Relationships require trust in order to work, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to trust the person that you’re with. Sometimes, even when nothing has happened to indicate this might be true, you might start to wonder if your partner is hiding something from you. In this age of the glorification of side chicks and secret Snapchats, it’s not hard to see why you would feel worried that your partner might be doing something behind your back. Still, it’s a really stressful feeling and one that you want to address.
If you clicked into this post or actively searched for it online, then your intuition has probably been whispering that something might be going on with your significant other. Maybe you’ve been nervous that they’re talking to someone else or cheating on you. Maybe you just feel like something is wrong even though you don’t know what it could be. Maybe you’ve noticed your partner acting differently, and you want to figure out why. Or maybe you just want to know these signs so that if they ever do pop up, you’re already aware of what they mean.
There are lots of warning signs that your partner is doing something shady, but the most important one to pay attention to is your gut feeling. If your intuition is telling you that something is going on, you need to listen! Either way, here are a few signs your partner is hiding something from you. If a few of them make sense, it’s time for a talk.
They Suddenly Seem More DistantHas your partner started subtly avoiding you? It might seem innocent – they had to cancel a few plans because of school/work/family stuff, they haven’t been texting you as much because they’ve been busy, they don’t go out of their way to hang out with you – but it might not be. If your partner is hiding something from you, they probably feel guilty about that. And instead of confronting that guilt and doing the right thing, they’re trying to avoid you so they don’t have to deal with it. Here’s a fun personal story: a few years ago, I was dating a guy. Everything seemed great, and then suddenly he started getting busier and busier until we were barely seeing each other once a week. When I did see him, he just seemed interested in hooking up or hanging as a group with his friends. I knew something shady was happening, and shortly after, he broke up with me for another girl. So, if you notice they’re being distant, try to find out what’s going on. Source: iStock
They Start Giving One Word Answers To EverythingThis is basically another form of avoiding you, but if your partner suddenly stops responding to your texts and seems entirely uninterested in what you’re saying, that’s not a great sign. This might be their subtle way of avoiding their guilt. It could also be this annoying thing that some people do, which is to push their partner away until the partner ends things because they can’t deal with it anymore… then the person who did something wrong doesn’t seem like the bad guy. Anyway, if you notice that their texting and conversation habits have slowed down a lot, it might be because they’re scared of what will come out if they get too honest and open. Source: iStock
They Seem Fine Until You Question ThemIf you’ve been feeling like something shady is going on, bring it up to your partner. Ask about it. If their mood goes from totally fine to pretty furiously defensive and angry, that’s… not ideal. Especially if they’ve never done that before. Some people get mad when they’re lying to their partner, and they take those complicated emotions out on you. Others just get overly defensive. If your partner cares about you and isn’t doing anything wrong, they have no reason to flip out if you express your concerns. Another fun personal story! My ex who had been hiding something from me used to do this. Everything would be fine until I said something like, “Are you talking to any other girls?” and then he would flip out, yelling about how much I didn’t trust him and how he was such a great boyfriend. It felt very over the top, and it’s because he was trying to over-compensate. Source: iStock
They Start Hanging Out With New People... A LotDoes your partner’s new weird behavior coincide with hanging out with someone new, or hanging out with a friend more often than usual? This might be more than a coincidence. When someone is hiding something, they feel like they need to talk to someone about it… and if they can’t talk to you, it will be someone else who they’ll suddenly start spending a lot of time with. I did this to an ex once. I had feelings for someone else and wanted to talk about it a lot. I started hanging out with my friends obsessively since I didn’t have to hide anything from them. Source: iStock
Something Big Has ChangedHas there been a weird shift in your relationship recently? Maybe it’s that your partner is suddenly really busy all the time when they never were before. Maybe they used to love hanging out at their house, but now they refuse to go there. Maybe something changed with them personally – they lost a lot of weight or got into a great school or something. A big change in someone’s personal life can lead to them rethinking their current situation, including current relationships, and could cause them to do something behind your back. And if something about your relationship has changed, it could be something that is helping your partner keep their secret. Source: iStock
They Get Annoyed With You EasilyThink about how your partner has been acting lately compared to how they acted in the beginning. Does it feel like they’re always getting annoyed with you lately? Like you’re always saying or doing the wrong thing that’s setting them off? This could be them feeling guilty about hiding something and taking it out on you. It could also be that they’re doing something shady, like cheating, and they want out of the relationship because they feel done with it, but they don’t know how to end it. This has also happened to me: my ex who was lying to me seemed like he couldn’t stand me sometimes – like anything I said or did drove him crazy. Source: iStock
They’re Weird About Their PrivacySome people are private people. They like to keep things to themselves, they’re not open about sharing social media stuff, and they aren’t into snooping. That’s fine, and if your partner has always been that way, it’s probably nothing to worry about. But if they start acting super private out of nowhere, it could definitely be a sign that something weird is going on. Take note of their behavior: are they obsessively keeping their phone by their side? Are they weird about you seeing their computer? Do they get annoyed if you ask who they hung out with? These are all signs that something is going on that you don’t know about. Source: iStock
They Act Like You’re Being Crazy When You Ask What’s Going OnWhat does your partner do when you express your concerns? Do they address them and talk about it, or do they roll their eyes and act like you’re a crazy person for even bringing it up? Not, like, in a cute way – in a way where they get annoyed that you’d even dare to ask. This is also considered gaslighting – making you feel like your legitimate feelings are made up. They’re so desperate for their secret to stay a secret that they try to make your feelings and thoughts less legitimate so that you begin to question them yourself. Source: iStock
They’re Super JealousOne weird thing people do when they’re cheating (or doing other shady things) is project those feelings onto their partner. Say your partner was hiding another relationship or a hookup from you. They might start to get super jealous and accuse you of cheating all the time. They might start going through your phone and questioning your every move. This comes from their own guilt. If they’ve always been jealous, it’s probably just part of their personality. But if this is coming out of nowhere, it could be something more pressing. Source: iStock
Their Friends Act Kind Of Weird Around YouIf your partner is doing something behind your back, chances are good that at least a few of their friends know about it. Some people are good at hiding that kind of thing, others get really uncomfortable and awkward and don’t know how to act – especially if they like you or think of you as a friend. If you notice a new weird vibe coming from their friends, that could be why. Source: iStock
Do you think your partner is hiding something from you? What did we forget? Share in the comments!