7 Things That Will Surprise You The First Time You Have Sex

If you’ve never had sex before, chances are good that you find yourself thinking about it from time to time. Or, perhaps, you find yourself thinking about it a little more than from time to time, because when you haven’t had sex, but kind of want to have sex (or are at least getting curious about it) it can often feel as though everyone is having it but you. This isn’t true, of course–less than half of all teenagers in the U.S. have actually lost their virginity–but it’s still a fairly pervasive feeling. The good news? Even if you are having sex, it isn’t all that great, espcially when you first start having it.  Or, at least, according to this Reddit thread about what surprised people the most the first time they had sex.

Of course, no one will ever have the same exact experience doing anything, let alone having sex for the first time. But, as with most things, there tends to be a common ground when it comes to most people’s first time–that, for whatever reason, it’s totally different from what you thought it would be like. So, check out these things that might surprise you the first time you have sex:

It's Anti-Climactic

The most important thing to remember? For a lot of people, the first time having sex is kind of a let-down. Emberspark said, "How anticlimactic it was (no pun intended). I mean all my life, sex had been built up to be this life-changing, earth-shattering experience. And it wasn't. The first time kind of sucked. Neither of us knew what we were doing, it was messy, it was short, and it was a little bit embarrassing and uncomfortable. It got better over time, but the first time was definitely not full of pixie dust and rainbows like I'd been told."

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It Doesn't Really Feel Like Much

In fact, your first time having sex could be so anticlimactic that you barely even realize that it's happening. Courtneyj said, "That that was it. I didn't even realize it was happening because it just...well, that's it? It didn't hurt, there was nothing special about it, it was fast, I didn't even have time to feel insecure or nervous about anything! And then...I was exactly just the same amount of woman unable to put on eyeliner as I was the day before it happened. That was a bummer." If this happens to you, don't worry! Sex definitely gets better later on.

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Penetration Might Not Feel The Way You Think It Should

If you haven't had sex, you might expect the penetration from your first time to feel really great or a little painful. Either way, you probably expect it to feel like something. But, for a lot of people, penetration is...not a huge deal? BreeCleave said, "How little sensation there was from penetration. I had always been lead to believe from other women and from society in general that penetration would feel good. In fact, getting penetrated just feels like putting pressure on the skin of my arm or leg, not very satisfying or sensual. It kinda sucks because the thought of penetration is what turns me on psychologically but does nothing for me physiologically." Penetration does work for some people, of course, but most women get off more on clitoral stimulation. Explore your body and see what works for you!

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Not Everything Will Work The Right Way

People tend to feel as though sex is instinctual, so, once you decide to do it, you'll be able to do it well. Not necessarily! In fact, you might have some trouble, ahem, getting it in. CalamityJaneDoe said their biggest surprise about sex was how it isn't, "As easy to figure out as I thought it would be. My first (unsuccessful) attempt was with another virgin. We were both 19, educated (he was pre-med), well-read (English major who read a lot of smut) , technically aware of our body parts and what needed to happen, and we just couldn't manage to...get it in. I wasn't disappointed the first time I had successful sex as I was very much in love with my partner - it was very intimate and sweet...but NOTHING like the descriptions I read in books, it hurt a bit, I was quite sore the next day, and it took quite awhile to get used to his size (girth was, ahhh, girthy?)." It's definitely not the end of the world if this happens! Just be prepared for some mechanical issues and be ready to laugh it off if they do happen to you.

Image source: Getty

You Won't Feel Like A New Person Afterwards

Lots of people expect to feel like a new, changed person after they have sex. But, honestly? If you're ready, it shouldn't be a big deal. Texaspsychosis said that the thing that surprised them most was "How I didn't feel any different. Years of build up, and religious shame and... I was still exactly the same." Yep! You're still you. The only difference is that before, you were a person who hadn't had sex, and afterwards, you are. That's it.

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It Might Be More Painful Than You Think

Sex doesn't hurt for everyone on the first time, but it definitely can for some people. In fact, it's possible that you'll feel a bit of discomfort the firs few times you have sex. Fraulien_buzz_kill said, "I anticipated this, having been told by my mother, but what I didn't expect and what I do feel like other women should have told me is that it didn't just hurt the first time- it hurt for more than a month of having sex pretty regularly. After I reported on the 2nd time still hurting, a friend of mine told me that this was the case for her too and she had to get what she called a "regiment" with her first where they planned on having sex regularly until it stopped hurting. I just wish I'd know about this. Maybe it isn't the case for all women." If sex is painful for you, make sure you're spending time on foreplay (your vagina needs time to expand and lubricate!) and be open with your partner about what works for you and what doesn't. And, if sex really hurts, it might be worth seeing a doctor to see what's going on.

Image source: Getty

It Could Have More Of An Emotional Impact Than You Think

If you've hooked up and done everything but  sex with people before, you might feel like sex will be pretty NBD. But this isn't always the case. WindUpBirdChronicle siad, "The emotional reaction. I'd been with the guy for ~7 months, loved him, had a good handle on my sexuality and was looking forward to being a sexually active person. We'd been naked in front of each other a fair bit, fooled around (as far as I remember, neither of us had had an orgasm from each other before we just went for it hehe) and I was in charge, I suggested it and moved us forward but....I wasn't expecting to feel so vulnerable. It brought us closer together, and eventually it became just another part of our relationship, no big deal, but that first time was a big deal, even though I didn't expect it to be." This doesn't mean that you're definitely going to feel super emotional about your first time having sex--some girls do, some girls don't--but you should definitely be prepared for it, just in case.

Image source: Getty


Did any of these things surprise you? Which ones? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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