7 Of The Worst Things About Giving A Blow Job That Nobody Talks About Enough

I had one primary fear about giving a blow job, besides not being very good at it: Biting off my partner’s penis. Yes, really, I was deeply afraid that my teeth would get in the way, and somehow light, accidental scraping of the teeth would lead to chomping down on the poor fella. Without delving into too much detail, I can happily announce that now that I’ve actually performed oral sex on some penises, none of them received any damage. In other words, it’s a lot easier to, er, not bite off someone’s dick than I thought.

Still, could you blame me for being a little worried? Despite our society’s casual approach to blow jobs, nobody really talks about what actually happens when you’re giving someone a blow job. Like, we might know that it’s not the most glamorous sex act, but nobody ever talks about the little things about blow jobs that–sorry for the pun–suck. So we’re here to demystify a little bit of this for you with these seven awful things about giving a blow job that nobody talks about. Time to keep it real, guys.


Trying To Remain Enthusiastic When You're Bored And Want Your Partner To Finish Already

Nobody really talks about stamina when it comes to blow jobs. I think that before I ever gave one, I thought that they were usually pretty short affairs, but that's not always the case whatsoever. Sometimes they can go on for what feels like ages, and you have to see it to the end because that's the respectful thing to do, you know? You wouldn't want your partner to just throw in the towel if they were performing oral on you, right? So you have to keep up all that, er, blow job action and remain enthusiastic, even if you're low key bored and want your partner to just have a damn orgasm already so you can call it a day and crack your neck. The value of endurance is no joke, sis.

Some Girls

Dealing With Unwashed Peen

We all hear about how awful semen can taste, right? But nobody warns you about the dangers (okay, mostly just the ickiness) of sucking unwashed peen. It's not like it's diseased or something, but if your partner was exercising earlier, or it was hot out, or they didn't shower super recently, you might have to deal with a salty and slightly stinky blowjob. Feel free to tell your partner to shower or at least wash up a little bit down there before you feel comfortable performing oral; if they want it badly enough, they'll do it. Clean peen is always better.

Clueless

Having To Switch Positions Every Few Minutes

So, you realize you hate one position because your hair keeps getting in the way, so you try another position and it works much better! Except, about a minute later you realize that you're getting an awful cramp in your forearm, so you and bae decide to switch it up again, and again...and again. Look, oral sex involves just as much team work and communication as other sex acts, but it can get really annoying and even a little embarrassing to have to tell your partner that this position and that position aren't working for you.

Broad City

Gagging

Porn makes it look like gagging on someone's penis is just what happens during a blow job. Don't buy it. I mean, if you want to try to deep throat your partner or whatever, go for it. But for the most part, gagging is uncomfortable and people try to do whatever they can to avoid it. But life doesn't always give us what we want, so there are moments in which we're giving a perfectly adequate blow job and all of a sudden that gag reflex is activated, and we're afraid we're going to barf all over bae. Woof. Luckily, you probably won't barf, you'll just look a little funny and feel a little uncomfortable for a few seconds.

Jawbreaker

Dealing With Serious Neck And Jaw Pain

I never realized how bad your neck or jaw can feel when you give someone a blow job, but man...it can be brutal. There's something about that repetitive motion that your joints just aren't too keen of, and no, you don't get used to it. It just hurts like hell and you either have to take a lot of breaks or bear with it. Personally, I suggest breaks. Don't hurt yourself over some penis.

Skins

Slobbering All Over The Place

I mean, obviously copious amounts of saliva are a key part of a successful blow job, but sometimes our saliva glands just work into serious overtime and we have an absolute mess. It's like being a damn dog. I mean, if you or your partner thinks that's hot, then more power to you guys. But if you personally feel a little icky about it, you're not alone. Spit is kind of gross, even if it's for sexy reasons.

The To-Do List

Not Knowing What To Do At The End

My Mad Fat Diary

What other things about blow jobs do you find incredibly annoying? Anything you’re apprehensive about on the blow job front? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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