing when you first start doing it...but you get over it eventually and realize that it's great. All virgins should feel safe to masturbate. It's the safest way to experience sexual pleasure. I mean, you don't have to worry about STDs, pregnancy, or an annoying partner. What's not to like?

My Mad Fat Diary

The Fact That Your Sexual Preferences Might Change

You don't have to have sex to necessarily know what you're into. I mean, it's safe to say that most people under the LGBTQ umbrella identified as such without having sex, right? So be open to your sexual preferences changing, mixing, doing all kinds of different things.

But I'm A Cheerleader

The Amazingness Of Sex Toys

If you want to, of course. Sex toys always seem to be aimed at people who are already super sexually experienced, but I think that that leaves a lot of not-so-sexually-experienced people out of the loop. If anything, sex toys can be a great entry-level approach to understanding pleasure, likes, and dislikes. They can even make things like penetration a little less scary, and a HELL of a lot safer (and less emotionally taxing) than engaging in penetration an actual human being with a penis. Don't let your v-card status keep you away from what the world of sex toys have to offer.

Not Another Teen Movie

The Importance Of The Clit

If you have a clitoris, listen up: Please, understand how important it is when it comes to your sexual experiences from now until your dying breath. Seriously, this is why I think it's nonsense when people act as if virgins are and should rightfully be clueless about pleasure: It's not like you only start experience the power of the clit when you're having intercourse. I know a woman who has had sex countless times and has never once has an orgasm because clitoral stimulation is, like, a foreign concept to her. There are plenty of virgins who understand their clit better than she does, okay? Strive to be one of them.

The To Do List

The Importance Of Consent

Okay, this is something everyone should know, not just virgins. But I think it's super important for people who have never had sex to understand the importance and weird nuances of consensual sex so that you can be prepared when that moment comes. Here's the quick and dirty: Sex should never feel dubious on the consent front. The easiest way to understand consent between you and your partner is with very basic questions like, "Do you want to do it?" Your consent shouldn't be hampered by a debilitating lack of sobriety or pressure. Saying yes to sex you're not comfortable with isn't consensual sex, period. Know your comfort zones and don't be hesitant to curve someone if need be.

Some Girls

Turn Ons (And Offs)

Humans are weird and are sometimes turned on by weird things, like blood, or light violence, or melted candle wax, or--I don't know--the smell of chicken nuggets. Either way, you don't have to have sex to know if some things turn you on or even if you have a slight kink of some sort. It's cool to be honest with yourself about those turn ons instead of feeling ashamed.

It's worth noting, however, that this can obviously change over time, and even when you're in a relationship or start having sex. Maybe that one thing that sounded hot is actually, er, not such a turn on IRL. Then again, you might end up super turned on by things that you never imagined you'd be turned on by until you experience it. Who knows? Either way, it doesn't hurt to have a general idea of what gets you turned on and what makes you go, "blech!"

Scary Movie

The Silliness Of Shame

The best time to unlearn the idea that sex is something to be guilty about is before you actually have sex. The earlier you start to see that sex isn't shameful, the healthier your approach to sex and sexuality will be. Then, when you actually start having sex, you won't be riddled with as much anxiety and guilt as people who didn't take the time to see sex in a healthier manner. This can be hard if you grew up in a religious or conservative environment, but it's worth an effort. Having sex, masturbating, reading erotic books, etc don't make you a bad person, okay? Remember that and prosper, sis.

When Harry Met Sally

What other things about sex and sexuality do you think is important for a virgin to know? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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